From Then Till Now, It's Always Been You

"Johnny, let's get married when we're older, okay?"

Maria said while holding her little hand open, waiting for me to grab it. The snow was painting the whole world white as our parents had fun inside the house. Me and her stood in the backyard, hidden well behind the big oak tree standing tall in the middle of it, and we hugged closely so we could stay warm.

"Do you promise?" I said with excitement in my eyes.

"I do," she replied with her beautiful smile.

Her little teeth were as white as the snow and her smile as bright as the sun shining behind the clouds. That's how we promised our future to one another. We spent the evening having fun outside, playing in the snow and talking for hours with no end.

"Happy birthday, Maria," I said with a smile and kissed her cheek.

She was quick to push me back. She rubbed her cheek after my lips landed there as if I had a very dangerous infectious disease. It was her fifteenth birthday today, and I was ready to spend the day with her, but she had other plans.

"We're not kids anymore, Johnny. Don't go around kissing my cheek. My boyfriend could misunderstand."

When she said that, in walked the class idol, a boy from my school that every female student fawned over like he was the most extraordinary sight ever. Otherwise known as Ben, or Maria's boyfriend.

The moment she caught a glimpse of him, her dismissive expression beamed up, and she smiled just like I remembered from our childhood. Just as I was about to pull the gift I had for her out of my pocket, she pushed me aside and ran to hug her boyfriend.

"Ben, what will you give me today? I know you love me too much, so I hope it's something expensive."

She laid a quick peck on his lips as she got on her tiptoes. I couldn't help but smile. Who was I to judge who she loved and who she didn't? I only cared if she was happy and comfortable. I grabbed my full pocket tightly and sat in my chair.

"You know, those two are the most beautiful couple in school. Everyone says they are made for each other."

My friend Greg turned back from the desk in front of me and yawned as it was still early in the morning.

"Don't start with that, man. You know I get all gloomy when I hear that," I replied with a sigh.

"Oh, my fault. I always forget that you two are childhood friends. Must be hard seeing her do all that."

I glared at him and gave no answer. The teacher entered the class, quickly put everyone in their place, and the lesson started.

"Johnny, will you come over, please? I want some company. I don't think I can take this."

I received a text message from her in the middle of the night. We were seventeen now, almost adults and close to our college entrance exams, but she had just broken up. I quickly grabbed my keys and threw on some random clothes just to silently make my way to the living room and sneak off.

Her house was just across the street, and she was alone. Her parents were on a trip abroad for work, so she had the house to herself. I knocked on the door once, twice, but there was no answer. The chilly wind brushed through my messy hair as I leaned against the door with my back.

What am I doing? She has just broken up, and here I am acting like emotional support when all I want to do is have her for myself...

I thought as I waited outside. The stars were beautiful tonight. The moon shone brightly, illuminating my humble house across the street and the big oak tree peeking from behind the roof.

I think I will go crazy if I don't speak to her about my feelings, but I'd be taking advantage of her if I did so now... Ugh, I'm such a loser.

The door opened behind me as I was pondering, resulting in me stumbling back and falling onto the wooden floor.

"Ugh... hello, Maria."

My childhood friend chuckled and closed the door. Her eyes were swollen, most probably from crying. She didn't have any makeup on, but she still looked just as beautiful as ever. I was a sucker for her through and through.

"Is it hard getting over Ben?" I asked as I sat back up.

"I think you can see for yourself."

She put her small hand forward, waiting for me to grab it so I could get up fully. She smiled weakly, her teeth no longer as white as when we were kids because of her habitual coffee consumption, but still clean and straight like they always were.

"Want some emotional support? You can always count on your best friend."

I smiled as I accepted her hand and got up. After that, we went to her room, which was dimly lit and painted in a deep blue hue from her LED lights. We sat on her fluffy-covered bed and stared at each other for some time.

"I'm sorry, Johnny." She hugged her knees and avoided eye contact.

"What for?" I asked as I sat comfortably against the wall at the foot of her bed.

"I've completely ignored you these past two years. I swear I didn't want to, but..."

"No need to apologize. You were in a relationship, and I'm a man. That can create misunderstandings."

I nodded with a confident smile, but inside I felt my heart pang. What a fool I was for telling her that when, in reality, I looked at her all day in class. I messaged her every day even though she barely answered. I only loved her from afar, but now I was acting like it was no big deal.

"You'll really forgive me?" Her face brightened up.

"There's nothing to forgive. Just don't do that to me again. I don't want to lose you."

I exhaled and plopped back onto her bed. Her feet were next to my face when she suddenly changed position, and before I could realize it, she had leaned down and kissed me.

I felt her soft lips against mine. That was my first kiss, but not hers. I felt her experience, and I got a little intimidated, but through it I pushed forward and kissed her back, even with my clumsy technique. All the while, in the back of my head, the little voice of my conscience was telling me that this was not right and that I should be ashamed.

I did not listen to it. That night, we spent together. We took things to the final level and slept under the warm covers like a couple, like she had done with Ben before, but now it was me who was lying by her side.

The next day at school, I was completely ignored. She didn't even say hi to me once.

"Johnny, can you lend me twenty dollars? Me and Dave are going out to drink today, and I'm flat broke."

Maria leaned over my desk and gave me the puppy-dog eyes. Her long auburn hair and hazel eyes captivated me, and her beauty made my heart skip ten beats. I reluctantly pulled my wallet out and gave her the twenty-dollar bill that she asked for.

"Yay, you're my best friend for a reason."

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and rushed off with her friends.

College had been stressing me out lately. My grades had started plummeting, and my part-time job was not paying me enough to keep living in the dorms. I had followed Maria to this college because she told me she needed me, but from the first day there, she was practically a celebrity, all the while I was a loner who completed others' essays for spare change.

