It Was Nice To Meet You

“I’m sorry dear, do I know you?”

Her words cut through me. I had a terrible feeling in my stomach. The day I need wanted to come finally came. “No”, I said. “I was just walking by. It was nice to meet you. I hope I can talk to you again.”

“Oh that would be nice, you seem really nice.”

I turned and walked away silently crying. That moment she was no longer my mother. The dementia took over and destroyed all the memories of her only daughter.

The nurse I spoke to before prepared me and thank God she did or I would’ve not handled that situation as well as I did. I prepped for months reading about what to do, watching all the documentaries, crying and screaming into my pillow and asking, ‘Why God?’. No matter how much you prepare for this, no matter how many webinars you watch, no matter how many doctors you consult, it doesn’t matter! She’s going to forget everything and it doesn’t matter how hard you try she will not know who you are. The harder you try to make her remember, the worse it gets and the more damage you’ll do. The doctors told me to just go along with it.

I walked out the room and in the quiet relaxed background of humming machines and heart rates beeping in the ward, I rushed back to the nurse’s station and grabbed a few tissues off the desk, I was so upset, I almost knocked off the tissue box from the desk. I barely croaked out an “I’m sorry” before the nurse said “It’s okay, you haven reason to feel ashamed.” Anything you need we’re here for you. Nurses are goddamn hero’s. “Can I get you anything?” She said.

“No, I’m okay, uhhh…” I read her name tag, “Diana?”

“Yeah, if you need anything, don’t be afraid to ask, okay?”

I couldn’t hold in anything, my vision went blurry and I found myself standing at a wall. I lost feeling in my legs before I found myself slipping down against the wall. Diana came over and just sat down next to me. Another nurse came by and check in on us. Diana gave her an okay. She knew why I was here.

My mom had the strongest fight against this they had ever seen, and she was the nicest and funniest person they had in a while. She would crack the dirties jokes, and then act proper and respectable when the men came in the room. My mother had this old century style of ;Men do things their way, and women do it the right way’. She always loved dishing that line out.

Then she suddenly started having episodes where she forget. There was some on and off switch. Because even the head nurse, Jennifer, had never seem this behavior before. She would go weeks with no trouble, and then start fighting to get out of the hospital for a few hours claiming to being kidnapped by the same crew from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I tried to find some solace in the episodes and think okay, they were going but very, very slowly. I have a lot of time. But I didn’t think this would happen so quickly. I can’t even imagine what to say or do.

I just stayed there for a few minutes before Diana, with her around me said, “Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable. Also, not to scare you, but we had Mr. Johnson, piss in the very spot.”

I burst out laughing. I don’t what it was but her saying that just got me out of a deep and dark space in my mind.

“Okay,” I said, “Let’s go somewhere more comfortable.”

She took me to a quiet and better waiting room that the nurses, unofficially held for the family members with more serious conditions. It was nice, it had a good TV, with better chairs than the sterile, and upright ones in the general lobby. There were plants and it had a nice view of the park outside, although it was dark out so most of what you saw was empty, but I like that. I needed that at this moment.

Diana asked if I needed anything and I assured her no, I just needed to be alone for a little.

“Don’t be alone for too long, it ain’t good for your head.”

I tried watching tv for a minutes, but found myself staring at the park. My mind wandered to when I was a kid, I mean barely even in school and I was playing the park, when my mother was barely out of her 20s and my father was still alive.

She used to push me on the swings. Chase me around the park. Hold me up on the monkey bars because I was too weak in the arms to hold myself up. Then I thought where that time went. My mind fast forwarded to being in a junior in high school and trying to go out and get guys and screaming at her that I’m not a little baby and I was already driving and getting ready for college. Her youthful appearance, was much more relaxed and tired. She moved slower and more graceful, not like she was chasing a toddler around anymore. Then I remembered her at my wedding, and meeting her first grandchild. How she was always theres for me. She wasn’t perfect… but she did the best she could with what she had and what she knew.

Next thing I knew, it had been about 20 minutes later that I was staring at the park. I got up and went to the vending machine, and got a soda. Not like a real brand, but something so off brand. There was “Fanta-stic!”, “Cold Cola”, and “Sprites!”. I wondered how long the suffixed “s!” Would save them from getting sued.

I drank about half of the bottle before realizing how thirsty I was. I went back to the nurse’s station and thank Diana.

I was going to go home for the evening, but not before I say good bye to my mother. I needed to. I needed to befriend this person and be there for her. Whether she knew it or not. I needed to start this new life, and confront it, and not let it take her and me, too.

One of the nurse’s made a B-line for me before I knew it, and just said “ I got your back.” Nurses. Are. Hero’s.

“Thank you” I said. All it was little, but it was all I could say.

I could still hear and see the TV light flashing from her room. I took a second before going into her room. Would she remember me? Would she fight me? Would I be her daughter? Or the woman she just met? Or am I a new person in this newly constructed reality she lives in?

I walked in.

“Oh hello again, dear. How are you?”

“Good, how’s your night going?”

“Oh it’s good, I hope I’ll get out of here soon. Thankfully my daughter will be coming to pick me up.”

“Oh that’s good.”

“Oh and I’m sorry I didn’t get your name. I’m Mary.”

“I’m Serena.”

“Oh that’s so nice! That’s my daughter’s name!”

I force myself to smile.

“Well it was nice to meet you. Have a good night.”

“Thank you. You too.”

I left the room. I wished the nurse’s a good night. I walked to the park and sat on the swing. I walk around the park, and grabbed the monkey bar handles that I no longer needed to struggle to hold onto.