Stupid with love

What did it mean if the boy you were in a situationship with played truth or dare with another girl and made out with her? I wasn't sure how anyone else would react but I was upset. I was new to this situationship thing, but then again, wasn't loyalty involved?

I leaned into the plastic chair, my eyes on the monitor as I recounted the sob story to my best friend, Bernard. He heaved a sigh. “What Lorenzo did was bad,” He started. “But at least he told you himself. I guess that means he still genuinely loves you.” He explained and I pressed my lips together. Of course he’d defend him. They were also best friends.

But, then again, who was I to judge? I was new to this and Lorenzo wasn’t. If anyone knew how this worked, it had to be him. Maybe Bernard was right. Maybe I was overthinking it. I mean, he told me himself. He didn’t wait for me to find out like most cheaters did. Lorenzo wasn’t a cheater. He just…made a mistake.

But if that was the case, then why did it hurt so much? Was I permitted to make out with other people too? I didn’t want to. My other best friend, Melanie, said the same thing. Although, she was caught up in her own share of boy drama. The last thing I wanted to do was bug her out.

I got home and pulled out my phone, typing a text to Lorenzo almost immediately. He was out of town for reasons he wasn’t ready to make known. Even to me. But that was fine, I guess secrets were normal in situationships. Which was why I was going to keep the growing feelings for another friend of mine a secret. Lorenzo was the one I loved. The other guy? Probably just a flimsy crush.

He replied four minutes later, and we talked back and forth for five minutes before he proceeded to stop responding, the main point of our conversation being that I should give a message from him to someone else, another of my friends, Ginny. I strode into the volleyball court, confusion written all over me.

“Hey, Ginny!” I called out to the only blonde on the court. She tossed the ball and walked over to me.

“Hey, Ashley.” She said, waiting for me to answer. I shrugged.

“Lorenzo said to tell you something.” I announced. Her cheeks went red. Was there something going on? I braced myself for my next words as his message came to mind. “He said to tell you that he misses you. And that you shouldn’t forget that stuff.” It was normal for my situationship partner to miss another person, right? He’d never told me himself that he missed me, but I guess he did. If not, why would he be texting me everyday?

She grinned from ear-to-ear, her cheeks redder than a tomato and I turned away. “Tell him I miss him too!” She yelled out behind me. I considered telling Melanie about this, but I knew for a fact what she’d say. ‘You’re overthinking this. He already said he loved you. And of all the girls, why would he like Ginny?’ After all, this was what she said the last time I brought up my suspicions. Maybe Ginny just liked him. And maybe I was overthinking. I let out a sigh.

It’d been about a week or two since the incident and Lorenzo was supposed to be around by now. I walked down the halls, pushing down my excitement as I got nearer to his class. I could hear his laughter bounce off the walls. This was it. I stepped in, watching him laugh with our classmates. His eyes met mine.

“Ashley!” He cheered on, motioning for me to come over. I took careful steps, ignoring my jelly knees and he took my hands in his as he sat on the table. “I’ve missed you.” He said to me, locking my gaze. My heart danced in my chest. Goodness, I could melt to jelly right now.

“I-I missed you too.” I said back, my cheeks burning. Darn my social anxiety. He nodded and turned back to his friends. So much for a day with just the two of us. To be fair, he was catching up with his friends.

I looked over at Dylan, the other guy I may have been suppressing feelings for. I slipped into the seat right next to him. He averted his gaze to mine.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hi.”

His eyes met Lorenzo as he played around with Dylan’s girlfriend, Olivia, who also happened to be my friend. Now you see why those feelings had to die. “So, Lorenzo’s the special guy you talked about?” He probed, his gaze meeting mine. There was just something about the way he looked at me that made me feel like I was the only person in the room.

“Yeah.” I shrugged, thinking of how to get Lorenzo’s attention. He wasn’t even looking my way. “He is.”

I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined Dylan’s face fall as he drew in a breath. “You guys look…cute together.” He said.

“You think so?”

“Yeah…” He mumbled. “But..” He trailed off.

“But, what?” I probed and he remained silent. Olivia came back, slipping into the second seat next to Dylan. The look on his face was uninterested but I kept shut. Maybe I could ask him later.

A few hours later, and it was time to leave for home. I waited till everyone else had walked out. Dylan was the last to leave, as always. But before he could turn away, I grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back. He turned to face me. And there it was again, the same look.

I swallowed. “What were you going to say?” I asked. “Earlier with Lorenzo.”

He gaped at me, pursing his lips as if there was much he wanted to say but couldn’t. I raised my brows. He heaved a sigh. “Look, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s relationship or anything.” He shrugged, avoiding my gaze. Like we were in a relationship to begin with. “It’s just…Don’t you think you’re putting in the most effort?”

