Secrets don't remain buried

Drama Mystery Suspense

Written in response to: "Write a story about an old family secret surfacing generations later." as part of In On a Little Secret.

Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but mine was worse than anything I could have imagined.

One fine Sunday morning, I was talking with my friends about family secrets.

"What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend Anirudh asked. He was a tall and strong man with silky white hair. I began to run away from him as he started to chase me.

"I'm not going to say," I said, taunting him. I wanted to get away from him and hide somewhere.

"It would be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing.

"I'm not telling my family secret," I said and ran off at my best.

It all started when my friend Charlie started asking about everyone's family secrets. He was acting strange that day. But, with his huge frame and flabby body, catching me was impossible.


My father had said to me that my grandfather had a secret which was being passed by the surfacing generations.

"I have been told not to reveal our family secret to anyone," I said, trying to escape from him.

After I said that, I was hunted down by three of my friends. 

But I was not ready to fall prey to anyone.

"You can't escape, Anand," my friend Tony said.

He was a bulky man with large muscle mass. His brilliant brown eyes shot at me. He became my friend when he saved me from seniors from my university.

"Tony, you will never get hold of me," I said.

I quickly ran into my house and locked myself inside my room.

I heard my friends murmuring for some time and didn't hear them again. 

I thought that I was safe. 

But, safety is never reliable. When I took a step outside my house, my friends caught hold of me. 

"What's your family secret, Anand?" Charlie asked.

"Go and ask my grandfather. He is in my house," I sarcastically said. 

They believed me and went into my house. 

My grandfather was not even alive. My grandmother told me that my grandfather died because of a heart attack. My friends didn't know that. I couldn't control my laughter. He died before I was born and I have seen him only in the family photo. Since then, my grandmother has been alone.

I wiped my tears and used the moment as a chance to escape.

They came back in a rage. But I had already escaped from there. I approached Tony's house to stay hidden from them for some time. 

His house was huge. The elegant walls were decorated with beautiful paintings. I saw a fancy scroll hanging from one of the paintings. I quickly looked on to it. Something was written in it that I couldn't understand.

 I loved the adventures and scrolls took me into a dream world.

It would show a replay of the past.

The scroll world was beautiful. The trees were carved into the heads of Tony's family members, just like a family tree as the scroll was their family's possession.

I started walking into that tree, when I saw Tony's house. But it was a lot smaller.

I stepped inside his past house. (We will not be seen in the scroll world, because only our souls come inside this exciting world) 

I saw a small girl playing with a ball. Then a young man called her. 

"Bella, I have to say one important thing to you," the man said. 

Bella was Tony's mother!

Then that young man would be Tony's grandfather.

"What is the matter?" Bella asked. 

"We have a family secret. I want to reveal it to you or it would be too late," Tony's grandfather said in a low voice. 

But I was standing near him, throwing my hands on his shoulder.

"Okay, daddy," said Bella. She was very cute with brown eyes and curly brown hair. 

Then I heard someone shouting my name at a distance.

Oh no! My friends had entered into the same scroll!

I had to escape from there. I wanted to hear Tony's family secret, but in vain. I was also interested in knowing secrets.

I got out of the scroll world and started walking slowly. I had been very tired after being chased by my friends since morning.

"Hey, Anand. Wait," Tony shouted from a distance.

I found an old man approaching me. He looked very hungry with ragged clothes and free-flowing hair.

"May I help you, Sir?" I asked him.

"Yes. But I have already lost everything in life because of a woman who was fond of money," he stuttered. I gave him some money and waited for my friends to catch hold of me.

"I have talked to this man before," Charlie said, pointing at the old man. I listened closely.

"Where did you see him, Charlie?" Tony asked.

"Yes. I got it. This man told me to find out all our family secrets because one of us had a dark one." Charlie said.

"Then it must be Anand," Tony said.

Then, they ran towards me and said, "We want to know your family secret, Anand." 

