Here Is How Mark Made A, “Mark” In The World

Here Is How Mark Made A, “Mark” In The World

     Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a 14 year-old boy named Mark who had a horrible time keeping up with all of his stuff. Because of that, his parents wouldn’t allow him to get a cheater’s permit to drive. That is because he lost a lot of face asking girls if he could pedal right over and pick them up. Actually, Mark was the nickname everybody in his school called him because of that problem. His real name was Fred but they called him Mark because he was always having to leave a, “mark” of some kind just about everywhere he went to remind himself of various things. Each time he put his school books down anywhere, he had to put some kind of , “mark” down to remind himself where he had put them. That worked great until somebody had to move, “Mark’s-marks,” then he’d always hit the ceiling. After a while that gave him a bad headache so he had to take some, “Ex-’head’rine” in order to cure his headache. His daddy also hit the ceiling when he had to pay for the holes it put in the upstairs floors and the cost of the bill when he fell through one of them and broke both of his legs. That money came out of Mark’s account, plus the cost of the floor and the ceiling where his daddy had fallen through, also the time off from work since he couldn’t go for 3 weeks until his bones had healed. Poor Mark ended up being literally, “ ‘Poor’-Mark” financially from those incidents, and since he had no more play-money, he wasn’t allowed to do anything with his friends. That was like a dog’s life since it was the kind of house he was in. When his daddy told him the deal, it was extremely, “Ruff !”

     With his daddy, Mark had already made his, “mark” in the world, since he was, “in the dog-house” with him and it was definitely not a good one by any means. Incidents like that caused him to not be able to concentrate on his schoolwork in class which meant Mark had some pretty awful, “marks” on his tests, only they were all anything but, “pretty.” When he brought his report-cards home with multiple Es and Fs on it, he told his daddy that E meant Excellent and all the Fs were for Fantastic. Unfortunately, his daddy didn’t buy that. It meant he was grounded for his awful grades and lying, and had to spend his entire so-called, “free-time” studying to bring his horrible grades up. He overheard his daddy telling his momma, “No! I don’t think I’m too hard on him! He must learn that his grades control the college he goes to ! Now, I want him to attend a really good, top-knotch school, but he needs to have much better grades in order to get some kind of a scholarship for any of them !”

     When he asked him which college he wanted him to attend he said, “Yale.”

     That’s when Mark replied, “Oh, alright. WHICH COLLEGE DO YOU

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WANT ME TO ATTEND !?!?”

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     Mark was a really bright kid, but in spite of that, his daddy was ashamed to call him, “sun.” He definitely needed to have much better grades in order to attend any kind of a decent school.

     During his senior year of high school he applied to many different colleges. One of them was in Illinois and it was called Illinois Oxford University. Yet his daddy couldn’t afford to have him go there. Besides, the initials spelled out, 

“I. O. U.” That turned him off big-time.

     To make matters worse, the field he was interested in was being a grammar- school teacher because he told his parents he wanted to, “major-in-minors.”

     Well, needless to say, his daddy hit the ceiling again. That time he broke all of the flanges on his good-right hand, and that was his shooting-hand, so that meant he couldn’t write, drive, cut his food or swat any bugs on his right side, including the main thing that was, “bugging” him most above anything, and that happened to be his precious son.

     He said to his wife, “Let’s kill him, dear. We’re both young, we can have some other kids. Hopefully those, ‘kids’ will end up being, ‘goats.’ That means the, ‘Greatest-Of-All-Time,’ which isn’t at all, ‘ba-a-a-a-a-ad’ in my opinion, ‘butt,’ that’s as in what they do, we can always give him up for adoption somewhere now if we feed him empty cans mean- ing he, “tin” be successful somehow.”

     His wife frowned and hit him, only it was to cause him severe pain that time.

“We need to just let go of him, ‘dear,’ ” she said, “Granted, he’s caused us right much, ‘doe,’ like mega-,’bucks,’ but he will always be our, ‘sun,’ no matter how, ‘bright’ he may be, so that means we’ve got to love him no matter what he does.”

     The moment she said those words, the sound of a crash in the driveway split the silence. It was because their so-called, “bright-son” had backed over the dumpster which caused all of her fine china from her great, great grandmother’s house to turn into rubble. That’s when his wife said, “No, sweet- heart ! Let me at him ! I’ll kill him first !”

     It was then they realized that they had to let go of their son so he could get out on his own and out of their hair. His middle name was Dan, he changed his last one to Druff to make it appropriate. He hated washing his hair anyway so his name was changed to, “Dan-Druff.”

