The Taste of Tiramisu and Tears (18+)

CW: Mature themes, sexual content and mental health

The ding of the oven prompts me to walk over to it quickly. I look inside and see that the pastry goods are ready. I put my mittens on, open the oven, and take out the tray.

I put the tray on the cooling rack and leave it. As the pastries cool, I go into the fridge and take out the homemade cream that I made earlier today.

I sigh as I check my phone; no text from my husband. The back of my mind is hoping that he will send me the magical words. But I know that he won’t, much to my disappointment.

Once the pastries are cool enough, I move them to the island counter. I grab the piping bag and fill it with the cream. With patience, I wrap the piping bag closed and fill each pastry with cream.

I finish the homemade cream puffs with a satisfied sigh. I put the piping bag into the bowl and place it into the sink. I then take my time washing all the dishes that I used to make the cream puffs.

I finish in due time, wiping away the water and making sure the kitchen is clean.

“Happy birthday,” JJ calls out. I turn around and smile as my son comes to me, handing me a bouquet of black roses. The fact that my son has given me this gift warms my heart.

“Thank you so much, baby.” I can’t help but still be heartbroken from the lack of acknowledgement from Rexonus, but at least our son cares.

“Are we still going to visit CC?” he asked. I nod, not forgetting that my birthday falls on a Thursday. I watch him rush upstairs to change out of his clothes to get ready.

I place the cream puffs into Tupperware, taking them with me as we make our way to the car. The drive to the Culebra chateau is straightforward, unlike my first visit. This is the seventeenth visit, although no one is counting. Now, I know what to expect there. But this time is different.

I am thirty-seven. Age is a standard for all humans, but the fact that I am getting older brings me dread. I can’t help but notice the marks of age on my body.

The drive to Calvin’s home feels almost automatic. I wait as the gates slowly open, and I drive in. I automatically park where George leaves my car. JJ gets out of the car, making his way to CC as they talk to each other. I watch as my son points to the vehicle; CC looks and makes her way towards me.

CC looks excited, happy to see me. I wave to the little girl as she stands next to the car. I open the car and watch her smile grow.

“Happy birthday, Mrs Luxembourg.”

“Thank you, CC,” I say with a smile. She reaches into her pocket and hands me something. I place my hand out and let her drop the gift into the palm of my hand.

It’s a golden necklace with a golden bunny charm. I smile as I put it around my neck, letting it dangle.

“It’s real gold too,” CC says, proud of her gift. I smile softly and tell her, 'Thank you.' I go in the car, grab the homemade sweets and give her one.

CC looks up at me before slowly putting the sweet in her mouth. Her eyes beam as she continues chewing.

“This is so delicious, did you make this, Mrs Luxembourg?”

“I did.” CC smiles as she completes chewing.

“Wow.” Watching CC enjoy my sweets brings a smile to my face. I follow her as I go up the familiar stairs. George stands in the front door, as always. I hand him my keys and lift the container of sweets.

He looks down at it, picks up a cream puff and puts it into his mouth. I walk by him before I see his reaction. I then walk around the chateau, handing out a single pastry to each staff member.

The familiar steps of Calvin become louder. I turn around without a beat, putting up the bowl to him as a silent offer. He looks down, stares at it for a second and then nods. I pick up a cream puff, watch him open his mouth and place it in his orifice. He closes his mouth and slowly chews.

He closes his eyes and raises his eyebrows quickly. I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows. I then turn to a young man, cutting the black roses.

“Excuse me,” I say. The man turns to me, silently waiting for my words. “Can you take this to the kitchen staff? Curtesy of Mrs Luxembourg on her birthday,” I ask with a smile. He nods, takes the Tupperware from my hands, bows, and then walks away.

Once I turn around, I see Calvin look at me. I follow him as he leads me into his office again. The marble seat beats me to the office once again.

Displayed in the middle of the office is a game of chess. Next to the checkerboard lies a lone slice of tiramisu, accompanied with a small spoon, in a cloche. I sit on the marble seat, waiting for Calvin to take his own seat.

“Are we playing chess now?” I ask. Calvin remains silent, his eyes on the board instead of me. I look down and see the untouched chess pieces, noticing that I have the white pieces.

He is giving me the first move.

I reach out and push a pawn two squares forward. Calvin responds by meeting me halfway with his own pawn. I glance up at Calvin as I pull out another pawn next to my original pawn.

Calvin goes for the defense and pulls out his knight. I decide to go for the attack and kill his pawn with mine. Calvin stays cool throughout the game. Not a blunder in sight. I, on the the other hand, can feel the cool sweat pool on my forehead.

Soon, there is only a few pieces on the board. My king is out an open. Calvin, he has his queen, two pawns and a bishop. I shift my king to the right, and without a second, Calvin moves his queen. My eyes stares at the board as I knock my king over.

“Checkmate,” Calvin’s cool voice says. Defeat coats me with its cold blanket. However, I straighten my back and give my hand out to him. He shakes my hand with a firm handshake.

He lifts up the cloche, revealing the delicious dessert in front of me. I reach over to the spoon, scoop the corner and put it into my mouth.

