A Day In the Life of a Vampire

A Day In The Life Of Some Vampire

My name is, well, I don’t have a name. I am a vampire and I live in Danville, Va.. My family wanted me to scare people like they do, but I don’t get much joy out of making humans scream and almost kill themselves running away. That’s what everybody in my clan tells me to do, although I only want to play with them, even though I want to have some friends who will stick with me, the feeling is not at all the least bit, “muslidge.” They don’t want to, “stick” me, unless the, “stick” is something they shoot me with from a bow. How I wish the only, “boe” they’d use is what the girls call their dates so that means all of the, “dates” I know of are those that get eaten by those human-people.

One time while I was flying over the huge metropolis of Danville, I noticed my brothers flying after some humans. They were each screaming and running like, if you’ll pardon the expression, “a monster was chasing after them.” Frankly, or Frankenstein, I don’t get what they think is so much fun about making other creatures scream, jump up in the air, make their hair stand up and their eyes bug out and break the world’s record for fastest humans ever like the rest of my family does. I want to be friends with everybody in the world. Yet when I went to the blood bank on Thursday to make a withdrawal, the teller said all she was interested in was my deposit. When she asked what my blood type was I told her, “I’m, oh, positive I’m,”

Then they sent me into another room before I could even finish my sentence. The doctors only had a b. positive type blood and b. negative type blood. They liked to have starved me waiting on the right kind to come in.

When it finally arrived, they tried to take me to the operating room, but I told the doctor I’d be fine if they would just give me some blood. That’s when he said, “Yes, yes that’s where we’re on our way to go right now. Everything will be alright in just a few minutes, you’ll see.”

As the nurse came into the room with a huge needle and a thin hose connected to a gallon of what looked like some delicious, red blood, I opened my mouth, waiting for her to give it to me. Yet to my horror, another doctor came in holding a needle with some medicine connected to it. When I asked him what he planned to do with that needle he was holding in his hand, he told me he wanted to put me to sleep so he could perform the transfusion. That was when I flipped out because I was not about to allow someone to stick that thing into my body. He said it would put me to sleep so they could do surgery on me which would save my life. Yet I told him he wasn’t about to stick me with that sharp needle, but then 4 really strong, burly men came in and held me down while that dude stuck that flipping thing into my arm, so I bit him on the neck and drank all his blood. By then everybody was screaming and running out of the operating room, but all I wanted was a little snack to tide me over until my next meal, so I had to bite 2 Candy Stripers to feel full. They kept on wanting me to lie down, but I told them it wasn’t bed-time for me yet since it was 12:19 a. m.. The full moon was still shining bright which made me feel like going outside to work on my gorgeous moon-tan, but they laughed and said, “Sure you do, sir.” They were all a bunch of jerks.

When at last they finally released me to go home, I was beyond ecstatic. I flew home and was greeted by a flock of bats waiting for me to get there. My sons were really glad to see me since they wanted me to see them go play baseball. Well, actually, they wanted me to see them all playing their favorite positions, “the ‘bat’-boys.” Their, “batting average” was even higher than mine was when I played. The thing that made me the most proud of all my sons was that they each needed glasses. That’s because they were blind as a human. They were all quite valiant since they only came out at, “knight.” They all lived at the end of a, “dead-end street” which was right where they preferred to have their living quarters. My male pups have all grown up and moved away to start their own families, although I am quite proud to call each one of them my, “sun,” because they are all such, “bright” boys. Hopefully they'll, “leave the nest” soon because they have been driving the Mrs. and me, “persony.” Hopefully they’ll find their mates and move out because they are not much help when it comes to their daily chores, in particular their, “cave-cleaning,” but sometimes it’s difficult to keep them out of their bellfries, and away from the werewolves, since it’s so much cheeper to, “ware-wolf” then wear mink.

Another problem that irks me is the bed-arrangements.

It amazes me to think how those humans will lie down to do their sleeping. That would make all of their blood rush to their hine-quarters. It definitely does seem like that would be a comfortable way at the end of a hard night's work then lie down right-side-up and sleep, which would make the blood rish to their feet, further from their brains.

It’s also pretty rough trying to get enough sleep being a vampire, especially when I have a cold, and that means you’re always, “coughin’ ” throughout the day so it’s hard to get any sleep. Sometimes we have to bite a priest’s neck in particular in order to get his, “ ‘Robe’-atussen” to stop doing that, but I can count the number of victims I’ve bitten this week on one wing. It’s quite difficult to be a vampire who’s not in Romania which is where all of my family originally came from, but often when one of my young-uns are feeling quite bad about something, I’ll have to vamp them to come up. If that doesn’t work, I will have to tell them to, “ ‘vamp’-ier” since that should make them feel better, especially if their red ink will, “bleed” over the paper. At any rate, that’s how it is in the life of a vampire. Some people have told me I, “wearwolf” my food down, but because I’m big and I’m bad, several folks will often refer to me as, “the big bad werewolf,” although it’s still a lot better to be it than cry it. The end. By, Cuz Roye.