“What?”

“You’re putting in the most effort.” He said again. “I know you love him and all, but it just looks more like you’re giving and he’s taking.” He explained, regret on his face. “And…” He trailed off again.

“And what?”

“Forget it. I should get going. I-I don’t want to be the reason anyone’s relationship falls apart.” He mumbled, prying his sleeve out of my palm.

“Please wait. Just tell me. Whatever happens, it’d be on me because I asked you to.” I assured, my eyes on his. The look was there, glowing and glaring.

“Ash–”

“I mean it.”

He let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, I’ve known Lorenzo for a really long time and he’s my friend and so I know more than you do.” He explained. “Lorenzo isn’t the kind of guy that’s going to want just kisses and hugs. He’s going to want a lot of sexual things and…” He trailed off and I already knew where this was going. He let out a sigh. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Ashley. Or to lose yourself to lust and pride and all those horrible things.”

I gaped at him, my heart filling with warmth. “I’m going to be just fine, Dylan. Okay? He’s asked for those things and I told him I wasn’t interested and he was cool with it.” I explained. It was true. Lorenzo was fine with being with me even if it didn’t mean giving him my body in return. “I’m not going to lose myself, okay?”

He nodded, his demeanour still holding words back. “Okay.” He mumbled, and I let him leave. That was love, sacrificing the things you wanted to be with someone. Lorenzo loved me. He sacrificed his desires to be with me. I was one lucky girl.

Although, it didn’t feel that way that night because he wasn’t replying my texts. He’d spent half the day with Ginny and I just wanted to catch up with him online, but he wasn’t replying. But he was active. I texted Ginny, asking if she’d talked to him. She said she had, and proceeded to send me a screenshot of their texts from two minutes ago.

I’m so sorry, ml. Everyone knew what ‘ml’ meant. But why would she be calling him ml if he was with me? I asked what was going on and she explained how he was upset with her. I asked why and she explained that he was jealous after seeing her best friend, George touch her hair. The heck? Why would he be jealous? She proceeded to add the reason beneath. I’m not supposed to tell many people but he said he loves me. I stared down at the message, re-reading it over and over again. He loved her? What about me?

I approached him the next day, my blood boiling with anger and heart racing with anxiety. He loved Ginny? How come? Could you love two people at once? He stood talking with a bunch of friends, laughing his life away. I tapped him on the shoulder and he gave me the coldest stare known to man.

“We need to talk.” I stated. He looked at his friends, and then me. And then he shrugged, leaving them with a wave. I waited till we were alone, and then I crossed my arms. “You like someone else?”

He sucked on his lower lip. “What’re you talking about?”

“Do you like someone else?” I asked again and he pressed his lips down to a flat line.

“Maybe.”

Maybe? “What do you mean maybe? I know who she is.” I blurted and he stared at me, half surprised at my words.

“Oh.”

Was that all he could say? Oh?! “Why didn’t you tell me? Did I do anything wrong?” I questioned, pushing back tears now. “Can we somehow go back to–?”

“No. We can’t.” He spat. “Y’know, this is all your fault.”

“What?”

“It’s all your fault.” He said again. “If you weren’t being such a busybody, you never would have found out, would you? Now here you are, sobbing and feeling bad for it.”

I sniffled. “Are you seriously blaming me for this?”

“Yes. Yes I am.” He snapped, his lips curling up.

I glared at him. Was this the boy I’d fallen so helplessly in love with? “I thought you loved me.” I announced, my voice barely a whisper. “You said it yourself after the kiss.” I said, louder this time and with more emotion. Tears were already streaming down my face.

“You really think that stupid kiss changed anything?” He probed. “I love Ginny more than I could have ever loved you, Ashley. Get that into your thick skull.”

“But…”

“I don’t think you get it. I hate you, Ashley. So so much.” He spelled out. “You should have just listened to your friends.” I stared at him, watching him break my heart with each word like he’d rehearsed these lines. Because that’s what this had to be. A rehearsal. It wasn’t real, right? He…he loved me…right?

It was like watching a movie. A tragic one come to life. Dylan was right. How would I deal with the aching in my heart and the burning tears behind my eyes? I still loved him. But clearly that was a mistake. This was a mistake. I never should have trusted him. I never should have let myself love him.

He stared down at me, his lips turning up to an irritating grin. One I used to find attractive. Why was he even still here? Did my sorrow bring him joy? Of course it did. He hated me, remember?

I finally let my eyes meet his, furiously wiping at my tears. “I wish I could hate you.” I mumbled, swallowing every vile word I wished to spit at him. He chuckled, turning away.

“Too bad.”