"But, I don't know my family secret," I said, scratching my head.

"What?" Charlie exclaimed, angrily.

"You made us run behind you, even without knowing your family secret," Tony shouted at me.

"Yes," I said, keeping my head down.

"Then, let's go and find out for ourselves, guys," Anirudh said.

For the first time, I had agreed with their decision.

We joined our hands together and shouted, "Let's find out Anand's family secret." 

We were in for an adventure and an important mission.

We went inside my house and I found the scroll inside a rice bowl. I had seen my grandmother hide the scroll inside it.

We went inside the empty scroll. My family secret was not even written.

What a secret! 

We went inside the scroll world and I saw my family tree there. We went past it.

But there was no building. 

My house was not there! My friends stared at me.

Then a man with an architectural hat measured the empty land. 

My house was going to be built only then! 

Then a young man started talking to the architect. 

"Architect, I have a plan for the building," he said.

"Go on, Mr. Ayush," the architect said. The young man was my grandfather. He was very handsome with silky black hair and a good physique. He spoke fluently.

We didn't understand the terms the duo were talking about. So, we waited till they finished their talk. 

Then we started following my grandfather. 

My grandfather slowly walked towards a pregnant woman and said," Our child has a house now, Ayesha." 

Ayesha is my grandmother. She was pretty with curly black hair and blue eyes.

Rare genes! 

"Mind your job, man," she said, shoving him away. 

My grandfather laughed and walked her into an old clay house with cobwebs everywhere.

My grandfather was very poor at that time.

But our family had improved from a bare subsistence level to a rich standard of living.

*****

"Anand, where are you?" my mother called. We immediately came out of the scroll and my friends waved to me a goodbye.

"I am here, mom," I said. After supper, I wished to go to that scroll world again to find out what had happened.

After everyone had dozed off, I quietly went into the scroll. I called my friends too.

We went inside the same clay house and found my young grandparents sleeping. 

"We can forward time in this world," Charlie suggested.

"You could have suggested it when they were talking about architecture," Tony shouted. He was very short tempered.

"I have a watch," I said and changed the time in my watch. 

When I stopped changing the time, it was dark. 

But, some people entered the small clay house. They wore black masks and had knives in their hands. Five of them had come. 

In the scroll world, we can't change anything. We can only see what's going to happen.

"What are they doing in this old house covered with cobwebs?" Tony asked me.

"Let's wait and watch," Charlie said, watching intensely.

My family secret would come out now.

"Your grandfather is gonna have an intense fight now," Charlie said. I also thought the same.

One of the black masked guys made a utensil to fall down, which woke up my grandfather. 

"Who are you guys? What do you want from me?" my grandfather asked, panicking.

"Give all your money and jewels to me," the masked guys called out their demand, while keeping the knife on my grandmother's throat. 

My grandfather had no choice.

"Wait. I will give you whatever I have," my grandfather said and handed over all his money to the thieves. 

But, the thieves stabbed him with a knife. 

"Why did you do this?" my grandfather groaned in pain.

The thieves ran away with the cash and jewels.

My grandmother woke up to find my grandfather dying.

"I love you, Ayesha," he coughed and fell down dead. 

My grandmother was heartbroken. I was shocked. My hands started to tremble as I stood still.

My grandfather had been killed!

My friends tried to console me as tears flowed down my cheeks.

I wanted to remand those rogues who murdered my grandfather and destroy their entire race.

Then what is the difference between me and them.

We went out of the scroll world and my friends waved me a goodbye. 

Next morning, I found my grandmother knitting my mother's dress in her room.

I quickly embraced her and whispered," I know our family secret." 

"What are you saying, my dear grandson?" she asked in a tender voice.

"My grandfather was killed by a bunch of thieves. You didn't reveal this even to my dad," I whispered.

"That's not true, Anand," my grandmother said, and started to cry. 

