The Secret Organisation {Part 1 }

Mystery Thriller

Written in response to: "Write a story about a meeting of a secret society." as part of In On a Little Secret.

Tring, Tring, Tring! “Who’s calling me at midnight at 2 pm “, said Mr. Bond.

Mr. Bond picks up the call says, “ Hello! “

“Hello! Agent no. 007.  Tomorrow there is a secret meeting. You have to come to the city hall at sharp 9 am. Other details would be messaged.”

The call cuts.

“ Hello! Which meeting for what is the meeting”, questioned himself. Is the phone of MI6. The company for I work. I think there’s another mission as it’s the secret service.

But I have told MI6 that I am on leave and in my last mission I got 6 bullets in my heart. But anyways I need to go.

Phone beeps.

“Here’s the message”, exclaim Mr. Bond. He reads the message aloud.

Agent no. 007. Tomorrow at 9 a.m you have to come to Cameroon City Hall. Then exactly at 9:05, a black car will stand near the gate. Don’t get into the car if the number is not CB 87 H 4567. Then we will take you to the place where the meeting would be conducted. You can carry your special watch as you think that you are not safe or we are going to harm you. It’s important for you to attend. So, please come to the meeting.

So, I need to go to the meeting.

It’s 8:45. I need to leave. 

Mr. Bond messages. I have reached Cameroon City Hall.

He goes and sees the car number which is near the gate. “Oh!”, this is the car.

“I am agent no. 007”, says Mr. Bond. “Come Mr. Bond”, says the driver. 

After an hour they reached their destination. It was an isolated land where no one was there. Even there was not a single tree, bird, and a drop of water.

“Where are we”, questioned Mr. Bond to the driver.

“There is a tunnel. Follow me”, answered the driver.

They walked for an hour and then they reached a small hole. The driver removed a circular key. He put the key inside the hole. Then many big holes came up. 

Mr. Bond says, “ In which hole we need to go?”

“There is a puzzle here for more security. Just come behind me”, answered the driver.  

He went to the nearest hole and dropped a can no voice came. He continued the practice. But when the last whole came he dropped the can as usual but a voice came.

“We need to jump inside this hole”, says the driver.

Then they jumped inside the hole. When they reached the bottom of the hole. There they saw a giant black door that had 24 carrot gold knob. The driver told “MI6.” A tablet came from the bottom which asked for fingerprint. Then the driver scanned his finger on the tablet. A robotic voice came from the tablet saying, “Welcome sir.” The door opened.

There was a map drawn on the first wall saying where are the different rooms in which different tasks are performed. There were a total of 25 rooms and 5 floors including the ground floor.

Then the driver takes him to the conference room which is on the 5th floor.

When they go to the conference room Mr. Bond sees Ms. Em. 

Ms. Em is the head of MI6 the secret service department.

“Ms. Em why are you here. Our headquarters are in London so, why are you here?” questioned Mr. Bond to Ms. Em.

“Wait! Bond, I will tell you everything in detail just be patient”, answered Ms. Em.

“Ok”, Ms. Em. 

Mr. Bond had many questions in his mine regarding MI6.

“Mr. Bond 2 months before when you were on leave, Mr. Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Mr. Auric Goldfinger, Mr. Jaws, Mr. Alec Trevelyan, Mr. Francisco Scaramanga, Mr. Le Chiffre, and Mr. Dr. No came together with their assistant to fought against us,” said Ms. Em.

“Then what happened Ms. Em” questioned Mr. Bond.

“Mr. Bond then they attacked us. We fought bravely but we hadn’t many agents. We need to run so, we took are software engineers with us. Then after a day, we came to this place. It was isolated so we thought to make an underground headquarters. Then we thought we should contact you but you were injured badly on the last mission and you were on leave. So, we didn’t call you.” said Ms. Em

“Where did the other agent when”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“Other agents were on leave like you”, answered Mr. Em.

“And why didn’t you call me”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“You were on leave so, we thought that when our new headquarters would be made that time we will call you”, answered Mr. Em.

“I am an agent of MI6 Ms. Em and it’s my wright to save MI6. Now I am ready for the war, I am going for it”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“Don’t go for the war, there is a big problem, bigger than the incident of the past 2 months”, answered Ms. Em.

“What’s the big problem, Ms. Em which is bigger than the incident,” questioned Mr. Bond.

“I’ll tell the problem, Mr. Bond. First, go around are new headquarters and see what new features we have added”, answered Ms. Em.

Mr. Bond Goes around the headquarters. There were many new features like invisible laser lights, invisible CCTV cameras, and many more. Many cars are building.

After  Mr. Bond goes around the headquarters. He goes to the cabin of Ms. Em to know what’s the problem.

“Ms. Em what’s the problem. Please tell know I have seen the whole headquarters”, questioned Mr. Bond.

