A day off

Gosh, it's so noisy in here. work was already so hectic for Thandiwe. She has many long days this last month. Her passion is being overwhelmed by the minimal time she gets to herself. growing with each passing day. It isn't through any erroneous scheduling or dictator at the helm of her work ship.

The boredom. That is what makes her take it so far. Thandi has never been much good at doing things the way they should be. In fact, talk to her about and as soon as the token phrases "one step at a time" and "slow and steady wins the race" her eye roll is almost instinctive. Theoretically, she understands the value of it all. She even holds those great values of patience, humility etc. Most of the time.

But then there are those days...

Passion overtakes the mind, body and soul. She goes to work the boredom has built to it's tipping point. Today, she will start a new project. Take on not only more than she can chew, but with no real plan in motion either.

She would change it too if she could. Be more balanced and surer, it would be awfully boring though, wouldn’t it? She had trialed it once, taking every precarious step with precaution. It was a habit ingrained in her, after a few weeks she’d found a new passion and was off once more.

George, her boss asked her once: “What is it you are passionate about? I see you have passion, you keep coming up with new ideas. What is it you want out of these projects? Why not do one at a time?” She gave him a long thoughtful look. “I am passionate about life. I guess there just happens to be a million different things in our work that fascinates me and I want to do them all without compromising the other.” He gave her a small sympathetic smile. “You are young after all, you have all this energy too.” He let out a laugh. Heavy. Knowing, but also indefinable. To her at least.

Thandi could not help but feel deflated as soon as she entered her home. She had been in a rush this morning, forgotten to open the curtains, left dishes in the sink. Everyday as she poured more and more into work she would go to bed and wake up later. She had this internal fear that one day soon she would wake up at 9 (two hours late) and she wouldn’t care. She would just be, not call and apologise or rush in. Make a cup of rooibos, slowly open the curtains… just be.

She let the last of the sun rays into the little living room that spread into the kitchen. She was more than deflated about work. Maybe life’s deflation had created the one in work. She placed a pot onto the stove turning the knob to 6 to boil the water quickly while went to change out of her work clothes. She grabbed her big ugly green jersey (lined too), and relinquished the idea of pants as the jersey went past her bum and though the weather was chilly she knew those last streaks and her couch blanket would make it all better.

She hated the idea of cooking but the plastic she had walked in with only really had snacks. She threw two packets of 2-minute noodles into the now simmering pot and chomped down on the snickers in her hand. Hmm. Her favourite, the nutty caramel combination a great starter for her planned satisfaction post-meal. She had skipped lunch not for any reason except she hadn’t made dinner the previous night and had nothing to pack- that and the aversion to bread living alone had given her (though weather it was living alone or the burning in her stomach after a few or the fact that she would have to look in the mirror after knowing full well how those 20 slices disappeared in the short weekend). The noodles were softening nicely, she filled her bottle to it’s top with water, knowing she’d need it and wanting to feel healthier, combat her evening dinner.

She poured the noodles into a bowl, real soft, she sprinkled some cheese onto it Perfect, she thought. As the noodles were preparing she was choosing a show. Some reality show about love that she had a good 5 episodes to absorb, the hopeless romantic in her giddy by now.

First she was sat up, slurping and twirling as she enjoyed with oohs and aahs in between. Then she was crunching and cracking at the stinging sour flavour in her salt and vinegar chips. 2 episodes in. there is still a gap – must be because I didn’t eat all day – the water sat untouched. Ah yes. The brownie bites in the fridge. Ill just put two or three on a saucer as a dessert. Thandiwe had always had a sweet tooth the first two never really ended there.

After standing up for ‘just one more’ and another and another. She brought over the jar annoyed she had even used the saucer as she passed the dishes in her sink ever-growing from yesterday and today. Just one episode left. It’s getting really interesting now.

She couldn’t help, but desire something to keep the show interesting or sustain her boredom and help her escape the long day… what would one more sweet treat do for her really. She wrestled with it and then remembered her water gulping down the bottle and filling it again hungrily lapping it up until she stopped halfway breathless.

Satiated and cleansed she grazed through her fridge…her cupboards. What am I in the mood for?

Yes! She landed her hand on some cookies that she stretched for next to a slab of chocolate she had hidden in the back hoping for tomorrow to be another day with it’s own snacks readily available.

She wasn’t lying to her kitchen anymore and her mind was closed the way it struggled to be at the end of business. It had just taken a few hours but now she was restful. With a full glass of milk and the packet of cookies – no use for the saucer. She lay down on the sofa munching maniacally away as she reacted to some reality.

Hers?

The bottle of water was still there half empty when she fell asleep on the couch, blanket on her hips, cookie crumbs crumpled near the wrapper.

Her phone wasn’t charged but the alarm would ring, around 5:30. She would snooze it but begrudgingly head to her room hoping she had more time actually in bed and swearing it wouldn’t happen again- her neck was a little stiff- 9 minutes later it would ring again and she would shift off the still made covers of her bed. Charge her 5% phone battery and and panic when she saw it was ten to six knowing she had cut her time down. She would get dressed and ready. Rush out just before 7 hoping she would be on time – she would – but she didn’t open the curtains or eat breakfast and she didn’t pack lunch.