Miss Bliss

CW: Grief, loss.

“It looks just like her,” Jezzeah said softly. 

“Of course it does,” said the older man from across the counter. “I mean, of course we can’t take complete credit. There has to be something to work with, but as far as it goes, we’re the best in the business! Anything less would be uncivilized.” He smiled at her brightly. 

Jezzeah didn’t notice, as she fixated on the figure before her, her eyes wide and barely blinking. 

“So, you know yet where you’re gonna put it in your home?” the old man asked as he shifted legs. 

Jezzeah didn’t answer, still distracted—her lips slightly parted, their corners slightly raised. 

“Uhh ma’am...” he said, lowering his head towards her gaze to try to better get her attention. 

Yet she remained silent, her eyes still practically frozen. 

“Ma’am!” he finally shouted out more forcefully. 

“Oh yeah, yes?” Jezzeah’s eyes finally briefly averted towards him and then quickly back at the figure. “What did you say?” 

“I asked if you know where you’re going to put it in your house?” 

“In my house?” she said faintly, his words barely registering. 

“Yeah. I assume it’s gonna go somewhere in your home, right? The living room, perhaps? Maybe by a fireplace? Or a lotta folks tend to like to keep ‘em in their bedroom—maybe even in their bed—” 

“What do you mean?” Jezzeah cut in. “I mean, yeah, it’ll be in those places... when I’m in those places, but it’ll also go...wherever I go.” She smiled more intently as her eyes met his. 

“Wherever you go? Oh, that’s different...,” he said. “Might be a little...awkward, but... suppose that can work, too.” 

Just then, Jezzeah reached in and began rustling through the grey tote bag hanging on her right arm. After a few moments, she pulled out a gently frayed, turquoise-colored leash, neatly rolled at the bottom. At the end of it was a sparkly turquoise collar, some of its tiny stones missing. 

She looked back up at the figure, her whole face now beaming even more brightly than before. 

The old man looked on with a mixture of soft puzzlement. 

A joy Jezzeah hadn’t felt in nearly a year flowed out with her as she strolled down the street nearby. 

Snug in her hand was the top of the turquoise leash, gripped tightly in her fist. 

Around her, everything somehow seemed much more colorful than when she’d walked into that shop just 10 minutes prior. The grass seemed greener, the sky bluer. The birds’ song came in more clearly, more richly. 

She finally was seeing the vibrance of spring that its official start had seemed to promise just a few weeks before. 

And her eyes and ears weren’t the only parts of her senses newly livened — the air suddenly took on a new crispness where it had seemed stale before. Its scent rang fresh and potently through her nose. 

She took a deep breath as she continued to stroll down the block, passing homes along the way. 

Soon, Jezzeah became so lost in trance, savoring every moment and amplifying the chorus of sensations surrounding her, that she hadn’t realized her eyes had squeezed tight as she walked. 

As she opened them, they landed on a young teenage boy walking on the opposite side of the street. 

His ears filled with Bluetooth earphones, his eyes scrunched as they looked over in her direction and his pace slowed. 

His scrunched face made her face slightly scrounge. She raised a brow, the corners of her lips still lifted high, to where she might’ve looked to some like she was trying to push through some extreme pain with a bright disposition. 

As soon as the boy passed, Jezzeah looked away, and her forehead again rested. 

Kids, she chuckled. 

Her previous joyful state quickly returned as her hazy glare picked up a few flittering butterflies—one orange, one bright blue—nearby. Lush trees gently swayed with the soft wind in the distance. 

The peaceful scene couldn’t keep her from noticing the few nearby cars that seemed to slow as they drove alongside her, their drivers trying to peek their heads out discreetly in her direction. And failing. 

Jezzeah’s forehead slightly raised again as she also tried to discreetly look around her at herself—her grey sweatpants and plain white T-shirt, her black flip-flops and bare toes. She slowed her pace, her eyes now shifting from left to right, right to left around her—her smile slightly dimming again. She tried to turn her head away from the street, to not pay attention to the cars but found that unnatural, so she turned it back straight ahead. 

The cars drove on while others continued to slow as they passed by. 

Looking ahead, she soon saw a cat mosey across a yard nearby, easing across the grass from the house towards the sidewalk. 

