S.P.O.U.S.E

Angela stares at the TV absently as the next commercial begins.

“Is your marriage on the rocks? Do you argue with your partner often? Do you ever wish there was a machine that could simply fix all your problems? Well now there is! Introducing S.P.O.U.S.E, the Synchronized Partner Output & Unity System Engine. S.P.O.U.S.E will fix all your marital problems, one hundred percent guaranteed! How does this wondrous machine work, you ask? It's easy! First, flip the power switch and wait twenty-four hours. Then, S.P.O.U.S.E will print two instruction cards for each spouse to follow during the day. Simply follow the instructions on the card each day and in just one week, all your marital problems will be solved. That’s right, a one week satisfaction guarantee or your money back! What are you waiting for, place your order today! Please use responsibly, satisfaction not actually guaranteed, no money back.”

A thoughtful smirk grows on Angela’s face. She gets off the couch and makes her way to the bedroom.

“Hey babe” Angela asks as she walks in, finding her husband on his fifth hour of Shoot Fighter.

“HEY BABE!” she commands as she waves one arm in front of the monitor.

“Hey…wha…I thought I said knock before you walk in, I’m in the middle of a game here” says Nathan, pressing his lips and dodging Angela's arm.

Angela stands back, letting her anger boil, before lunging for the off switch to the console. Nathan reacts quickly, blocking her advance. They struggle before Angela pulls away, ducks under the table and rips the power cord from the dock.

Nathan tosses his headphones with fury. “What the hell is wrong with you! Are you actually insane!” he shouts.

“Nathan, you’ve been on this console for five hours now, it was your turn to do dinner today and I reminded you three hours ago and still nothing, not only that…”

Angela is interrupted as Nathan storms out of the room and towards the front entrance.

“Where are you going? It's eleven right now” she says.

“I’m going for a walk…or am I not allowed to do that either.” He scoffs.

“Sure fine do that, and just so you know I’m ordering the S.P.O.U.S.E robot thing” she blurts out.

“What? From the TV commercial? That’s a total scam” he responds, letting go of the door.

“Listen…it hurts me to say this” Angela begins to cry. “But this is not working…we are not working Nathan and…and I’m tired of going through the same arguments every day. I’m going to order that stupid machine and if it doesn’t work. then…I’m done. I’m done.”

Angela flees to the bedroom. As Nathan sits down, hunches over the kitchen table.

The machine arrives early the next morning. The couple unbox the machine. It is a 3 foot tall, surprisingly heavy, round edge rectangle that tapers inward near the top. It is pastel blue in color with two printer slots labeled Spouse 1 and Spouse 2 with an unlabeled QR code in the back.

Angela turns on the machine and it immediately prints a single card in Spouse 1 slot. It reads “Instructions. One. Twenty-four hours are required before first spousal cards are printed. Two, the spouse that placed the order is designated Spouse One, the other spouse is Spouse Two. Three, Spouse One is required to scan the QR code and register spouses online. Four, ONLY READ YOUR RESPECTIVE SPOUSE CARD.”

As instructed, they let the machine run, with a quiet hum, for twenty-four hours. Initially the couple try to avoid arguing for the day, suspicious that S.P.O.U.S.E may be audibly or visually recording them. It’s a short lived venture, by evening, they are back to arguing.

The next day Nathan wakes up early and sluggishly makes his way to the kitchen, awkwardly hitting his toe on the machine. Reeling from pain he looks down and sees two cards in the slots. He picks up Spouse Two and takes a look.

“Spouse Two. Task One. Pick up dirty clothes from the bedroom floor” Nathan scratches his head.

He stands in place for a moment, considering whether he should follow the instructions or not. Finally he unenthusiastically returns to the bedroom and picks up his dirty clothes. Shortly after, he takes out the trash, washes the dishes, organizes the kitchen counter and brushes his teeth. He is most surprised about the tooth brushing as he always figured he was getting away with not brushing occasionally.

Angela later wakes up to find Nathan dressed for work and at his laptop.

“Wow…it worked…it really worked,” Angela proclaims with a look of bewilderment as she takes in the fruits of Nathan's morning labour. Angela rushes over to Nathan, hugging him and kissing him. “I am so proud of you, I mean what you’ve done is the bare minimum and I feel crazy being excited by this but still good job Hun” says Angela gleefully.

Nathan chuckles to himself “Okay Hun, lets have a look at your list of chores today then.”

Angela makes her way to the machine and picks up the other card. She reads it briefly, smiles and begins to walk away.

“Hey wait, what does it say?” Nathan asks.

“I can’t tell you, it’s only for me to read, that’s the rule.” Angela responds. “We want this to work, don't we?”

“Sure okay Hun,” Nathan replies.

For the next six days, the machine prints instructions and the partners follow them. Nathan’s instructions expand from manual tasks to questions to ask Angela, reflective exercises and more. Nathan begins to enjoy having a simple instruction manual on how to make his wife happy every day. It feels to him like a cheat code in a video game, he begins to dread the idea of not having his instruction manual when the week ends.

Despite his satisfaction with the machine, Nathan is bothered by a certain pattern he has noticed. Throughout all six days, Angela’s daily routine seems not to have changed much, if at all. A curiosity begins to grow in his mind. He wonders to himself what is on Angela’s card.

During the night, Nathan is unable to sleep. He twists and turns until early morning the next day. As he lies there, he remembers the faint glow of Angela’s phone screen the night before.

“What was she doing? It must be that damned QR code. Something is going on. What on earth could be on Angela’s card?” he thinks to himself.

He gets up and swiftly makes his way to the kitchen. He stares at the machine for a while. Darting his head back and forth from the bedroom door to the machine.

“The instructions clearly said not to look at the other spouse's card,” he whispers to himself. What harm can come of it though, it’s the final day anyway.”

Overwhelmed by curiosity, he picks up the Spouse One card and reads it. Surprisingly, there is only one instruction.

He mouths to himself “Spouse One. Task One. After Spouse Two completes their task, confess to Spouse Two that you have been writing all their tasks for the past six days…WHAT!”

Nathan is livid. Feeling fooled and used, he marches into the bedroom, wakes Angela up and shoves the card in her face. “Are you serious, you have been writing my tasks this whole time…what..what is this…am I your servant now, I cannot believe this!”

“You read my CARD! That's literally the ONE RULE Nathan!” Angela retorts.

Soon the couple begin to quarrel once more. This time, it lasts shorter than usual. Later, they make their way to the kitchen, sit and stare at the machine.

“What now? Have we failed? Are we over?” Nathan asks Angela solemnly.

Angela looks at Nathan intently. “You know, when I ordered this thing, I thought we were pretty much done, but these last six days, it finally felt like you were listening to me for once and it really made me feel good.”

“Yeah, and I did enjoy getting a nice easy one page instruction manual to make you happy,” Nathan admits. “Cause that is all I want…us happy.”

They share a smile for a moment.

“Hey you haven’t opened your card yet,” Angela says.

“Oh” Nathan walks over and picks up his card.

“What does it say?” Angela asks, a knowing smirk creeping onto her lips.

Nathan chuckles to himself and reads aloud: “Spouse Two. Task One. Apologize to Spouse One for breaking the only rule. Take Spouse One for a nice dinner to make up for it.”

They both laugh.