Dear Diary

“Dear Diary”

Where do I begin? This is all unknown to me, but I feel as if I need to tell someone, or something. Many people, even famous ones, have kept diaries, so why should I feel bad, or even strange, about it? But part of me says a diary is for girls; men, like me, have journals. But that just seems to be wordplay. But writing dear diary everyday will drive me nuts. What to do? I know, I had a friend years ago named Jim. I shall write these as if they are letters to Jim, ones of course that will never be sent, but it will feel better to me.

Dear Jim,

Today, as you may know, was a tragically sad day. Today, I buried my mother, my rock, the only one who understood me. Okay, you understand me too. But I am now alone, truly alone for the first time, and am not sure if, or how to go on. I wish you could have been there, it was a lovely service, even if only a few people came, and most of those bitches gave me the evil eye or kept their distance. It was my mom who died, MY MOM, and they act as if there was something wrong with me. But I am afraid that I will be alone now for the rest of my life.

Dear Jim,

It has been a month. While it is still rough, it is getting better. Work is work, you know how it is. But at least I am plowing ahead, mother would be proud.

Dear Jim,

You will never guess what happened today. I met someone. She is funny, smart, and beautiful. Did I mention that? We talked on the bus today, she smiled at me, and even laughed. I think I should ask her out. What do you think?

Dear Jim,

I took your advice, I asked her out. She did not say yes, but she did not say no either; she said she needed to think about it. So there is hope! I feel so alive.

Dear Jim,

She has not been on the bus for a week now. I hope nothing has happened to her. I can’t wait to see if she will say yes or not. Fingers crossed.

Dear Jim,

I ran into her today, her name is Gwen, and she looked nervous, but I was, too, after all. Not only did she agree to go out with me, but she even came to my house for dinner. I think this might be the start of a lifelong relationship.

Dear Jim,

I have never been happier. Gwen and I are getting along great. She calls for me all the time; she can’t seem to do anything without me. Our love is growing every day. I know it has only been a few weeks, but I am thinking of popping the question. What do you think? Should I, or should I give it more times?

Dear Jim,

I bought the ring, I showed it to her, and popped the question over dinner. She broke down into tears, and although she never actually said yes, I know tears of joy when I see them.

Dear Jim,

Why does the world hate me? Why does the world not want to see me happy? What bad things have I done? But it's true, it’s not my imagination. I will prove it to you. Check out this headline from the paper today.

“It has been one month since Gwen Baldwin, a 22-year-old nursing student, was snatched off the street by an unknown assailant. Footage from surrounding cameras did not give a clear enough view of the suspect, but police promise they are doing everything they can to find Ms. Baldwin and bring her home to her family.”

What are they talking about? She has not been abducted. She came here willingly to have dinner and spend time with me. She wanted to spend the night, and though we have yet to do anything other than kiss, our time together has been special. We have decided to wait until marriage, which is coming up quickly; we settled on September 15th. But really, she was worried her family would not approve; there are so many differences; for example, she is a college graduate, I barely finished high school, we are of different faiths, but we will figure out what to do with the kids when we cross that bridge. We decided keeping it secret until after the wedding was the best way to go in this situation. Don’t you agree?

Dear Jim,

You know what sucks? None of the guys at work really believes I am getting married; in fact, they don’t believe she is even real! They think I am making it up.

They ask if she is a mannequin or a blow-up doll. One even joked that I had a girl tied up in my attic. The laughter got so bad that I stormed out of the lunchroom. But you know what really got me? As I was leaving, I turned and screamed, I don’t even have an attic, and that made them laugh even harder. Why are people so cruel? Why can’t they just be happy when two people find each other? But I can’t focus on the hate, there is a wedding to plan, things to do, for soon Gwen will be mine, all mine, and all my worries and cares will be gone.

Dear Jim,

All they can talk about at work is Allan missing. No one is asking how my plans are coming or where their invites are. It’s just poor Allan; something terrible must have happened to him. The papers say his apartment looked like a struggle, and they found a needle that looks like it was used to make him easier to control. People are actually crying over that jerk! Well, if nothing else, he will not be teasing me about a girl in my attic again. On the other hand, a weird thing happened the other day. Somehow, I got red paint all over my clothes, which made no sense because I painted the room yellow for Gwen, her favorite color. Maybe something in my clothes mixed with the paint, but even after washing, they were still stained, so I just burned them in the fire pit. But damn, I loved those jeans, so comfy. Oh well, Gwen will probably make me get new clothes once we get married. She tries to hide it, but she always frowns when she first sees me. I know she hates my outfits, but she is just way too nice to actually say anything. I bet that changes once we are married, the old ball and chain, right?

Dear Jim,

The craziest thing happened to me today. I guess it is true. Before, I was a social outcast, but now women are throwing themselves at me. They always say once you are off the market, everyone wants you, and they are right. On the bus today, a girl sat right next to me and flirted and chatted all the way to her stop. She even said she hopes to see me again! Did I mention she was pretty? Jim, she really was, not kidding you. I tell you, I am so tempted to dip my toe, as they say, because once that wedding takes place, the candy store is closed, right! What do you think? One date, one last fling before settling down to the same old lady forever? It is tempting, but Gwen would be so hurt.

Dear Jim,

Well, I took your advice. I called her, and she agreed to go out. I lied to Gwen, told her I had to work late that night. She expressed sorrow and offered to wait up, but I told her not to bother as I might be very late. I hated lying to her, but how often does a guy like me get to have two beautiful girls interested in him?

