Wanda's Nighttime Adventures Were Many

Wanda's Nighttime Adventures Were Many

     Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a young vampire-witch named Wanda. Apparently her parents could see into her future when she was fresh-hatched because they sensed she would be really inquisitive like them. As she grew older, her insatiable curiosity began to help her quite a lot because she was hungry for knowledge in addition to human flesh. Her mamma raised her well by serving her fresh meat from only the best humans. She loved watching her mamma sauté people. Her favorites were pastors, priests, bishops, popes, and fathers since they were the sweetest. The best time to catch them would be between midnight and dawn. That’s because they were usually asleep and couldn’t scream at that time.

     They also loved eating werewolves because their fur was especially sweet. Yet nobody wanted to, “ware-wolf” because they were afraid that they might cry it, which would lead to some major problems. Some of them were big and were bad which meant they were quite good at being big-bad wolves, so long as they had some pigs that they could eat, although most of what the adults drink’s swine, like elderberry which tasted “berry” good. If they drank too much of it though, they’d get drunk and would really, “wine” then. The best time to drink and enjoy it happened between midnight and dawn when most people were asleep.

     The other favorite drink that vampires loved the most was, what else? A bloody Mary. Most of them didn’t care if the people were married or single, so long as it was quite bloody. Some vampires would fall in love with others which meant they’d, “marry Mary.” The only problem with her was she’s so contrary, although she had a nice garden which had poison seeds and wicked weeds and skeletons all in a row.

     Most vampires have the most fun between midnight and dawn. That’s when all of the ghosts and ghouls and things that go, “bump” in the night come out. I’m not worried about them. I’m more worried about those things that go, “AAAAAUGH!!!!” in the night more.                                        

     The owls always knew, “Hooo” to blame for anything that would go wrong for just about anybody. What makes no sense to me is if they’re supposed to be so wise, why are they always asking questions which begin with, “Who?” I say that bats are a better nocturnal bird, even though they have people in their belfries and they love baseball players, at least the, “bat”-boys.

     Between midnight and dawn is when monsters and other scary things come out. You also have to watch out for black horses running loose because those are typically known as the scariest kind of, “night-mares.”

     Wanda knew all those things listed above. She was still afraid to swoop down on people and hiss loudly in their ears to make them scream, and if they held a silver knife of any kind in their hands they would summon a werewolf from Cary, North Carolina to come up closer. That way with its help she could literally commit, “hairy-cary” on people. They really do love to do that. It’s some fun vampires love to do more than anything.  

     While Wanda was trying out her new broomstick called The Broxton 3,000, since it was supposedly faster than the Nymbus 2,000 that Harry Potter had, she was flying it so fast she broke the sound barrier. That was the only thing she had ever broken that couldn’t be fixed, except for witch records. Yet since witches seldom listen to any kind of, “records,” that’s because they prefer to use c. ds., it didn’t matter much because records were made to be broken anyway. As she was flying her broom over the huge metropolis of Danville, Va., she didn’t know it at the time, but she was traveling ⅓ the speed of sound. That made her cocky, so she decided to race the sound of a gun fire. When the race ended in a tie, she got mad and, “tied” her opponent up in knots. Then she turned it into a frog and said, “I, ‘toad’ everybody that I could beat you so if anyone asks, amnesia’s the word, my friend. Now don’t make me put you, ‘knee-deep’ in trouble.”

     Her favorite thing that happens between midnight and dawn was The Witching Hour. That’s the time when only the greatest witches were allowed to come out and fly around the country to cast spells on any poor, unsuspecting people who happened to be out at that point in time. She loved having all her friends and relations come over and sit for a, “spell.” That’s when they compared recipes for witch brews. They often complained about the cost of newt eyes and bat wings since they were getting to be quite expensive. They also complained about some of the problems they had when flying over certain parts of Virginia. Quite often they even had discussions about which-witch was the greatest of all-time. That was resolved by choosing a winner of the bimonthly witch fest where they were awarded points for who could create the most havoc and the winner would receive a brand new Nymbus 4,000 since it was the fastest broom ever invented. Another cool thing about it was that it would also sweep their house all by itself. They didn’t even need a special kind of dust pan to perform that feat, even though their, “feet” wasn’t used that much to sweep. That also only took place between midnight and dawn.