     Mark heard his parents yelling at each other, while trying to decide which one of them would get the privilege of being able to shorten-his-lifespan before the other one, so late that night Mark packed his bags and left. It was time for him to let go of his parents and move out on his own. By some coincidence, his best-friend, Tommy was having the same kind of problems with his parents, so they decided to find an apartment where they could live in together which meant they could cut all their bills in half.

     It started off perfectly, they had many things in common and knew the kind of things that pushed each other's buttons so it should have been a match made in Heaven for both of them. They never in their wildest nightmares ever suspected the stuff that was ahead for both of them

     They were each willing to let go of things the other didn’t like so Tommy had to stop eating snacks late at night which disturbed Mark and he didn’t play his music so late to help him fall asleep.

     That worked quite well for a while, but then they both fell in love with some girls in the sorority who each loved to prepare food which meant taking turns with them in the kitchen. Mark’s gal, Susy was a really devout health-nut who only prepared nutritious meals whereas Tommy’s girl, Roxanne had a really high metabolism and fixed any kind of food she liked. Then one day Suzy made an extremely delicious-smelling strawberry- blueberry-butter pecan-carrot cake 5 layers high with gobs of sweet-scented frosting on it. Roxanne, who had told her she had a big weight-problem walked in the door then turned around and left when she smelled the delicious- smelling aroma of cake and frosting on it so when Mark got there and asked where his date was Susy shrugged and said she had come in and then left.  

She had actually gone to buy a pit-bull which looked more like a lion on steroids then a dog, then she hid him behind Mark’s house. When she heard Roxy, (her nickname), coming towards the front door, she opened it and commanded the dog to attack her.

     When Mark arrived, he saw the new dog sitting there smiling with a full plate of food and many shredded pieces of material in different places throughout the front yard. There were several really huge bones, bigger than a human would ever give to a dog who sat there with a huge grin on his face while burping.

     As the days passed, several burglars came to burgle the house, which is what they all do. Each one ended up leaving several pieces of shredded clothing across the yard and some huge bones which kind of resembled those of a human. When the police came by to question the people to see if they’d seen any kind of wild animal in the hood, they skipped Mark’s for some odd reason, even if it was, “odd” or even. When people asked how they could tame that wild beast they were told, “Obviously they don’t tame him. All they do is just make him that much meaner. If I had a choice of him or Satin, it would be easy because I love to ice skate and snow ski.” None of them could get close enough to find out any more about that monster. Finally somebody called the A. S. P. C. A., those folks didn’t know who The ASPCA was. They were never heard from again, yet the people who went there to investigate the stories never returned with any decent reports either.

     Finally a preacher named Bishop Fuller, who was much, “fuller” of the Word than anybody else in the entire metropolis, from Pentecostal Holiness Church in Danville, Va. got wind of the so-called, “horrible monster” in their yard. He took his faithful apprentice, Cuz to see what they could do about that so-called awful, “monster” who’d been causing so much havoc in their beloved town. When they arrived at that man’s house, they were both appalled at how they’d been treating that poor animal. They came back that night after the owner was asleep with lots of steaks and other treats they knew that animal had never been exposed to. As they approached him, the Bishop prayed out loud for that poor, wretched animal who’d obviously never been shown any love in its entire existence, then Cuz did the same thing, only in different words. The monster snarled at them as they got closer, but when he saw that they were offering him some nice things for once in his horrible life, his growls began to slowly drop off until at last they turned to whimpers and he wagged his poor, never-before used tail for the first time in his entire life. That’s when the 2 nice- people felt it was safe for them to approach the so-called, “mean monster” so he wouldn’t attempt to, “monst” them. Then they took a hack-saw and cut the chains off of him. That’s when he attacked both of them, only it was with kisses and whimpers of sheer delighted ecstasy. Once the chains were sawed through, that so-called, “monster” made some odd sounds like laughter. Cuz rode in the back of their pick-up truck with him who couldn’t stop kissing that valiant red-head. He was quite soggy when they arrived at the A. S. P C. A.. That thing had let go of much anger and frustration from being treated so cruelly by all those other jerks.

     Cuz taught the animal how to stand up, come on command, shake hoofs, (or paws), wash the car, cut the grass and other helpful things so that he could earn his board and keep, so eventually he was given the job of keeping the town lit at night since they only require a couple hours of sleep. He was related to a dragon which meant he would never die unless he would be killed somehow so he continued living all the way past the next millennium. His entire style of life changed from that point on, and so, like the best-written children’s stories of all-time will officially finish with,

“HE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!”

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     The end.

By, Cuz Roye.