She Understood

She Understood

When that bridge collapsed, I did too. Who knew how profound the impact of surviving the unsurvivable would affect one’s mind as deeply as it did my own. Seven months ago, I was walking home from a side gig at my local grocery store. The street was lined with multicolored leaves and my nose was filled with cozy, autumn air. The houses that bordered the street were strong and sturdy, just like me. I was on top of the world, living each day better than the last. While others fought to achieve their dreams, I was living mine.

At the end of the street lay a beautiful, ancient bridge. This bridge had stood long before the homes were built and towered above the saplings that had soon grown into magnificent oaks. Although the tracks beneath had been updated from time to time, this bridge remained unchanged in all of its glory. That day, as there often was, a train was gliding beneath like a swan upon a lake. I strolled up the small incline towards the end of the street and onto the magnificent, stone structure.

As I walked along, I thought about how incredible I was to have achieved all that I had. Suddenly though, there was a large crash. Before I could even register what had happened, I was falling down, down, down and then there was nothing. Three weeks later, I woke up to nothing but an impending sense of doom. Although I later discovered that one of the train cars had come loose and fallen onto one of the crumbling supports of the old bridge leading to its destruction and my ultimate twenty foot fall, all I could think about was that I must be dead. That all I did in life was nothing but attend to my own joys. That all this time that I thought I had been living my purpose had been nothing more than a waste of time. With that collapse, the dream that I had been living in disappeared leaving nothing but an empty, scared version of my prior self. When I discovered that I was in fact not dead, I was shocked. After the explanation of what had occurred was given, I was even more surprised. Although I had lost my right leg, I couldn't help but wonder how I survived and why.

After I was released from the hospital, I fell into a gloomy pit of despair. I rejected the things that I used to love. My business, my friends, my side gig, everything. I had no family and few friends so the support system that I had built collapsed alongside my wellbeing. Defying death’s ultimate call left me broken and alone. It brought perspective into my life that I couldn't escape. While scrolling through my social media one day, I ran across an account that brought support to children who had lost limbs in accidents. As I looked through each post and at the joy that radiated through each child’s grin despite what they had gone through, my heart lifted. How were these children able to live so happily following such incidents. If they could be happy, maybe I could too.

At that moment, I decided that I needed to remove myself from the grave that I had dug. Although I should’ve died, I didn’t. This claim that I had made felt too large for my current situation though. I couldn’t possibly take such a step because what if I fell through another figurative or literal bridge? What would happen to me then? I just couldn't do it. Except every time I turned back to scrolling, these children haunted my page. One happy smile after the next. Soon dog amputees joined the mix and I just couldn't stand it. At 2:00am one night, I made an appointment with a special therapist who geared her treatment towards amputees. I also forced myself to get up and learn how to properly move around on one leg. Two days later, the appointment came around and I couldn't leave the house. The last time I left my home, I had fallen to the brink of death. The fear crushed my soul just as the broken bridge had crushed my leg. I decided it wasn’t worth it and gave up. Five minutes before the appointment time though, I received a call from an unknown number. For some reason, I picked it up.

On the other end of the call was the therapist, Dr. Novak. She asked me why I had cancelled and if there was anything she could help me with. At that moment, I broke down. That was the first bit of human contact and care that I had received in weeks. She understood and we began phone call sessions that day. Dr. Novak taught me that although the outside world was intimidating, there was too much beauty in it to be ignored. She gave me a new perspective on sunsets, forests, oceans, and cities. She brought out the beauty that life had to give. I shared my deepest worries and angers surrounding what had happened to me. I told her about how I missed my leg and how I missed living each day to the fullest. She understood. It was all that I needed at that point.

We worked for weeks together until finally, I stepped out of my house, onto the street, and into her physical office. That day I broke down in her arms thanking her for the support that had helped to nourish my soul and bring it back from the brink of destruction. I couldn’t be more grateful to her. She used this gratitude and turned it around, asking me to apply it to my own daily life. And with her help, I could. Two months later, I stepped onto the rebuilt bridge and I crossed. Although it took every fiber of my being, I didn’t look back. From that moment on, I always looked forward and have dedicated my life to helping those around me. I reconnected with friends that soon became family and I adopted a sweet three-legged dalmatian named Ruby. I began to volunteer at the charity for child amputees that had pulled me out of my well of despair. I rebuilt my business, but this time dedicated fifty percent of all earnings to various charities. I gave my life to others so that they may join me in appreciating its beauty. So yes, that's how I’ve survived: living each day more grateful than the last while never looking back.