"I have seen the past through the scroll and I am sure I will remand those rogues and throw them in prison," I said angrily.

"Okay, my child," she said, smiling weakly.

I would definitely remand them even if they are old grandfathers.

*****

Then the same old man whom I had met a while before was waiting in front of my house.

*****

I approach him to ask what he wanted.

"Is this your house, my dear child?" he stutters.

"Yes. Please come in," I say.

"No, this is a sinful house. I would never step my leg into this house," he says, impatiently, trying to run away from there.

"Why, grandfather?" I ask him, holding his hands.

My grandmother walks down the steps to see what was happening.

"Why are you talking to this old man? Come in at once, Anand," she says, panicking.

"This woman, this woman," he says, scratching his head.

"What's the matter, grandfather? Have you seen my grandmother before?" I ask.

"She is the one who planned to kill your grandfather for his insurance and became a rich woman," he cries.

β€œHe’s mad,” my grandmother says.

β€œI think so,” I say and go inside my house. 

I sit on my sofa to take a look on social media on my phone. 

I hear a loud sound from my grandmother’s room. As I peep in, a strong discussion happens between a man and my grandmother.

He has a scar on his hands. A red, bright scar!

β€œI have seen this scar,” I think.

I wait outside the room as the man comes out with money in his hands and pushes me aside.

"Killing a man for her has been very beneficial," he says.

I get it.

He was one of the thieves who had killed my grandfather!

But what is he doing in my house with my grandmother?

Now, I confirm. As I connect all the events that had happened before, it appeared as though my grandmother planned the murder of my grandfather for money.

I stand stupefied.

I should have never known this secret.

With tears flowing down my cheeks, I walk into my grandmother's room and shout, ”Why did you do it?”

*****










Posted Aug 18, 2020
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194 likes 316 comments

August 27, 2020 07:50

This is a very good story. Well done!

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August 27, 2020 07:59

Thank you for reading. Please like my story.

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August 27, 2020 14:49

Hi I cannot see the "like " button

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August 27, 2020 15:00

Hi, but I think it would be right below or above the story.

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August 27, 2020 15:45

Ye,s I found it and have done that!

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Karin Venables
August 19, 2020 14:52

Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes knowing the family secret isn't good. It's a secret for a reason. I loved the twists in this story. Thank you for a wonderful read.

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August 19, 2020 15:02

Yah! Sometimes knowing the family secret is not good. I am glad you loved the twists. Thank you for reading.(would you mind liking my story?)

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Megan Sutherland
August 19, 2020 14:05

You asked me to read, so here I am.
I found a few grammatical errors here, but my main notice in the story was how fast-paced it was. Maybe you should give more time to showing the personalities of each character. Why does Charlie want to know everyone's secret? Also, what was the purpose of showing Anand Tony's mother in the scroll world?
Just a few things I noticed. Good story overall.

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August 19, 2020 14:08

Can you show me some grammatical errors. I have already proofread but, didn’t find anything. It is Charlie’s character to know everyone’s family secret. I will try to edit my story a bit and be aware of its pace. Thank you for reading and your comments. They would help me a lot.

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Megan Sutherland
August 19, 2020 14:10

Keerththan,
To be honest, looking back, maybe some of the grammatical errors were just how you are used to speaking. Do you speak English or do you translate your stories before submitting them?

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August 19, 2020 14:16

No, I don’t speak English. I don’t translate as well. I write the story and then type it in Word. I can still edit my story, so that’s the reason I am asking about my mistakes. If you have time, you can suggest some tips or else I will try proofreading again. Thank you for reading and acknowledging my reply.

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Megan Sutherland
August 19, 2020 14:27

Of course! I think that I found your way of speaking a little different than mine, so maybe a few of the errors I caught were just your way of speaking.

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August 19, 2020 14:30

Oh! I think that’s the reason. I will try to improve myself and my literary skills. Thank you for taking your time in commenting about my story. I will check out those errors.

