Professor Johnson's Awesome Time Machine

Professor Johnson's Awesome Time-Machine

One upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a mad scientist named Professor Johnson who worked in his lab pretty much all day. He only stopped to eat, sleep and deal with his biological needs. All the kids in his school called him The Prof. One of the things he taught all the students in his classes that he said religiously was, "It's alright to make a mistake if you learn from it and not repeat it." Actually, he spoke that from experience. If it was true, he would have been the smartest person to ever walk this planet. He would have made Albert Einstein seem like an F-graded student by comparison. In fact, many people wondered how he even learned to be a teacher. The truth was, none of his teachers flunked him because they knew that they would have him again the next year. in other words, he barely graduated by the skin of his teeth, and all the skin on his teeth was mighty thin. At any rate, he made it through school, then wanted to be a teacher so he could teach other students. It was blind-leading-blind.

One of the things that he stressed to all his students was how to take their time and not rush through things, such as his tests and all their homework assignments. Wasting somebodies time was just about the worst thing you could do to a person. After he got home from teaching that law of thumb to his students, he decided to go even farther with that theory, and so he invented a time-machine. Since he'd read H. G. Wells's book called The Time Machine, that intrigued him to study that concept more carefully. After much trial and error, actually a lot less trial then error, he eventually succeeded. Since it was during summer vacation, he figured it would be the best time to experiment and learn more about the concept of time-travel. He always had at least a couple of clocks handy, that's in addition to his fancy Rolex watch, to be sure he would return back to the preset date and time to the second. The mere thought of time-travel was exciting. It could change the world.

When he finally completed his masterpiece, the first thing on his list of things to learn was about prehistoric times. Palientologists say that dinosaurs were so many milions of years before man, but the Bible said God made all living things on the 5th day and man the 6th day. His curiosity was aroused by that debate and he was curious to find out the truth, so he set his machine for 300.000.00 b. c. and threw the switch. Everything went whirling around him as if he was in a tor- nado. It actually felt more like he was inside of a drier whirling around, but since he was strapped into his seat, he remained safe.

When all the whirling around him finally stopped, he opened the door and looked around. Everything seamed super-weird to him. Yet the air was so much cleaner then the kind he always experienced back in present day Danville. He marveled at how fresh everything was in comparison to how it was during the present time. The aroma of roses and other really fragrant flowers was quite strong. He marveled at how everything was, but just then he heard the sound of something mighty tremendous heading in his direction, so he hid behind a huge tree and waited to see what was making that sound coming his way.

That's when he saw a mastodon heading towards him. He knew that was what it was because he'd seen pictures of one in a book. It was headed towards a smaller creature he didn't recognize by seeing it. Then the monster saw him and started coming towards him, so he ran towards the time-machine, but just before he got there, a triceratops came up because it had also seen the smaller animal. The Prof knew that in spite of being such enormous creatures, their brains were about the size of a walnut. All they ever thought about was eating and fighting and making little dinosaurs. As they got together, they began fighting like the prof suspected would happen. They continued their skirmish until one of them bit the other one in such a way that killed it. Then he roared loudly like he was making a victory sound, which was so loud the prof had to hold his ears to keep from going deaf.

Then he saw a pterodactyl come swooping down towards him. After quickly taking it's picture, he got in his time-machine because his curiosity had been satisfied. Then he set the machine for October 19th, 1781 because he knew that was when the Revolutionary War was over with. He saw a lot of fighting, which seamed quite primitive in comparison to how the soldiers fought at the present day. That's when he saw some bedraggled men who looked like they'd been stepped on by a heard of elephants talking to each other. The Prof went to him and said, "Excuse me, sir, are you General Washington?"

"That's right," said the extremely tired man, "Don't bug me, son. I'm working on my surrender speech. Cornwallis's men have just about defeated the whole American regiment. I'm preparing to surrender."

"You don't want to do that, sir. Any minute you'll see Cornwalace come over the hill while waving a white flag. You'll see. Hang in there."

"Get away from me, you idiot!" said the future Father Of Our Country with a huge frown, "Can't you see what's happening? We're getting,"

About that time one of the American soldiers yelled, "Sir! Look! They're giving up! Praise God! The war is finally over with! Hooray!"

