2024: The Year of Resolution – A Thriller Short Story by K'Lee Stewart

TW: This story includes descriptions of mental health, substance abuse, suicide, and physical violence.

December 29th, 2023

I told my therapist I’ve never done New Year's resolutions before. She insisted that this year I try. When I asked why, she said, “Why not?” Supposedly, if you write your goals down, you’re 42% more likely to achieve them. When I asked her what kind of goals I should be focusing on, she said to write whatever comes to mind, anything I want to accomplish from today to the end of the year. So here I am.

Goals for 2024:

Keep your room clean.

Seriously, it shouldn’t be that hard. You should be able to be a real grown-up by now.

Don’t lay in bed so often. Wash your face more often. Pull back the curtains every once in a while.

You always keep your apartment so dark and it drove momma crazy.

Spend less time scrolling on Facebook. Drink less. A lot less. But drink more water.

Addiction is hereditary, you know? At least, that’s what I’ve been told.

Try to eat at least twice a day. Eventually, shoot for three. ~~Eat at home more often.~~ Learn how to cook more than just ramen, spaghetti, and grilled cheese. Figure out how momma made that one chicken recipe. The one with zucchini and squash. Clean out all the take-out boxes from the fridge. Cut your hair. Maybe I should dye it.

What about a fun color like you’ve always wanted?

Try to keep a gratitude journal like your therapist suggested. ~~Call to schedule with Dr. Miller again~~. Call your grandma to apologize for getting too drunk at Christmas.

I should probably call her more often.

Call your grandma every week.

I might have lost a mom, but she lost a daughter.

Be better about doing the laundry.

Especially be better about hanging stuff up. No one likes wrinkled clothes.

Get your nose pierced. ~~Be better about taking your meds~~. Do research about natural sleep aids. Go outside more. Maybe start going for walks once the weather is nice.

Should I start working out?

~~Try yoga.~~ Sign up for a kickboxing or a self-defense class. I’d like to read more. Read a book about mourning. Preferably one that’s not too cheesy.

Is what I’m feeling normal? Nothing feels normal anymore.

Thank your manager for all the support she has given you these past couple of months. Then quit your job.

Sorry, Nina. I was never that great of a bartender anyway.

Find a new job somewhere else. Some place far away and not at a bar. ~~Look into AA.~~ Find a new apartment. Start packing. It shouldn’t take long. Donate all the stuff you don’t need anymore.

It’s just been sitting there in boxes and you said you would get to it after you moved in here…

Fix the hole you punched in the drywall last week.

Hopefully, the landlord won't notice… Do I need a professional? Surely I can do that well enough.

Find a hobby.

Something all-consuming and distracting. What about painting? Art therapy is a thing, right? I’ve always wanted to learn how to paint landscapes.

Every day, be thankful that the girl at the bar didn’t press charges against you.

What kind of a person gets in a fight for “cutting” in line…

~~Call Austin and apologize for ghosting him.~~ Don’t ghost anyone this year. Better yet, don’t hook up with anyone at all. 2024 is going to be a guy-free year. ~~Volunteer at the battered women’s shelter.~~

~~Do you think you could manage that? No… something else maybe.~~

Volunteer at an animal shelter.

Should I get a dog? Maybe a cat would be better.

Adopt a cat.

A big fluffy one, or a cat with only one eye or three legs. I’ll name it Ollie.

Take yourself more seriously.

Or maybe don't. Is that part of my problem?

And try not to kill yourself.

Two suicides in two years is too much.

Pretend to be whole until it’s not so hard. And when you’re ready, spread momma’s ashes. Find the perfect beach to do it at. A place that is quiet with no litter and no people.

Does such a place exist? I doubt there is a worthy place on earth to spend eternity.

Maybe stay a couple of days. Visit an art museum or something. And when you get back home, go to y’all’s favorite walking trail. The one with all the magnolia trees.

She would like that. I wonder if they are in bloom?

Find a way to forgive her for leaving you.

You would have done the same. You nearly did when you were fifteen, but she was there for you.

Start your arm sleeve now that your mom isn’t around to tell you how stupid tattoos are. Try not to be so angry all the time. Stop speeding. Try to remember if I'm supposed to do Defensive Driving. Again. Find out who keyed your freaking car and key theirs. Should I read the Bible?

Is suicide always a sin? Is there such a thing as justifiable murder? Isn’t an “eye for an eye” in the Bible? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind… All the better.

Figure out how to feel better. Take a deep breath. And then kill your dad. Leave him to rot in that stupid recliner next to his favorite handle of bourbon. Make sure to leave a half-empty bottle of his medication there too. Light one of those disgusting cigarettes and place it burning on the side table. Move the curtain closer. Then move away. Let go. Start over. Repent until the day you die. Or don’t. Be free. Live each day fully and without burden. Leave everything in 2023.

This year will be different.

This will be the year of change, of resolution, of lex talionis.

This will be a year without fear, without pain.

I guess, here’s to that 42%, Dr. Miller.

Oh, and on that note, there is one last thing:

Find a new therapist. One that doesn’t believe in New Year’s resolutions.

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