Over the last five years, she had found three other boyfriends, and whenever she broke up, she called me over so she could let out all her frustration, and I, my desires. I felt like I was nothing but a toy for her, but my love still persisted. I still believed that our childhood promise would come true one day.

"Have you finished my assignment?"

Bella kicked the door open to the lecture hall where I was sitting alone. She walked down the stairs and came right up to my face with determination.

"I have. Do you have the money to pay me today?" I asked while holding her essay in my hand.

"No."

She tried to grab it.

"Bella, I'm bored of you making me do your stuff for free."

I yanked it back so she couldn't take it.

"Fine, I'll pay you in another way."

She quickly leaned in and kissed me.

Now my lips were experienced too. My encounters with Maria had taught me all I needed to know about intimacy. The woman looped her hands around my neck and deepened the kiss, and I followed her pace. I dropped the assignment. Papers scattered across the floor as I kissed her passionately.

We almost escalated it before we remembered we were in the middle of a lecture hall and anyone could walk in. We ceased our little activity and straightened our hair and clothes.

"You're a surprisingly good kisser."

She started picking up the papers.

"Back at you," I said with a smile, but I didn't mean it.

I didn't want her lips. I wanted Maria's, even if at the moment they were occupied by another man. I didn't want her intimacy. I wanted it from the only one who could make my heart race... but she only saw me as nothing more than stress relief.

Bella winked at me and turned around before leaving.

"Come to my dorm today. I've got a little surprise for you."

With that, she left.

"I saw you having fun with Bella today. Are you guys a couple?"

I almost spit my coffee out when I heard Maria utter those words. At the time, I was so out of it that even if the auditorium door had opened and someone had seen us, I wouldn't have realized... and that happened.

"No, she was just repaying me for her essay," I sighed.

"That's a nice way to do it. I repay Dave like that too sometimes."

She chuckled mischievously.

I don't want to know. Please don't continue.

I kept my face from sneering as she continued explaining in detail what she and her boyfriend would do. I felt like I wanted to rip my ears off then and there, but I was forced to half-heartedly laugh and listen to this torture until we were back in the dorms.

"Can you come help me arrange some heavy stuff? My new desk just arrived, and it's hard doing it by myself."

"Yeah, but I have somewhere to be later, so I won't stay for long," I said as I followed her.

I spent a good half of the evening arranging her new desk to her liking. When I was about to leave, she threw me back onto the bed and pinned me down while pulling her top off.

"I can do better than Bella."

She said and leaned down to kiss me. My heart beat fast as I finally got what I craved. We did what an adult couple would do, and once again I spent the night in her room, missing out on my chance with Bella.

Slap.

The blonde woman slapped me across the face the moment she saw me. I had stood her up and didn't even reach out to apologize. I deserved every bit of it. I quickly scampered off to go see the woman I loved in her class, but she wasn't there.

I searched around the campus, and I finally found her at the back of the premises... in the arms of her boyfriend, engaged in intimate activities, the same ones we had indulged in just last night. I felt my heart breaking. I was a fool for even thinking that she put me first.

But I still loved her.

I walked away with a tear forming in my eye.

"I'm sorry to hear the news, John. Your mother was a great woman."

She said as she stood next to me, dressed in black. Maria now had wrinkles and a little kid clutching timidly onto her leg. We were now forty years old and far from the youthful people we once were, but she still looked as stunning as ever.

"Yeah, she always thought you were the worst little rascal."

I replied with a smirk, but my voice cracked. The sadness from losing my mother was still too much for me to just gloss over it. Maria held out her hand, expecting me to grab it. She gave me a smile. Most of her teeth were now dentures. The young boy at her side was her spitting image. He looked up at me and smiled, making me remember what his mother looked like back when she was his age.

I grabbed her hand and shook it, as simple as that. We were too old to engage in the activities we did in college. She had a husband now, and I had a wife, but my heart still ached, thinking that I was never able to make our promise come true.

I watched the casket get buried and returned to my wife. I gave her a kiss and a hug, carefully not to disturb her pregnant belly, and then left to go back home.

"Do you remember when, back in the day, we stood under that tree for hours and hours, talking and then having fun all day?"

Maria said with a smile, sitting on her husband's lap while looking outside my house's glass door that led to the all-too-familiar backyard, where the big oak tree had seen us grow old and wrinkly.

"Remember when you said you wanted us to get married when we grew up? Look at us now!"

I rubbed my wife's thigh as she sat on my lap in the chair opposite the one the other couple sat in. We kept talking and drinking our hot coffee to keep warm from the winter outside. The fire crackled in the fireplace, and I was happy, happier than ever. Because the woman I once loved was happy, and the woman I currently loved was even happier.

---

Outside, the snow was painting the world white. The tall oak tree stood proudly, and under it stood two young adults engaged in a warm hug.

The man knelt down, smiled up at his girlfriend, and pulled a ring out of his pocket. He held it out and gulped audibly.

"Maria... will you marry me?"

The woman looked down, and happy tears started falling down her cheeks. She held her small hand out, her fingers stretched so her boyfriend could fit the ring.

"Yes, Johnny. A thousand times yes."

When the man was done putting it around her finger, she practically jumped on him and threw him back into the snow. She kissed him deeply, then stood up and helped him to his feet.

"Let's go announce it to our parents, shall we?" he said with a huge smile.

"Poor old Maria will collapse if you say it out of nowhere," she said playfully.

"Hey, my mother is still standing on her feet perfectly. Your old man, John, is the one who's going to fall over when he hears the news," the now-fiancé said with a chuckle.

They locked hands and walked toward the glass door where me and my childhood friend were having a conversation behind.

They looked beautiful together under the snow, just like me and Maria once did.