Can You Touch Your Forehead With Your Foot?

Too bad they won't sacrifice women. Alora wouldn't hesitate. She's not afraid of heights. Why does it have to be so high? You'd think the Ladder God would have been more considerate and shortened the distance between heaven and the planet with a shorter ladder.

I asked Alora for ideas to overcome my newly found fear.

"I thought about your dilemma, and you're just going to have to get over it," Alora said.

"That's your brilliant idea? Why didn't I think of that?"

"Probably because you're human."

Alora doesn't get sarcasm.

She continued, "You're the Sacrifice, and the dylanium is up there. There is no further need to discuss the matter."

She has a point. We do need dylanium to get off this rock. Ships don't fly on empty. And I did win the Pick-a-Sacrifice tournament. But, dang it! Does it have to be so high?

Maybe Bob can help me? He has to have a meditation, or some other type of mystical crap that can get rid of my phobia? It can't hurt to ask. So I did, and immediately regretted it.

"You know, for a god, you have a lot of shortcomings," Bob said.

Ever since I pronounced his name correctly, something no one on this planet can do, he's labeled me a god, and I can't convince him I'm not. But I have to admit, being a god has its advantages, but for right now, it's just annoying.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," I said. "Now, how about helping me. You're always meditating. Do you have one that would help me overcome my fear of heights?"

Bob pulled an ancient tome from his library and began thumbing through it. Dust flew off the pages, filling the air, and making us cough.

"Let's see." Bob flipped through the pages. "Here it is. Meditations for overcoming various fears." He scanned the page. "Fear of water. Fear of lightning. Fear of rugs. Fear of screaming little girls. Ahh! Here it is: fear of heights." He read silently for a few moments before asking, "Can you touch your forehead with your foot?"

"Sure, when I was a baby. What kind of question is that?"

"You have to touch your forehead with your foot for this meditation to work."

"Is there one for people who are not made of rubber?"

Bob studied the page. "Yes. There is one where you only touch your bicep. Can you do that?"

"I have no idea. What kind of crazy meditation demands so much foot-touching?" Drew sat and contorted himself into a half pretzel and found that he could touch his bicep with his foot.

"Now picture yourself on a mountain. A very high one. With a sheer cliff, and you're standing on the edge." Bob gave me a moment to catch up. "Now jump."

Just the thought of jumping filled me with dread. "How is this going to help?"

"I don't know. I've never been afraid of heights."

"You know, for a shaman, you have a lot of shortcomings."

Alora and I left Bob and his dusty tome. If meditation wouldn't help, maybe facing my fear will. We went to the ladder.

The ladder stood suspended with nothing holding it up. The top disappeared into a storm cloud that never moved. Of course, the locals believed this was the home of the Ladder God. Alora and I knew better. I would have liked to climb a few rungs, but it was guarded by dozens of armed priests who believed it was their duty to protect the Ladder God with their meager lives if necessary. I did not want to make it necessary.

Instead, I visualized climbing the ladder. Unfortunately, I kept visualizing myself falling to my death like someone in an "R" rated movie for gruesome, realistic violence.

"I can't do this," I said to Alora.

Alora didn't immediately respond, but instead, studied the ladder.

I joined her. It had to be three or four hundred feet, and that's not counting the part in the cloud. I felt cold. Sweat beaded on my forehead. I needed to sit.

Alora sat with me. "Your irrational fears annoy me. However, this one is not irrational. If you slip, you could die. I'm sorry I hadn't read the situation correctly. I feel bad for pushing you to do this."

There are times when Alora can be very human, and you forget she's an android. It's one of the things I love about her. "Thanks, but you're right. I have to go no matter the danger."

"True, but I'm still sorry you might die doing it."

Then there are other times when Alora is very much an android.

"Wait! I have an idea!" Alora said. "I remember seeing a climbing belt in the junk closet."

"Oh, yeah, I was going to climb Mt. Killamore on Zanada. Of course, that was before I discovered my fear of heights."

"Well, I'm glad I was wrong," Alora said. "It looks like you will use it after all."

"But how will you get to the ship?"

"I packed my chameleon suit, and I can run faster than a car. It won't be any trouble."

"You know, for an android, you don't have any shortcomings."

The next morning, Alora showed me how to use the climbing belt. We both agreed it didn't matter if anyone saw it; my life was worth some questions later. Besides, if all went well, we'd be out of here soon. But I still hid the belt under my robes to be safe.

I stepped up to the ladder. Bob said a prayer, and the priests cheered when he finished. This singled that it was time for my sacrifice to begin.

I felt confident enough for the first twenty feet or so. I guess my fear only kicks in when I'm high enough to die, which is apparently above twenty or so feet. I froze, unable to move. Alora shouted, "belt," and I remembered to hook my lanyard onto the ladder. I took a step, then hooked my next lanyard, unhooking my first one, and continued doing this until I reached the cloud.

Heaven looked a lot like a ship. A couple of guys waved from an open hatch for me to keep climbing. I did, and when I entered, several Telmarians welcomed me.

"Welcome to the Praveen. I'm Captain Cleenber." He reached out to shake my hand. "We're terribly sorry for the whole god-thing."

"You're the Ladder God?"

"Well. Yes. Sort of. You see, it's really just a huge misunderstanding."

"They're worshipping you down there."

The captain looked embarrassed. "I did say huge."