Talking to Death.

Kids

Written in response to: "Write a story about an average day turned upside down by an unexpected visitor." as part of Kidding Around.

I was playing hide and seek with Shane when I found it. I hid in that dark closet in the corner of the room. Crouching down on the floor, hiding under luggage. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, that sent shivers down my spine. I screamed, but no noise came out. There wasn’t the familiar sound of the echo of the scream. It is like I didn’t even make a sound. A huge dark cloud exploded out in front of my eyes, and darkness enveloped the room. A huge figure in dark robes appeared right in front of my eyes. It was a skeleton-like creature, with robes covering most of its body. I tried to scream again, but the eerie darkness filled up my mouth. 


“Hello, Tyne.” It croaked. 


I scrambled away, but it snatched me back up. 


“Why are you scared?” I couldn’t speak. It frowned then shrugged like a teenager.


 “W-who are you?” I stammered. It blinked its empty sockets. 


“I am Death.” It simply said. My eyes widened. It laughed, but it sounds more like a dying human, wheezy, and hoarse. 


“W-why are you here? Am I going to die?” 


“Ah, but that is this the question Tyne!” 


“How do you know my name?” 


“Because I have been watching, and waiting for this time to come.” I shivered and pulled back again. 


“Where is Shane?” The skeleton was picking around the boxes and frowning.


 “Hmm, how démodé.” I frowned, and it turned to face me. 


“Oh, that boy.” He pulled Shane out of his pocket and tossed him around like a toy. 


“He is mine.” Death said and put him back in his robes. I gasped for breath, tears pouring out of my eyes. 


“W-who else have you come to take??” Death grinned his toothless smile and ticked off fingers. 


“Mom, dad, Elise, Vince, and you. So, I suppose that is your whole family. 


“What! Why?” 


“Well, because it’s time.” Death said simply. He advanced on me, and I screamed, this time the scream pushed itself out of my throat, and echoed around the room. Death growled as I heard footsteps pattering down the stairs.


 “Tyne!?” A deep voice called out. 


Dad. 


“Wait n-!” Death grabbed me by the throat and stuffed me in his robes, and darkness closed over me. I woke up in a small, dark, black room. 


“Ah, your awake want some tea?” Death asked sitting down on a black chair made of mist.


 “Am I in Hell?” I swear Death seemed to smile. 


“No dear child, you are with me. Death.”


 “But where is here?” Death gestured around the room. I saw nothing but a table and two chairs. 


“T-there is nothing,” I whispered. 


“Well, what did you expect?” 


I imagined heaven after death. I imagined a beautiful forest, and beach with all the people I love right next to me. 


“Hmm, well you were wrong.” I looked up. I must have said that out loud. 


“So, am I dead?” Death refilled his cup with a dark substance. 


“Yes, Tyne. You are dead.” I let out a wail. 


“How? What did you do?” Death waved his hand, and an image appeared in the room. I saw my father lying on the ground, his mouth shaped in an 

O. Black blood seeped out of his chest, and his eyes were removed. I let out a horrible scream. 


“W-what did you do? Why didn’t you take him like you took me?” Death glared at me. 


“I killed him because I had to. Tyne this may be hard to hear, but your father was a terrible man. I didn’t bring him because it causes more pain for the family to see their loved one dead. If I take them they assume they are missing, and might not be dead.” 


I slowly shook my head. 


“What did he do to deserve this?” 


“Your father was a cheat and a murderer. When he sold his products, he cheated on his customers. He would make the product seem better than it is. When his customers threatened to tell the police, he killed them and hid their bodies in the room you were hiding. That’s why I was there. To collect them.” 


I shivered. 


“He would never do that.” 


“Well, he did. Now have some tea.” 


I cautiously walked up to the table where Death was sitting, and slowly picked up the cup. I looked inside and smelled creamy foam. I took a sip and spat it out. 


“It tastes like death!!!”


 Death smiled. 


“I have to show you something, Tyne.” 


He stood up, and the cups disappeared. He walked to a rather small door that I didn’t notice. 


Death opened the door, and a revolting smell hit my nose. I gagged and covered my nose with my hand. Death walked in, but I held back, scared for what lies ahead of me. I looked in and screamed. Flies swarming around the room, buzzing in my ear. About ten bodies lie neatly in a long row, long dead, flesh rotting. I coughed, and made a gagging noise, but managed to croak.


 “What happened to them?” Death walked out of the room, and closed the door slowly, the smell still lingering in the air.


 “You remember the image I showed you of your father?” I nodded. 


