Cat's And Dogs Don't Always Fight Together

Cats And Dogs Don't Always Fight Together

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a lovely 18 year-old girl named Roxanne. She loved preparing meals, but she lived alone and there was nobody who would eat her delicious food except her. She took some of her dishes to the downtown market and sold her tasty food, thus making her be-come quite wealthy. She was also a beautiful young lady and had guys hitting on her all the time. That caused her to have many bruises from all those, "hits." She had been getting so many, "hits" she joined the girls softball league and even became a champion female boxing champion with all those, "hits." Oddly enough, none of the songs she wrote and sang becaome, "hits." Nobody knew why.

Cooking meals wasn't exactly her strong point either. In fact, when it came to meal-prep, she made a good singer. That lead to many nights-worth of crying and praying to the Lord to help her be a better food-preporor. Her friends called her Roxy for short, but others said it was a good name because she had so many of them in her head. Yet she was a really cute red-haired, blue-eyed girl and she was a strong Christian believer who went to a Church called Mt. Zion Pentecostal Holliness Church. The pastor there was a really anointed man named Bishop David Fuller who was named after the greatest Earthly king of all-time. He also slew Galieth, and yet even he has his downfall with Bethsheba, or as some people would call her, " 'Bath'-sheba." He saw her when she had as many clothes on as a jay-bird, yet the Lord forgave him like He for-gibes all His children when they will repent of their sins.

That's when Roxanne started drinking like her friends had been doing. She didn't even like the tasted of alchihol, but she drank it to be sociable with the other drunks in the bar. That wouldn't have been so bad except one day she had too much and began to dance on the tables in her birthday-suit. In other words, she had as many clothes on as a jay-bird. When she came to she was lying on a couch, still, "in the raw," but had a thick, warm blanket around her and a big empty glass in front of her. The whole world was spinning around her and she had an awful headache. Since she also had kind of a weight-problem, which was called in laymen's terms, "a hangover" since it gave her something that would, "hang-over" her belt. Another term is commonly known as, "Dun-Laps Disease." She felt woozy, but when people told her she'd been drunk, which wouldn't have been so bad, except she felt like what happened to a glass of water kind of, "drunk." The empty glass beside her told the whole story of what happened to her. When a policeman said, "Hay, ma'am, you're too drunk to be driving," she replied, "(Hiccup)! Oh no, ossifer, (hiccup)! I'm too drunk to be, (hiccup)! walking, I had to, (hiccup)! drive, (hiccup)! "

"Mam, I was going to give you a ticket," started the police officer.

"Oh, I'll take it!" cried Roxanne happily, "I need a, (hiccup)! ticket to go into the club down, (hiccup)! town! They'll be singing and dancing and, (hiccup)! drinking there! I'll take, (hiccup)! it, honey!"

Needless to say, Roxanne got to spend the night in what's known as, "the Big-House, "The Slammer," "The Hacksaw, The Hacksaw Hilton, The Crowbar Hotel," "the hoosegow," in laymen's terms, jail.

She called her girlfriend, Cathy who laughed when she told her what had just happened to her, but then Suzy broke down crying. That's when Cathy realized she was serious. Then Cathy went to bail her out. Until then, Cathy had enjoyed riding in Suzy's daddy's boat where they had to bail the water out of it because that was part of the fun things they had to do while riding in it, but that was the only kind of, "bail" she knew of. Later when Roxanne had just regained her composure enough to speak rational words, she thanked her for coming out to get her, but that she was shaken up. That's when she smelled something was burning. Yet when she opened her mouth to mention the odor, it was then that she realized that it was Roxanne thinking hard, which was something she rarely did. Thinking didn't come natural to her since she was so pretty her beauty had far overshadowed her intelligence.

