1884 part 2--Tallywhackers

As soon as Aunt Elizabeth and I returned from the opera, my mother wanted to know every single detail.

"I met a young man, mother!" I exclaimed. "His name is Mr. McCain, but he asked me to call him William. He asked to call on me, tomorrow afternoon, and to meet you."

Aunt Elizabeth interrupted. "Clara's new beux reminded me of a high-spirited stallion I had, once."

My mother interrupted. "I'd like to here all about the stallion, later, but let's here Clara's story, first.

"Oh, okay," said my aunt. She looked a bit disappointed, but perked up when my mother sent Cook to bring the sherry.

My mother was extremely curious, as usual. "What did this Mr. McCain look like?"

I sighed. "He is extremely handsome. He has blue eyes and brown, curly hair. When he smiles, he has dimples!"

Cook brought the sherry, and poured it into three glasses.

Mother continued grilling me. "Is he rich? How much money do you think he has. Also, does he come from new money or old?"

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I have no idea. Why would those thing be important? I want to marry for love."

Mother sighed. "Where we live, social connections and money are everything. Were you to marry a man who was socially and monetarily beneath you, you would no longer be able to belong to our social group."

I yawned. "We have a social group?"

"Of course we do," Mother replied. "We are at the very top of the social groups in New York City. If you were to marry a man unworthy of you, you would sink to his societal level. In other words, you would be shunned by people you know.

Mother poured a glass of sherry for herself, and took a sip. "Excellent. Thank you, Cook. You may retire for the evening."

"Thank you, Ms. Hollaway," said Cook.

Mother poured a glass of sherry for me, and one for Aunt Elizabeth. Aunt Elizabeth downed hers in one gulp, while I slowly drank mine.

"I am sorry if I seem harsh," said my mother, "but we must find out this information about Mr. McCain, tomorrow. "Your future depends upon it."

"Yes, Mama," I said. "I understand."

My mother hugged me tightly. "I just want to make sure you marry a man that deserves you."

"Well," I said. "Perhaps that man is coming to see me tomorrow afternoon."

"Perhaps," said my mother, "but we must be careful."

"William said he is looking forward to meeting you," I said.

My mother raised her eyebrows. "Is he? Then, he should be very afraid."

"I told him that," I replied. "He still said he is looking forward to meet you."

Mother took another sip of sherry. "Then he is brave, or extremely stupid. Regardless, we shall find out tomorrow. Good night, Clara," she said.

"Good night, mama," I said.

"Good night all!" yelled Aunt Elizabeth, who had drunk far too much sherry.

The next morning was a flurry of preparation for William's arrival. Our maids dusted the front room, and opened its windows. Cook supervised the baking of cookies, cake, and scones.

Emily located my day dress that was blue. "You look wonderful," she said, after she fastened its buttons.

"Thank you," I said. "Did you receive your increase in wages?"

She nodded yes, and I smiled.

"Mama, you look exquisite," I said, when I spied her in the hallway. She was wearing a cream-colored day dress that brought out her complexion.

"Mr. McCain, or any caller, shall never find me shabbily dressed," my mother stated. Just then, there was a sharp knock at the door.

"Giles," my mother whispered to our butler. "See that you keep our guest occupied for one minute. Then, show him into the front room."

"Yes, Mrs. Hollaway," the butler replied.

My mother and I hurried into the front room and shut its door. The cookies, cake, and sconed were arranged on a silver tray. I sat on father's favorite armchair pretending to read one of Mother's magazines. Mother pretended to be reading a copy of Pride and Prejudice.

Once again, there was a sharp knock at the door.

"Mr. William McCain," said Giles.

"Thank you, Giles," said Mother.

"You're welcome, madame," he said.

Mr. William McCain smiled. "You must be Clara's mother, Mrs. Hollaway. I am very pleased to meet you." He briefly took my mother's hand and shook it.

My mother returned Mr. McCain's smile. "It is very good to meet you, Mr. McCain," she said. "Please help yourself to something sweet. We have cookies, cake, or scones.

"I am sorry," said Mr. McCain, "but I find myself unable to eat a thing. This is regrettable because everything looks so good."

"Can I offer you some tea?" asked my mother.

"Yes," said Mr. McCain. "Thank you very much."

"Giles," called my mother, "would you pour a cup of tea for Mr. McCain?"

Our butler was outside the door because of pre-arrangement with my mother, or because he was eavesdropping. I knew not which. Giles entered the room and served the tea to us.

"That will be all," said my mother, as she straightened her hair with her fingers.

As we were drinking our tea, Mr. McCain said, "I am sorry, Mrs. Hollaway, but I haven't gotten a chance to say 'hello' to your lovely daughter. May I?"

My mother beamed. "You may."

"Good afternoon, Miss Hollaway," he said. "You look lovely. That shade of blue is most becoming on you."

Color rose to my cheeks.

My mother loudly cleared her throat. "Excuse me, Mr. McCain, but isn't that a bit forward?"

