2,342 WHAT?

2,342 …..WHAT?

‘ What does it mean, that number, right above your head, Cat?’

‘ I don’t know, maybe it’s a model number? Maybe it’s the number of days until the apocalypse.’ ‘Eve, what does it matter what it means? And you're sitting on my ankle. ‘

‘ Sorry. Can you shift over to the left more? What kind of sneaker are you wearing? Why is the sole so hard? I was just trying to lighten things up a bit. I mean, we’re both number nerds, even here, aren’t we?

‘‘ Eve, seriously. You picked this moment as the perfect moment for a little Number Wordle? And they’re not sneakers, my shoes. They’re Prada sandals. Consignment shop. I didn’t think they’d be the last shoes I would ever wear.’

‘ Don’t say that, Cat. About the shoes and the apocalypse. Maybe 2,342 refers to the number of babies who were born this year here in Oregon?’

‘ What made you bring up babies, Eve? We’re both childless. We don’t even qualify as childless cat ladies because we don’t have cats, either. And anyway, 2,243 is probably too high a ballpark for babies. 2, 243 probably refers to something global. Maybe it's the number of holidays celebrated worldwide. It smells like glue in here. ‘

‘ Gee, how could that be? India has the most holidays (counting religious days) worldwide, and that number is only around 140. It doesn’t smell like glue to me.’

“ 140 holidays? How did you pull that stat out of your hat?”

“Applied Statistics class. Not that statistics are much use right now in this situation. I wish we could at least see the outside world. Are you crying, Eve?”

“Me, no. It’s just my eyes are just watering. What if it's the number of new cars that have passed through town over the last month? “

“ Sure. Or the number of horse-drawn carriages that have passed through town a century ago “this month. “

“Eve, who would know or want to know that? Anyway, what town are we even in? Anymore, I mean.”

“ Well, we were in Lakeview, Oregon, half an hour ago. My phone is dead. It seems like an eternity ago that we……are you crying?”

“ Don’t be silly. And were is the word for it! We could be anywhere right now. And headed to places I definitely don't want to think about.”

“ Cat, don’t say that. I don’t want to be anywhere; I want to be on Rodeo Drive. Shopping for my wedding dress. Do you know how long it took me to save up for my dream dress?”

“ Ding ding. Maybe 2, 243 is the number of times a Georgia woman‘s heart has been broken before her wedding day…”.

“Or the number of days that the spurned woman has left to live. whoever she is.”

“That’s sad. No, that’s morose. Anyway, 2,243 is way too low a number unless you’re a spurned St. Bernard. I think it's more like 30,000 days. On average.”

:” Let's not talk like that about the number of days someone has to live”

:”Ok, but who are we kidding? What do some goofy random numbers mean to us?” We should be. I dunno, crying or praying or screaming. I think I may try all three.”

“ No, not screaming that would make matters worse. A lot worse. You’re the one who said we needed to stay positive, but who wouldn’t bawl in a situation like this?”

“This was going to be my special day, Cat. How often in life do you have a day just to shop for the perfect wedding dress? A day to remember. To never forget. “

“ Oh, this will be a day to remember, alright. But wedding dress shopping in Beverly Hills may not be the reason. I’m sorry. Don’t cry, Eve. Let's go back to guessing about the number. We can figure it out. You're a CPA in training, and I majored in statistics. Numbers are our thing!”

“Why aren’t you more scared, Cat ? You were Miss Georgia two years ago, you have a boyfriend lawyer who looks like Timothy Chalamat, your folks are going to pay for a condo for you when you get out of graduate school. You have everything to lose. And now you’re here, Now we’re here.”

“ Those are all external things, Eve. They don't do either of us any good in this situation. But I did my loving kindness meditation practice this morning. And I follow the Stoics. But yeah, I am as scared as you are. Feel my sweaty palms. I just thank God that neither of us is claustrophobic.”

“ Oh, Cat, I don’t feel loving or kind right now. I want to scream and cry my eyes out. I never thought that I would die before my 30th birthday, or before I got married or had a honeymoon in a Swiss chalet.”

“ Swiss chalet? I thought you were going to Palm Beach. Anyway, who said anything about dying? Go ahead and cry. Being maudlin isn’t helping matters.”

“ Our folks don't even know where we are, do they?”

“ Well, they did up until half an hour ago.

Anyway, your Stepford Wife mother wouldn't get out of her bed to save you from a house fire. if you don't mind my saying so, and I bet she’s lounging around on her bespoke mattress right now watching soap operas.”

“That’s cruel, Cat, Marilyn is an invalid, and anyway, she’s my stepmother, not my mother mother.”

“ Face it, Eve, she’s no invalid.. She’s just lazy and supremely self-centered. Anyway, she's not coming to save you and me, and nobody else is coming either. Let's go back to our guessing game.”

“ I thought you were trying to be positive. Shhhh. Wait, did you hear that? We’re slowing down. Someone is opening the hatch. Hold my hand, Cat!””

(Hatchback of the car is opening )

“What the hell…? Lola, I told you I thought I heard women’s voices in the back. …what are you two women doing in there? in the trunk of my car? Who are you two, and how did you get in here?”

You mean you two didn’t kidnap us?

“My sister Lola and me? Do we look like kidnappers? We were on our way to an international music festival in Chattanooga.”

“ Well, we were on our way to Beverly Hills. We never saw our kidnappers. They had masks on, and they just shoved us in here and told us to shut up. I guess they grabbed the wrong two women. Eve and I don’t have rich fathers or family money or a mansion or even a new car. We were just headed to shopping the bridal shops in Beverly Hills. “

“Cat is right. I just saved up enough money for a wedding dress. It took 2 years.”

“Well, those dimwits apparently grabbed the wrong two targets. Your hired kidnappers must have also put you in the wrong car. This is a Yukon XL. They probably were meant to hide you in the Ford Expedition parked next to us. I don’t know how they got the keys from the valet parking attendant. I know the parking garage was dark, but jeez, they just have been really dumb criminals, really dumb bastards. Wait til they get where they’re going with no human cargo in the hold!! “

“Here, take my hand, ladies, I'll help you climb out. Stretch your legs. My name is Steve. Easy does it. How long have you been in there?”

“Forever, almost, it seems like. I dunno, maybe an hour. I’m Cat, and this, the woman with the engagement ring and the tear-stained face, is Eve. And you are our knight in shining armor! We could have suffocated in there.”

“We’ll take you back to your car, and then you two get to the police station.”

“ Thank you so much. One last question, what does that number you have pasted inside the hatch mean, the one in big red letters?”

“Oh that? It's a power ball number that scored for me last month. Thought I might try it again, for good luck. Now, I’m having second thoughts!!!