“You know the adventurous family. The family of Smith’s. They have done many adventures in the past. Now Ben Smith’s son Rush Smith is going for an adventure to Atlantis.” answered Ms. Em.

“So, what’s the harm for going on an adventure”, say’s Mr. Bond.

“There is harm. Ben Smith conducted an audition for the partner who will go with Rush. The partner was Shane Washington the best agent of Spectre. He is going there to take all the treasure from there. So, I have appointed you for the mission. He should not take a single gram of the treasure.” exclaimed Ms. Em.

“Okay, Ms. Em. I will work on it”, exclaimed Mr. Bond

“Do well Mr. Bond”, says Ms. Em


Posted Aug 15, 2020
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101 likes 108 comments

August 15, 2020 18:38

I like your effort in this story! Again, some grammar mistakes here and there, but those are just steps to improve to become a better writer! I use Grammarly myself, and it helps a lot. You should try it too! Nice work!

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:26

thank you, Kendra!

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August 16, 2020 06:07

Of course!

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August 15, 2020 13:52

Hey, Amogh! You asked me to check this story out, so here I am.
This was a great story line, and your characters were realistic/believable. But there were lots of grammatical errors throughout the entire story. If you download Grammarly, that extension should help you do better with that. It helps me for sure. Awesome job! -Brooke

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:27

thank you :) I will work on it:)

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August 16, 2020 16:45

You're welcome!

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Amogh Kasat
August 21, 2020 12:04

THIS IS NOT AMOGH, IT'S HARRY POTTER

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August 21, 2020 14:56

XD Sorry, Harry! I got your name mixed up with someone else. (;

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Amogh Kasat
August 21, 2020 16:51

It's okay because I Harry Potter is in the body of Amogh

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Amogh Kasat
August 15, 2020 09:56

My latest story is based on James Bond. There are some names from it.

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Akshat .
August 15, 2020 11:04

Nice story! There are a few grammar mistakes, but if you have Grammarly, it can sort everything out!
Score: 4.6 out of 5

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:24

thank you :)

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Akshat .
August 16, 2020 07:29

:D

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Avery G.
August 15, 2020 15:26

Cool story! I liked it! Great job!

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:27

Thank you :)

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Avery G.
August 16, 2020 15:57

You're welcome!

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Authoring Studio
August 21, 2020 07:39

Would you mind reviewing my stories? I'd love your feedback!

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Amogh Kasat
August 21, 2020 10:46

Sure, I will :)

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Authoring Studio
August 21, 2020 07:38

Good story with chilling Bond vibes!
I did not know that Harry could write😁

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Amogh Kasat
August 21, 2020 10:45

Than you :)

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Niveeidha Palani
August 16, 2020 12:26

A few grammar mistakes here and there, but overall a good read!

PS - I strongly recommend downloading Grammarly, it really helps! ;)

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Amogh Kasat
August 17, 2020 02:17

thank you

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Niveeidha Palani
August 17, 2020 07:40

No problem :)

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Jesna Anna S.
August 16, 2020 08:24

Nice story! Keep writing!

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 09:03

thank you :)

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Jesna Anna S.
August 19, 2020 09:00

Welcome! I appreciate if you can take some time to read my stories and offer your comments!

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Amogh Kasat
August 19, 2020 11:09

sure and I will :)

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Amogh Kasat
August 19, 2020 11:09

sure and I will :)

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Amany Sayed
August 15, 2020 13:39

This was a good story. I can tell you thought up the plot and planned it well. However, it was a bit of an awkward read because of all the grammar errors. Your dialogue also felt very stiff. You don't need a dialogue tag for every single piece of dialogue. Also, don't forget to put question marks on your questions. Use conventions when writing dialogue, it'll make it flow better. Like Akshat said, think about maybe installing Grammarly, something I use personally for more help with your grammar. Keep writing!
~Amany

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:25

thank you! Actually, I have installed Grammarly.

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Amany Sayed
August 16, 2020 13:42

No Problem! Oh, ok!

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Hriday Saboo
August 24, 2020 11:41

The new one

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Hriday Saboo
August 24, 2020 11:40

Hey did you just delete your story

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Amogh Kasat
August 24, 2020 12:15

I haven't deleted any story

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Amogh Kasat
August 24, 2020 12:15

I have changed the name

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Sue Marsh
August 16, 2020 20:08

Amogh, The story line is good, there are several grammatical mistakes but one caught my eye immediately since it was part of the first paragraph: "who's calling me at midnight at 2am." It should either who is calling me at midnight or who is calling me at 2am, not both in the same sentence. Try Grammarly it really does help and it is free. Keep writing. Sue

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Amogh Kasat
August 17, 2020 02:16

thank you! I will work on it

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Amogh Kasat
August 21, 2020 12:05

IT'S HARRY POTTER NOT AMOGH

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Yolanda Wu
August 16, 2020 00:45

I really enjoyed reading this story, loved how everything unfolded. :)

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:26

thank you :)

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Corey Melin
August 15, 2020 16:42

I always loved Bond so enjoyed the story. I use grammarly and still get called out on errors so reading it out loud or if you have someone else read it before submitting or let the reedsy writers help you out. Well done with the story overall.

