Mystery

‘My darling, my Mystery,

I’m sorry. They thought it best. I pray one day you will understand. I was barely past being a child myself when you were born. I didn't know what else to do. It seemed the only way.

The woman you will know as mom, she made the decision. I could have argued but I’ve never won an argument with her. Besides that, it seemed she was right. I loved you. I love you. Still, I couldn't take care of you. I gave you life and your name. I insisted on that.

She wanted your middle name to be your first. You were my little Mystery for so long, it became your name even before you were born. I think Mystery Grace is a good name. Don't you?

By the time you can read this, you will be able to answer.

Right now you lay in the same bassinet I used at your age. You look so much like me. I’m glad. The boy who helped make you, he wanted nothing to do with you. The father you will know is a good man. He is a good dad. Didn't scream or rage like some would when he found out you were on the way. He was disappointed.

I know it doesn't sound like much but trust me, that is rough. You will see. You will do stuff to bring that look. You, after all, are my child.’

She laughs and runs through the yard. Charity, her big sister, watches her. At three she barely knows that her life is about to change. Her sister, who has been a constant presence in her life, is about to go away.

Mommy says sissy is going to college.

“Mystery go too.” she had insisted.

“Mystery has to stay with mommy and daddy.” Her mommy had answered.

She doesn't know what ‘college’ is but she doesn't like it.

“I have to go there to learn. I can't become a lawyer from home.” Charity says as she tucks her in that night.

“Learn here on computer.” She crosses her small arms and stares at her.

“If I could, I would. I promise.”

‘Mystery,

Today I leave for college. How I hate leaving you! I will miss you so much. You don't understand. How could you? You are only three and I have finished high school at home. Another thing I didn't argue with. Mom thought it best.

She was worried about someone finding out. I just wanted to be with you. So, it worked out.

I didn't think about what leaving for college would mean to you. In truth, I couldn't see that far ahead. It was just getting through one day after the other.

Now the time is here and I feel my heart breaking. The room is packed of all I am taking. Clothes, books, and lots of pictures of you. All are true, how can they not be with you being in them? But one is especially true. There is one, just one, from the hospital when you were born. In it, I lay in the hospital bed, you are cradled in my arms.

Oh, how am I to leave you, my darling. My daughter.’

“Is she going to be here?” Mystery stands, her hands on her hips, “she has to be.”

“Sweetie, she is going to try but she has exams.”

“Mommy, I am starting school. Kindergarten. I need my Charity here.”

A few seconds before they leave, she comes running in. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

Mystery lets out a squeal and runs over, throwing her arms around her legs. “No late. Here. I told you mommy. She wouldn't miss my kindergarten.”

“Never.” She kneels down and hugs her.

‘Mystery,

Standing on that stage, accepting my degree, seeing you jumping up and down with excitement in the audience, it was one of the proudest moments of my life. I did it! We did it.

Could I have kept you? Raised you as my own? Would I be here right now? I would like to think so. But I am not sure. You are thriving, one of the smartest people in the third grade. I am on my way to law school. We are doing so well.

Neither would be possible without our parents. I don't know how I will ever repay them but I will do all I can to try.’

She fiddles with her hair until her sister comes to help, tightening the French braid up.

“Thank you Charity.”

“I can't believe you are graduating from middle school.”

Her sister grins. “I can't believe you are having a baby,” She reaches out to touch her bump, “I am going to be an aunt.”

Her sister’s smile is wistful. “Yes. It is going to be wonderful.”

“Yes, even if I am the youngest aunt ever.” She stretches the last word out as only a thirteen year old can.

Charity laughs. “Silly girl. I love you as deep as the ocean.

“And as wide as the sky.” She completes it.

‘Mystery,

Your niece, your sister, was born today. Uncle John and I are naming her Faith. It is only through Faith we have gotten this far. When I held you in my arms for the first time, the only time as your mom, I couldn't have imagined having a child I could keep.

Faith Renee is a second chance to do it right. But I have. As much as I have grieved not being able to raise you, I know now that it was absolutely the best decision. We were blessed, you and I, for we got to grow up together. Mom and dad saw to that.

Faith is their first grandchild. You are Aunt Mystery. One day I will give you the password to this journal. When you read it, I pray you will forgive anything that needs forgiving. I pray you will understand a mom's love.’

She cradles her first son, tears running down her face. Her family surrounds her. Mom, dad, Charity, John, and her sweet niece.

Later that day, her sister gives her a website and a password.