My Friend Vincent

Despite all those years in the industry, Pedro had to fight back the sour taste in his mouth. The sweet smell of decay lingered in the air. It mixed with the stench of stale fryer oil.

Don’t breathe in too deeply. Check and leave.

“Ah, Mr. Gonzales?”

Pedro turned around to look at a short, stout man whose face almost disappeared behind a bushy beard. In contrast, his bald head was as shiny as the greasy countertops.

“It’s Pedro Vargas. I’m taking over for Mr. Gonzales.”

Lifting his ID as health inspector, Pedro always felt pride followed by cringe. Every time he showed the card, he felt like a federal agent. But every time he saw the patrons’ reactions, he felt childish.

The owner’s face changed immediately. The smile disappeared. The arms were crossed in front of the massive chest. Pedro’s hand clenched the clipboard he was holding but his own smile wasn’t wavering.

“Mr. Pomodoro, I will have to go through the checklist first and then have a short conversation with your staff. They are not all in yet, correct?”

Dark eyes under bushy eyebrows darted quickly from left to right a few times, before a teethy smile made the facial forest part. Pedro knew this kind of smile.

“Well, Mr. Vargas, let me introduce myself first. I’m not Mr. Pomodoro but representing him. My name is Anton Cygan.”

“All right, Mr. Cygan. Where is your staff?”

“So, Mr. Vargas. I don’t know if Mr. Gonzales has …”

“He hasn’t and to be honest, Mr. Cygan, I’m pressed for time. If you could please call all your staff so that by the end of the inspection I can talk to them.”

The smile disappeared again. The previously greedy gleam in the other man’s eyes turned to cold calculation.

“This is not how we do business. We were always quite generous with Mr. Gonzales and …”

“Yes, yes. I understand. Could you now please do as I requested?”

Mr. Cygan turned red like his boss’s name. His eyes were fixed on the inspector. Pedro waited patiently, but his own stern expression didn’t change. The stare-off continued. Then a high-pitched alarm tone made the shorter man flinch. Pedro allowed himself to smirk before switching off the alarm.

Damn! Can’t waste any more time here.

“So, I’m going to check the kitchen and cooler area now. Make sure the staff is ready in about 30 minutes.”

Not bothering anymore with the upset man, Pedro made his way through the kitchen. Usually, he would observe the chefs preparing the orders. But Pomodoro’s Pasta Palace was just one of many places he had to check instead of Marius. A snort escaped him.

Just like the other four places. Hopefully all this money helps him grow a new kidney.

His steps were accompanied by the smacking sounds of his soles sticking to the floor. He opened drawers, doors and boxes.

What a waste! The location is perfect. I could’ve performed miracles in this kitchen.

Shaking his head, trying to chase away the dreams of a not-so-distant past, he focused on his work again. A few times, he heard the scratching noise, which nobody wanted to hear in a kitchen. But as long as Pedro hadn’t seen the intruders, he wouldn’t check the box on his list. One of the few which were still empty.

Finally done here. Now let’s look at the cooler.

The inspector pulled a face when his hand touched the handle. Rusty flakes fell on the floor when he drew it. The squeaking of the door was accompanied by a flurry of scratching sounds. The lights flickered on. Pedro stood there. Unable to recoil. Frozen.

“Don’t just gobble it down! You have to enjoy it. Here. Like this. No! Ah! You imbeciles!”

Vincent turned around. They were all huddling together for their feast. But he couldn’t enjoy it. Legs and arms were everywhere.

I’m just too good for this. How can I educate if surrounded by fools? Oh my fate! I really should have been more careful.

But there was no point in wallowing in self-pity.

I will emerge victorious. And then they won’t have anything to say anymore.

He opened his mouth to chomp down on the strawberry – not decaying yet. The sweet aroma filled his mind. Just before he could graze the sweet red flesh, his head snapped up. The others were still engorged in the feast in front of them.

“Up! Stop! We need to leave! There’s …”

The door opened.

Too late.

Bright light streamed in from the kitchen. His brethren scattered. Something Vincent still wasn’t used to – the quick way of fleeing a scene. Frozen next to the strawberry, a shadow fell on him. Vincent looked up. The human’s face was a mass of dark green. Unable to make out the man’s facial expression, Vincent could hear the man gulping. Then the human lifted his clipboard. Like in slow motion the flat object thundered his way.

This is it! This is how I die again! How utterly embarrassing.

“Stop! Don’t! I don’t want to die!”

Vincent wanted to close his eyes.

Why don’t I have eyelids?!

He raised his front legs to cover his eyes. Waiting for the impact. The pain. The void. He knew it all too well.

“Thud!”

Thud?

“What are you?”

