Right on Cue

Isn’t it strange how time can play tricks on you? Depending on where you are, time will either feel long, as if you’ve been lost in a desert, dehydrated for ages, even if you are perfectly hydrated and sitting in comfort and air conditioning. Or the other option, you may feel so ecstatic that time will fly by, and you find yourself doubting if it really happened at all.

“Janet?” my therapist, Megan’s sharp voice pulls me out of my thoughts and back to reality. I take a deep breath and force my eyes to meet hers.

“Yes, sorry Megan. I guess I got caught up in my daydreams again.” I say with a short, breathy laugh.

“No worries,” she responds, taking a breath before continuing, “I had hoped we could circle back on the acting thing. You had mentioned earlier that you had found an open casting call audition for a role you liked.”

“Right, yea. um.” I bite my lip, as I remember that I had opened my mouth to her at the beginning of the session about something that should’ve stayed a thought in my head. “I, uh, I mean it was just a thought in the back of my head. I probably won’t actually audition. It’s tomorrow anyway, so I don’t have much time to decide.”

I reach forward, grabbing the water cup that usually sits there, untouched through the whole session. I bring the cup to my mouth, consuming the water that has way too much ice in it. I try to seem like I’m taking slow sips, just to buy me a few seconds before she carries on the conversation.

She watches me, looks down for a second, then looks back up just as I set the cup back on the table. “So your debating on auditioning? Do you feel that your anxiety is holding you back, or perhaps there’s another reason?” she asks, interest washes over her face. I wonder if she would be this interested if we weren’t paying her.

“Well, yes. Anxiety is definitely playing a part in why I am second guessing it. But also, I don’t know. What if i don’t want to commit to it if I do get the role?” I pause for a second, before adding, “You know, actors have to be on set for long hours, day after day, even when stage crew is setting up the set.”

She laughs, “No, I didn’t know that. I’m not as much an expert on acting as I am in psychology.” Well, that’s a relief, because I’m not even sure if that’s true, I got it in the comment section of some video. “Have you realized that you are skipping ahead? You haven’t even auditioned yet and your already worrying about getting the role, which could be months from now.” she explains, as she usually does, even though I have already had it figured out. I’m a worrier, I worry about the past, present, and mostly the future.

“Yea, I’m still working on those techniques you gave me last time.” My eyes dart to the clock, I let out a sigh of relief when I see there are only a few minutes left in our session. “However, I think I will push it all aside and go for the audition. After all, the worst that could happen is everything stays the same.” I say, adding some enthusiasm into my voice for good measure.

“Very good! Your mindset is already improving.” She checks her wristwatch and takes a breath in as she stands up to walk me out. “Well, we are just about out of time for this session. Make sure you continue with the exercises I gave you last week. We will take a look at the progress next week. Good luck on your audition, I can’t wait to hear all about it.” She says with a hopeful smile on her face.

“I will, see you next time.” I say with a smile, and turn to walk out the door.

While walking to my car, my emotions almost give me a whiplash. Part of me thinks I should just go for it, I mean why not? If you sit around always waiting for some huge urge of permanent motivation or confidence to do something, you’ll never get anything done. You’ll spend your life in a waiting room instead of in the office. Okay, that might be a poor reference, but whatever.

I guess I will just wait til’ tomorrow to make the decision. Maybe a good nights sleep will help me think clearly.

The screeching of my alarm rudely pulls me from my comfortable sleep. I scrunch my eyes and rub a hand down my face. The nervous feeling slowly sinks back in to my stomach as I sit up in my bed and look at my clock. Seven sixteen flashes in bright red font. Damn the person who made it acceptable to wake up before eight o’clock.

I jump out of bed before anymore thoughts can run through my head. While walking to the kitchen table, I grab a banana off the counter and go to open the curtains. I watch a white butterfly flying around the wild flowers I planted. A smile creeps onto my face. How wonderful it would be to cruise around without a care in the world.