This sight brought more peace to Jezzeah, and for a moment, she was distracted from the slowing vehicles on the other side. 

As soon as she settled on that more peaceful sight, the cat’s almond-shaped eyes changed to full circles and it halted in place as Jezzeah continued to walk forward, her leash still in hand. 

As she walked closer along the sidewalk, the cat sped off back in the way of the house. 

“Ohh, it’s okay, kitty!” she called out. “Come back! I won’t hurt you!!” 

Her head lowered as the animal had gone out of sight. 

A few minutes later, she noticed movement in the corner of her eye. 

“Hey, you remembered your backpack, right?” a woman asked a little girl as she loaded a SUV in front of one of the next houses. 

“Yes, Mommy, I did!” the little girl excitedly answered back. “It’s right here, see?” 

“Oh, good,” the woman said as Jezzeah passed them. “We definitely don’t want to forget tha—” 

The woman's gaze froze in Jezzeah’s direction, which inspired the little girl’s to turn and also follow where it’d gone. 

“Oh Mommy, look! It’s a dog!!” the little girl screeched, unbuckled her seatbelt and wriggled out, and jumped out from the backseat before Jezzeah could complete two full steps. 

“Oh no, honey, don’t!” her mother called out. “I don’t think it’s—” 

The little girl was already over at the sidewalk, near Jezzeah. 

As she approached, her glee-filled face started to drop, and it was just quickly replaced by befuddlement. 

“Hey!” Jezzeah kneeled slightly towards the child as her mother began also walking over in their direction. “How’s it going?” 

The little girl didn’t say anything. 

“My name’s Jezzeah, what’s yours?” 

“Umm... Jessica...” she said with noticeably less enthusiasm than she’d had just moments before. 

“Oh that’s a nice name,” Jezzeah smiled. “Hi, Jessica.” 

“H-h-i...” 

“Come on, Jessica,” her mother said as she got closer, her eyes finding it hard to pull away from Jezzeah’s direction. “Let’s leave this nice lady alone and go get back in the car. You know we have to leave soon!” 

“Umm,” her young daughter said towards Jezzeah. “What’s wrong with it?” She looked down at the figure at the end of Jezzeah’s leash.  

Jezzeah followed her gaze down towards it as well. 

“What do you mean?” Jezzeah’s smile was suddenly laced with seemingly genuine confusion. 

“It—it’s not moving. Why isn’t it moving?” the girl asked with genuine concern as her mother grabbed her hand and yanked her back towards the car. 

For the rest of Jezzeah’s walk home, these responses continued. 

The stares, puzzled looks, the certain whispers among different groups out walking, jogging, or playing together. 

By the time she reached the last few minutes of her trip, her previously bright face had noticeably dimmed. The grass didn’t seem as green, the sky not as blue, the birds’ song not as rich, the air not as crisp. 

Soon, she was at her front door, approaching her beloved worn mat of coir below. 

Welcome. Visitors Must be Approved by Lady Lulu aka "Miss Bliss,” it read in playful black letters, with big, black pawprints of varying sizes sprinkled throughout. 

A golden-colored furry face placed right below smiled at her, a fat pink tongue hanging just barely out its mouth. 

A corner of Jezzeah’s lips raised as she felt again a slight hint of wanting to smile back. 

The next day, again with the turquoise leash and sparkly turquoise collar, she took a different route on her walk. 

One with fewer people and hardly any cars. 

Jezzeah clutched the leash and tried to walk confidently. Still, it wasn’t long before she couldn’t help but notice the few people who did cross her path having the same kinds of reactions as those the day before. The occasional car still seemed to slow beside her, gawking from their seat—one almost driving up on the curb nearby. 

Despite the fewer people and fewer cars on this route, she felt even more distracted by their presence and response. 

By the end of that walk, the light she’d felt when she’d first left that shop the day before had all but gone. Her step had lost its stride, the leash barely hanging in her hand as she eventually reached her home again. 

Once inside, she was immediately faced with big, brown eyes. 

Unrelenting in their gaze, they were the first scene she’d encountered for many years when arriving home —the large framed canvas above her sofa that she had long appreciated and later, when she needed it most, it at first felt decently enough. 

