32 likes
12 comments
“Hi there, you’ve reached Andre, and Dee Dee, and Butter Bear. Please leave your name and number at the tone.”
Every time Deidra heard the message, she would smile and remember the fun they had recording it. Andre got his part perfect, and she was just as successful, but when Mandy used her nickname, the four-year-old started a contagious laugh that became the best part of the greeting.
“Babe, are you still there? If you are, pick up.”
How did he know I played hookie? she thought to herself as she reached for the handset. It was almost ten on Tuesday, and she would normally be at work, but the day was too perfect to spend indoors.
“Hi, Mr. Vice President. I’m still here. Is everything okay? Didn’t you have a presentation this morning?”
“Please don’t call me that, babe. The meeting was canceled, and I just realized how much I missed you and Mandy. Is she there with you?”
“Is that daddy?” Mandy asked, almost on cue. “Can I talk to him?”
“Yes, it’s dad, bear. But he called to talk to mommy.”
“Actually, Dee, I would love to talk to you both. Can you put me on speaker phone?”
“Are you sure everything is okay?” she whispered, trying to voice her concern while simultaneously hiding it from her little girl.
“Positive. I just was thinking about how I used to call you every morning when we were first married. That is one of my fondest memories.”
“Mine also. What made you think of that?”
“I don’t know, babe. You are my two best girls, and I guess I just wanted to spend some time with you this morning, even if it’s only over the phone.”
“As you wish,” Deidra responded, quoting a line from their favorite movie as she pushed the speaker phone button and placed the handset on the table.
“Butter Bear, are you there?”
“Yes, daddy. How is work?”
“Real good, sweetie. I miss you though. Are you being good for mommy?”
“I am!” she answered, emphasizing the second word.
“Fantastic. Now I have a question for you. Do you remember what I say every night before you go to bed?”
“Brush your teeth.”
“There’s that,” Andre said with a chuckle. “But what else?”
“That I’m your favorite little bear?”
“That’s right. You are my favorite little bear, and I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“What for, daddy?”
“Remember when we were coming home from church on Sunday and you wanted to sing a song?”
“I remember. You said we would do it next time.”
“I should have said yes, sweetie.”
“It’s okay, Daddy. I didn’t mind.”
“I know, Bear, but I love singing with you and Mommy. Can we sing a song now?”
“Can we, Mom? Will you sing too?”
“Of course I will,” Deidra responded. “What shall we sing?”
“How about John Smith?”
“Do you mean John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?” Andre asked, feigning seriousness.
“Yes, John Smith!” Mandy responded with a smile. “You start us, Mommy.”
“John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,” the three sang in perfect unison, “His name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout, there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Da da da da da da da!”
As was the custom, the family repeated the song four times, each time getting progressively softer while also shouting at the end, until they finished in hysterical laughter.
“That was perfect, Butter Bear. I’m so glad we took the time to sing together.”
Just then, there was a familiar beep on the phone.
“Hey, Dre, it’s my mom. Can you hold on for one second?”
“She can wait. Give her a call when we're done.”
“You’re starting to scare me, Dre.”
“Everything’s perfect, baby doll. In fact, it’s better than perfect. I was supposed to be in a boring meeting this morning, and instead I get to spend time with my girls.”
“Bear, do me a favor. Go get dressed so I can talk to Daddy for a few minutes.”
“But, Mom!”
“Listen to your mom, Butter Bear. I love you bigger than the sky.”
“I love you bigger than everything, Daddy.”
“Me too, Butter Bear, me too,” he sighed. “Now go get dressed.”
“Okay, Daddy,” the little girl responded as she headed upstairs to her bedroom.
“What’s up, Dre? You’re acting weird,” Deidra questioned as she took the phone off speaker. “Is there a problem at work?”
“Not at all, baby doll. I just miss you like crazy. I’ve had some time to think this morning, and I’m realizing that I’ve spent my most precious resource, my time, frivolously. Early mornings and late nights at work. So many Saturdays in front of a computer instead of spending time with you and Mandy. I just want you to know that I know what is important. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
“South and west?” Deidra said, a tear in her eye.
“South and west.” Dre repeated, remembering the promise he made when she was in school in Texas and he was finishing his degree at NYU. He had told her everything he did was in an effort to get to her. He was always moving South and west.
“I love you, Deidra. I love you with all my heart. I am truly a happy man.”