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August 19, 2020 09:22

Keerthan, your way of story telling is very nice...and the vocublary and grammer you have used very good at your age!!!

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August 19, 2020 09:29

Thank you for reading. Would you please like my story?

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Elle Clark
August 19, 2020 08:47

What an interesting twist at the end! It is very creative and fun to read. I liked the idea of having scrolls that show the family secrets - that’s a very cool idea. Good writing!

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August 19, 2020 08:49

I am glad that you liked my fantasy idea of scrolls. Would you mind liking my story? Thank you for reading, Laura.

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Deepti Kumari
August 19, 2020 08:11

Well written story. You story telling style is quite different from others. I enjoyed it.

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August 19, 2020 08:16

I am glad you enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading.

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Deepti Kumari
August 19, 2020 08:50

My pleasure.

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M Daly
August 19, 2020 08:08

Great story Keerththan, nice job!

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August 19, 2020 08:15

Thank you for reading, M Daly.

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Charles Stucker
August 19, 2020 06:17

You have a pretty good flow of tension throughout, but I think you need to start with something stronger for the opening line. The protagonist KNOWS he doesn't know the family secret, but he knows many family secrets are terrible. Thus the opening might reflect these two facts and get attention from the readers. For example, "Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but mine must be worse because I don't even know what it is."

The magic scrolls are creative, and move this from mundane to Magical Realism, which is currently a very popular genre.

Since you are still in school make sure to study English composition. Ask your teachers for any extra help they can provide. You want your grammar and vocabulary to be flawless for a career as a novelist. Being able to do your own work is better than any program aid. I can spot the difference and so can every editor I've ever worked with.

Younger people are often very imaginative, so put every idea down on paper or in a computer. Go back to them from time to time and flesh them out a bit. If you lose them, but have kept them in mind, they will always be yours. When you decide to write a novel, you will have a store of ideas ready to draw from. More, this will exercise your imagination so it doesn't fade- which happens to many people.

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August 19, 2020 06:37

I have changed the first sentence a bit. Can you read that again and share your views about it? Thank you for taking your time to type a such a long comment. I love English and always try to read many storybooks and English composition. Thank you for suggesting some ideas too. I will definitely start penning down my ideas. Thank you for reading and thank you for your timely help.
(Would you mind liking my story?)

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Charles Stucker
August 19, 2020 07:17

That's a great change for teh opening. Always keep in mind to make that first sentence as strong as possible. Go back after the story is finished in find out what really hints, without fully revealing, the tales intent. That should be the first sentence- something to whet the readers curiosity.

Sorry about the late like. I tend to forget, then go back later and wonder why I missed it.

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August 19, 2020 07:46

Thank you for your suggestions, Charles. Keep writing.

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August 19, 2020 07:16

Is the beginning okay?

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Charles Stucker
August 19, 2020 12:22

yes

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Jesna Anna S.
August 19, 2020 05:33

Good story! Keep writing!

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August 19, 2020 05:34

Thank you for reading.

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Jesna Anna S.
August 19, 2020 05:35

Most welcome. Please do read my stories and let me know your feedback

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August 19, 2020 05:41

Sure!

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Jesna Anna S.
August 19, 2020 12:29

Thank you Keerththan

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August 19, 2020 04:42

Good work keep it up keerthan

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August 19, 2020 05:04

Please like my story. Thank you for reading.

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Ramkumar Gupta
August 19, 2020 03:57

Well written. Keep it up.πŸ‘πŸ‘

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August 19, 2020 04:13

Thank you for reading.

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Nivetha Manian
August 19, 2020 02:27

Very well written Keerththan! My best wishes to you to write more and more stories like this πŸ’

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August 19, 2020 03:05

Thank.you for reading.

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Len Mooring
August 18, 2020 22:03

I'm afraid the story was a little too obscure for me. I got the drift, but the nuanced passed me by.

