The Weekend

CW: Mature themes and implications of suicide.

Alex closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the surf. He had come onto the beach to take a break from the busy hubbub of the boardwalk. The pink glow on the horizon signaled the beginning of sunset. The white, puffy clouds make Alex think of the cotton candy that was being sold on the midway.

Nate had wanted a snack and something to drink, but Alex was not hungry or thirsty. His adrenaline was still through the roof from riding The Comet. He could still hear screams of delight coming from the amusement park nearby. Suddenly, Alex felt a buzzing sensation against his leg. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone, pushing the button on the side to turn on the screen. It was a text from Nate. Meet me at the club at the corner of the Boardwalk in ten minutes.

Alex looked up from his phone and stared out at the horizon, watching the last bit of sunlight turn the pink clouds purple. Earlier in the evening, Nate had said something about going to the club to grab a couple of drinks and maybe bust a few moves on the dance floor. It sounded fun and Alex loved to dance. He texted back See you in ten minutes.

Alex made his way along the boardwalk towards the nightclub. Even though it was crowded tonight, he could hear loud music and see the bright, colorful lights blinking though the windows just a few yards ahead. As he entered the club, he could feel the energy of the beat. He saw many couples out gyrating their hips, making sexually suggestive movements. There were pink, purple, and blue lights creating fractal patterns everywhere. When he glanced up a few moments later, he could see Nate squeezing though the people, making his way onto the dance floor. Nate caught Alex’s eye and gave him a wink. This flirtatious gesture caused Alex’s heart to speed up a bit. He made his way through the crowd to where Nate was waiting for him.

“Hi”, said Alex, blushing slightly.

“Hey yourself,” said Nate.

“I almost thought that you were going to ask me to dance,” Alex said to Nate.

“That is exactly what I am going to do”, said Nate with a smile.

Alex took another look around the club. Most of the couples were boys dancing with girls, but sure enough, there were also boys dancing with boys and girls dancing with girls.

Alex turned his head slightly, looking for Nate. He had lost sight of his friend momentarily, but suddenly, he felt the warmth of a body behind him as Nate slid his arms around his chest. He let himself sink into the warmth of Nate’s arms, while being rocked gently from behind.

“How’s this?”, Nate whispered into his ear.

“This feels really good,” replied Alex.

He wasn’t sure if Nate could hear him over the music, but it didn’t matter at this point. Right now, there was nowhere else in the world that he would rather be. It had been a shitty two years since his dad had passed away, and now, he felt safe and comforted...like nothing bad had happened. It was as if he had entered another world. As the song ended, Alex turned around so that he could see Nate face to face. Both of their heads inched closer together until their lips were touching. The kiss was long and sensual, and it caused a pleasant grinding sensation in his loins.

A few hours later, Alex and Nate lay wrapped in each other’s arms. The window above the bed was open and a gentle sea breeze blew into the room, tousling Nate’s hair. Nate stirred in his sleep; jostling Alex awake. At first, Alex didn’t remember that he wasn’t in his own room tonight, but the warmth generated by Nate’s body lying next to his brought him back to where he was. He desperately wanted to make love again, but he didn’t want to wake his lover. Instead, he watched the sunlight fill the room and his mind recalled the things that he had done there in the dark. In a few more hours, Nate’s friends would be arriving from out of town. He decided to spend the remaining time snuggling into his pillow and relaxing. Before long, he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

The sound of giggling woke him up two hours later. He noticed the bedroom door was open, and Nate was no longer lying beside him. Alex sat up and decided to get dressed. No time like the present to go and meet Nate’s friends. He wouldn’t say anything about what had happened the night before. For one thing, he wasn’t sure how Nate’s friends would feel about their hookup. Alex had always liked boys better than girls, but he wasn’t sure about Nate’s orientation. For all he knew, his friend could be bi-curious. Better to wait and see how things played out.

“Well, hello sleepy head,” Nate said with a laugh as he entered the living room.

Alex took a quick glance around and saw that there were two girls and another guy sitting on the sofa.

“Hi, I’m Emma,” said the girl with blond hair.

“Hi,” said Alex, extending his hand.

“And this is Tom and Emily,” said Nate pointing to the other two.

As Alex exchanged a quick “hello” with the pair, he noticed that they were holding hands.

“I’ m Nate’s girlfriend, in case you’re wondering,” said Emma with a laugh.

At first, Alex didn’t know what to say. His mind went back to a few hours ago when his body was pressed against Nate, and they were moaning in pleasure. He was quite sure that Emma knew nothing of Nate’s alternative sexual tastes.

“It’s nice to meet you,” said Alex. He was trying to conceal his shock and astonishment, but he wasn’t sure that he was doing a very good job.