     As Wamda flew across southern Virginia, in search of some people to put hexes on, she couldn’t find any. That’s when she kept on saying, “Aw, ‘hecks’ “ all the time. Because it was already All Hallows Eve, which is most definitely the scariest night of the year, each of the witches broke up into singles to cover more space as they flew. That was also a perfect time to catch all the unsuspecting Monsters Mean Many Mean Mishaps Must Moan

     Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived an evil grave robber named Ded Ernist. He was 7 foot 8, had mighty oily black hair, long fingernails which made Freddy Croogar's nails appear short by comparison, a long tail which could be seen through his pants and had long fangs hanging out of his mouth. Other than that, he looked like any normal guy. His favorite thing was spreading chaos and terror wherever he went. Most people would turn around and run when they saw him coming except most girls and women would scream and depart the premises as quickly as they could. Some of the younger ones set several records for the fastest human in history running so quickly. His favorite past-time was scaring the bajeebees out of people. If nobody came his direction, he would fly across the gigantic-sized city of Danville, looking for somebody to scream and run in terror from.

 As he grew up, he graduated to swooping down on unsuspecting people from high places and roaring as loudly as he could, which raised the dead. That meant anybody who had been buried would come up out of their graves, and after giving him a high-5, would roam the streets and suburbs looking for somebody to haunt. He'd been on the most-wanted list for many years, except that nobody wanted him. He was constantly getting arrested for various things, but the wardens couldn't handle him so he’d get out after a couple minutes. He was too evil to enter Heaven, and he was so bad that even Satin wouldn't have him downstairs in The Hot-Place which meant he continued his reign of evil, except it didn't matter whether it was, "rain"-Ing or not. Ded-Earnest would have been on The Most Wanted list, except that nobody wanted him.

     Then an executioner put him in the electric chair, only he laughed and said, "Ooh! That feels great! Can you please turn it up? This’s terrific! Thank you!"

     When they tried to decapitate him, the blade broke in half when it hit his neck. He held his hands up in front of him and caught the bullets. He bent the needle that was used for the lethal injection. In the gas chamber, he raised his hands and said, "Oooh! I love that sweet aroma of petrol! Please turn it up!" He was too darn kill-proof. The executioners finally gave up and just sent him a bill for $86,000,00 because that was almost the amount, he'd cost the government in attempts to end his life. "We thought you were dead!" exclaimed the people in charge of doing the deed to shorten his lifespan. "What does it take to kill you?"

The people said, "We thought you were dead! We just buried you to get rid of you! Why are you back?"

     Ded-Ernest replied, "I've been killed 9 times including yours."

     A young person named Cuz heard about the monsters and knew something had to be done immediately if not sooner. That's when he got together with the pastor of his Church which was called Pentecostal Holiness. The Bishop of that Church, a really anointed man named Brother David, decided it was up to them in order to rid the commonwealth of Virginia from the monster. As they went over closer to him, he growled at them and stuck out his long fangs while thrashing his tale. Brother David yelled, "Hay monster! Stop doing that! We've got powers beyond your wildest imaginations' inside of us! Our God is awesome and He always wins His battles!"

     To their surprise, the monster replied in Inglis, "Oh yeah? Who are you to tell me what I can do? I'm gonna blow y'all out of existence for threatening me! Take your funny red-hair and make like a banana and crack! Or is it make like a tree and split? You weird creatures say something odd like that!"

     Then the monster opened his mouth and inhaled deeply as if it was rising up to blast both of those strong Christians out of existence.”

     The other people pointed their hands at the monster as if they were trying to lay hands on it.

     All of a sudden, a bolt of lightning stuck the monster and roasted him right on the spot. What made that event so weird is there wasn't a clown in the sky when that occurred. The only thing left of that horrible creature was a puddle, bones which spread out on the ground. The mayor tried to give Cuz a $60,000.00 reward, but he told him, “It would take away from my blessing to accept any payment for that. Still, the mayor insisted that he go on some dates with his beautiful daughter who was the same age. The following year they had the biggest, most beautiful wedding in the history of Old Dominion. The following year they blessed the world with a pair of mixed twins who would later change the world all for the better, and so, like the best-written stories of all-time will officially finish up with

“THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILLY EVER AFTER!!!!”

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     The end.

By, Cuz Roye.