Mr. McCain shook his head. "Not in the least. Everything I said to your daughter is true."

My mother's nostrils flared. "Yes, but it is the way you said your compliments."

Mr. McCain looked amused. "How did I say those compliments?"

It was my mother's turn to blush. They way you said those things implied a familiarity with my daughter that you do not have."

Mr. McCain bowed, though the corners of his mouth turned up in tiny smile. "My apologies, I did not wish to offend."

My mother drank some of her tea. "Thank you, Mr. McCain. You may sit with me on the sofa."

Mr. McCain looked puzzled, but did as my mother commanded. As he was sipping his tea, my mother asked him, "May I ask why you wished to call on my daughter? In other words, what are your intentions?"

Mr. McCain put this cup and saucer on the side table. Mrs. Hollaway, you seem a direct lady, so I will be direct. "I wish to court your daughter, and to marry her." My mother's dropped her china cup and it shattered on the wooden floor. Before my mother could call for assistance, Giles appeared with a broom and dustpan. As he was sweeping up the mess, my mother seemed to recover.

I was grinning from ear to ear. Mr. McCain saw this, and returned my smile.

Even Giles, who normally kept a straight face, broke into a grin.

"That will be all Giles," my mother said.

"Yes, Mrs. Hollaway," he said, and quietly left the room.

There was a light tapping at the door. "It's Elizabeth," said my aunt. "May I come in?"'

Mr. McCain looked as if he were about to laugh. His attitude was infectious, and I bit my lip to keep from giggling.

My mother pretended to study the ceiling, but rolled her eyes. "Yes, Elizabeth, you can come in."

Aunt Elizabeth slowly opened the door and came in. "Why, it's Mr. McCain!" she said. "Welcome! Have you tried Cook's scones? They are simply divine."

Mr. McCain was unflappable. "Thank you for your warm welcome, but I'm afraid I'm just not hungry. Feel free to help yourself, if Mrs. Hollaway does not object."

"May I?" said Aunt Elizabeth to her sister. My mother rolled her eyes. "Yes, you may help yourself to any of Cook's treats."

My aunt took a large scone and sat between Mr. McCain and my mother.

As my aunt bit into a scone, she said, "It's so very good to see you, Mr. McCain. Did I tell you that you remind me of a stallion I once rode? He was very strong, and had hair that was very much like yours."

Everyone in the room was silent.

My mother broke the ice. "Mr. McCain," she said as she finished her tea, what makes you think you are worthy of marrying my daughter?"

Mr. McCain pointed to a leather valise, and opened it. "Do you know that I was hoping you would ask such a question?" What I hold in my hands, now, are the ownership papers for apartments in New York City, London, Paris, and Rome. I have business interests in all four cities.

I also brought reading material from Scotland. You'll find that I am the heir to one of the Lairds of Perthshire, James McCain. With the title comes one hundred acres of land. As James McCain is my father, I help him govern the people living in this area. Everyone in the room was speechless.

"I am sorry Mr. McCain," said my mother. "I didn't mean to imply that you didn't have enough capital to wed my daughter."

Mr. McCain smiled. This time, it was a scary sight to see. Mrs. Hollaway, that is precisely what you meant. However, I believe it is more important that I love and respect your daughter. Clara is beautiful, intelligent, and kind. I would be lucky to marry such a woman. I was unable to find such a woman in Scotland."

It was at that point that I fainted. When I woke, Mr. McCain was holding my hand. "Do you feel better, Clara?"

"I do now, William," I said.

"I give you permission to court and marry my daughter," said my mother.

William narrowed his eyes. "I never needed your permission. However, I would appreciate your blessing. For Clara's sake."

My mother drew herself up. "Very well, I give your courtship and wedding my blessing."

"Thank you, Mrs. Holloway," said William. "I have some business matters to attend to. May I return at seven pm to take Clara to dinner?"

My mother grimaced. "Of course, Mr. McCain. But, Aunt Elizabeth must go along as chaperone."

"Very well," said William, putting on his gloves. "I shall return at seven on the dot." Looking directly at me, he said: "I will see you soon, Clara. I am looking forward to going to dinner with you."

I grinned. "I am looking forward to going to dinner with you."

William grinned and his eyes sparkled. "Excellent. Goodbye all," he said, and softly closed the door behind him.

"I wonder where we're going to dinner?" said Aunt Elizabeth.

My mother's nostrils flared. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that...um...Clara's virginity is protected. Men tend to take certain liberties when they know they will marry a woman."

"Mama!" I said. "I can protect my own virginity, thank you very much."

My mother put a hand on each side of my face. "Oh, Clara. You are so very innocent. Men have clever ways of seducing a woman. I will leave it to your aunt to educate you about this topic. I must run, now, as the debutantes' ball committee is meeting soon."

I sighed. "But, Mama--"

"It is okay," said my mother. "I will leave you with your aunt. She will tell you everything you need to know."

Aunt Elizabeth looked puzzled. "I will?"

My mother nodded.

My aunt nodded. "Yes, I will tell Clara everything. Leave her with me."

