Just Another Day at the Office

Michael opened the door to his office. On his desk -- draped over his monitor -- was a large snake. It was brown with a pattern, and it was moving. Liz was right. He was about to shut the door when he heard “Mew. Mew”. A ginger kitten was crawling up his leg. He put it in his jacket pocket, shut the door, and wondered how this had happened.

Michael’s morning had started badly. First, his coffee maker wouldn’t start. He rushed out to get coffee at the shop around the block, and noticed that he had on one brown sock and one navy sock. He hoped no one would notice. At the coffee shop he ordered a skim latte to go. He was pretty sure he saw them add whole milk, but the barista denied it. He had to grab his coffee and run for it because he saw the bus coming up the street, and if he missed it, he would be late. He ran and just made it to the bus on time. As he was getting on, someone else ran up behind him slamming into his back, and he collided with his latte. It hurt, but worse, it stained his shirt. No one might notice his mismatch socks, but everyone would notice this. He glared at the two teenagers who got on the bus after him and sighed. They had coffee at the office, at least.

When he reached the office, he thought things might get better. It was gray and dark outside, but no rain yet. He had nodded at Liz -- the mousy brown-haired receptionist -- and headed towards his office.

“Michael,” Liz said, slightly panicked.

“What is it, Liz?”

“Do you know about your office?”

“What about my office?”

“About the ... the … in there.”

Michael tried to think of what she might be talking about. The kittens. He told Becca she could put the stray Momma Cat and kittens in his office last night since it looked like it would be a violent storm. He hoped they hadn’t made a mess. “You mean the animals in my office? They’re still there?”

Liz’s eyes widened in terror. “Is there more than one of them?”

“I assume three or four.”

Liz looked like she was about to have a fit, shaking and cringing.

“They are tiny, and they don’t bother anyone.” Michael said.

“Are they poisonous?”

“Poisonous no.”

“Thank heaven for that. You have to get them out of there. Gerald Hopkins is coming from corporate today, and he will not be amused. I’m not going in there until I’m sure they are gone.

“Why are you making such a big deal about kittens?”

“Kittens? I wasn’t talking about kittens.”

“What were you talking about?”

“The snake. There’s a big snake on your desk when I took in the mail.”

Michael closed the door to his office and went back to the reception area. He looked at Liz and said, “There is a snake on my desk.”

The kitten poked his head out of Michael’s pocket and said “Mew.”

“I know about the snake. Did you know there is a kitten in your pocket?”

“I couldn’t leave it with the snake. Do you think the snake ate the other ones?”

“What other ones?”

“The other kittens.”

“I don’t know. I dropped the mail on the floor and ran out.”

The street door opened, and two young men — Jeremy and Javier— came in laughing. Michael looked at them sternly. The kitten popped out and meowed. Jeremy said, “Michael, do you know you have a kitten in your pocket?”

“Yes, and there is a snake on my desk.”

“Good for you, mate!”

“I don’t want a snake on my desk. Do either of you know anything about it?”

“I didn’t have anything to do with it.”

Javier shook his head, “Me neither.”

“Do you know who might have? There are kittens in the office too, and I’m worried the snake might eat them.”

“Probably, it would only eat one of them.” Javier said. “For most pet snakes, one kitten would feed it for a week or longer.”

“Do you have snakes, Javier?”

Javier nodded.

“And you feed them kittens!” Liz exclaimed.

“No, I feed them mice, but it’s the same concept.”

The street door opened, and a distracted and wet Becca entered the office carrying a cat carrier. She put it down and shook out her umbrella, spraying Michael with water. The kitten hissed in protest.

“It’s started pouring out there.” She looked at Michael, noticed the kitten, and said, “Michael, why do you have one of the kittens in your pocket?”

“It ran out when I was checking on the snake.”

“You don’t have a snake in your office.”

“Normally, I don’t. This one is just visiting.”

“Really, you should have warned me. Even with a proper enclosure, I’m not sure the kittens should be in there with a snake.”

“Meow.” Yowled the cat in the carrier.

“You’re bringing another cat in here?”

Becca looked hard-pressed, “It’s flooding down where this guy usually stays. I figured you wouldn’t mind. I thought I’d put him in your office with the other cats.”

“And the snake," Jeremy added helpfully.

“Let me just take a look.” Becca walked around the corner. They heard a sharp intake of breathe and the door shut a few moments later. Becca walked around the corner holding a black and white kitten. This little one came to me while I was checking. I don’t want it to run around, and I don’t have any pockets. Michael, would you mind?”

Michael accepted the kitten and put it in his other jacket pocket.

Becca continued, “There is a snake just playing around on your desk, Michael.”

“That’s what I was saying.”

“I don’t think it's work appropriate. I’m going to report it to Miss Fardini. But first, I need to set up Tom Cat here, a place to eat and use the litter box. You don’t mind him being in reception, do you, Liz?”

Liz shook her head and said, “No,” in an exaggerated voice.

