Captain Alton Quegg's Leg

Captain Alton Quegg’s Leg

“Am I speaking to Warren Quegg?” A voice ask me over my cell phone.

“Speaking.” I affirm, “And who might I be speaking to?”

“I am Mr. Lionel Godfrey, attorney.” He answered.

“What have I done?” I shrugged as I step into an empty elevator.

“I wanted to contact you about your Uncle Reny Quegg’s estate.” He ignored my feeble attempt at humor. Most people do.

“My uncle and I were not close.” I remember his callous and rude attitude the last time he spoke. It was a week before his demise. I think he did himself in, but that’s not what his death certificate said.

“His will stated that you are to inherit five million dollars from his lucrative portfolio.”

“Are you kidding me?” I could not believe my ears.

“On one condition.” He waited until I stopped singing, “Oh What a Beautiful day.”

“And that is?” I stopped dancing as the elevator door opened.

“You will have to come to my office on Park Street to go over the conditions.” He hesitated, “Shall we meet next Tuesday?”

“Sure…sure.” I mumbled as I walked out of the elevator.

“Great. I will text you the address if that’s okay.” He said.

“Yeah…text it to me. Do you have my phone number?” I asked walking through the revolving door.

“I do. And I have.” He confirmed.

When I got home that evening, Emma was putting the finishing touches on a pot roast she we would be having for dinner.

“Warren, you are just in time.” She kissed me as I walked into the kitchen.

“Smells great.” I removed my jacket and hung it over my kitchen chair.

“Anything exciting happen at work today?” She asked putting the salt and pepper shakers on the table.

“Well, I got contacted by an attorney.” I sat in my chair at the table.

“Really? What about?” She asked as she put some of the pot roast on my plate.

“My Uncle Remy has left me some money.” I shrugged.

“Well how much?” She put some pot roast on her plate.

“He said it was five million.” I answered.

“FIVE MILLION!” She nearly screamed.

“On one condition.” I held up a finger.

“What was the condition?” Emma eyes were bulging and her hands were gripping the table.

“I don’t know.” I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “He wants to meet with me next Tuesday.”

“Oh my god Warren, we are going to be rich.” She gasped for her next breath.

“Do you have any idea…”

“I’ve got lots of ideas.” I cleared my throat. “I did not get along with him. He was always a slithering snake in the grass with me.”

“Yeah, a snake you left you a shitload of money.” She slapped the table with her open hand making the silverware rattle.

“Umm, but what is the condition?” I shook my head.

“Who cares? It’s a lot of money, Warren. We have been scraping by for ten years of marriage. I am not being ungrateful; I am just trying to imagine us as rich people.”

“How can this change who we are?” I was feeling the heat of my temper rise a bit.

“Are you for real?” She stood up shanking her head with her arms held out from her sides. “As soon as the money is in the bank, we will be able to do things we were never able to do before.”

“How so?”

“Well, we could move into our own home instead of renting this place with heat on every other day, rats who feast in our garbage can, and the leaky roof.” She jabs her thumb upward toward the ceiling.

“This place ain’t so bad.” I argue.

“Yes it is.” She counters, “Why hasn’t your mother come over in a while?”

I shrug.

“She calls this neighborhood, the slums.” Emma’s face is now scarlet. I sit there feeling as if I have not been a good husband. She has always kept the house sparkling after her shift down at Albertsons in the deli. Then she has to come home and make dinner. When I got a position at Scott and Hugo Consulting downtown, I really thought I’d be raking it in, but the truth is Mr. Scott and Mr. Hugo are really raking it in while the rest of us get the scraps that fall from their table. Mr. Scott has just returned from a golf trip to Hawaii.

My uncle was just like them when he was the CEO of Brimstone and Sons. He would buy up dilapidated properties around the city and have investors buy them after his people renovated them. Then he’d sell them at twice their value.

Meanwhile my dad, his younger brother, became a policeman and was killed in a hold up at a liquor store when I was ten years old leaving my mother to work three jobs until she had a stroke. By then I was able to take her in to live with us. Emma was not happy with the arrangement, because mom was a difficult patient. She found fault with everything Emma attempted to do.

All of those difficult memories run through my head as I smoke a cigarette on the front porch overlooking an alley filled with garbage cans. The stench is overwhelming as it mixes with my cigarette smoke.

“I want to apologize for losing my temper.” Emma sat next to me as twilight surrounded us.

“I don’t blame you, sweetheart.” I waved the smoke away with my hand. “We’ve both have had difficult times. It will be nice not to have to worry about money any longer.”

“Take a trip somewhere exotic.” She chimed in.

“Yeah, like Hawaii.”

“Or Europe.” She sniffed.