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August 19, 2020 01:22

I am afraid I don't understand your comment. Is it positive or negative? Thank you for reading.

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Jane Andrews
August 18, 2020 21:17

Hi Keerththan. First of all, what a great title - straightaway, you let your readers know that there'll be some sort of secret to unearth. I thought this was very imaginative and I loved the idea of the narrator hiding in the scroll at his friend's house and then being able to go into the scroll for his own family and discover what had really happened to his grandfather.
In terms of what could be improved, perhaps tweak your opening paragraph slightly so it flows better eg "What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend asked. Anirudh was a tall and strong man and a faster sprinter than me.
When you use direst speech, if the words inside the speech marks end with a full stop but are followed by a verb of saying, you need to change the full stop to a comma instead eg "I don't care about your taunting," I said.
You have time to check through and change the punctuation with speech where necessary.
I do want to say well done, though, on creating a compelling story - it would be really interesting to read the sequel and see what the grandmother's motivation was. (I'm wondering if she got rid of the grandfather because he was unkind to her or because she knew he was evil, but there could be any number of reasons.) Keep writing, Keerththan - you've got a good fan base here.

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August 19, 2020 01:03

Thank you for taking your time to type such a long comment. I will try to tweak up the ending.
I still have time to correct my mistakes in this story. I would definitely write a part 2 for you. Thank you for reading. Can you suggest some ideas to tweak my beginning?

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Jane Andrews
August 20, 2020 00:56

I think it's just tweaking some of your sentencing slightly - I've given you an example below:

Some family secrets are terrible when set loose, but my secret was worse than anything I could have imagined.
One fine Sunday morning, I was talking with my friends about family secrets.
"What's your family secret, Anand?" my friend asked. Anirud was tall and strong and a faster sprinter than me. I began to run away from him as he started to chase me.
"I'm not going to say," I said, taunting him. I wanted to get away from him and hide somewhere.
"It must be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing.
"I'm not telling," I said and ran off at full speed.

All I've done there is get rid of a few redundant words and replace words that are repeated a line or two later. It's still your story with all the same ideas, just a little bit tighter. don't forget, you are still young and you are writing in a language that isn't your first, so the fact that you can create a coherent and interesting story like this is an indication of the talent you have. I think Charles Stucker gave you some good advice and I will say something similar: read as much as you can to get a feel for language and its rhythms. You will also absorb vocabulary and grammar through reading. Keep on writing for contests like these as the more you write, the better your writing will be.
One last thing, could you check out my most recent story which also involves a family secret? (It's called 'Grandma's Legacy'.) Thanks.

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August 20, 2020 02:21

Thank you for your suggestions. I have changed it as you said. It is very tweaking.

I will definitely read a lot of books. I have not started reading novels(except Harry Potter). I want to write and will keep writing.

Definitely, you have done a lot of help for me. Thank you for reading.

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H. W. Autumn
August 18, 2020 19:02

There were some parts I was a little confused (your story was kind of fast-paced), but overall I like the story and the creativity. You mentioned at the beginning that the grandfather had died of a heart attack, but later said he was stabbed, sow as the heart attack a lie to cover up the story? Overall, though, loved the mystery aspect of family secrets and such. Like I said, though, the story was a bit confusing, and I had a little trouble keeping up with what was going on.

Again, loved the story overall! Great job! Keep writing!

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August 19, 2020 01:00

I will be aware of the pacing. Now, I have changed that line into "my grandmother told me that...." . Thank you for your suggestions. I am glad you loved the story. Thank you for reading, Autumn.

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H. W. Autumn
August 19, 2020 01:39

Of course! This was a great story, so I hope you keep writing! :)

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August 19, 2020 01:39

I would always keep writing, Autumn. Have you read my previous story, "the secret of power?" I think that's my best among the 3 I have written.