Becca went about setting up food and water dishes before letting Tom Cat out in the reception. They could hear the storm coming down outside as Becca got out a disposable litter box to put in the corner of reception. The power flickered.

“How do we get rid of the snake? Anyone?”

Tom Cat promptly went to the new litter box and started kicking all the litter onto the floor.

“Well, what type of snake is it?” asked Javier.

“How should I know?”

“I’ll go take a look at it then. You want to see it, Jeremy?”

“Sure.”

The black and white kitten was not content to stay in Michael’s pocket and started climbing his jacket.

They heard Jeremy saying from around the corner, “Yeah its a snake.”

Javier was pointing out the features. “You see the dark brown color with light brown splotches on the side. It has cream belly with black splotches.”

“Yeah I see that. Do you know what type it is?”

“It’s a ball python. Not fully grown probably. I don’t think it quite 3 feet yet.”

There was a flash of lightning and a loud boom of thunder immediately after. The lights went out.

There was a loud yowl and a crashing sound.

Jeremy said, “Hey, did you just run into me?”

“No.”

The lights came on again. Liz started shrieking. The Momma cat had caught the snake and was prancing around the reception area with it in her mouth hanging limply. Tom Cat thought it looked fun and started jumping over the prancing cat.

“It’s a dead,” Michael said grabbing the shrieking woman by the shoulders. “The cat killed the snake. It’s dead.”

Liz started to take deep sobbing breathes but at least she wasn’t screaming anymore.

Jeremy and Javier ran back toward them.

Jeremy looked at Michael, “Your monitor’s broken and so it the picture of your Emily.”

Javier looked at the cat, “Don’t worry about the snake. It’s probably just playing dead. When the cat drops it we need a bag to catch it and put it in.”

“Playing dead?” Liz started shrieking again.

“I don’t have any bags you can use.” Becca said.

“Michael?”

“I don’t either.” Javier saw Liz’s purse on her desk in the front and emptied everything out onto her desk. Liz was still shrieking about the snake, and she didn’t have any breath to complain.

The Momma Cat saw the kittens in Michael’s pocket at that moment, and she dropped the snake to run over and check on them. The kittens jumped out of Michael’s pockets, and jumped down to their mother as Javier neatly scooped the snake up into Liz’s purse, zipping it shut. Tom Cat tried to jump up and grab the bag, but Javier held it up high. He presented the purse to Michael and said, “Problem solved.”

“Not quite. Did the snake eat any of the kittens?” Becca asked.

“Let’s go check.”

Becca and Michael looked in the office and located one gray tabby kitten curled up with a tiny calico kitten under the desk. He picked up the kittens and put them in his jacket pockets to take them to rejoin their mother.

“Michael. I need you to get rid of that snake in my purse.” Liz said.

“The rain seems to be stopping. Javier, as soon as the rain stop why don’t you take the snake outside somewhere and let it go.”

“No, it’s not a native snake. Ball python’s don’t defend themselves. We need to get him a good home somewhere. You sure you don’t want a snake, Michael?”

“I definitely can’t.”

“Well, I’ll ask around.” Javier took the purse with the snake and walked down the hall presumably to ask.

The door opened, and a good-natured gray-bearded man stepped in. “Sorry, I would have been here sooner… I am Gerald Hopkins.” He was looking around the place.

Michael came up to him. “Gerald, good to see you.” The two men shook hands.

"Looks like you all have been through the wars here.”

The calico started climbing out of Michael's pocket.

"You have a kitten in your pocket."

"Oh, I forgot." The gray tabby hopped down onto the floor, and the calico followed it with a pounce.

“This is nothing.” Jeremy said, “You should see Michael’s office. Jeremy Doran.” He said, holding out his hand. Gerald shook it with a friendly smile.

“Jeremy, you should get back to work.”

“Yes, boss.” He said, walking away.

“Liz White. Receptionist. You’ll excuse me a moment.” Liz went off to the ladies room.

Becca smiled at Gerald, “Hi, I’m Becca Langer. I really should be getting back to work too. We had some excitement this morning with some animals who got inside the building, and we had a power outage.” Becca walked off.

“Speaking of animals,” Gerald said. “I hope it wasn’t any inconvenience.”

“Hoping what wasn’t?”

“Watching Eduardo for me.”

“Eduardo?”

“My pet ball python. My nephew is acting as my assistant for the trip, and when the hotel wouldn’t allow Eduardo, I told him to bring him by and get him set up in the office. I hope that was okay.”

“Absolutely okay. Just, I didn’t know where the snake came from and…”

Javier was coming back to the front. “None of the guys here want to adopt a snake.”

“Do you have Liz’s purse?” Javier nodded, “Give it to Gerald. It turns out its his snake.”

“Oh! Then you will want this.” Javier said handing him Liz’s purse.

Gerald accepted the purse with. A confused look. “So where is my snake?” Liz reentered the room and took a seat at her desk.

Gerald smiled at her, “Excuse me Miss White. I believe this is your purse.”

“Thank you.” Liz accepted the purse and unzipped it. The snake poked his head out, and Liz promptly fainted.