Cop

Tick tick tick.  It’s just missing a tock It would be perfect for Clock right?   Cop humor.  

Remember, every ticket is one second unless we have.  We are prepared as always, so we get out the flame freezer.  Think of it like a reverse microwave.   But is instead of making ice cream out of cream and ice it freezes bombs.   Reading this you might think I’m bombing (stand-up humor) but I played freeze enough an improv to know that that won’t help us every day could be the last day of my life, but that’s true for everyone. Anyone could have a heart attack at any point and die without any warning there could be a random shooting that I could fall from this guy and hit you and you could die get hit by a car there billion ways to die so getting blown up at least is quick.   So we go in our situations somebody’s planted a bomb. It’s a terrorist as usual or someone making demands or wanting money the usual so we get out the refrigerator blow torch and blow it the sound stops but then we keep hearing the ticking that shit they show you on TV with the three different colored wires is bullshit. We don’t do anything with wires. We just freeze the bombs.   What did somebody put antifreeze in this bomb?   Worst case scenario, we can throw it somewhere where no one will be harmed, but the timers and the bombs aren’t always accurate there sometimes decoy to throw us off, and we all know that went to four years of college to train for this.  Right four years of high cost tuition so we can die our first or second day at work right?  What a great investment.  At least if we die whatever company we’re working for is mandated to pay our funeral cost so we can have as expensive a funeral in ceremony as we want. I’m sure our spouses and kid will care about that.   And we have to work as a team that way we’ll have each other’s back. I have never liked group projects in every single group project. We did in school. Everyone else in the group project sat on their ass and I did all the work and they got the grade same as true today with bomb squads.  I’m brains and humor. They’re the sit in their ass and eat popcorn and piss their pants.  

      We all pissed and shit our pants before on this job during the last seconds it’s normal. It’ll make fun of each other because of it just part of the job.   This is not what I told Mike high school counselor I want to be when I grew up, but I didn’t know back then most Adult switched jobs 3 to 4 times in their lives and the most dangerous job is construction work because people follow her death all the time so unless the bombs on a skyscraper, we’re more safe than construction workers.  I still hear the ticking tick tick tick tick tock tick tock.  According to Albert Einstein time is relative or when mass reaches the speed of light square turns into energy but in this case it means time is relative when we’re having fun and things are going great time goes fast or when we’re in a rush and have to get something done quickly time goes fast and even though our adrenaline is going through the roof, time  seems slow.  What did they call Oedipus?   Motherfucker.  

    Look at this thing it’s frozen and it’s still taking and we don’t know what to do besides Thorton and isolated place like a landfill.   So fine isolated place. We try to scram.    Like us faster it sounds the way to know how far the bomb is away as they got the time between the light and the sound just like with lightning and thunder.   Wait outside the garbage dump and Weight and nothing happens.   Seems weird how long was the timer on there? We ask each other and look around, but no one remembers.   It might be a kitchen timer,   Unlikely.  

    Seems odd the amount of time that went by;  2 minutes 24 seconds.  Seems like eternity.  Why hasn’t it blown?   The dump is next door.   Why we were able to throw it with ease.  

     Time is relative.  Wish I could see the numbers.  20 seconds or 2?   Any animal or God forbid humans in there?   Hope not.   Anyway, the frozen bomb . . . That’s it.  Maybe there was a lapse in the freezing time.   Maybe the stuff we put in the bomb to freeze it took a while to penetrate the wires but now it has and won’t detonate and it’s just litter in a dump. That would be a good thing.  Who wants trash, exploding?   But we wait because Murphy’s Law says that if we go in there, the bomb  will go off and we’ll all die.   What’s the one question you should never ask a psychic?   Am I going to die because anyone can answer that question the answer is yes we’re all gonna die someday but it doesn’t have to be today.    It’s almost 3 minutes. Most bombs go off within three minutes.  The stuff in Hollywood is bullshit. We need to cut the red wire or the yellow wire or the green wires all bullshit. We just freeze them. That’s how it works in real life.  One of us will have to go and see what’s happening. One of us will pick the short straw.   We could just leave it, but then if it blows up when people are in, there will be liable.  So pick the straws and of course I picked the short straw.  Irish luck, but Irish bad luck.   So I walk in slowly and carefully and check my surroundings. I want to find where it is, but it’s like finding a specific dog in a dog park.   A scam I listen I use each of my five senses and maybe my sixth and I do find it. The screen is smashed that as the timer on it I don’t hear it ticking but it could be a quiet bomb now I take out my freezer gun and spray it again. Nothing happens so I’m not sure what to do now.