Humans Are Rude

I was peacefully resting just outside of the cave at noon. My tail covered my eyes as the bright sun beat down on my turquoise scales. The warm glow on the cloudless day was the perfect time for a long nap…but then it happened.

There were footsteps nearby. I opened my eyes. Did I really hear something, or was it all just part of a dream?

There it was again–a few quick thuds across the grass. This time it was followed by heavy breathing and a few muttered words. That’s when I knew what it was: a human.

I reluctantly sat up from my nap to find a young man standing in front of me. The very sight of my body caused him to freeze with his mouth wide open. He was a tiny lad, wearing armor that might have weighed almost as much as he did. He held a sword and shield that trembled in his hands as he stood in awe.

“What on earth are you doing here, human?” I asked with a hint of displeasure.

He shook his head and tried to answer. “I…I…Just…”

“Well, out with it now, lad. Why are you here?”

“You…you can speak?”

“Yes. Yes, I can. In fact, I’m fluent in many languages. Most dragons are. I’m more eloquent than most humans I’ve met.”

“But that…that just can’t be. I…”

He spun his head in all directions, no doubt thinking about making a run for it. I waited to witness the hilarity of him taking off on shaking legs in his heavy armor, but it never happened. The young man was too frightened to move.

“Did you come here to slay me, child?” I asked.

He crumpled his lips and shook his head. “No. No, I was just passing through.”

“Passing through this obscure area of the land while armed for battle? I find this a bit hard to believe.”

“No, it’s true. I was just heading back to the castle and got lost. I thought I was headed west, but I must have been wrong. I ended up here, hoping to find the trail home.”

“Right. I see.” I nodded my head sarcastically. “I bet all that’s true. Let me tell you what I really think happened.” I spread my wings high above me, causing the young man’s jaw to drop again. “I think you came here to get yourself a dragon’s heart. However, after waking me, you soiled your armor and had second thoughts as to whether or not you wanted to battle a dragon.”

“That’s just not the truth! I swear to the lord it ain’t!”

I brought my head closer to him and let out a breath through my nostrils, blowing his long hair back. “Come on now, lad, don’t lie to me.”

“Well, I…” He looked to the ground. “I maybe, just maybe, might have had some thoughts of coming across a dragon today. But then I–”

“But then you saw I was big and scary.” I bared my teeth; my voice deepened. “That’s when you were no longer a dragon slayer.”

He dropped his shield and sword as he fell to the ground. “Please spare me!” He clasped his hands together. “Please let me go!”

Luckily for the boy, I was still full from the meal I had eaten the night before. The idea of slaughtering him for ruining my soft slumber came across me, but it would be too barbaric. I pulled my head back. “Stand up, silly lad.” I let out a chuckle.

With tears rolling down his face, he stood up on trembling legs. He took a few steps back. “Please, don’t hurt me.”

“I must ask you, sir, why would a boy as feeble as you come here and try to kill a creature who can bring down a small army with a strong breath of fire?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Sure you do. What’s the reasoning behind this foolishness?”

He looked to the ground. “There’s this fair lady. She lives in Castle Blacksmith.” He pointed to the east. “It’s where I live. Not too far from here.”

“I’m familiar with it.”

“This lady, this beautiful lady, I wish to court her. But she has no interest. She’s into a knight–a brave warrior.”

“And you thought you’d prove yourself brave by coming here to face a dragon.”

He nodded. “Yes. It was quite a stupid idea. I did it to win the heart of a lady. Do you understand?”

“I know all about ladies, son. I’m one myself.”

He tilted his head. “You’re…you're a woman dragon?” He looked around. “Is there a man dragon?”

“Yes, I have one of those. He’s out hunting for me right now. In our species, the men always hunt and gather for us when they are told.”

He looked to the sky and seemed intrigued. “That’s really interesting. It sounds like they serve you. It sounds like you’re in control.”

“It sounds like the ladies are in control of you too. You’re the one who traveled all the way here on a suicide mission to achieve the unthinkable goal of killing me.”

His face turned red as he bent his eyebrow. I could tell he wanted to lash out at me, but even he wouldn’t be that foolish.

He stood up straight and took a step forward. “Madam dragon, can I leave in peace now?”

I folded my arms. “I’d get no prize for killing you, but I’m not sure if letting you go is an option at this point.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, I don’t want you to go back to Castle Blacksmith and alert them of where I slumber. Normally we are nomadic, but I can’t leave this cave right now. I have three eggs inside that are waiting to hatch. I’m afraid you’d tell your king this, and they would send others out here to harm me. They could send real warriors. You know, real men.”

His brow furrowed again before he shook off the accurate insult and continued his plea. “I won’t tell a single soul. Afterall, why would I? All I did when I came out hunting was cowered in fear and begged for mercy.”

I took a deep breath and thought about the situation. “I suppose as long as you kept quiet, I could spare you.”

He flashed a smile before reaching down for his sword and shield. “I won’t forget this, madam. Not in a million years.”

“Well maybe you won’t forget these words either.” I leaned closer. “Don’t be a fool for any woman. There’s a fine line between being brave and being stupid. If you want this fair lady, please, try to find a different way to win her hand. You must have some type of good qualities in you.”

He nodded. “Right. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Safe travels, young man.”

And with that, he scurried away with a happy face. Even though I knew I’d never see him again, I was rooting for him to win in life. Dragons can oftentimes be seduced by pity. I found out that was my biggest weakness.

#

Two nights later I was awoken by a noise outside of the cave. A glowing orange light lit up the darkness as angry voices made their way toward us. My tranquil sleep was once again interrupted by humans, and this time I wasn’t the only dragon in the cave. The father of my unhatched children was also there. The mob didn’t make it very far. Our fire breath far outmatched the flames they had. I hoped they would give up after the first wave, but my experience told me they wouldn’t.

And that’s the reason Castle Blacksmith lays in ruins. Even though they were not the victors, they were still able to write their version of history–the false story that says we were tyrants out for nothing but blood. We were victims who used self-defense, but no one will ever believe the words of beasts.

In hindsight, I wish I would have never let that pitiful young man escape me. I should have immolated him where he stood. At very least, I should have never told him about the eggs I protected inside the cave. I showed him mercy; he sold out my location.

I learned a lesson that day: humans are rude. They’re only good for starting wars and ruining good naps.