The Accident

“You’re overreacting; it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be. Ms Morris has it out for me; she needs to get a fucking grip,” Amanda shouted while walking through the apartment's front door, with her equally furious sister closely behind. “No, the one needing to get a grip is you,” Steph shouted back, the thunderous clap of the door slamming closed awakening their mother. “Tell me, how does one get into a fight before the first period? You couldn't even make it to lunchtime, are you proud?”

“Look, I don’t need nor want a lecture from you right now. It’s way too early, and I need an ice pack for my face.” Amanda stormed over to the freezer and opened it, but Steph slammed it shut just as quickly. “I don’t really care for what you want or don’t want. I had to call out of work for this shit.”

“Nobody asked you to,” Amanda snarled through gritted teeth. “Mom didn't answer the phone; she just got off an overnight shift, she probably didn’t even hear the damn thing. So since they couldn’t get a hold of her, they called the next person on file, me!” Amanda rolled her eyes and headed for the couch. “You are so incredibly selfish, you don’t care for anyone but yourself,” Steph continued, not quite finished. “Yes, Steph. I am selfish, irresponsible, immature, and you, you are uptight, overbearing, and-”

“Loud, what the hell is going on? Why are you both home?” Miriam questioned, her arms crossed over her pale blue robe.

​

The girls were so engrossed in their argument that they didn’t see or feel their groggy mother approaching them. “Oh, nothing, I just had to go pick up your future pro wrestler from school.”

“Oh, Amanda, you didn’t.” Miriam looked at Amanda, who was currently shooting daggers at her sister. “Oh, she did, she’s suspended until next week.” Steph unclenched her jaw, leaning back on the kitchen island, relieved that their mother was there now to take the wheel. Miriam rubbed her hands over her face. “They probably still need to talk to me. I’m going to go give them a call, and you, young lady, will stay put until I am done hearing about how you like to pummel other students before breakfast.” Miriam pointed an exhausted finger at Amanda. She let out a heavy sigh and turned towards her bedroom. “This ought to get me the mother of the year award for sure,” Miriam spoke to herself while disappearing into her bedroom. “Thanks for having my back,” Amanda snorted sarcastically. “Are you kidding me? This isn’t a game, Amanda. You got suspended from school.”

“Yeah, I was there. I’m aware.”

“See, that’s the problem, I don't think you are, because if you were, you would see that what you're doing is wrong. Please just talk to me. What’s going on? I want to be there for you. I know things are hard right now, but I am here, you know?”

“It was just a stupid fight, it's no big deal, get off my back,” Amanda responded. “No big deal? God, why can’t you for once just stop and think about someone other than yourself?” Amanda lay her head back in annoyance, feeling the argument regain its spark. Loose blonde strands hung from the edge of the couch. “Please tell me how punching a trash-talking bitch at school was selfish. Was I meant to offer her a cupcake first?”

“No, you were supposed to stop and think about the consequences and how they affect others. You didn’t stop and think about mom, and how she just got back from an eight hour overnight shift and would have had to go and pick you up, you didn’t stop and think about me, and how now I will probably need to call off from work because mom most definitely won’t trust you to stay home alone, you didn't stop and think about dad-” Steph stopped before she continued, shocked by her very own words as if someone else had spoken them. Amanda stood up and turned to her sister, “Dad? What does Dad have to do with anything?”

‘N-nothing, I just meant you didn't care about what he’d think about this if he were here.” Not entirely true, something both sisters knew. “I don’t need you to babysit me, if this is what this whole thing is about,” Amanda barked. Steph let out a chuckle as she spoke angrily; she felt her anger rising by the minute. “You have made it more than clear enough that you need a babysitter, I mean, what could you have possibly needed to start a fight about at eight in the fucking morning?” Steph fumed. Amanda remained silent, staring down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. “Unbelievable,” Scoffed Steph as she made her way to her bedroom, giving up on the argument. “She was saying that it was my fault.” Amanda finally spoke, her voice softer and quieter than it had been since the argument started. Steph stopped and, without turning around to face her sister, replied, “Who said what was your fault?”

“The girl I decked in the face, she said that um” She didn’t know how to get the words out, she knew that as soon as she spoke these words, all that she had been suppressing deep down would surface. She wasn't sure if she was ready to deal with that reality just yet. “Said what, Amanda?” Steph insisted, turning to face her now. “That Dad's death was my fault.”

​

The apartment went silent. Tears threatened as she spoke. “And I guess since a part of me knows that's true, I punched her. If I had come home straight after the football game and not broken curfew, Dad wouldn’t have had to come pick me up, and he wouldn’t have been in the accident. He wouldn’t have died." Tears began racing down her face. Steph was at a loss for words. She hated that little brat for saying this to her baby sister, but what she hated more was that a small part of her agreed with her; she tried not to for months. She struggled to even look at Amanda without being torn between her sister and the girl she blamed for her father's death. It made her isolate herself from her sister. She thought maybe time would help her, but it had been months, and nothing had changed for her. But what kind of sister would it make her if she admitted that to her? “Amanda don’-”

“Stop, don’t even. I know you blame me for his death, too. Don’t pretend that you don’t. I see the way you look at me, like you don’t recognize me,” her voice quivered. Steph felt a sharp jab in her chest. Here she was scolding her sister about being irresponsible and selfish over a fight at school, and only now realizing the truth beneath it. The fight wasn't really about school in the slightest; it was a release. A release for the pent-up anger, to push out what she didn't know where to put. There was no real guilty party behind this. It wasn't until now, seeing her baby sister carrying the same blame she had, that the line between culprit and sister became visible.