Removing his arm from the side of his head, Vincent stared at the clipboard next to him. He could still feel the vibration of the metal shelf. He turned his head. The human towering above him made him scatter back slightly. After all the time in this shape, he still wasn’t used to the weird way humans looked to him now.

Rubbing over his antennas – a habit he had recently adapted to fit in better with his cockroach brethren – he moved towards a half rotten potato. With great effort he leaned on the vegetable to push himself up. His hind legs wobbled as he rested all his weight on them.

I am a human. I can do this!

After a few tries and falling over almost thrice, he gave up. The man hadn’t moved or said anything all this time. As the white shirt made his head hurt, Vincent focused on the greyish mass which was the man’s face.

Confidence! You are Vincent after all!

“Well, don’t just stare.”

“You can speak.”

“Well, yes, certainly. Let me introduce myself.”

“This can’t be happening. Do moldy kitchen fumes actually go to your head? Am I experiencing a stroke?”

The man rubbed his hands over his face. Then he froze half movement and stared at Vincent again.

He’s still here. This is my chance!

“Symptoms of a stroke manifest differently. So you don’t have to worry. As I was saying, my name is …”

The man turned around and fled the cooler. With the door falling close, Vincent was engulfed in darkness.

Rushing into the kitchen as if chased by wild dogs, Pedro stopped. With his heart hammering at the speed of cockroaches scattering away from him, he fought hard to calm down.

I need to get out of here. Damn! My clipboard!

Turning toward the cooler again, he hesitated. The sight of the talking pest and the decaying food made his insides churn. His limbs didn’t want to start moving again.

“Open the door. Grab the clipboard. Shut down this place.”

With every instruction he took one tiny step toward the cooler door, repeating it several times. When he finally reached for the handle, he took a deep breath.

The light switched on as soon as he opened the door. Immediately, he checked for the masses of cockroaches he had seen fleeing earlier. They were gone. The decaying food was still there. His clipboard was still lying next to the half rotten fruits and vegetables. With careful steps, forgetting his earlier resolve of being quick, he made his way to the shelf.

No roach in sight. Would be weird. They like darkness. I should take a day off. Relax. Destress. Maybe read some cookbooks. Write my own menu. That has always helped. Dreaming.

“Ah, you are back. I must have frightened you earlier.”

There was one cockroach sitting on his clipboard. Its head was tilted slightly. He was definitely looking in Pedro’s direction.

“I looked through your list. You actually forgot to tick quite a lot.”

Maybe it’s because I didn’t eat breakfast. Low blood sugar maybe.

Eying the clipboard and then the cockroach, he hesitated.

I can flick it. Then run.

“What have I forgotten?”

Don’t engage. You should go to the hospital. Get your head checked out.

“Well, for starters, here and there. And you haven’t covered the cooler section at all.”

“I haven’t had the time yet.”

“Sure, because you were running out of the cooler like a scared little boy.”

“I’m not scared of cockroaches!”

Pedro was just one step away from the shelf. It would be easy to grab the board now. But the cockroach made a snorting sound. Pedro felt heat bubble up his face. He flashed his card at the pest. This time embarrassment made him drop the card even faster.

“You see this? I’ve seen stuff. Cockroaches, rats, pigeons. You name it. I’ve seen it!”

“Yeah, sure. Then why just not grab the board and be out of here?”

Pedro pulled a face but didn’t move. The cockroach let out a loud laugh which made him sound human. The small body shook while the deep laugh echoed in the cooler. Pedro felt a shiver run down his spine.

“See. But then, I have a proposition for you.”

“You?”

“Well, of course. Now that you have calmed down, let me introduce myself.”

“You have a name? Do all cockroaches have names?”

“Quiet, human!”

Pedro shut his mouth but couldn’t help but snicker. The cockroach rubbed over his antennas several times before lifting its head. His movements reminded Pedro of his head chef. Chef Vulcan had always smoothed his beard before ranting to the staff. One of the reasons why Pedro had quit.

I wonder how they are doing. The restaurant. My friends.

“You are in the presence of Vincent Hochmuth. Sorcerer of the Seventh Circle. Sole defeater of the Ice Dragon.”

Pedro was pulled back to the present.

“The Ice Dragon?”

“Well, yeah. At least … almost. I didn’t do it by myself completely. But I played the most crucial role in defeating that fiend.”

“Ah.”

Staring down at the cockroach Pedro thought he saw a faint purple shimmer around the pest. Involuntarily, a snort escaped him. Vincent rubbed his front arms over his antennas again. The purple shimmer intensified.

“You don’t believe me! Let me show you, you puny human!”

Vincent started to hum a melody. His wings spread and vibrated along the rhythm. Within seconds, the brown cockroach was engulfed in a ball of purple pulsating light. Pedro’s skin started to tingle. He rubbed his skin. The tingling ceased just to flare up seconds after. After a few moments, it vanished with a sudden plopping sound.