Yet they were both social drinkers, but very social. Every time they got stressed about something they'd both go right down to the pub for a pint, or 4. Needless to say, they would both walk in and stagger out, if they made it out at all. Sometimes they had to be escorted next door to the hotel where they'd have to sleep it off so they could try again the next morning. When people told them all that alchihol was destroying their liver they'd reply, "Well, that's all- (hiccup)! right! I don't, (hiccup)! like liver anyway! (hiccup)! Then they would usually pass-out on the floor. That was, "fun." The empty glass on the table was only a sign that they wanted to have another refill. Some of the guys who enjoyed hunting would come in to hit on them since they'd say, "It's, 'bar' season! I'm gonna get me a dame who's in this, 'bar!' " Then they would take them out to their cars to do some certain immoral things to them.

Roxanne had a fitting name because she acted as if she had a lot of, "rocks in her head," and Cathy was no better since over half of her name spelled cat and that put her in a, "per-r-r-r-r fect" mess and she did not want it to end in some kind of a, "cat"-tastrophy." Still, she loved milk, "sow" it was no surprise she had to constantly be, "moooo"-ving around to different things which some people thought was a lot of, "bull," yet a lot of excercise hurt her, "calves." He loved cattle and loved anybody else who had, "herd" of them. some people said he was, "udder"-ly weird, but at least he had a a right good time when he fed them in the winter without even having to yell, "Hay!" at them. He was a strong Christian believer in the Lord and loved Him very much, plus he was also glad he didn't have to mess with horses because he heard they would eat their, "fodders," but not their, "mudders," which makes no sense. He also had to go in front of them, " 'beef'-fore" they left, "signs" on the ground that they had been there. He even made up a brie poem when a bird who was flying over him decided to have some bad manners right in his face as he walked so he made this up,

"Little birdee in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye?

I'm a big boy, I don't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly!"

Sometimes when feeding them their hey bails in the winter when snow covered the ground, all he had to do in order to get their attention was just yell, " 'Hay,' gang! Now, come and get it!"

The other animals were easy to take care of. There was one pig they called Oscar, his last name was Mayer. He really did, "hog" up all the farmer's attention and often would, "pork" himself right in the middle part of the, "pen," although he couldn't write, since the only things he could ever do, "write" was all the messes he'd make which were, "left" everywhere, although without him, Roxanne would not have been able to, "bring home the bacon" as easily.

The chickens were always quite ready to, "chick-in" to a hotel since they were scared, so, "chicken" was a good name for all of them. When they turned their lights off at night, they'd make their switches go, "cluck" instead of click. If they couldn't do that for whatever reason, they would always use some, "fowl" language. The main guy they didn't like to see was not the general, but more like the, "Colonel" who was actually quite, "korny." Their great, great, great, great granddaddy's favorite baseball player was Tie, "Cobb," although that's enough, "korn" for now, so go spread some butter on it, or make that be some, "Promise" which should never be broken, unlike letting, "The Circle Be Unbroken," but now I'm, "broke" in the financial-department and need to be fixed. Right at this moment in time I'm, "broke" and need somebody who can fix me. If I could get a job baking I could get paid for, "loafing," but until then, I'm already, "kneading" some, "dough." Yet even if I could get that kind of job I would still be lacking some, "bread."

Neither Roxanne, nor Cathy had any skills or experience at doing any kind of job since they were both 16 years-old and were still in high school which meant neither of them had experience at work- ing, except for cleaning Carlyle High School after classes, but Roxanne had done some maid word in an old ladies house who wasn't able to clean any more. The main thing she had to do was be sure that her bed was made so she had to be a, "maid" there who, "made" her bed. All Cathy had done was take care of people's cats when they went out of town. Since her nickname was Cat, it was, "Cat taking care of cats" in the, "cat"-acome which meant she had to, "kit-tin" to the house by using the spare key and avoiding any, "cat"-tastrophies" which might have, "cataclysmic results which would prevent any kind of, " 'cat'-aclysmic," and there was no, "kitten" about that. The mamma cat was Pywacket who's named after a witches cats in Shakespeer's story, McBeth and whenever a mouse was spotted, she would figure out where it was using pie r square kind of math, then she'd, "wack-it." Another one was Felix like the cartoon cat on t v. The others all had classic names such as Jake and Sylvester, but they were all quite special. Yet after they'd been fed, none of their plates were empty. Then they would go look for things in some magazine, "cat"-alogs they had stolen. They especially enjoyed the December mags because they each had pictures of the guy named, "Sandy Claws" in them.

