Your Porcelain Castle

The world hugged me as I entered it, like a hot comforting drink running down my throat in winter. My skin prickled with heat, almost in tears as my hands ran along the porcelain gates of the castle. Her castle, her fragile little castle. She didn’t knowingly select this small castle but it was so her. Quaint, lovely and pretty. Nothing grand in size but an overwhelmingly full basket of beauty. Each inch mapped into my mind; it’s swirls, flowers, poems and scenery etched into it’s exterior. The interior was just as lovely, if not more.

I wanted to know her like this. I wanted to touch every wall and soak in every inch of her mind’s expanse. To trail into her dreams like this every day. Know her so well I could paint her castle from memory, down to the blades of grass at it’s front and the tasteful moss lining the southern wall. I wanted to know it, love it and profess it to her. I wanted so much but I had to remind myself— this was not why I was here. This was not why I’d worked so hard to run into her mind, into her dream.

I was in her dream, albeit illegally, to save her. I used her dream to protect her from the outer world. To her, I was only a figure her mind wanted to play with in a dream. An occupant of her dream to keep her mind busy in the night. I was just as part of it as the floating seahorse was in the foyer of the castle. Here to serve her dream.

If only I could find her in this porcelain castle. Time was running out, I had only made it at the climax of her dream.

Her voice echoed through the halls, my hand ran along the wall, the vibrations coursing through my being. She was close. I walked faster, I ran in the porcelain heels this dream gave me and the dress of clouds. My other hand held my notebook, not lost in the transfer, holding exactly what I needed in words about as clear as a doctor’s chicken scratch or Russian cursive. I could read it. I could get my point across to her. I had to.

Only I could save her. Only so much time was left. I could only hope that she’d want to be saved.

Soon I heard double of the sounds my heels made. A clack, a scrape and a chime against the floor. Twice. She was so close.

“We really mustn’t be late for tea,” Odette said, hooking her arm under mine, “I wasn’t expecting a guest! You shall join Puffle and I at tea. I’m trying a new mixture, of course, from my herbal garden.” My heels scrapped against the tiling, following her lead. I barely had the head to process her after so long. All I could focus on was the feel of our skin pressed against one another’s and how that familiarity made my eyes sting momentarily.

“Oh yes! The tea. That is why I am here, Odette. Silly you.”

Odette giggled, head thrown back. “Silly me! I..invited you, of course. That’s why I prepared tea at all.”

I smiled, only in the slightest back at her. “For our talk. Our important discussion that involved some much needed tea. I’ve missed your teas.”

She ran her hand over my forearm, smiling back at me in that soft fashion of hers. “I’ve gotten much better then last you saw me, Kitri. I’ve stopped relying on mint to make everything better.”

“Mint is lovely.”

“It is. It is easy to grow. You know how it is, it’s hard to grow anything.” Odette’s shoulders sunk a little, her arm casing in mine some more. I let it. I watched the color dim a little in the castle. Odd. Her dreaming was reactive in itself.

I had to keep her in a light headspace. She’d remember better. A dream where one smiles more is one they recall. Well, tied with a dream that can’t quite be called a dream. A nightmare, a place where your mind attacks you and negativity entraps your soul. Odette had so many of those. It’s why it took me so long to get here. Everything had to align. And finally, oh finally, it had.

We came into the tea room, three walls of porcelain, etched with pretty girls and flowers. Odette was thinking and it came to be in the rooms of her castle. That fourth wall was that of lace, the pinkish sun pouring in through the every thread. The shadow of a flower place directly on Odette’s cheek until she leaned forward to pour me some tea first.

The seats were porcelain, just about everything was porcelain besides the food and the flowers in the vases at every corner of the room. There were so many pink camellias. In the vases and on the wall too, even the girl’s hair. The room sparkled against itself and pink reflected everywhere.

She was quiet as she poured our tea from the small teapot, enough hot tea for two. A cup each. I’d have to savor my time.

“You look so lovely,” Odette said, crossing her legs and taking that first sip of tea. Her head tipped back and she sighed. It was a lovely tea. I didn’t have to try it yet to know. She’d always been a master at every craft that landed in a world of flavors.

I sipped at mine, pinky up to the ceiling. I slid back in my porcelain seat, trying to cover my small notebook. Much of this should’ve been uncomfortable but that sweet hug of a dream pulled me in. The air had lightened again and Odette was in a constant state of smiling and sipping.

I missed her so dearly. I couldn’t bear not to try and lose her again. I had to find my urgency even with the fondness in my chest. Watching her as she sipped, this could’ve been our last moment. Me, in her dream. Her, simply dreaming. No question to my being there.