“You see! I bet you learnt your lesson!”

While his voice was victorious, Vincent’s antennas hung limply from his head. His body was now flat on the clipboard. Pedro cleared his throat.

No need to embarrass him, I guess. I did feel something.

“Yes, well. I understand now. But could you now please get off my clipboard? I have to shut this place down.”

Vincent didn’t move. Pedro lifted the clipboard, ready to flick the cockroach off it.

“Bring me with you!”

The head popped up as did the antennas. Without warning, Vincent scattered around the clipboard, avoiding the edges. Looking all like a real cockroach. Pedro shook his head.

“Why would I bring along a cockroach?”

“Not a cockroach. Vincent! The Sorcerer of …”

“the Seventh Circle. The Defeater of the Ice Dragon. Even more reason not to bring you along. I’m a health inspector. It’s too lowly of a job to be accompanied by such a great magician.”

“Sorcerer!”

“What?”

“You said magician. That’s wrong. I’m a sorcerer. One of the most powerful.”

Sure. Whatever you say. I really should go to the hospital as soon as I’m out of here.

The cockroach stopped moving. Pedro stared at it and tensed his body.

Just one flick. Close the door. Hospital.

“Listen, hm … Pedro Vargas. I can sense that you aren’t a health inspector by choice.”

With Vicent’s words, the tension melted away. Pedro’s arms felt suddenly soft and powerless.

Is this his magic?

“Well, no. I worked as a chef before.”

Pedro fought hard to keep the longing out of his voice. The insect didn’t react immediately, but looked pensive. Then a clacking sound escaped the cockroach’s mouth.

“Ha, you see! We are a match made in heaven!”

Pedro tried to move his arms or body again, but they didn’t listen to his command. Instead, his head was filled with Vincent’s deep alluring voice and memories of his days as a chef.

“Why do you think this place has survived for so long? Just by bribing the health inspector?”

“This is your doing?”

“Well, it wasn’t a big deal. I am in fact the …”

“Sorcerer of the Seventh Circle. Understood. So, are you proposing a pact?”

The cockroach started to move in circles. The antennas flicked from one side to the other. Pedro followed the sorcerer with his eyes. The rest of his body was still frozen.

“A thousand chains

stronger than fire and ice

unbreakable

One heart

lasting forever

freeing the bound”

Vincent fell silent. There was more mumbling, but Pedro couldn’t catch it.

“Nice poem?”

“It’s not a poem. It’s my curse.”

Now touching Pedro’s thumb, which was wrapped around the clipboard, Vincent looked at him again.

How can a cockroach look solemn?

“A curse?”

“I just realized something. I’ve been doing this for … ages. I’ve bound followers. I’ve ruled. But nothing changed. Until I met you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You have potential!”

“As a sorcerer?”

Is this like Harry Potter? Am I gaining special powers?

“Don’t be ridiculous! You have the potential of being my friend.”

“Your friend?”

“Yes! You teach me how to be a friend. And I help you to succeed in whatever business you try. Return to be a chef. Open your own restaurant. Whatever you want!”

I didn’t know a cockroach could look cute. Almost like a puppy.

“Be a friend? I don’t think that’s something you can teach.”

“Please, Pedro Vargas. You are the first and only human I felt this connection with. Help me lift my curse.”

The tiny black eyes looked at him without being able to blink. A puny insect, pleading for understanding. For a chance.

I never thought I would be a knight in shining armor. Guess this is my chance.

“Yeah. Let’s be friends.”

“Vincent! Come on out! The inspector is gone.”

Carefully, Vincent emerged from the crack in the wall, right back into the kitchen. It was spotless. The sorcerer of the Seventh Circle looked around. There were a few pots on the stove. Ready to be used as soon as the order came in. They sparkled in the bright kitchen light.

Huh? Sparkle?

In his dark uniform Pedro turned around and flashed Vincent a smile. The sorcerer stopped in his scattering. A frown appeared on the chef’s face. He hurried over and gently placed the cockroach on his palm.

“Are you not feeling well? I saw him spray some insecticide in the hole. I should have …”

“I can see your face!”

“You can see my face?”

“Yes! Your face. Your eyes – walnut brown. Your lips – not my taste but quite full. Your nose – a bit funny. Your eyebrows…”

“I get it. I get it. But does this mean what I think it does?”

Vincent felt power charge through his system. The tingling sensation which he hadn’t felt in centuries. He could feel his insides pulsate.

“Yes, my friend! One heart, which will last forever!”

He saw Pedro smile. The rush of power made him press his head in the fleshy palm.

“My friend Pedro.”

“My friend Vincent.”