“Well those blithering idiots tried to go through back to the living world, and instantly died. You just can’t don that.” I nodded. 


“Is there another place to go after you die?” Death nodded solemnly. 


“The Angel comes to get the good people.” I gasped. 


“Wait, what!! So…why am I hear, I’m good!” he laughed. 


“Tyne you catfished your best friend online, and you bullied that poor girl Shannon.” I gaped at him. 


“H-how do you know that?” 


“I watched you.”


 “B-but how do you even know what catfish means?” Death glared at me. 


“What do you think, I’m old, and talk like Shakespeare?” 


“Well, y-yes.” I murmured. 


“Well, your wrong.” I almost laughed, but what Death said got me thinking. 


They tried to go back to the living world. I should try that, but Death said they died instantly! Tyne why are you listening to Death, he is probably a liar and a cheat. He must cheat death! 


 I sighed and rubbed my temples. Death was again sitting at the table drinking tea, and looking at the images on the misty screen. 


That little cheat, he is stalking people.


 To my dismay, he was watching a baby with much interest. He then nodded and sipped his tea. 


“Death…what is that behind you?” Death whipped his head around, and I raced to the image and jumped. I heard a yell of surprise from Death, as darkness closed in on me, and I felt nothing more.


 I coughed and blinked open my eyes, a shaft of light peaking in through a crack on the wall. 


Ah-ha! I cheated Death! I thought triumphantly. 


I looked around and gasped. There was not the familiar sight of piles of boxes, but instead, a thick layer of dust was on the walls, on the floor. I stood up, yelping in pain. I looked around and saw no furniture or anything. 


Did they move? I was with Death for only half an hour surely. 


I saw spider webs on the walls, with a tiny brown spider in the middle. I saw a large rat race in front of my feet, and I screamed. It echoed off the walls.


 As I walked up the steps, I saw the occasional hornets’ nest and spiders. I called out for my mother, but there was no answer. I walked onto the street and saw police cars swarming the street. Police rushed over to me. 


“Tyne!” An officer yelled, and she wrapped me in a hug and rushed me to a patrol car. 


“Where were you!?” 


I couldn't answer, because I saw Vince sitting on an old porch, hair graying. "How long was I gone?"  


"You were missing for 30 years, but where were you?"


I laughed, and I swear I could see Death winking at me behind a car. 


“Oh, you know. Just talking to Death.” 


Posted May 27, 2020
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96 likes 59 comments

Nirosha P
July 08, 2020 12:59

Amazing story! This is one of the most creative stories I have seen! Terrific Job! Just one thing I thought to improve: The ending where the reader realizes that the person was missing for thirty years, l felt it was quite abrupt. Maybe talk more about how the reader was taken by surprise and not just end it so quickly

This is just my two cents worth! But otherwise a really original creative story :)

PS: Would appreciate if you could check out my stories :)

Reply

Niveeidha Palani
June 05, 2020 05:27

Just wondering, why were there police cars?? Wasn't the accident thirty years back?

Reply

A.J Blink
June 08, 2020 13:45

I think it was just to portray the humorous streak to it..

Reply

Niveeidha Palani
June 08, 2020 22:33

Oh, seems perfectly reasonable now that I see it, ;)

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A.J Blink
June 08, 2020 22:37

🙇
And thank you for liking all my stories. It means a lot.

Reply

Niveeidha Palani
June 09, 2020 01:47

No problem, they were quite interesting stories though!

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A.J Blink
June 09, 2020 01:56

Love love!

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July 13, 2020 04:56

Very good point. Odd.!
I must be going blind

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Niveeidha Palani
July 13, 2020 06:12

I'm sorry, I didn't get you...was that comment directed at me or A.j Blink?

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Pragya Rathore
May 31, 2020 14:49

I really liked the perspective and the flow.

Reply

Pragya Rathore
June 02, 2020 17:27

Please read and review my stories too,Avery... it would be very helpful from a writer like you :D

Reply

May 28, 2020 08:07

Why were there police cars around, Avery? If you want it to be that someone tipped the police with information about the protagonist's coming back, you should probably state it so that it will be clearer.
I like the story, especially the discussion with death. It was really nice, all those questions and answers and how you cheated death. Nice!

Reply

Daryl Gravesande
May 27, 2020 19:49

Hey! The story's doing good, I see!

Reply

May 27, 2020 20:02

It is! It only has two likes!

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Daryl Gravesande
May 27, 2020 20:05

lol, good start! Most of your stories blow up, and I wouldn't be surprised with this one. It's unique and a FRESH take.

