Revenge has a Ring to it

REVENGE HAS A RING TO IT

“This is the restaurant I was telling you about. The food is good, but the Oceanside view is killer, Am I right?”

“It’s fine, Davey. A diner would have been fine, too.”

“Ed, come on, let’s chill. I wish it hadn’t come to this. I mean, the reason that we’re here.”

“It didn’t have to come to this, Davie. And don’t talk like you’re the injured party. It doesn’t suit you. “

“Ed, it’s not worth this much bad blood. It’s not like this get-together is another deal breaker. “

“Hey, you’re the attorney here, but it seems to me that what you describe as the deal has already been broken. I guess by the deal that you mean our marriage? I would have used different words. It feels kind of hurtful.”

“Ok, forget I said that. I wasn’t trying to be hurtful. But it must mean something to you to show up today because, well, you showed up.”

“Well, it has to be settled, doesn’t it? This last thing. “

“Again, you’re sounding like a lawyer with a docket. You don’t have to take that tone with me. We can try to be civil.”

“Ok, I am a lawyer and you’re the doctor here so, I guess I’ll have to take the medicine, to use another metaphor.”

“I think we’re getting off on the wrong foot. It’s funny. Regina thought we would be better off texting each other when we were both in a more conciliatory mood.”

” What does Regina have to do with this? She’s your sister; you’re my ex-husband! If we’re going to get relatives involved, maybe I should consult with my mother!”

” Helena, the grande dame? You’re joking. But sure if you can get her off her beach chair in Miami and get her to put down her Margarita long enough to listen to you or me, sure, let’s hear what she has to say!”“

“That’s just mean, Davie. She’s entitled to a little late-life alcoholism after all she went through with that bastard of a stepfather of mine.”

“Who? Alfred? That was number 3 on the husband roll call, as I recall. Well, I’ll say one thing about Helena: she’s a bulldog. She would already have gotten what she wanted here if she was in my place. It would be done and dusted. You’re right, maybe we need Helena as a go-between.”

”Forget Helena. We’re both adults. This is between you and me. Hey, you’re the Buddhist here. Maybe we should try for a moment of mindful meditation before we square off again.”

” I’d rather order lunch.”

“I already did. That overstuffed salad you couldn’t get enough of?I ordered two of them, with the avocado toast.”

“Wow, you do have a gracious bone in your body, Davey. I assume you are also picking up the check? Oh that’s right you have a healthy expense account.”

“Don’t hold that against me, Ed. I work my ass off to keep my head above water in that shark tank of an elite hospital group. What with insurance companies and patient liability claims and big pharma. Not that being a corporate lawyer is a walk in the park, “

” No, my job isn’t –a walk in the park. It’s like an ongoing pain on the ass, and I don’t hold that against you, that generous expense account. You deserve a perk or two. Or three. Thank you, Big Pharma.”

“Speaking of perks, remember that spring when we were hiking in White Rocks in Vermont, and we rescued the elderly woman who had broken both ankles stumbling on a rocky path that the B&B managed? I gave her emergency help, got her to that medical center in Rutland, and she even retained you afterwards to sue that B&B for negligence. She raked in some big bucks. And so did you, well, we both did. The good old days when we were partners!”

“‘Were” is the operative word here, Davey. All things have an expiration date, it seems. Especially when you add a few false steps and a little misstep fatigue on one side of the equation.”

” On one side of the equation? Oh, now, it’s back to me again. Me, Old Misstep Davie?”

“I didn’t say that, Davie. But you know what I’m talking about. “

“Am I a mind reader? No, I don’t know what you are talking about, and I don’t want to hear your version of my false steps. Eat your salad. Do you want a beer? Let’s have a beer. Maybe that will cool things off a bit. Check out the drinks menu. Newcastle Brown ale. How often do you see that in the States? Do you still drink it?"

” I have to go back to work soon, Davey. I’ll stick with the sparkling water.”

“Oh, and I suppose I don’t have to go back to work? My girl Friday Em carved out this time today by moving three patients around so we could meet to settle this. It isn’t easy changing appointments with senior citizens who are set in their ways. What’s wrong with the salad?”

Absolutely nothing. I guess I’m not hungry.”

“Is that what it is? I know your idea of breakfast has always been burned coffee and half a bagel. You must be hungry by now.”

“No, you’re right. I do not know how to whip up Eggs Benedict with my eyes closed on the fly like you do ,and I still don’t get the measurements right with that French press machine you gave me, but hey, there’s always the deli around the corner, I can survive without breakfast. Anyway, this is not why we are here.”

” I don’t see why we can’t just have a civil conversation, in spite of everything that has happened.”

“It’s because of what has happened that we can’t talk like …like we used to, Davie.”

“It was a minor dalliance. I was bored, I was out of town. It was summertime. You were overbooked. “

“And that makes you the wronged party, however you want to whitewash it?”

Davie, the party is over, the marriage is over, and I want it back. After all I paid for it. Every last damn karat. Tiffany’s doesn’t have a bargain basement, last time I checked.”

“You want it back because you are planning to give it to someone else?”

“That’s none of your business. None of my business is your business anymore.”

“Well, it is in this case, because you bought it for me. For me to wear forever.”

“Davie, don’t be a child.”

“You know what else is forever, Ed, ….? The ocean. And what better way to mark the end of our already ended relationship than to turn this thing over to the surf and the waves. Let it merge with the sea life. There goes! Go ahead, shed a tear, Ed. I want to see you watch your investment swim away forever. It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Not like you imagine. You’re wearing a fake. Davey, I swapped that ring out that last night we were together while you were showering, the night before we split. “

“Revenge is sweet…but not as high-priced as you’d hoped. The real ring is home, all snug in its little blue box! Waiter, check, please. For the other gentleman.”