My phone buzzes with a new email. Clicking it, I recognize the address as the company who hosts the open casting calls and auditions. Bold letters appear on my screen.

Attention! All who are participating in today’s casting call at 2:30! Due to a unexpected event, the audition will be moved to 11:00 a.m today. Thank you for your understanding.

After a solid two minutes of staring at my phone, I finally look up and process what I just read. Since I live in a different county than the casting call, I will have to leave at least an hour early, to give me time to drive there and allowing some time for traffic. The original instructions said to get there thirty minutes early, so that gives me about an hour to get ready.

My mind plays tug a war with the idea of auditioning, or just chickening out. Now I have even less time to get ready, and I had planned to wear a some parts of a hippie costume that I had worn for Halloween one year. I hadn’t even begun searching for it, it must be at the bottom of some closet.

Quickly deciding to just go for it and running upstairs to get dressed, I have almost no time to contemplate the decision.

An hour later, my room is a disarray of clothes, accessories and make up. Including the smudge of spilled foundation on my white comforter. After spending a few minutes trying to clean it off, I catch a glimpse of the time and decide that it can wait until later.

I spray myself with some lavender perfume, race down the stairs to get my shoes on, grab my keys, and run out the door.

The heavy heat of the summer air is the first thing to hit me as I step in my car, but I have no time to wait for the air conditioner to turn on. And with that, I’m driving down the road and on my way to what could be the best or worst decision of my life.

The first thirty minutes of the ride go smoothly, that is until I get stuck behind construction. Cars rush past me on the opposite lane as the man in a bright orange vest holds a stop sign that says “stop” and “go” on either side.

I sigh and tap my fingers on the wheel, trying to be as patient as possible. Traffic is very busy today, I think to myself as the minutes pass by, with me still waiting behind the “stop” sign.

Finally, the man looks in my direction and flips the sign, giving me a wave and a signal to go slow. I make my way past the construction and continue on the rest of the route. Luckily for me, traffic lightens up as I pass by some rural roads.

Twenty minutes later, I pull into the parking lot that is packed with cars. I check my phone once more to confirm that this is the correct location, which it is.

After closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I get out of my car and begin walking towards the building. My pace quickens after I realize I am six minutes late, and I break into a short jog.

I pull open the door to the room holding auditions to see everyone sitting down with a number on a piece of paper clipped to their shirts. I rush over to the lady sitting behind the desk, a strong scent of coffee and heavy perfume hits me.

“Hello, I am Janet Brown, here for the Wexlon show audition.” I smile, trying to add a hint of confidence to my voice.

The lady looks up from her computer, purses her lips and looks at the clock.

“I am sorry, check ins for the audition close at eleven.” she says, and immediately goes back to typing something on her computer.

I swallow, suddenly feeling the nerves coming back up. I sure as hell did not muster up all this confidence to be turned away for being a lousy six minutes late. Which wasn’t even my fault! How could I predict traffic?

I take a breath, and try to keep my voice from being shaky as I state, “Please, I understand I am a few minutes late, but I got stuck in traffic. There was construction on route thirty four. I am very prepared for this audition and I can’t be turned down for something out of my control.” I pause, taking a breath before continuing, “Just give me a chance, please.”

The lady stares as me for a second and makes a clicking noise with her tongue. She puts on a obviously forced smile.

“Alright, ma’am. Here’s your number.” She grabs a piece of paper and hands it to me. I flip it over and see a bold eighteen on it. I smile as I clip it to my shirt. Her voice interrupts my thoughts, “Please go take a seat, they will call you when your number is up.”

She goes back to typing on her computer, and I swear as I walk to the chairs I hear her mutter something along the lines of “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

I take a seat next between two girls, one who is fixing her hair and the other who is putting on a full face of makeup.

I guess I wasn’t the only one who arrived just in time today, I think as a smile makes it’s way to my face and I watch other people get called into the audition room.