“I love you too, Dre, but you’re scaring me. Dang it, it’s my mom again. Can I see what she wants? Dre, are you still there? Dre, if you can hear me, hold on.”
With a touch of a button, a new voice comes on the line.
“Deidra!” the scream snaps her to attention. “Did Andre go to work today? Was he in the tower?”
“Yes, Mom. Why? What’s wrong? He’s on the other line.”
“The towers, Deidra. The plane. It’s all over TV.”
Deidra immediately dropped the phone and grabbed the remote. Seconds later, the television sprang to life just in time for her to see the South Tower fall. Instinctively, she grabbed the phone off the floor and pushed the button to switch the call back to her husband.
“Andre, are you there? Andre. Andre...”
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
Thom! You come in with another gem again. There's that feeling of dread you feel with Andre not saying anything to Deidra. The punch at the end of what the dreadful event really is. Wow! Of course, wonderfully emotional resonance. Incredible work!
Reply
Whenever I submit I always wait for your feedback. It’s the best part of being on Reedsy.
Reply
Too kind of you! Just praising a talented writer!
Reply
Thom- this story was chilling. So beautiful, and honestly really powerful in all the right ways. It was such a sweet story in the beginning, and you nailed the child's voice. I thought that the song was really cute! It's so sad, because this probably happened to real people, but at least he got to say goodbye. I noticed one small typo: “What’s up, Dre?” You’re acting weird.” I think there is supposed to only be 2 apostrophes there, so this is the cleaned up version: “What’s up, Dre? You’re acting weird.” Other than that, no notes! This was such a compelling story, truly. Great job & excellent work, Thom!
Reply
Thanks so much!!! Fantastic catch on the punctuation. 🙂
Reply
Death shows us what's important, and how the big things, are often little, songs with little girls and simple bedtime traditions.
This was a great, and depressing scene to show that.
Thanks!
Reply
Thom, I enjoyed this one. There’s real control here.
And honestly, the fixes aren’t big—they’re just about shifting where the weight sits.
You write well. That’s not the issue—hardly. You’ve got control, you understand pacing, and more importantly, you know how to hold something back. That’s not easy, and it shows throughout the piece.
What stood out to me is that you don’t force anything. You let it unfold, and that’s what gives the ending its weight.
Still, I do think there are a few places where you do the opposite of overwriting—you under-leverage what you’ve built.
And just to say it—this is only my opinion. Just one reader’s take.
What you do really well here is structure. You build normalcy, warmth, and routine into the story long enough that when things shift, the reader notices—and it matters.
Mandy is a great example. The phone call, the singing, the little details—they’re all doing real work. And the song was a smart choice. Simple, familiar, lived-in. It doesn’t feel like you’re trying too hard, which is not easy to pull off. Kudos to you.
But I’d say—push it a little further.
Trust the reader to connect the dots before the reveal.
The ending lands, no question. But when we get:
“The towers, Deidra. The plane.”
—that’s the moment everything clicks.
It works. But it also risks feeling like the emotion comes from the event itself rather than everything you built leading up to it.
What if there were just a touch of friction earlier?
Right now, the warmth, nostalgia, and love feel very safe until the end. Even a small shift—something slightly off, a hesitation, a line that doesn’t sit quite right—could make the ending feel more inevitable instead of sudden.
One last thing—the dialogue is clean, which is a strength. But it might be a little too clean.
Andre is almost perfectly composed the entire time. And I get that—that’s part of who he is.
But if he knows, even on some level, what’s coming…maybe there’s a crack somewhere. Just a small one.
That might be all it takes to elevate this from a strong story to something that really lingers.
Lily
(Can you tell I've taken two courses on writing and receiving feedback?)
Reply
Wow. You kept me engaged from the start. The tension between characters and the pressure of the phone ringing continuing to drive the story. The mother's instinct to send her daughter out of the room because she has a gut feeling. Such an emotionally powerful ending. Excellent story!
Reply
Interesting. I suspected it once they started singing the song. Sad time to remember what is really important, but I suspect that was the case with many who died that day.
Reply
Ugh. Gutted. You know, I thought about the towers early in. I don’t see where it was indicated. Maybe just a vibe. Bravo Thom. Ima pay attention to you.
Reply
This is the coolest comment. Thank you!!!
Reply
Brilliant and subtle take on the prompt, somehow you keep the reader engaged with some hints before the end.
Reply