The First Snow

“Oh…hey”

“Hey.”

“Umm, what are you doing here?”

“I’m just meeting someone. What about you?”

“I’m also meeting someone.”

“I think she’s running late.”

“I think he’s running late, too. And it’s freezing outside, don’t you think?”

“Haha, I remember.”

“Remember what exactly?”

“Sorry…I just meant I remember your hands got really cold in the winter. I also see you still aren’t wearing gloves.”

“I know, I know, I never seem to learn. I think gloves would have ruined my outfit, though. But bleeding knuckles seem to be ruining the look as well.”

“Let me see that…oh, that looks painful. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m used to the pain.”

“Why don’t we step inside here for a bit. It’s crowded outside.”

“Aren’t you waiting for someone?”

“She said she’s running late.”

“Sure, let’s go inside then.”

“After you.”

“Thank you. Oh, wow, it’s warm in here and wildly busy.”

“It’s a Friday evening, it tends to get busy.”

“I know that.”

“Right, sorry, of course you do. Do you want anything?”

“Honestly, I think I just want to sit down for a bit. You can go and get something to drink.”

“Sure.”

***

“You took a while, and before you say it was busy, I know that already.”

“Yeah, but I made it.”

“Is she coming soon?”

“Who?”

“The person you are here to meet, what’s confusing you?”

“Oh, right. No, she’s always very late. What about him?”

“He’s always late, too. How long has it been since we’ve seen each other?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean by, oh, I don’t know? Do you seriously not remember?”

“It’s been a year. We met in December of last year, I remember.”

“So then why did you say you didn’t know?”

“I was just...nevermind. I remember.”

“Trying to play it cool, huh. Just like last time. You still owe me an apology.”

“I already said sorry.”

“No, that wasn’t a sincere apology. You just said, sorry, I’m not feeling it and then disappeared.”

“Sorry was in the sentence.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“But I did say sorry. What else was I supposed to say if I wasn’t feeling it?”

“There are other words in the English dictionary, you know. You could have picked any number of them to create a more respectful reply than I’m not feeling it.”

“I’m…just not good with words.”

“Clearly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know what I mean. You can’t articulate yourself at all.”

“If I wasn’t feeling it, I have a right to say that.”

“Do you really think you had the right to plan a date with someone, reschedule, not show up, and then say ‘I’m not feeling it’ days later? I think that’s rude.”

“So? I don’t owe you anything!”

“Keep your voice down, people are looking.”

“I just mean, we had only seen each other a few times. It wasn’t exactly serious.”

“I obviously know it wasn't serious, but that doesn’t mean you are allowed to disrespect someone.”

“I wasn’t disrespectful.”

“Yeah, you were. I hate to admit this, but do you know how hurtful it was to wait for those few days and then realise I’d been rejected by someone for no apparent reason at all? We had so much to talk about, we talked through every night about our favourite movies and books and painters. I could see your eyes were drooping all night, full of sleep, but you never once stopped talking. We had such a great time, I just…please help me understand, what happened? Why did you suddenly change your mind?”

“I don’t want to talk about this; it was such a long time ago.”

“But I want to talk about this. I want to understand why you disappeared so suddenly. I don’t think what you did was fair at all. There were so many right ways to handle the situation, and you happened to pick the wrong way.”

“I had a very nice time, it just didn’t work out.”

“I know it doesn’t work out sometimes, I know that, but for some reason, I don’t think you’re being sincere. You’re hiding something.”

“I’m not hiding anything!”

“Keep your voice down. That couple over there is starting to stare.”

“Sorry, it’s just that I’m not hiding anything.”

“So you had a nice time with me, but there was no connection.”

“....yes.”

“Why did you hesitate?”

“I didn’t hesitate!”

“Yes, you did, clear as day!”

“Okay, okay, we both need to keep calm; people are looking now.”

“Right, right.”

“You don’t need to whisper, just speak normally.”

“Don’t talk to me in that tone.”

“Sorry.”

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

“What do you mean, who?”

“Right…she’s running late.”

“Well, she seems to be running awfully late.”

“What about him?”

“...I lied, I’m sorry. There is no one coming. I was just walking around.”

“Don’t you live ten kilometers from here?”

“Yeah, I know, don’t state the obvious. I walked ten kilometers.”

“Why did you walk ten kilometers on a cold winter night and on a Friday?”

“Because I felt like it, okay.”

“I thought you hated the cold weather.”

“I do hate the cold weather.”

“Then why are you walking around on what might be the coldest day of this season?”