I take another scoop of the tiramisu and glance at Calvin. I move the sweet treat towards Calvin’s direction. He moves his head towards the spoon and opens his mouth, letting me feed him.

I then begin eating the tiramisu. The cocoa, coffee, mascarpone, cream all swirling in my mouth. The delicious flavour of Calvin’s kitchen staff is particularly delicious.

My eyes begin blurring as I feel the sea fill up my blue eyes. The ocean overflows and goes down my cheek. Calvin tilts his head, observing my tears.

“You’re crying,” he states. I can’t help but laugh as I wipe away the tears. Calvin pulls out a hankerchief from his breast pocket and hands it over to me. I dab my cheek, letting the soft material absorb the evidence.

“I’m sorry,” I say, sniffing and tears continue pouring down on my face. “It’s just that today is my birthday, and I am spending it with you.”

“Are you not satisfied being here?” Calvin asks. I shake my head, a soft laugh escaping my lips.

“No, no. It’s not that. I’m just… I’m getting older and I feel terrible. I have spend my formative years building a family with a man who couldn’t even give me a birthday text,” I admit. I keep drying my eyes with Calvin’s hankerchief. Calvin nods his head, leaning back onto his seat.

“His neglect has a deep effect on your confidence. You still reach for him despite him being well beneath you,” Calvin explains. His clinical words are an attempt to soothe me. It slightly works, but it doesn’t heal the old wounds.

“I know. However, I gave him my youth. I am marred by the aftermath of time. Looking in the mirror is a sick reminder of my unappreciated sacrifice,” I reveal. Telling Calvin this might not change anything, but he’s here.

Calvin watches me. This is what he does when he is thinking. I watch him lean over, probably to press that dull button. Sure enough, he does.

“Bring in the mirror from the dancing hall,” Calvin says. About a minute a later, they knock on the oak door. It opens and three men bring in the mirror. Once it’s positioned properly, the staff bows and leave the estate.

“Strip,” Calvin commands. I look up at Calvin, knowing that he isn’t trying to have sex with me when I clearly am going through a crisis. He looks at me, waiting for me to do as he says.

“You serious? I’m breaking down and you want me to have sex, right now. Can’t you see that I am not in the mood?”

Calvin sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose before looking at me.

“What I am doing has no sexual connotations. Trust my methods, and the confidence to your aging body will grow exponentially. In a time where you should be celebrating, you come into my office crying about your body.” I release a sniff as Calvin decimates me. I get up from the marble bench and walk towards the large mirror.

Seeing the aged version of myself in the mirror will never get easier for me. How can it? I see everything: the smile lines, the wrinkles, the graying hair, and the misery in my blue eyes.

You know what the worst part is? I will only look worse. I can see Calvin’s reflection sitting on his seat, watching my every move.

I slowly unzip the back of my dress shirt, letting the fabric fall off of my shoulder. I pull my arms out and let them drop to the ground. I then reach behind me and unclip my bra, pulling my undergarments to the cold tiles.

I then grab my fly and slowly zip it down, shedding my pants. I pull my legs out of the sleeves and step out of the midnight jeans. I then shed underwear, my last pair of protection.

I’m fully exposed.

I watch Calvin’s reflection gets up from his chair and walk towards me. I keep quiet as he slowly picks up my clothes, folds them and places them onto the marble bench.

“Place your arms out.” I do as Calvin says. When I do that, he walks behind me. I can feel his face next to mine, his reflection only confirms what I know.

Calvin places his palms on my waist. I shiver against his cold touch. His fingers begins tracing my stretch marks. “This,” Calvin whispers. “Is a temple, that has withstood the test of time. Here,” Calvin’s index finger traces along my ceserian scar. “Is a reminder of you bearing life, one of the best things to contribute in our species. Your body,” Calvin right arm wraps around my chest, right below my breasts. “Fed your only child with the nourishments he needed from infancy. Your body created, fed, and raised the child that you have,” Calvin whispers. I lean my head back, resting onto Calvin’s shoulder, my eyes still fixed on the mirror.

I lean into his body as he slowly traces my body. I feel his hands slowly move along my arms, my waist, and everywhere in between. He then slowly lowers my arms, bringing relief to my arms.

“Today is your day. Every time you look in the mirror, rejoice for this is truly yours,” Calvin says.

“Kiss my neck,” I request. Calvin turns his head, giving my soft pecks along my neck. My chest rises as falls as my breathing increases. I can feel myself relax into his touch as I look into the reflection.

It’s a masterpiece.

“Thank you,” I whisper. The man lifts his head, removing his magical lips from my neck. My hands slowly push him away, silently telling him that his unorthodox method works.

I turn to him, finally getting to gaze into his real hazel eyes. Calvin slowly nods, recognising that there is a new fire in my blue eyes. I walk past him and go to my folded clothes, dressing myself with confidence. I can feel Calvin’s gaze on me but it brings me life now.

Once I finish dressing up, I turn to the man who was able to help me bring myself to this sense of confidence.

“Happy birthday, Jessica,” Calvin says. I smile. The words now bringing a new meaning to those words. I nod at him, before leaving his office.