Until it didn't. 

Even still, the scene somehow took on new meaning now. The golden coat was bright and vivid, the eyes distinct and connected. Even the sparkly turquoise collar shone much brighter—its stones all still intact—then, and it matched Jezzeah’s turquoise sheath dress with ruffled sleaves as she snugly cushioned right beside on the arm of the black tufted leather armchair smiling genuinely. 

Below, Jezzeah kneeled and unhooked the leash in front of her from its collar, her hand rested flatly on the top of the figure attached to it. Familiar big, brown eyes stared back at her, their gaze both familiarly and eerily unrelenting and unblinking. 

Her own soon welled as her hand rested on its firm golden head and gently ran down the side of its stiff, furry face and then slowly, on its face. 

She then lightly slid her finger across its unblinking eyes, its mouth frozen in its happy expression. 

As her hand dropped, she deeply inhaled and then softly exhaled as her head also followed. 

And then, tears. 

A steady stream fell as she slumped onto the unyielding figure. 

Eventually she collapsed on the floor beside it, sending it collapsing with a light thud on the hardwood. 

Her phone tipped over and out of her pocket, sliding across the floor and near a turquoise-and-silver stainless steel bowl half-filled with foggy water, a dingy plush bone nearby. 

Jezzeah’s legs sprawled out as the day turned darker beyond her nearby windows, her hot tears running out harder and stronger each moment. 

Her body remained in that position until the only faint light in her home came from the street lights outside—the portrait now only barely visible in the virtual darkness. 

Her eyes closed, and she quietly drifted off to sleep. 

She was jolted awake by FINNEAS as one of her favorite songs, "I Don't Miss You at All," suddenly blared from her phone. 

Disoriented for a moment by where she was and where she had ended up, she scrambled looking around for it from where she sat. 

The ring continued. 

In her hazy visual search, she briefly glanced over at the furry figure laid to its side near her. 

Soon, she spotted her ringing phone and crawled over to where it had slid. 

“He—hello?” Jezzeah’s voice cracked as she spoke. 

“Did you get it?!” the voice on the other side yelled out so loud, Jezzeah pulled her phone back and turned down the volume. 

“Huh?” she said. 

“Did you get it?! Wai—are you.. Were you asleep? Girl, it’s only 8:30!!” 

“Umm yeah, I... I guess I must’ve passed out a little earlier.” 

“Oh, well did you get it?!?” the woman on the phone asked again. 

“Oh umm.. yeah,” said Jezzeah as she tried not to look at the furry figure in the corner. 

“And?!? How is it?! How did they do?!” 

“Oh, yeah, it’s.. It’s nice,” Jezzeah said weakly. 

“’It’s nice,’” the woman mimicked. “Zeah, that doesn’t sound very convincing.” 

“No, really, really. It looks just like her.” 

“Aww really? Well then... What’s wrong? You don’t sound very happy. I mean, besides the sleepiness... Does it feel weird or something?” 

“No, not at all—it’s just... I just... It...” Jezzeah struggled to find the words. 

“Did you use the leash like you said you were going to?” the woman asked. 

“Yeah, I—I did,” Jezzeah’s head lowered. 

“And? How did that feel?” 

Jezzeah’s face faintly brightened for a moment. “It felt wonderful, honestly,” she said. “Well, at least at first...” 

“’At first’? Well? What happened?” 

Jezzeah’s head raised and looked directly over in the corner for the first time since she’d awakened. 

Cars blared as they lined up one behind the other in both lanes going in opposite directions. 

On the sidewalk nearby, a young woman adjusted the mannequin display outside her clothing boutique, while a group of friends laughed and chatted with one another walking by. 

A man jogged past them, also passing others in his path. 

He soon passed Jezzeah who was dressed in a yellow blouse with white polka dots and orange leggings. He glanced down at the end of her leash as she gripped the top tightly. 

A pair of heart shades rested on the furry face beside her--a sparkly tiara sitting on top its ears as it traveled along. 

Little sparkly turquoise booties occasionally tapped along the concrete. 

A calm smile rested on Jezzeah’s face as she looked on ahead of her, enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells that surrounded her.