“I needed a distraction. I’ve been living too much in my head lately, and I wanted to feel something other than the chaos of my thoughts, okay. Being outside allowed me to focus on my freezing hands and cold cheeks, and for just some time, I wasn’t thinking about all the usual stuff that keeps me up at night and dazed during the day. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you.”

“No, I get it. I…well, I lied too. I came out to get a drink on my own. I’d been sitting at home all day, just thinking, and I needed a break.”

“Why didn’t you say so?”

“I was afraid you wanted to chat, so I said that I was meeting someone.”

“See, you’re being unfair again. You’re the one who asked me to step inside and get a drink.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“So what actually happened last year? I promise I’ll take it well. I just want to know why you abruptly changed your mind. I genuinely thought we were having a good time. There was so much for us to say. Then all of a sudden, you said you weren’t feeling it. Did I say something? Words can be interpreted in so many different ways. Maybe I said something that landed wrong? I’m not interrogating you, I really want to know what happened.”

“I…just give me a minute, I need to figure out how to say it.”

“Take your time.”

“When we met the first night, I had a great time. You’re right, we had a lot to talk about. When we met a couple more times, you said that we had a big connection. My ex was love bomby, I guess, from the start, and it messed me up. You didn’t say anything too wrong, but I felt like you were claiming to be very close to me even though we just kinda met. It’s hard to explain.”

“I think I get what you’re trying to say, although I can’t help but feel you were being unfair to me. After we met the first evening, you were the one who arranged to meet again. And then again. I was never pushing you, and I never once claimed we had a big connection. You just made an assumption, based on almost no evidence, that I was going to be just like your ex.”

“But you said it’s so easy to talk to you, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.”

“You equated the words, it’s easy to talk to you with I love you?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant.”

“When I said I feel like I’ve known you for a long time, I meant it felt easy to be around you. I wasn’t sure if we would take things further or just remain friends, but I was hoping to meet a few more times and find out. Like you said, we had just met. It was too soon to say anything, but I think we had enough of a connection to see where things might have gone. It’s ironic, because you seem to think I’d made all kinds of assumptions about our potential relationship, when it was actually you who made all the assumptions.”

“Hmm…”

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I’m just thinking.”

Thinking about what?”

“About what you said.”

“And?”

“I’m still thinking. I’m not like you. Your mind works so fast, you’re good with your words. I’m awkward.”

“Well, take your time. It’s raining outside, so it doesn’t look like I’m leaving anytime soon. I forgot to pack my umbrella.”

“Wait…It’s not raining.”

“Right…it’s snowing. I can’t believe it, the first snow of the season!”

“Where are you going?”

“Outside, to enjoy the snow!”

“I thought you hated the cold?”

“I hate the cold, but I love snow. Remember, we hardly know each other. There is still so much you don’t know about me, and I don’t know about you.”

“Oh, you’re really going outside then?”

“Yes, I am, are you coming!?”

“Yeah, let me…just finish this last sip.”

“Oh, wow, the snow is actually settling. It’s so magical and, well, cold.”

“Are you shivering?”

“Just a little bit.”

“Here, come closer.”

“No, really, I’m fine. I know how to take care of myself. I’ve been doing it well for the past ten years.”

“I know you can take care of yourself, you’re the most independent person I have known, but it’s okay to lean on people sometimes.”

“I know that.”

“I know, you really do know everything.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No, I meant it as a compliment. I meant that you’re intelligent. Come closer, it’s okay.”

“Fine. Oh, thank you, I feel warmer.”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

“You’re still thinking about that?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Just stop thinking about it. In a few moments, I’m going to head home, and we can go back to not knowing each other.”

“But what if I want to get to know you better?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t laugh, but I’ve been thinking—I told you not to laugh!”

“Sorry, it’s just such a miracle that you think so much, but can’t say the right thing! Sorry, that was mean, go on, I won’t interrupt.”

“You were right, I didn’t give you a chance and maybe ruined something that could have been special. I got scared because I did feel something last year when we met for the first time. I know you might not believe it, but I’ve thought about you from time to time since then. I’m kinda glad I accidentally bumped into you today. Although I thought about messaging you, I was afraid you had moved on with someone else and wouldn’t reply. Seeing you today has given me the courage to ask what I’m about to ask. Are you free for dinner tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? You want to meet again so soon?”

“Well, I’ve already wasted a year, so I’d like to catch up with you if you’re free.”

“It’ll be tough, you know I have such a busy schedule.”

“Yeah, I remember that busy calendar of yours.”

“But I can make some time tomorrow for dinner.”

“Great, I’ll see you around seven at that Thai place we both loved?”

“That sounds wonderful.”