“Live in a nice house.” I tossed my cigarette into the alley.

“On a nice piece of land.” She continued.

“But what bothers me is my uncle was cruel and I am afraid what the one condition is.” I leaned back in my rusty metal chair. “It could be anything.”

“What if it’s not.” Emma looked into my eyes with her blue eyes that could always somehow directly reach my heart.

“I will find out on Tuesday then.” I closed my eyes as the still evening was pierced by the wail of a siren. I could see my dad entering the liquor store. The armed thief turned and fired his shotgun before my dad could get his .38 out of his holster. He never had a chance.

I decided to call Randy my younger brother. He was a bartender at a dive Country and Western bar downtown.

“Randy?” I said when someone pressed the button of their cell phone on the other end.

“Warren is that you?” His friendly voice greeted me.

“Are you working tonight?”

“Naw, this is my night off.” He chuckled. “What’s up?”

“Did you know Uncle Remy died?”

“Yeah, I heard.” Randy was no longer smiling. I could tell by the shift in his voice.

“I was wondering did you to the reading of his will?”

“Are you serious. I hated that son of a bitch.” His voice became a growl.

“Yeah, well I found out he left me some money.”

“Yeah, how much?” He asked.

“Five million.” I whispered since I was afraid if I said it aloud, it would vanish.

“Are you shitting me?” His voice raise a few octaves. “How do you rate?”

“I dunno.” I whispered.

“Well, congratulations. I hope you don’t choke on it. His money is covered with the sweat, blood and tears of a lot of honest men, right?” His grin was more of a sneer. Even though I could not see his face, I knew how he could be when it came to discussing unpopular subjects like this one.

“The lawyer said, I will get the money on one condition.” I explained.

“And what would that be?” He chuckled knowing how Uncle Remy could complicate simple things with conditions that had nothing to do with the primary issue at hand.

“I don’t know.” I was back to whispering again. “I am seeing the attorney next Tuesday to discuss the conditions of his will.”

“My imagination is knocking at my skull.” Randy laughed.

“I just wanted to let you know about all this and see if you had any idea.”

“Wish I could help ya brother, but I haven’t talk to him since dad died.” Randy blew some air between his teeth.

“You were only six when dad died.”

“Yeah, but I remember Uncle Remy coming to the funeral. He looked at me and said, ‘Sorry that you dad is gone, but he should have known this was going to happen eventually.’ I never hated a man so much after he said that with an evil grin on his face. He handed me a gold coin as he patted me on the head. I threw that coin in dad’s grave. I sure as heck wasn’t gonna take it.”

“Well, thanks anyway.” I swallowed hard, “I’ll lecha know what happens.”

“I’ll be right here.” He laughed, “And I’ll help ya spend some of that money.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I said as I hit the red button on my cell phone with my thumb.

The next day at work, I was talking to Joe in the cubicle to the right of mine. He was thick in the middle, clean shaven with a beak-like nose that hung prominently over his mustached upper lip. Told many times by Ms. Nattlie Stoute our supervisor to remove the swimsuit calendar that was tacked to his cubicle wall, but it was still there.

“So, what’s the deal?” He asked as I explained about my uncle.

“He passed away and has supposedly left me five million dollars.”

“Aw he’s a saint.” Joe smiled and thrust his hand into the air as a gesture of victory.

“He has one condition…”

“What would that be? Stand in the fountain downtown naked?” He chuckled.

“I dunno.” I shrugged.

“If it were me, Warren, I’d have no qualms about any condition. Five million will do a lot to restore any loss of dignity.” Joe slapped me on the shoulder.

“You and I, Joe are two different people.” I shake my head, “What if I have to kill someone?”

“Make it look like an accident.” He says as he puts his hands on his wide hips.

“I am not going to kill someone.” I put my fingers to my eyes and begin to rub for some relief. “My Uncle Remy had millions in the bank, but he still died. His money did nothing to save him.”

“Which is why you’ve got to blow it all before you die.” Joe shrugged. “I have some good ideas if you’re interested.”

“I’m good.” I wave my hand at him as I walk back into my four-wall cell. Tuesday cannot get here quick enough. Mr. Godfrey reveal my uncle’s condition, and I will decide if the condition is reasonable.

We had a family reunion a few months before my father was killed in the liquor store robbery. Uncle Remy did not often come to these events because he felt he was too far above the rest of his kin.

“So Remy, so good of you to come.” My dad shook his older brother’s hand.

“I am here Cornellius, because I am interested to see how all of you have done recently.” He smiled his evil grin as he stood against the door frame in the living room where the rest of our family had congregated.

“I believe we are all doing quite well, if you don’t mind me saying so.” Dad took a sip from his plastic cup that was half gin half ginger ale.

