A Long Way from Solid Ground

Mell walked to the door she thought the figure had come from; it was the file room for the Department for Building, Fixing, and Anything Else to do with Roads. One drawer in the file cabinet marked CONFIDENTIAL was slightly ajar; it should've been closed and locked, of course.

Mell tried to remember what she'd seen; after a moment, she lit on a name: Lottille Snick. The person looked like Lottille Snick; or rather like Lotti would've looked in a long, hooded coat running down a hall.

Mellene Whump didn't trust Lottille Snick as far as she could throw her. Though, she thought, that might not be right; Lotti was much shorter than Mellene, and very slender; Mell decided maybe she could, in fact, throw her further than she trusted her. Mell, in truth, didn't trust Lotti one single inch.

The feud was old, and had been rekindled when Lotti began a work-study program with the Town of Bluff-by-Sea. They'd been placed on a team together, working in the shiny, new Department for Creating Excellence in All Service Departments (yes, really). The Town Manager, who had created the department, liked to call it D-CEASD (again, yes, really).

Mell was sure it had been Lotti she'd seen. Or nearly sure. At least pretty sure.

She told the Town Manager about it the next day. Amster Clag had some hidden talents, Mell thought; at least she hoped they were hidden, since no talents whatsoever were apparent. "Lotti took a file from the CONFIDENTIAL cabinet in the Road department," she told him.

"Lotti? Lotti Snick? Surely not. You're mistaken, I'm sure. She's the best, is Lotti, or maybe the best after you. I mean, you're just super, aren't you?" He went on this way for some time. Mell counted four uses of the word "super" and three of the word "excellent." She was intrigued he'd invented a new one: "fantabulous." Apparently, that's what kind of team she and Lotti were: fantabulous. "Can't see it, I'm afraid," he finished.

A year or two ago, Mell might've left his office deeply frustrated and disappointed; but she had learned not to expect much from Clag. The sad exchange was more-or-less what she'd anticipated.

Mellene did not lack confidence, intelligence, or a certain amount of slyness; she certainly didn't lack a desire to see Lottille Snick taken down a notch. She decided to take matters into her own hands.

She stayed in the darkened office for two full nights; finally, on the third, she thought she'd caught her foe with her hand in the cookie jar, if the cookie jar was the CONFIDENTIAL filing cabinet in the Revenue department (Revenue being short for a long, silly name). A dark figure, the right size (petite) and shape (thin) for Lotti, glided down the hall and turned into the room where the confidential files were kept. Mell peered into the room from her vantage point across the hall and saw the figure open a drawer in the CONFIDENTIAL cabinet and remove a folder. Gotcha, she thought. As the figure left the file room, Mell sprang from her hiding spot, shouting "STOP THIEF!" 

At least that was the intent. In the event, though, she lurched toward the hallway, caught the pocket of her skirt on the door knob, pulled the door vigorously closed on her bare foot (the better to move silently), and shouted "OW!"

The figure had disappeared before she could extricate herself; she began to give chase but after two steps on her slammed foot, she yelled "OW!" again and plopped to the floor, dejected.

She confronted Lotti the next day. Lotti's face was a blank mask at first. "Wait, you think I did what?"

"You took a confidential file from the Department for Getting Money for the Town." Mell was working to keep the anger out of her voice. "I saw you."

Lotti's face changed from blank to furious. To Mell's eye, it seemed more a bad imitation of furious, actually. "You're imagining things," she said in a restrained voice. "Or just making them up. I know you don't like me, and I don't much like you, but this is beyond..." She stammered and waved her hands wildly (a little too wildly, Mell thought). "This is beyond belief. I did nothing of the sort. And if you're going to accuse me of something, you ought to at least have some proof."

And so Mell spent a few more nights dozing lightly in a chair where she could keep an eye on the main hallway. She awoke to the sound of footsteps on the second night, but it turned out to be Mittel, who worked in the Water department, who'd come back because he'd left half a ham sandwich in his desk and had a late-night craving. The next night, as she tiptoed to the washroom, she was frightened nearly witless by a large mouse that appeared from nowhere and scurried astonishingly quickly to nowhere else. "Maybe Mittel left another sandwich in his drawer," she said under her breath.

Mell was becoming exhausted after nights of little sleep, and fitful sleep at that. She started to make very un-Mell-like mistakes at work; she filed a document for Tengle's Tango and Tap Studio under "I" (it's an idiotic idea for a business, she hazily thought). Someone asked her where the tax form for Krankle's Kash 'n Karry Krocery was; "Under a nice warm blanket," she muttered, yawning.