Since Roxanne was such an appropriate name for her, since, "rocks" are the things she had in her head, she called cats the greatest animals in the history of the entire solar system, she felt like they should have been called mans-best-friends instead of dogs, but then again, she thought the trees made the wind blow. Her bred wasn't quite done yet. Her elevator didn't go all the way up to the top floor. She was a few fries short of a Happy Meal. She was all bear and no foam. Her weals were spinning but yet her hamster was dead. In other words, when God handed out brains, she thought He said, "rains" and ran for cover. Other people say she thought He said, "trains" and missed hers altogether. A few people even said, "The Lord put her brains in with a teaspoon and somebody jiggled His arm. In other words, when it came to being a little intelligent, she made a good housekeeper, to put it mildly.

Even when it came to cooking, she had a really hard time shining because there was a sign in the dining room which read, "Dinner will be ready when the smoke alarm goes off." Cathy was a lot cooler than Roxanne when it came to doing other things, though. Even though she was right much prettier, smartness was an area in her life that she was severely lacking in. Granted, she worked out every day at Planet Fitness and swam for several hours at The Y. M. C. A. which gave her the perfect hourglass shaped body that all young ladies would love to have. She looked especially beautiful in a bekeeni since she had the perfect hourglass-shape to wear one. Yet in spite of that, her phone wasn't exactly ringing off the hook and the guys hadn't pounded on her front door to ask her out. That really did give her a complex since she didn't have a clue what it would take to attract the guys to her. It made no sense.

That's when she resorted to praying because she had nowhere else to go. Besides, the Lord was supposedly such an awesome prayer-answering God, or that's what Bishop David had told her during several of his messages in Church. She had never really prayed for anything because but the Lord had met all her needs. Yet since the bishop at her Church had preached that, "God was able to do exceeding, abundantly above all she asked or thought according to the power that worketh in her." As she prayed and asked Him to make that work out, a warm feeling covered her entire body. It felt like Somebody was hugging her in His really strong arms. Until then her mouth had been shaped like an n shape, but after having that experience, the corners changed to a capital U shape. In other words, the corners faced north instead of south. She also felt like there were some really strong arms embracing her in a great big bear-hug. That was really terrific.

The next morning she woke up, still remembering that feeling she'd had the night before. Since it was Saturday, she didn't have to work so she fixed herself a nice, hot breakfast while the thought from last night's prayer-time continued to run through her mind.

That's when somebody rang her doorbell. When she opened the door, there standing in front of her was the best-looking guy she'd ever set eyes on standing there. He said, "Excuse me, sorry to bother you, ma'am, but may I please use your phone to call my friend to come pick me up? My car has a flat tire and I don't have a spare. I'll gladly pay you to do that, sweetie. Oh, man! Is that my heart beating, or is somebody still knocking on your door? Wow!"

That made Roxanne swoon and giggle as she covered her mouth and gave him the brush-away sign. It so happened that she had been having a some guy-trouble since the ones she'd thought were nice turned out to be wolves. She invited him to come in and have a seat since she was just fixing some dinner, but had made too much which couldn't fit into the Tupperware containers that were under her cabinet. It turned out that guy had a lot in common with her and asked her it she'd like to go out sometime. Without thinking, she yelled, "Yeah!" Thus began a long-term romance be-tween them. The guy's name was actually James Write, who happened to be a poet-author who was having difficulty getting his work to be published. By an amazing coincidence, Roxanne was in the publishing field if the poet-author had what it took to become published. When she told him that, he laughed then said, "Hallelujah! You're exactly what I've been asking God to send into my life! I just wasn't expecting that person to be so sweet and beautiful like you, girl! That's really destiny in my opinion!"

That made Cathy hug him and kiss him on the cheek. To make a long-story, short, they dated a while, got married, had children and brought them up with the writing talent their parents had. It was truly a match made in Heaven, only it happened in the huge metropolis of Danville, Virginia so as the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY BOTH LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

--------------------------------------------- By, Cuz Roye.