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Inactive User
June 11, 2020 16:30

I love your story! I have a new story! Please check it out!

Reply

June 01, 2020 02:37

I absolutely loved this story!
It reminded me of The Book Thief, which is narrated by Death.
I loved the flow of the story, and the end line almost made me laugh. :)
There were some grammatical mistakes. Other than that, no negative critiques from me!
Keep writing and stay safe!
-Brooke

Reply

Ray Van Horn
May 28, 2020 01:07

I'd say having a pint with Death might be interesting, but then it'd taste like Death! :) Fun, quirky read, Avery.

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July 13, 2020 05:04

It was rather very good because i did not expect it. It then seemed so obvious.

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Kathleen March
May 27, 2020 18:06

Interesting flow. Moves and jumps. Just fyi: The game is hide n’ seek or hide and seek or even hide and go seek. Also, watch your vs. you’re. Tightening the narrative could give Death even more control of the story. Don’t be afraid to do that.

Reply

May 27, 2020 18:08

Ok! I will fix that! Thanks for the feedback!

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Daryl Gravesande
May 27, 2020 17:40

Woah!!! This is great! I never realized that you could make literal DEATH a character! A nice fresh take! Fav part right here!!!!

“Tyne you catfished your best friend online, and you bullied that poor girl Shannon.” I gaped at him.

“H-how do you know that?”

“I watched you.”

“B-but how do you even know what catfish means?” Death glared at me.

“What do you think, I’m old, and talk like Shakespeare?”

“Well, y-yes.” I murmured.

“Well, your wrong.” I almost laughed, but what Death said got me thinking.

Reply

Jubilee Forbess
May 28, 2020 17:16

If you've read The Book Thief, that's who the narrator is; Death.

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A.J Blink
June 08, 2020 13:42

Wow this is my first time hearing about it... Interesting

Reply

Learn English
April 11, 2022 04:50

haha nice story in the first para ..reading this in midnight give me a goosbumps lol nice ..nice keep it up

Reply

Ryan LmColli
May 11, 2021 14:30

Great story: Pls join this link... https://www.guilded.gg/i/6pR8goy2

Reply

Angel {Readsy}
April 28, 2021 03:33

I am a nightingale; I read and sing your stories in the flowering garden and all birds, firefly, fairy and flowers are smiling and very thankful to you for writing such an excellent story.

Reply

Kate M
December 01, 2020 18:52

Wow! This story was awesome! Very creative and original! I loved the ending especially, all the suspense and tension building up for that final moment where she cheats death. Great work! 😁

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Daryl Gravesande
October 25, 2020 22:30

M'lady, we need to talk. Text meeeeee

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Avery Mason
September 26, 2023 18:56

its me

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B. W.
October 25, 2020 20:43

i'll give this a 10/10 :)

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October 24, 2020 21:01

Great job, this is SO creative!! I absolutely love how death is a person!! That's such an amazing idea! I wouldn't have been surprised if this had won!

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Amogh Kasat
August 24, 2020 12:44

It's a wonderful story! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

Reply

Avery G.
July 27, 2020 03:04

Hi Avery! This is an awesome story! It was scary, but it was cool to see this take on this prompt! I loved it!

Reply

Raquel Rodriguez
July 21, 2020 17:32

This is amazing! I love Death's character, (I know, I'm weird. :D ) and the other characters are great too! I love how Death winks at her in the end.

If you don't mind, could you check out my new story? I would really appreciate it.

Reply

Deborah Angevin
July 15, 2020 23:22

As pointed by others, I also feel weirded out by the police. But overall, a well-written story, Avery!

Would you mind checking my recent story out, "Orange-Coloured Sky?" Thank you!

Reply

July 13, 2020 04:57

Nice but quite agree with Nirosham, way too abrupt.
Some of the dialogue may be incorrectly done. The appearance of the police car seems..odd?
Improvements required will be obvious on re-write. Very smooth to read like drinking wine. Good stuff. I will follow you with avid hopes for a master piece as you are not far away. well done.
Who is A.J Blink? As opposed to Avery Mason?

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Samantha Davis
July 03, 2020 03:14

Why were their police cars if the accsident was 30 years ago?

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Khizra Aslam
June 30, 2020 14:23

Wow... the end was absolutely fantastic👏❤

Please check my recent story if you don't mind :)

Reply

Verda H
June 11, 2020 12:03

This was so comical and interesting! Love plays in perspective like this!

Reply

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