​

“Okay, so I called the school, do you care to exp-” Miriam, now in a black oversized shirt and baggy checkered pajama pants, stood at the base of the hallway. “What’s going on here?” Miriam asked, upon looking at Amanda in tears. “I killed dad.” Amanda cried as she placed her wet face into her hands. Miriam looked over to Steph, wondering how this transpired, to which Steph just stared down at the floor. “Baby, what are you saying?” She walked over to where Amanda sat and knelt in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face and into her own hands. “He came to get me because I broke curfew, because I was” She looked up at her older sister “because I was selfish” she looked back at her mom. “Honey, that was not your fault at all.”

​

Miriam stood up and sat next to her, calling over Steph to sit on Miriam's opposite side. Once there, she took each of their hands into her own. “What happened was an accident, and yes,” She looked at Amanda. “It did occur while picking you up, but that does not change anything. The car malfunctioned. It was going to happen any day, any time, it just so happened to be that night.”

“But I-“ Miriam shook Amanda’s hand. “No buts, what happened nobody could have controlled or predicted.”

“You were right,” Steph mumbled as she got up and stood in front of Amanda. “I did blame you, I lost Dad, and I guess I needed someone to blame. But mom is right, it could’ve happened any day or any time, and more importantly, it could have happened to any one of us,” she stared down at her muddy shoes.“I know Dad believes we can move on and continue forward without him, and I know it will definitely take some time before we also believe that. But I don’t think I could say the same if you had asked to borrow the car and it had been you behind the wheel instead.” Now it was Steph’s eyes that fought back tears. “Although I haven’t been treating you like it recently, you're my sister, my best friend, and I wouldn’t be able to live without you. I'm so sorry that I’ve been so busy blaming you, and not once stopped and thought about how you could've been blaming yourself as well. Can you ever forgive me?” Steph asked, lowering her head. Amanda wiped the tears on her face. “Only if you forgive me for being such a selfish, irresponsible brat. These past couple of months,” she sobbed. Well then, you’d have to forgive me for being uptight, overbearing, and what was that last one?” The girls chuckled in between sobs as they hugged each other. They felt closer now than when their Dad was still alive.

​

“My beautiful girls,” Miriam said, standing and running her hands through their hair. “I figured you were both struggling, of course, with your father's death, but I had no idea it was this hard. I should’ve checked in on you girls more often, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I mean, you are also going through his death, and we weren’t really the easiest to deal with.” Amanda placed her hand on her mother's shoulder. “Yeah, you really couldn’t have known,” Miriam gave a sympathetic smile to her strong girls. Your father would be so proud of you both.”

“I miss him,” Amanda said while twiddling her fingers. “Yeah, I do too,” replied Steph while brushing back a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “I know, and I miss him too, but he is looking over the three of us. We need to continue making him proud, and that means no more getting suspended at school or fighting with one another. Can we agree to that?”

“Yeah, we can,” Amanda replied.“Yeah, Mom, we got it,” both girls agreed. “And no more scaring me either,” Miriam added playfully while looking at Amanda.”You almost gave me a heart attack. I thought you were going to tell me you did something to your father's car.” Miriam teased. As she started heading to her bedroom. “I’m going to go get some rest, and when I wake up, we can all start prepping a delicious dinner together. What do we think?” The girls both nodded in agreement.

​In her room, Miriam walked over to her dresser, where she had placed the mail she picked up when she got home this morning, and went through it. Electricity bill. Car note. Hospital bill. The list of bills went on, but despite being drowned in debt, Miriam didn’t worry. Even though her husband had a huge gambling problem when he was alive, and drained most of their savings, she didn’t worry, because fortunately for her, he had a hefty life insurance, and luckily, she had spent most of her childhood in her father's old musty auto repair shop, knowing exactly what to push to make a machine fail. Miriam recalled the words she said to her girls, “What happened nobody could've controlled or predicted.” She had almost bitten her tongue. Of course, a small, tiny part of her felt bad; she wasn’t a complete monster, but his gambling problem on top of an incident of infidelity a couple of years back made it all too easy for her to come to her decision. When the investigators finally ruled it an accident, she felt like she could breathe again. Miriam looked down at the bills. She then picked up a photograph that was stuck to the side of her mirror. She did the math, and his life insurance should pay all of their debt, and still leave something in their savings. But in the off chance it didn't, well, tragedy had gotten them out of a hole and saved the family before. And it could very well do so again, she thought as her eyes drifted down to the photograph of her smiling daughters.