“I wonder if the others would agree.” He raised one eye brow.

“Ask for yourself.” Dad shrugged.

“I intend to.” He said lowering his eye brow while raising the other. I found out later that Uncle Remy did not marry. My dad told me he was too much of a Scrooge to find someone who would put up with him. I never did find out what a Scrooge was until I saw “A Christmas Carol” on television, but even Scrooge was not as debased as my uncle. He sulked most of the evening because whenever he attempted to engage in a conversation, the other person would find somewhere else to be at that moment.

“Warren, my nephew.” He worked his way to me as I was watching television with Randy and Cousin Jackie.

“Uncle Remy.” I did not have the courage to look up at him since he was my creepy uncle who happened to have lots of money.

“You are quite an urchin.” He smiled. At the time I had no idea what an urchin was, but I was sure it wasn’t a compliment. “If you ever happen to come for a visit, I have something you must see. You will love it.”

I knew by the sharp tone in his voice, it was something that would scare the heck out of me. My dad told me that he liked to collect odd things, but dad would never tell me how odd.

“It’s Tuesday, dear.” Emma woke me instead of my alarm clock and I could see that twinkle in her blue eyes that showed me she couldn’t wait to find out whether I got the money or not. I, on the other hand, was dreading my meeting with Mr. Godfrey. What if Joe was right? What if the condition was I had to kill someone? I could not do it, not even for five million.

At the office, I stayed in my cubicle rather than face a bunch of curious coworkers Joe had blabbed to. I ate my cold soup at my desk without complaint.

“Today is the day.” Joe said as he passed the opening to my cubicle.He managed to do it seven more times throughout the day which made the anticipation even more unbearable. I would be the last one out of the office, because I did not wish to answer any more stupid questions.

“Good luck.” Joe stuck his head into my cubicle as he was on his way out of the office. At last I was alone. I picked up my briefcase and called for a cab. But when I exited my cell, I heard someone call my name.

“Warren.” It was Ms. Stoute.

“Yes what can I do for you?” I tried to race her to the elevators, but she was hot on my heels.

“I heard strange things about you.” She waited for the elevator car to rise to our floor, but for me it was not fast enough.

“For instance?” I said as the door finally opened.

“I heard you might be five million dollars richer by the morning.” She walked into the elevator

“Ha-ha. Where on earth did you hear that?” I pretended to be amused.

“Joe was talking about it in the break room.” She shrugged.

“You know Joe-“

“Yes he still has that disgusting calendar in his work area.” She shook her head.

“Have a great day, Ms. Stoute.” I waved as the door opened and I walked out making sure that she was not following me. I got into the cab waiting on the curb.

“Where to?” The cabbie asked over his shoulder.

I handed him the address written on a piece of paper.

“Can do.” He nodded as he pulled away from the curb.

It turned out that Lionel Godfrey’s office was only a few blocks away. The cabbie pulled up to the curve as I paid him in cash.

“Keep the change.” I nodded which would have been about two dollars as I stepped out onto the curb.

Five minutes later I walked into his office.

“Mr. Quegg, good to see you.” Lionel greeted me. We shook hands. “I wasn’t sure you wanted to come. This is a very unusual request by your late uncle.”

“Yes, so I’ve been led to believe.”

“Come right this way.” He walked over to a closed door. “What is in this room may shock you a bit. So, I’m giving you fair warning.”

“Alright.” I nodded as he opened the door and he was good to his word as when I saw what was there, I was indeed shocked. Displayed on a table, the only furniture in the entire room was a human leg. I wanted to scream, but I managed to keep my stifle it.

“This was in Remy Quegg’s storage room upon his demise.” Mr.Godfrey explained, “It is the leg of your great grandfather four times over. His name was Captain Alton Quegg and he commanded a whaler. During a storm he fell overboard and a shark attacked him. In his struggle he lost his leg but managed to retrieve it from the shark.”

As he read the note Uncle Remy wrote, I walked up to the leg and saw it had been to the taxidermist, stuffed and mounted. The tangy odor of formaldehyde hung heavily in the air. I cringed upon viewing the sight of this horrid souvenir displayed in front of me.

“In order to receive the five million, you must take this family heirloom everywhere you go.” He concluded his reading of the note.

“How will anyone know if I have this horrid thing in my possession or not?” I touched the leg with my fingers and shuddered.

“That would be my job. Name is Mr. Ismael.” A man a bit older than I walked into the room, Mr. Quegg agreed to pay me thirty million dollars to watch you to make sure you have Captain Quegg’s leg with you at all times.”

My head started to swim as I realized what my uncle had done to me. I could not believe he would do such a thing. I just could not believe it.