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Amogh Kasat
August 16, 2020 05:26

Thank you! I will work on my mistakes

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Awesome job!

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Amogh Kasat
September 02, 2020 11:00

thanks

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Rose CG
August 18, 2020 04:23

Nice play on the Mr. Bond storyline. I did notice a change from the first person to the third person.
(But I have told MI6 that I am on leave and in my last mission I got 6 bullets in my heart. But anyways I need to go.
Phone beeps.
“Here’s the message”, exclaim Mr. Bond. He reads the message aloud.)
The story keeps my attention. Keep safe and keep writing!

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Amogh Kasat
August 18, 2020 04:45

thank you :)

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August 18, 2020 02:45

No child ever stands up and just walks without tripping and falling. Sooner or later, the same child runs and jumps though, and the community ululates.
The BEST thing is that you have the mettle. Also, you take criticism very well! Thank you for the piece!

Keep writing!

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Amogh Kasat
August 18, 2020 02:51

thank you :)

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Charles Stucker
August 17, 2020 11:23

"Mr. Bond had many questions in his mine " mind
"we took are software engineers with us" our software engineers
"it’s my wright to save MI6" right to save

For fan fiction this isn't bad. You have a complicated scene, with a fair bit of information, but spaced it expertly to avoid bogging down the story. I only see one problem- your dialogue is very stiff, but I guess that is because you are not a native English speaker. The more you write, and read, the smoother your dialogue will become.

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Amogh Kasat
August 17, 2020 11:42

thank you! I will work on it

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Amogh Kasat
August 24, 2020 13:05

! Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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August 17, 2020 05:54

Story is so intriguing and captivating. But, I saw there was some grammatical errors because of which you were losing your coherence at many places.
Keep writing. Practice makes a man perfect.
Never get dishearten with the negative feedbacks.

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Amogh Kasat
August 17, 2020 05:56

thank you and please read and comment on my other stories

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B. W.
August 17, 2020 05:27

you did amazing with it i think its really good! i've seen others say things about the grammar mistakes but i think thats the only thing. imma just give you a 10/10

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Amogh Kasat
August 17, 2020 05:55

thank you and please read and like my other story :}

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B. W.
August 17, 2020 06:08

no problem and i will

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Amogh Kasat
August 24, 2020 13:06

Please read my latest story The Secret Organisation { Part 2 }

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B. W.
August 24, 2020 13:07

sure

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Sia S
August 17, 2020 01:56

Nice story but check out the grammar and spellings, here are a few mistakes.

1. At 'Who's calling me at midnight 2 pm would be a question, so add a question mark.

2. 'Hello Which meeting is for what meeting ' Doesn't make sense, change it too What is the purpose of this meeting.

3. Don't mention that its a secret meeting, let the suspense build.

4.After where are we, put a question mark.

5. Then many big holes came up. Wrong. Write Many larger holes opened up.

6. Then after a day, is Wrong. It should be After a day or Then. Using both of them is wrong .

7. It is my wright to save M16 is wrong, it should be It is my RIGHT to save M16.

8. What dies Many cars are building mean?

That's it, anyway nice work.

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Amogh Kasat
August 17, 2020 02:16

thank you! I will work on it

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Sia S
August 17, 2020 03:28

👍

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September 01, 2020 14:43

Hi Amogh:) The story is very choppy for a lack of a better word, the dialogue is a bit difficult to follow and flow of dialogue could be more fluid. I'm not sure if you are writing this way as a style?I Enjoyed an adventure story will read part 2 and 3:)

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Amogh Kasat
September 01, 2020 15:19

Thanks and please like

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Laurentz Baker
August 25, 2020 01:10

I like spy novels, Amogh. And The Secret Organisation has all the elements not only for a good story but the secret locales, the gadgets, the secret rendezvous have the makings of a good spy novel.

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Amogh Kasat
August 25, 2020 04:59

Thanks and I will think to convert into a spy novel

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Kathleen March
August 24, 2020 21:52

I like where you're going with this, but there is a need for grammar and punctuation clean-up. It would be good to have somebody proofread.

The story itself has a number of characters whose role is not quite clear. It may be my fault because I rarely see any James Bond films. Perhaps you can pare down the description and make it a bit clearer as to what is happening.

Keep writing!!

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Amogh Kasat
August 25, 2020 03:59

Thanks and I will work on it

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