“Are you OK?”, Emma asked.

“Yeah,” Alex responded. At this point, he was choking back tears. He swallowed hard and forced a smile.

“You’re really handsome,” Emma said with a wink.

Alex could see how Nate could fall for someone like her. She was very coy and flirtatious. Not to mention very pretty.

“Thanks”, Alex responded, blushing a little.

“What’s say we all go out for dinner?”, Tom asked.

“Yeah, that sounds great!”, Emily chimed in.

“What are you guys in the mood for?” Nate asked. “I was thinking we could go out to the Japanese steak house. You know, where they cook the food right in front of you?”

“I’m in”, said Tom.

“What about you, Alex?”, Emma asked.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds fine,” Alex said without much emotion.

Nate and all of his friends had now dispersed throughout the house. Alex decided to go down to Nate’s bedroom for a quick conversation.

“Hi there,” said Alex, poking his head into Nate’s bedroom.

Nate’s hair and skin were wet, and he had just removed the towel from his waist as Alex said his greeting. He turned around quickly, wrapping himself back in the towel.

“What’s the matter?”, asked Alex with a wry smile. “There’s nothing under there that I haven’t seen before.”

Nate turned slightly red at this statement.

“Look, Alex, I should have…”

“Should have what… told me you had a girlfriend? Yeah, that would have been nice,” Alex said, raising his voice just a little.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t think you would be so upset. I was a bit tipsy last night from having a few drinks at the bar. I’ve never forgotten that kiss we shared in high school, and I just thought you liked to have fun with guys,” Nate replied.

“Does Emma know that you like to have fun with guys?”, asked Alex, making quotation marks with his fingers as he said the last six words of the sentence.

Nate looked taken aback. Evidently, he had not thought about this situation.

“You haven’t told her, have you?”, asked Nate, sounding very concerned.

“No, I haven’t said anything,” Alex replied, rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m confused about how I feel, honestly. I love Emma, but I have this pull towards you, too. Maybe we should take a step back and not cross the boundary into sex,” Nate suggested.

“It would probably be for the best. Since we shared that kiss at the party last year, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I was hesitant to come up this weekend for fear that something like this might happen,” Alex said.

“I think we should continue our discussion sometime later. Guess we should go out to dinner and have fun with the others. Are you going to be, OK?”, Nate inquired.

“Yeah, it’s just hard for me to see you with someone else,” Alex said, his voice breaking a little bit. He reached up to wipe the moisture from the corner of his eye.

“I should be damn fine,” he added as he stormed out of the room.

Dinner went better than expected. They arrived at Kabuto’s at seven pm, and there was no wait. After they were seated around the table, everyone began to talk about plans for the rest of the weekend. Nate kept looking over at Alex, whose facial expression seemed a bit strained.

“How about we go out to the movies?”, suggested Tom. “They have an Alfred Hitchcock marathon at The Grande this weekend. The double feature this evening is Psycho and The Birds.”

“That sounds fun”, Emily chimed in.

“Would the rest of you be up for that?”, Tom asked.

“I think that sounds great!”, Emma replied, wrapping her hands around Nate’s arm and snuggling up close to him.

“What about you, Alex?”, asked Tom.

“I’m not sure. I might go back to the house. For some reason, I don’t feel the best right now. You guys should go ahead without me,” Alex replied, looking a bit forlorn.

After dinner, Nate, Emma, Tom, and Emily rode together to the theater, while Alex took a Lyft back to Nate’s house.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be OK,” Nate asked.

“I told you, I’m fine,” Alex said, gritting his teeth just a little bit. “I just need space, I told you.”

Nate stared after Alex, feeling frustrated. To be honest, he felt conflicted, too. He hoped that he could conceal his feelings from Emma. Having a poker face was not exactly his strong suit, especially around her.

Emma, Tom, and Emily had a great time at the movies. Nate, however, couldn’t concentrate on the show. As Anthony Perkins entered the bathroom and was about to pull back the curtain where Janet Leigh was showering, Nate felt Emma snuggle closer to him and lay her head on his shoulder. He barely heard people scream as the shower curtain pulled back, and the big kitchen knife came whistling down in an arc towards the beautiful Janet. Emma took a mental note of Nate’s distraction and promised herself that she would ask him about it later. It was possible that Nate and Alex were having some type of disagreement. Maybe her boyfriend just didn’t want to talk about it yet.

When they got home, Alex wasn’t there. It was one am in the morning, which made them all a little bit worried. Nate went into his bedroom. He tried to call Alex, but he didn’t get an answer. Instead, he found a note on his desk. Alex had slipped it under the computer keyboard, leaving just enough paper exposed to capture Nate’s attention.