As Washington looked, he saw a man waving a white flag. He looked at the Prof and said, "How did you know he would do that? Well, it really doesn't matter! The point is he's done it! Hallelujah!" then he shook the prof's hand and gave him a lot of really old currency like he had never seen before. He told the relieved general, "Some day your picture will be on money! Trust me, sir! I know what I'm talking about!"

After much celebrating, the prof got into his time machine and set the date for April 9th 1865, the day when the Civil War ended. When the machine stopped, the prof got out and saw a man who looked like he'd been run over by a steam-roller, but he was erect. The prof knew he had to be General Robert Edward Lee. As he went up to him, he said, "Excuse me, sir, are you General Robert Edward Lee?"

The man replied, "That would be me, suh," as he bowed and tipped his hat politely, "How can I assist you? Or have y'all come to help me?"

"Well, it's like this," replied the Prof, "I know you're not in favor of slavery. You were chosen by the confederate soldiers to be their leader. Well, you need to avoid going to Appomattox because that's where General Grant will kill half of your men. Please stay away, sir."

The general frowned and said, "Excuse me, suh, why should I listen to you? You don't know nothin' 'bout fightin', but thanks anyway."

Then he went on his way. Since the prof was a southerner, born and bread in the Heart Of Dixie, he didn't want to see what would happen to his army, so he got back in his time machine and that time he set the date for May 5th, 2456. Yet when he got there, he was appalled to see alien spaceships flying towards where he was. They were blasting the ships which resembled our Nassa space ships. A lot of men were running around so the Prof stopped one of them and said, "Hay, buddy, what's going on here? What is everybody in such an uproar about?"

"You're kidding, right?" said the man with a scowl, "Now, how could you not know what's going on? We're at war with the space-creatures from planet Gilderoff. It's one of those planets which has several sons. Those jerks want to destroy our Earth to make way for a hipor-space bypass, but we are not gonna let them succeed. We've got to destroy them before they take over the earth. That would be terrible to be under their rule since they've already taken over several planets, so they're working on ours. If you're smart, then you'll grab a fasor and help us! We really need all the help, look out! Get behind me, man!"

At that moment half of the planet disappeared. There wasn't any kind of explosion, it just went zap and was gone. The prof had seen enough so he ran to get in his time-machine, but while he was running up the ramp to get in, he was shot in the leg by one of the alien's guns. That sent pain through his whole leg as he crawled up the ramp to get into his machine. Just as she shut the door, something exploded which knocked him down on the floor just as he hit the switch. That was when everything around exploded, knocking him unconscious.

When he came to, faces came rushing towards him with voices saying, "Hay! He's really coming to! Stop everything! He's alive!"

People wearing surgical masks came running into the room. They kept saying, "Is he alive?" "I don't believe it!" "There's no way he could recover from that!" "Yeah, well he is!" "How? There's no way!" Then pain shot through every inch of his body so he cried out in agony. That's when one of them stuck a needle into his arm to knock him out.

When he came to, he was in the recovery room of some hospital. Faces wearing masks came rushing to him. Then one of them said, "Hay. Welcome back, son. I don't know how you did it, but we really do thank you for all you've done. The whole planet is appreciative."

"Yeah? Well what exactly did I do that was so terrific for you guys?"

"Modesty is a great feature in a hero," said another voice from the side, "There's no way we'll ever be able to thank you enough for what you did by fiering those missiles at the aliens to keep them from being able to blow up the whole planet. We'd love to pay you for all you've done to prevent that from happening, but nothing could eve possibly be enough to show our gratitude to what you've done. You're a her!"

Several military men came and gave their congratulations. He was awarded a meddle for saving the planet from disaster. That meant all the girls were practically knocking down his door to go on dates with him. Eventually one of them in particular caught his fancy. After dating a while, he, "popped-it." Naturally, she accepted since he was labeled as, "The Guy Who Saved The Whole Earth From Destruction." The following year they blessed the world with a junior-hero who would grow up and change the world just like his daddy did. So, like the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

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By, Cuz Roye.