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Amany Sayed
August 18, 2020 17:21

Oh wow! How creative! I loved your world building. I would never think to make family secrets the way you did it! Really great job. It was well written, but the story and dialogue felt a little stiff throughout. I would recommend always using conventions ( he is to he's and stuff like that) and making sure your tenses don't get mixed up. Other than that, great job! Keep writing! :)
~Amany

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August 19, 2020 00:56

I am glad you loved my world building. Can you take out some mistakes out for me. Because I can still edit my story and I want your suggestions. Thank you for reading, Amany.

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August 18, 2020 16:09

Nicely done!

Fix your dialogue as follows:
"It must be a food recipe." Anirudh said, laughing.
Correct: "It must be a food recipe," Anirudh said, laughing.

Keep a ? or ! -- but use a comma if ending with a period at the end of the tag.

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August 18, 2020 16:11

Thank you for commenting about my mistakes. I have changed it. Thank you for reading.

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August 18, 2020 16:20

You have a wonderful style! I look forward to reading more from you.

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August 18, 2020 16:24

Thank you.

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August 18, 2020 15:51

Very good ending took me totally by surprise. Good job

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August 18, 2020 16:07

I am glad I suprised you with my ending. Thank you for reading, Catherine.

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August 18, 2020 17:25

Your welcome I really enjoyed it.

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Kristin Neubauer
August 18, 2020 15:27

Oh my gosh! I wasn't ready for the twist at the end. I really enjoyed this story, Keerththan. Very creative, very original with the journey into the scrolls. I also like how you layered the family secrets upon each other - not just the fact that his grandfather was murdered, but also that his grandmother did it. Well done!

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August 18, 2020 15:35

I am glad you liked my layering of family secrets and also enjoyed my story.
Thank you for reading, Kristin.

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Lily Kingston
August 18, 2020 15:08

I like the twist that she had him killed for money. Very creative. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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August 18, 2020 15:11

I am glad you liked the twist in my story. Thank you for reading, Cara.

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Kathleen March
August 18, 2020 14:44

Very compelling story. There is a bit of disorientation with the movement from place to place and the introduction of the scroll world is not something one would expect, but you pull it together well for the ending.

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August 18, 2020 14:48

I don't actually understand disorientation of movement of place. Is it positive or negative, Kathleen? Thank you for reading.

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Kathleen March
August 18, 2020 14:54

Sorry. It was my way of saying the main character kept moving from place to place, quickly, and it was a bit confusing as to how he did that or why.

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August 18, 2020 15:09

As he was chased by his friends, first he goes to his house and then to his friends house.
He goes into the scroll for the first time there, and then returns to his house to discover his own family secret. Sorry if you had confusions. He did that like any human, just walking or running.

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Kathleen March
August 19, 2020 01:35

Maybe it is the appearance of the scroll.

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August 19, 2020 01:39

No, I don't seem to understand. What is the appearance of the scroll? Do you say that the scroll has been introduced there? Can you please elaborate?

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Jubilee Forbess
August 18, 2020 14:42

The end was great, and you had a strong hook at the beginning. :) Great story!

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August 18, 2020 14:43

Thank you for reading, Rhonda. I thought I just suggested you to read my story. Thank you for such a quick response. Keep writing and stay healthy.

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August 18, 2020 14:09

Hey!
This was a very well written story! I like all the detail you added in certain places. This was a very good take on the prompt, and it was very enjoyable! Can't wait for your next story! Keep writing! πŸ˜„

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August 18, 2020 14:15

I am glad you liked the details. Thank you for reading, Evelyn.

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Nancy Drayce
August 18, 2020 11:41

Amazing story! I like it! πŸ’œβœ¨

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August 18, 2020 11:43

Thank you for reading, Nancy. I am glad you liked my story.

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P. Jean
August 18, 2020 11:23

You have good insight for one so young. Great beginning! Keep writing!

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August 18, 2020 11:40

Thank you for your comments and thank you for reading, Jean.

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