Dear Nate,

I decided to head back home so that you and Emma could enjoy the rest of the weekend with your friends. I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to interfere with your relationship.

-Alex

Nate blinked a few times and read the letter again. His brain couldn’t seem to process what he was reading. What would he tell the others about why Alex had left? It was an awkward situation. Perhaps if he created a distraction, his friends wouldn’t have the chance to ask him many questions. He stuffed the letter in his pocket, so that no one else would see what Alex had written.

Suddenly, Nate exclaimed, “I’m going out for a drive!”

“A drive? At one am?”, Emma asked incredulously.

“Yeah, I just need to clear my head”, Nate said, heading out the door before another word could be said.

He had just pulled the Jeep out of the driveway when his phone buzzed. It was a text from Emma. Where are you going? Is there something going on between you and Alex? He pulled over and replied. Everything is fine. I just need to take a drive. I’m going to try and call Alex to see if I can reach him.

Nate turned on his headlights and pulled back onto the road. After he had driven about a mile, the road began ascending at a rapid pace. The beach near Nate’s house was surrounded by rocky cliffs. At the top of the hill, there was a small park with a trail for running. Nate often ran in the park so that he could see the water breaking over the rocks some hundred feet below.

As he pulled into the park, he found a parking space. Wait, there was another car parked nearby. Was that Alex’s vehicle? Yes, it was. Nate could hear the peaceful sound of the ocean as he walked along the trail. Lights dotted the way so that he could see easily in the dark.

He pulled out his cell phone and tried to call Alex one more time. It rang once and went straight to voicemail. Suddenly, he saw a figure sitting on a giant rock at the edge of the cliff. It was Alex, no doubt. He was staring out in the distance, unaware that Nate was nearby. As Nate got closer to his friend, he saw that Alex’s shoulders were moving as he sobbed there in the dark.

He said, “Alex?”

Alex turned around and Nate saw that his eyes were streaked red from crying.

“It’s all my fault,” he said. Somehow, his voice sounded distant and strange, like it wasn’t Alex’s voice at all.

“What’s your fault?”, Nate asked.

“My dad. He died right after I came out to him about being gay. We had an argument, and he went off drinking. He was so drunk that he ran off the road on the way home. Crashed into a tree. Never saw him again.”

Oh my God, Nate thought. He really didn’t know what to say.

“Your dad’s dying is not your fault,” Nate told him. It sounded so cliché, but it seemed the only appropriate thing to say in this situation.

“And then this weekend with you. It brought all those memories back to me,” Alex added, clenching his teeth.

Suddenly, Nate’s phone buzzed. It was Emma. She was trying to call him. He hit the answer button on the screen.

“Emma, I’ll call you right back,” he said before hanging up.

Nate looked up at the rock where Alex had been sitting, but Alex was gone. He looked around frantically to the left and right, hoping to see that his friend had simply moved to another spot. Alex was nowhere to be seen.

Nate ran over to the rock where Alex had been sitting and looked over the edge. There was nothing but water below. There was no way Alex could have fallen on any kind of outcropping. If he had jumped, then he had fallen into the water below.

“ALEX!”, Nate cried out into the dark. All he could hear was his own voice echoing back at him. Nate tried calling out several more times, but there was no response. So, he did the only thing he could think of doing. He called 911.

The police kept him for an hour. All that Nate would tell them was that Alex seemed upset and disturbed. There would be no way that they could search for Alex until the morning, they told him. At best, maybe he had run off and not jumped to his death into the ocean below. If they didn’t find him by tomorrow, they would have to drag the water to see if his body could be found.

Defeated, Nate left to drive back into town. As he did, he remembered that the door to St. Michael’s Catholic church was always open. It seemed like a good idea to go inside and say a quick prayer for the safety of his friend. Nate had been raised a good Catholic, but he hadn’t been to mass in quite some time.

As he opened the door to the sanctuary, Nate felt the weight of a holy presence as he knelt in one of the pews closest to the altar. Please God, let him be ok, Nate prayed silently. After a few minutes of keeping his head bowed, Nate opened his eyes to have a look around the church. One of the paintings caught his attention. He got up and moved closer to the image and saw that it was a painting depicting the temptation of Christ. The devil leaned in, whispering something into the ear of Jesus. Nate could hear the words echoing in his own head, as if he were hearing the words read out loud from the Bible. If thou shalt cast thyself down, he shall give his angels charge over thee, lest thy dash thy foot against a stone. The thought was just too much. He needed to leave and go home.

Minutes later, Nate pulled into the driveway. Emma was waiting for him at the door. She ran out to meet him and wrapped him in an embrace.

“Oh Emma,” was all he was able to say.