Dear Jim,

Your advice sucked. It really did. I can’t imagine why I listened to you. Michelle was funny, sexy, everything you could want in a girl. But when I told her that I was getting married in a few weeks, she lost it. She accused me of just using her for sex. I swear it never crossed my mind! She even threw a drink in my face and told me she hopes I rot in hell and that my girlfriend comes to her senses and runs as far away from me as possible. I guess that is what happens when you try to burn the candle at both ends and get caught. But still, we were having a great time until then, she could have just enjoyed the rest of the date. Or is that asking for too much? I sneaked in so as not to disturb Gwen, and felt so guilty that I slept on the couch and left before breakfast. Let me tell you, Jim, never again, never, and I mean it. What was I thinking? I risked losing Gwen over a little cold feet, a feeling of being trapped. But damn it, trapped is what I want to be, so long as Gwen is my captor.

Dear Jim,

Something horrible happened. Michelle was killed! Some lunatic slashed her throat and left her to bleed out in the street. By the time she was found, it was too late; she had lost too much blood. How do I know? The police came to my house to question me. The restaurant we went to had cameras, so they knew I had been with her, plus they had my credit card information. But I explained how I felt so bad about cheating on my soon-to-be wife, I confessed everything to her, and she insulted me and threw a drink in my face before storming off. While they knew all that, they said it was standard procedure to talk to the people who had seen her last. I explained that by the time I paid and stepped outside, she was already gone, and I cut my losses and headed home. The officer did not seem like he really believed me, but that is probably his normal demeanor; after all, he sees the worst in people every day, right? He did leave his card in case I remembered anything else that might help them in the case. I was grateful that Gwen was not awake. I lied about her to the cops when they asked if anyone else was there. I told them no, I really wanted to keep this from her if I could. Luckily, she did not bother us. But, damn, did you know they had cameras like that? Or that they could track you through your credit card usage? Totally threw me. Then he told me they would be looking at the cameras from the murder scene to see if they could get anything from them. Cameras in the streets? Is there no privacy anymore?

Dear Jim,

Today was a great day. Gwen’s wedding dress was ready for pickup. She asked me to pick it up for her on my way home, which I was more than happy to do. She did not want to put it on; she wanted to wait, but really, we needed to see it on to make sure it fit well. She looked stunning. She was crying, tears of joy, I am sure, she looked like an angel. The cake and music need to be paid for now; time is running out.

Dear Jim,

Does the universe hate me? Two weeks from the happiest day of my life, and I get fired from work. They call it a layoff, of course, and let three of us go. I tried explaining that I could not afford to be let go, I was getting married in less than two weeks, and would have a wife to take care of. But they did not care, or even seem to believe me, and told me it was nothing personal. They did give me a month's severance, so that helps a little, but who wants to look for another job this close to a wedding? Thank god I have everything paid for already. What do you think? Should I look for another job right away, or wait until after the wedding and honeymoon, and then begin looking? Yeah, you're right, enjoy the time off, three weeks will fly by.

Dear Jim,

I am so sorry that you missed the wedding. Gwen was hoping to meet you. I have told her so much about you. It was very small; in fact, none of the people we invited showed up. I guess they forgot. Bastards. Well, we knew none of her friends or family would be there since they were so set against it, but you hold out hope, that you know, maybe they would change their minds at the last minute, wanting to be there for their friend and daughter. We still had a great time. We exchanged our own vows, she smashed cake into my face, we danced, and posed for pictures. It was truly a magical experience. Say, when the pictures come in, I will send you out a set. Of course, don’t get mad once you see all the decorations and fun, and get mad at yourself for missing it. We both know you would have been there if you could have, and we can’t wait to host you.

Dear Jim,

Marriage is not all that I expected it to be. Gwen is constantly harping about feeling like a prisoner and wanting to go out. But damn, I am still not working, we spent on the wedding, and there are bills that need to be paid. Going out, just has to wait. Where is the fun, happy Gwen from just a few weeks ago?

Dear Jim,

The police came back again. They had fuzzy photos of the murder. Can you believe they think I did it? Me? A killer? I admit, there was a little physical resemblance, but I am just an average guy and build, from the back, a lot of people can look like me, or I look like them. They were not as nice as last time and told me not to leave town. I asked if I needed a lawyer, and they said it was not a bad idea. I am scared, I don’t mind telling you. Promise me, and I mean it, promise me that if something happens to me, you will watch out for Gwen. The poor girl gave up family and friends to marry me, but for some reason, I can’t be there. I am asking you, okay, Jim? Thanks, I knew you would come through.

Dear Jim,

Well, things are picking up. Gwen seems to be adjusting nicely to her new life. No more complaints about going out. I found a new job, and it even pays better than my last one, plus I can put Gwen on my insurance plan in thirty days. I tell you, it may be time to think about kids. As for watching out for Gwen, I think we are good. The police have not been back to bother me in weeks. I never bothered with a lawyer. After all, I did nothing wrong, so why did I need one? Just the cops harassing the little guy, right? Hey Jim, hang on, would you, someone is banging on the door. Probably some damn salesman, they are getting really pushy as the economy struggles.

Claire Danes here for Acton News. Yesterday, police raided the home of Archie Miller, here at 3636 Front st. Mr. Miller was the prime suspect in the murder of Michelle Kang, who was found with her throat slit just a little over a month ago. Police long suspected Mr. Miller but were unable to secure enough evidence for an arrest until a homeowner came forward with footage from her doorbell camera. She had been visiting family in California and had not paid attention until she got home. But that was only the beginning of the horror. Inside, they found the wallet of Allan Herbert, who disappeared mysteriously almost two months ago. If that was not bad enough, in the basement, they found Gwen Baldwin barely clinging to life, chained and wearing a wedding dress. Police had to cut the chains off her; they say the smell was horrific as she was lying in a pool of her own waste. She was taken to the hospital, and her parents were informed of her recovery. Police say Mr. Miller seemed genuinely surprised by the visit and the arrest and kept asking them not to tell his wife. A truly sad day here. Back to you, Chet.