Her fatigue caught up with her that night. Though it was still early--barely 9 o'clock--she failed to hear someone enter, return to the CONFIDENTIAL cabinet in the Revenue department, and remove another folder. She nearly missed her chance entirely, but a tiny bit of luck was with her: the person sneezed--a petite, thin sneeze, but a sneeze nonetheless--just before they opened the exit door.

Mell was on her feet almost before her eyes were open. She sprang into the hall—comfortable shoes and a skirt with no pockets this time—and saw a hooded figure slip out the door.

She ran to the door and threw it open, looking wildly left and right; she did, after a precious second or two, look straight ahead, where another alley intersected that behind the Town Centre. The thief knew they were being pursued: they'd broken into a sprint, and were twenty yards ahead of Mell. "STOP!" Mell shrieked, and immediately wondered why; it would've been shocking if the miscreant had stopped. Mell began the chase.

The thief turned right at the first alley intersection; Mell followed. That section of alley met up with one of the more major streets, and Mell saw another right turn. As she followed, she crashed solidly into two pedestrians. "OW!" she yelled, though she was more surprised than hurt. As she fell back onto the cobbles, she caught sight of a young woman, and an older, stout man. She thought she glimpsed a thick mustache. Like a walrus, she thought as she crashed to the ground.

"What in the name of Gluff," a woman's voice said. 

The man—he did indeed have a thick mustache—hurried to help her to her feet. Once upright, Mell found herself face to face with Lottille Snick.

"What in the name of Gluff," Lotti repeated. Mell thought she looked, against all reason, amused.

"I'm chasing," Mell began, falteringly, "I'm chasing," she paused, scanning the pair wildly. "You," she finished in a barely audible voice.

Lotti looked at her for a moment. Then she looked at her companion. "This is Mellene Whump," she said. "She's my," short pause, "coworker." 

"Indeed," said Mustache, smiling. "I'm Kolvin Kelt." He extended his hand. Mell shook it weakly.

"Mell," said Lotti brightly, "the person you're after is someone the police are well aware of. In fact, she's likely already in the capable hands of Apprentice Detector...erm..." 

"Glynon Floom," finished Kelt. "Detector Apprentice, actually," he said, glancing at Lotti. He looked appraisingly at Mell.

Mell was struggling to regain her composure. "How... what..." She glared at Lotti. "What is going on here?"

"Perhaps I should explain," said Kelt. "Miss Snick is an associate of mine. During her time working for the Town, she came to believe someone--or perhaps a group--was making off with confidential information about certain citizens and businesses. She confided in me, perhaps because she knew I have certain," he paused, "contacts in the Town Police Department. I passed on what Miss Snick told me, and tonight was," another pause, "how shall I say, tonight was the night the trap was sprung."

Mell took this in, processed it, and decided that in times of trouble, she should go with what she knew best, and that was disliking Lotti. "You knew this? You knew, and didn't tell me?" She didn't wait for an answer. "And mustache here is an associate of yours? What does that even mean?" She paused for a breath then yelled "What in Gluff's name's going on here, anyway?"

Lotti bit her lip and Kelt looked like he might be suppressing a giggle. "She didn't tell you because she was under strict instructions to tell no one anything about the plan for tonight," he said levelly. "As for being my associate, well, I think we'll talk more about that at another time." He looked at Lotti and back at Mell. "Your perseverance in trying to catch this person is quite impressive, Miss Whump. It may be that you and I should talk about," a short pause, "an association ourselves."

Mell felt she was slipping further and further from solid ground, but she noted with some satisfaction that this last seemed to cause Lotti unhappiness: she grimaced and shook her head vigorously. "And my name's Kelt. Kolvin Kelt." He smiled a bit impishly. "Two K's," he said.

Mell's composure was still missing in action. As she stood, her mouth moving like a fish suddenly stranded on land, Kelt took out a small pad, wrote something, tore out the note, and handed it to Mell. "I would very much like to talk with you further, Miss Whump. For now, I expect you're quite exhausted after your nightly vigils." Mell's composure receded even further. "Come see me next Monday at that address. We can talk more then, and I think you'll come away with some clarity and, perhaps, something a bit more."

He studied both young women. "Meantime, I must ask that you both assure me you will not discuss tonight's events with each other, or with anyone else. Do I have your word?"

"Yes, sir," Lotti said immediately.

Mell was as far from solid ground as she'd ever been. She shook her head gently, shrugged her shoulders, and quietly said, "Yes. Yes. My word. You have my word."