Chili Dog

My whole life, I’ve been terrified. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been kept in a cramped space. I tried to drown out the noise of all the whining and barking, but there was no escaping it. There were times when I was allowed to go outside but only for a few minutes at a time.

People would come in every now and then to take a look, but no one ever wanted to take me home. “She’s funny looking,” they would say. No one ever wanted to meet me to see if I’d be a good family fit. That’s until Robbie came along.

“She’s perfect,” he said the first time he saw me. He crouched down, talking on the phone. “I think I’m taking her home. She’s hilarious. Her fur sticks out in different angles, but she’s the one.”

And now we’re the dynamic duo. Robbie takes me wherever he goes, and I’m proud to be his own personal bodyguard. I take my job very seriously; it’s important to be alert at all times to make sure that Robbie doesn’t do anything dangerous.

One time, he had his girlfriend, Scarlett, over. “She kinda looks like a Yorkie that needs a good brush,” she called out to Robbie while he was in the kitchen preparing snacks.

“Listen, I brush her fur every night and take her to the groomers. Her fur just likes to do that,” he laughed.

I’m not saying that I don’t like Scarlett, but Robbie is a bit of a klutz whenever she comes around. He was carrying some popcorn and drinks for their movie night when he slipped, fell backward, and hit his head. He touched the wet spot on the ground with his hand, sniffed it, then shouted, “CHILI, COME HERE NOW.”

I could tell by his tone that he definitely wanted some alone time, so I hid under his bed where he couldn’t reach me.

“She peed on the floor,” he told Scarlett, and she helped him clean it up while he played with me for a little while.

Finally. He’s been ignoring me ever since Scarlett came in.

“Chili, come out from under there,” he yelled, sticking his arm under the bed to try and get me. I like this game. I nipped at his fingers playfully and ran from his reach whenever he came close to grabbing me.

“Nice one dad,” I barked.

Finally, he scooped me up with one hand and lifted me up so Scarlett could see. “I caught the wild child.” I tried to squirm out of his grasp, but he kept a firm grip.

After they sat on the couch and looked at the TV screen for long enough, it was time for Scarlett to go. She went to pick up her shoes from the shoe rack, and she grimaced. “Chili peed on my sandals.”

Those are just some of the things I do to look out for my Robbie.

***

Robbie likes to make sure that we get outdoor time. This time, he organized a nice picnic for us: Scarlett, Robbie, and I. He set up the blanket, laid down the food spread, and set down a weight on top of my leash.

Robbie didn’t let me sample any of the ham and cheese sandwiches, the home-baked chocolate chip cookies, or any of the cheese-flavored chips. Instead, he made me a bowl of kibble with a side of whipped cream to keep me occupied.

Honestly… whipped cream is the best he could do? I know he has some better stuff hiding in that basket. And he did, but he and Scarlett ate them all without sharing a single bite with me.

“Girl, you just ate a whole serving of food. You can’t possibly want any more,” Robbie told me with a patronizing pat on the head.

Eventually, it was time to pack up and leave, and this was my opportunity to shine. Scarlett was rolling up the picnic blanket, Robbie was taking the trash away, and when he turned around, it was time for my exit strategy.

When Scarlett picked up the blanket, she had accidentally shifted the weight that was attached to my leash, and I was able to pull free. So I sprinted. I sprinted towards a family of five, eating peanut butter sandwiches a few feet away from us.

I propelled forward, landing in the middle of their blankets and grabbed a half sandwich abandoned on top of a paper towel. Somebody screamed, and I could see Robbie running towards me at full speed, while Scarlett shook my kibble bag to get my attention, but it was too late.

I had to find a safe place to eat my lunch.

I ran across the field and hid underneath the benches on the opposite side of the park, far away enough so that I could enjoy this sandwich. Except that when I tried to chew it, the peanut butter got stuck in my teeth.

By the time Robbie got to me, I was struggling with the first bite.

“Chili drop it,” Robbie commanded. I did not drop it, so he proceeded to put his fingers inside my mouth to get the food out. After all my hard work too.

When they were getting me into the car, Scarlett was apologizing to the family and giving them some leftover home-baked items. “Oh, Chili,” Scarlett said when she got back. She tried to scratch me behind my ears, but I growled to get her to back off and she did.

***

Robbie and I had one of those rare days where it was just the two of us. We live in a home without a yard, so we typically go on multiple walks per day. This is when I need to be the most alert. There are many dangers that lurk about, and Robbie is not very good at fending for himself.

There was this giant German Shepherd, and if I hadn’t been there to warn him, Robbie would have been his meal. I pulled as hard as I could on my leash and lunged at the dog giant.

“No, Chili,” Robbie said pulling on my leash and preventing me from protecting him.

“Hey little lady, the name’s Rufus,” said the giant. He stooped his neck low when he talked to me.

I sniffed him. “Stay away from my human,” I declared.

“I wouldn’t dream of coming any closer,” Rufus said. He bent down and sniffed the top of my head before following his owner’s recall.

“Oh my God, Scarlett, he’s a big boy,” Robbie said. I sniffed the girl holding Rufus’ leash, and sure enough… it’s Scarlett.

“I was going to get a little guy, same size as Chili, but I saw Rufus and my heart melted,” Scarlett said. Rufus pushed his head against Scarlett’s leg and she patted it absentmindedly.

“We should set up a play date with them. Rufus seems like he doesn’t mind Chili too much,” Robbie said.

And just like that, it was time to go. “I’ll see you around, little lady,” Rufus said.

I watched Rufus go before I relaxed and followed Robbie back.

***

I was home alone with Rufus. Robbie and Scarlett left us behind while they went out on a dinner date, and they left Rufus with me so that we could keep each other company.

This is one of the few times that I was excited to be home. Scarlett cooked pork chops yesterday, and Robbie forgot to take the trash out.

“You shouldn’t do that,” Rufus sighed from the couch.

Buzzkill.

If I ignored Rufus, it wasn’t hard to figure out what I needed to do next. Get that pork chop. The first step was knock down the garbage bin, then claw at the plastic bag. When that didn’t work as fast as I wanted it to, I bit and yanked the plastic off. It didn’t take a lot of sifting through until I found the delightfully greasy pork chop bones. While I was at it, I dug into the discarded spaghetti and meatballs, cereal flakes, and when I was done, I gnawed on the rest of the bone.

“Feel better?” Rufus asked.

The truth was, that all that greasy food made my stomach churn. I kept focusing on the bone I was working on, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I regurgitated bile, grease, and meatballs — all of it into a pair of Scarlett’s slippers.

It was a while before Scarlett and Robbie came back. I wasn’t doing too good, so they didn’t yell at me too much despite the mess I left in the kitchen.

Scarlett got on the phone, brandishing a diamond ring on her finger as she did so. “Vet says to keep an eye on her overnight,” she said.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll stay up with her,” Robbie said. “Sorry we couldn’t finish up tonight.”

“It’s okay. We have a lifetime to make up for tonight,” she said as she left, taking Rufus with her.

Once Scarlett was gone, Robbie picked me up and set me on his lap. “Ew, you’re stinky,” he said into my fur. “I can smell all that grease on you.” After a moment of silence, Robbie continued. “Our family is about to get a whole lot bigger, but it’s always going to be you and me against the world, Chili dog.”