The World Inside the Bathroom Mirror

The World Inside the Bathroom Mirror

Rose Caetta

The rush of the water wasn't enough to drown out her soft sobs. I reached over and turned off the faucet, glancing down at the water, relieved it wasn't red. Julia curled into herself, making her body look incredibly small and sad. I looked away.

"Thank you again," she told me between haggered breaths. "For this."

I blinked once, twice. "Always."

The air was like a blanket, the silence like a lullaby. I snapped awake, willing myself to stay present, to not let her slip away. The condensation on the mirror blurred the room it reflected, and part of me wanted to walk into that world and never come back out.

"Tom?" she asked gently.

My breath caught in my throat. I whipped my head around before any thought could form, coming face to face with her naked body. I averted my eyes again.

"Sorry. Yes? Sorry."

Julia shook her head.

"It's nothing you haven't already seen."

The water sloshed around, soon gurgling down the drain.

"I was just going to ask if you could grab me a towel."

My eyebrows lifted. "Oh. Yeah, sure."

I examined the area around her, scanning for razors or other sharps. All good. I smiled for her, weakly this time, before turning the corner to retrieve a towel that was Bluey themed. She wrapped it around herself, then sneezed.

"You're gonna be safe now?" I asked.

Julia's featured became heavy and shadowed. "I-- I'm still not sure."

Sleep tugged at my eyelids, licking the backs of them with its ghost tongue.

"I'll stay as long as you need."

Julia's gaze travelled to the floor. "You're a good person."

I shook my head. "You know I'm not."

Julia's throat tightened. "It's not your fault you're the way you are."

"But it's my job not to be. I'm not supposed to hurt the people around me. It's my obligation to get better, despite it being unfair."

Her irises wobbled. "Obligation?"

I sighed. "I can't just-- give up. We can't."

Julia's featured squeezed into the center of her face. "I'm so tired, Thomas."

She lifted one leg, splashing water out onto the little carpet waiting outside the tub, then the other. It all happened so suddenly, and before I could comprehend the sheer fluidity of her movement, her arms were around me, the water soaking into my clothes. My body became hot and I wanted to scream, but instead I froze, her soft self melting over my stiff torso.

"Sure, we can." Her voice was like a sunlit piano in a southern parlor, weepy and weak, despite its best efforts to appear the opposite. "We gave up before, didn't we?"

A dark arrow plunged into my chest, coated in psychedelics that ran memories through the silver screen in my brain. Her on the phone. My laptop open on my desk, which seemed so far away.

"I suppose we did," I concluded.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Tom," she whispered. "Let's just pretend."

My heart galloped. "Pretend what?"

Julia nestled into a crook in my shoulder. "That we're dead. And all of this is over."

I became weary, my knees threatening to buckle.

"Don't say that," I said breathlessly.

Air was becoming sacred. Every breath I took, I filled my lungs up to their maximum capacity.

"Please?"

"Tom," Julia stated. "I know you still want to be with me."

My throat clenched. "I do."

"Even though I wasn't good to you? Even though I'm not being good to you right now?" Her voice became a slithering string. "I'm not good for anyone right now."

She let go.

"Look at our situation. From a bird's eye view, you're here at 3A.M. making sure I don't kill myself. You should be asleep. I should be asleep. This? It's unhealthy. I love you, but this isn't what I want for either of us."

Salt purifies wounds, casts out demons and brings about a pain that is holy and righteous. The salt washed over my heart, and I knew.

"You're right. I know you're right."

"I need to get help. I know that much," Julia said. "I hope you get help, too."

"I'll drive you to the hospital," I told her. "I won't let you argue that."

Julia sniffled. "Yeah. I should go."

Together we packed her a bag. No strings, belts, or shoelaces. She brought a book, a novelization of “2001: A Space Odyssey”. That should keep her occupied during the downtime.

"I'm really proud of you," I said. "I always will be."

Julia smiled, that shy smile I only saw when I said anything especially sentimental. "Thanks, Tom. I'm proud of you, too."

I couldn't look at her. She seemed to be glowing, this warrior in a frail frame.

When she finished packing we headed out into the night. The car ride was silent, the only sound being the whooshing of the occasional other car as it passed us by. The lights seemed to splay, warped by whatever it was that lingered in the air tonight. There was no one else in the waiting room, but as we sat on the chairs, I knew it was the end. Something between us broke off like train cars, myself going one way and her going another. Our time together on this Earth was to be temporary, moreso than other temporaries. But at the exact same time, my time with Julia would be a forever that planted itself in my spirit, a tree that would never grow another inch, yet remain firmly rooted.

"Julia?" the nurse called.

She stood up, looked back at me, almost as if to ask permission.

"It's okay," I whispered. "You're going to be okay."

She blinked away tears and turned towards the nurse. And then, she walked into the brightly shining emergency room, never to be seen by me ever again. But it was for the best, I knew. She would live on. And so would I. There were places I was going to see and people I was going to meet. That thought made me happy.