My mother rushed out of the room. I had never seen her in such a hurry.

Aunt Elizabeth guided me to the sofa and held my hand. "Clara, you must know that men are like male horses during mating season."

"What?" I said, dropping her hand. "What does that mean?"

My aunt thought for a moment. "Well, they really want to put their...um...member inside the mare."

I was getting very frustrated. "What is a member?"

Aunt Elizabeth turned scarlet. "It is...uh...a penis."

I pursed my lips. "And what is that?"

My aunt handed me a dictionary from the side table. "Clara, I think you should look up the word for yourself. Then, you can ask me any questions you may have."

Quickly, I looked up the word penis. There was a small illustration by the word. "Oh, it's the male sexual organ," I said. "Is it as small as that picture?"

Aunt Elizabeth said, "No. Not in most men."

I looked down at the grain in the wooden floor. "What is the female sexual organ?"

Aunt Elizabeth's jaw dropped. "You mean your mother didn't tell you?"

I gritted my teeth. "No, she did not."

Aunt Elizabeth gave me a hug. "You poor girl. I shall tell you what is is, but you must look it up in the dictionary first. Knowledge is power."

"Okay?" I said.

"The word is spelled v-a-g-i-n-a," she replied.

Again, I speedily found the word in the dictionary. "Vagina, I read. It is the female sexual organ. Without prompting, I looked up the word 'sex'."

"Oh!" I said. I felt like a star pupil. "I understand. The male puts his penis into the female vagina. This is what sex is. Is it pleasurable?"

Aunt Elizabeth had begun to sweat. "Some ladies find it very...um...pleasurable. Some ladies don't. I can tell you that horses find sex very pleasurable, indeed."

The image of horses having sex sounded awful. However, I decided I liked the description and picture of the penis. It was strange to imagine William having one. I would have to ask him more questions on our honeymoon night.

Aunt Elizabeth was mopping at her forehead with a handkerchief. "Do you mind if I have the first bath?" she said.

"No, not at all," I said. "I will have Emily help me to select a suitable dinner dress."

Aunt Elizabeth ran out of the room. Strange.

Emily helped me to pick out a dinner dress, one that was creamy white. I decided to wear the pearls that Mother had given me, and Emily assisted me with my hair. We decided it should be half up and half down. Before we knew it, it was six-fifty five pm, and there was a sharp knock at the front door.

"You look lovely," said Emily. "Have a wonderful time."

"Thank you," I said. "Thank you for helping me."

Emily smiled. "It was nothing. Would you tell me everything that happens on your date?"

I smiled back. "Deal," I replied.

When I came down the stairs, I saw that Aunt Elizabeth was wearing an enormous flowered hat with a purple dress. I don't know how, but this combination worked.

William saw me coming down the stairs and grinned. I could see both of his dimples, so I grinned back. Aunt Elizabeth, William, and myself got into the coach William had hired. After about ten minutes we arrived at our destination.

La traviata, said the restaurant sign. I lit up. "They named the restaurant after the opera! I exclaimed."

"Yes," said William. "It is a new restaurant, but I have been assured by the owner that the food is very good."

"Wonderful," I said.

"What a beautiful restaurant!" said Aunt Elizabeth.

Once inside, we saw a candle at every table. We were quickly seated, and each of us ordered spaghetti.

"So," said William. "What have you been doing today, Clara?"

I took a bite of spaghetti, which was divine. "I have been learning about the male and female sexual organs."

William dropped his fork and took a gulp of wine.

"Have you?" he said in a strangled voice. "What did you learn?"

I leaned forward. "I saw a picture of--what was it?--a penis."

William began to cough, and my aunt patted him on the back.

"Did you?" he said.

"Yes," I said.

William took a deep breath in and exhaled. "What did you think of the penis?"

I chewed thoughtfully. "The reproduction of the one I saw was quite small."

Aunt Elizabeth finished her glass of wine and smiled. "I assured Clara that most men have bigger tallywhackers than the one she viewed."

William ran a hand through his hair. "I should hope so. Also, Clara, I hope you know that if you would like to know any more information about tallywhackers, I am happy to oblige."

"No," I said. "For the moment I am satisfied."

William exhaled. "Would anyone care for dessert?" he said. "I hear the currant cake, here, is marvelous."

We all agreed that the currant cake was without compare. After we finished eating, William asked if I would like to go for a ride in his coach.

Aunt Elizabeth yawned. "It's nearly my bedtime. I shall leave you two to have some time to get to know each other."

William raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure? My coach is at your service."

Aunt Elizabeth grinned. "I am quite sure, and will see you soon, William. Take good care of Clara."

William assured her that he would, and Aunt Elizabeth tottered out of the restaurant.

"How much did your aunt have to drink?" he asked.

"At least half a bottle," I said.

William put his hand on mine. "Will she be okay?"

"I hate to speak ill of my aunt, but she regularly drinks to excess. One morning, Mother and I found her sleeping in the bathtub. In other words, she will be fine."