She was just dreaming.

“They dressed me well,” I blurted, glancing at my cloud dress. Odette’s own was that of flowers, small ones ranging from daises to forget-me-nots. Then those pink camellias again. “And you look equally as beautiful. If not more, If I am allowed to say as such.”

Odette flushed, the light glowing a deeper pink. “You may say so. Ah! Here. Try a scone.” She flicked her hand towards the scone, and without question, it lifted into the air, right into my open hand.

This was a dream. “You outdo yourself,” I said after my first few bites. Her eyes kept to my lips. I wondered if she remembered them. It was silly to think she did when her everyday was trying to push through the catastrophe of her land. How she’d stayed rather than passed through. She didn’t have to anymore. She could be somewhere where looking at my lips was of her deepest concern. Where wondering about them was permitted. My pink lips, glazed with the finest lipstick upon entry.

I had to tell her, though. There was no other way. I had to lead her, take her curious mind by the reigns and ensure she took her last chance before the world split. Before I’d lose her forever.

“I am motivated by your visits, Kitri. And by Puffle’s squeaks. Isn’t he just darling?” Odette said, fluttering her fingers in his direction. Puffle twirled around and squeaked softly as he faced her again.

“Very much so, Odette.” I watched her cheeks flare again. This couldn’t be the last time.

“Oh, well. You must tell me how you have been since we last saw one another,” Odette spoke, dishes clanking as she nudged her plate and teacup further from her. She was already halfway through her tea. I sucked in a deep breath and prayed for my chest to calm.

There was no simple way to say it. Nothing of my nonsensical looking writing in that notebook would help me. This world was differently crafted then anything I could’ve anticipated of a good dream. Far removed from her nightmares. I should’ve wished this for her. I am glad she had gotten it without my wishing, she deserved it.

I cleared my throat and set the last quarter of the scone down. “I have been busy but the kind that keeps my mind quiet and my body lacking too much protest,” I say, stirring some honey into my tea, I hadn’t touched it much but by then I’d realized the timer is her tea. Not mine. And I don’t have long. She smiled through my stirring and my words, the world flushed pink. A state of always-rosy cheeks. I sipped then cleared my throat, “and I must say, I’ve been spending more time at the market. I find joy in making it to the last booth. Ms. Elaine’s Tea shop.”

The color dims but I could still see that lacy flower reflected on her cheek. “Ms. Elaine’s Tea shop. That sounds familiar,” Odette said, flowers bouncing from that single heel endlessly clacking against the floor.

I take a deep breath, watching her lean back over for her tea. I prayed for her to sip slowly. “Why, perhaps I’ve mentioned it before to you. I quite love her teas. You ought to visit and ask her for the Forever Earl Grey. It’s divine. You have never tasted anything quite like that in your life,” I say, shifting in my seat to better cover the notebook beneath my rear.

“Forever Early Grey. Ms. Elaine’s tea shop.” Odette takes a long sip.

I hummed, clouds on my chest rising and falling at a quicker pace. “That’s the place. Remember it. It’s important to me that you go and get that tea.”

Odette repeats the flavor and name a few times to herself, holding her teacup close to her mouth. “Puffle and I will remember it! I love trying new teas,” she exclaimed, head tilted just as pink poured in some more, “I am so happy you came to see me.”

“I’m always happy to see you, Odette.” I swallowed dryly and watched her sip. My hand clenched against the porcelain, scraping lightly against it. “I would really love for you to go. Don’t forget to go, Odette.”

Odette chuckled and nodded her head. “I’m going to go, Kitri. Don’t worry about me going. Nothing will stop me from trying a new tea and fulfilling your wish.” She sipped again, smiling against the teacup’s edges.

I straightened up and nodded. “It is my wish.”

“So it will be fulfilled, Kitri.” The last of her tea rolled down her throat. I reached my hand out to hers, she took it and squeezed it. “Don’t you concern yourself with the likes of my tea indulgence.”

I nodded and placed a kiss on the back of Odette’s hand. “I’ll see you soon to see how you’ll like it.”

“Of course. I’ll have to brew something new for you again!”

I begged my voice not to crack. “Yea. I’d love that, Odette.” It did not listen.

It all started to fizzle. That warmth in my belly. The pink in the air. I could barely feel the porcelain around my feet. Her hand, fragile in mine, the faint gleam of pink lipstick staining it’s backside. “I’ll see you soon.”

Her face was fading from my vision. Yet still, I could feel as Odette squeezed my hand, feather light but there. “For tea,” she said and I swear she kissed my hand too. I just didn’t have the lip shaped mark to prove it.

“For tea,” I echoed into the void.