Stadiums & Shrines

The roar of the crowd was all the confirmation I needed. He lost control. The smell of burnt rubble and exhaust set a fire in my stomach. This happened all the time in motocross. If the pressure becomes too much, we are bound to crash and burn. This isn’t how I envisioned my win at finals.

The finish line was up ahead. As I crossed it, I knew no one was going to pay attention. The flames roared with a fiery red, like a dragon dancing in the sky and mocking us from its viewpoint. Its breath billowed down, making the stadium fog over. The announcer crackled through the stereo system, urgency in his voice. “All guests and riders, please evacuate the arena immediately.” More instruction spewed through, but was muffled by the screams and spectators piling on to each other to escape. Gritting my teeth, I got on my bike. Sweat beading down my face, I swerved my bike back onto the track until a hand grabbed my arm tightly. “Are you stupid? We have to get out of here!” My eyebrows knitted together as I turned to see Trent. His forest green helmet was still on, his hand shaking. Tears flowed from his eyes, pleading.

“Someone has to get him!” I yelled. I shook my arm away and revved my bike.

“We can’t lose another-” Trent started,

“I’m not letting that happen again!” I finished. I raced my bike and started down the track path swiftly. The stadium was all smoke and mirrors. If I looked up at the sky, all I could see was a cloud of grey and a feeling that was chewing me up into oblivion. My breathing quickened as my thoughts became malicious. What if I can’t find him? Did they take him? No, I didn’t see anyone on the track. My heavy breathing was greeted with dry heaves and bile coating the back of my throat. I bent my head down to gain composure - that’s when I saw it. If I looked down, the heavy dirt paths could lead me to Jamie. I raced a third of the way from the finish line. The paths curved and twisted together like mangled snakes. Some made perfect lines. The sharp curved path he made off the last jump solidified where he landed. I heaved up the last air I could muster as the smoke had a grip on my throat and wouldn’t let go. I shook my head as there was no time to hesitate. My bike cooed over to the flame, scanning where his body might be. I squinted sharply to see a shadow. Jamie. Abandoning my bike, my mind was jolting from the sheer fact that I found him. His helmet lay face down, his body spread in every which way. I flipped him over on his back and clawed at his helmet, trying to get it off. My hands were feeble and shaking. It took every ounce for me to steady them to lift his helmet off. Please be okay.

throwing the helmet aside revealed his eyes were shut, limp. “Jamie, can you hear me?” I boomed. I shook his shoulders hard, making his body sway. Wake up, damn it. My eyes immediately moved up and down his body. Looked like nothing was broken, but he did have a nasty burn on his left leg. His crimson skin bubbled, making me gag from the sheer sight. There were no signs of him waking up. I got down on my hands and knees to sit him upright. Moving my back close to his chest, I hoisted him up, wrapping both arms around my shoulders. I moved my body forward, my back carrying his body weight. As I was trudging back to my bike, each step felt like pins and needles. With each step, another needle was stabbed through my weak legs. With each step, my heart couldn’t take it. It shouldn’t have been like this.

My body crumpled on the cold dirt floor in exhaustion, and Jamie toppled over me. His long brown hair covered his face, like armor. My mind alone couldn’t win against the pain. As my eyes were slowly closing, a breath grazed the back of my ear: “Thank you, Marv.” Jamie said hoarsely. With those words, my eyes closed slowly, tears streaming down in warm anguish.

The beeps of the monitor stirred me awake. My eyes fluttered to see a cold, white tiled ceiling, blue curtains surrounding me, and the smell of sterilization in the air. The place most visited by us, or how the nurses like to call us - Moto-morons. The first thought that shot into my mind was Jamie. What was his condition? My mind wanted to move, but my body felt like stone. With the sound of my struggle, the curtain opened abruptly. There was Trent, his brown eyes wider than a deer in the headlights. “Don’t ever do shit like that again! You had us worried.” He croaked.

“Nice to see you too.” I sighed in disappointment. “Where’s Jamie?” His eyes met mine, and he walked over to my left side and grabbed the side curtain.

“Why don’t you ask yourself?” Trent peeled back the side curtain to reveal Jamie. Sitting in bed on his phone.

“Yeah, why don’t you ask me? Tapping his phone on his forehead with his famous gap toothed smile. “I feel fine, I guess - minus my burnt-to-a-crisp leg.” He let out a small laugh. My eyes stung as tears wanted to envelop my crusted-over eyes. I shut my eyes tight, trying to relieve this feeling. He was alive. That’s all I needed.

“Marv dude, are you crying?” Jamie laughed. I turned my face to the opposite side so he wouldn’t see how much of a mess I was. To see him on the verge of death, his body pale white. I never want to see something like that again.

“It should have been me,” I murmured.

“Stuff like that can happen to anyone.” He said.

“No, not to you.” I countered. “This should never have happened in the first place.” Tears started to flow as much as it hurt.

“Marv, it’s okay.” Trent’s voice was hoarse but soft. I could hear he wanted to come closer to me, but he backed off. He whispered something to Jamie, but I couldn’t hear.

“I’m going to tell the nurse you’re awake,” Trent advised. He closed the front curtain, leaving me with Jamie in silence.

“Marv, look at me,” Jamie ordered. His tone serious. My face felt hot, tears still rolling off my face. How could I let him look at me like this? I squeezed my eyes tighter.

“Look at me.” He repeated. Even though I didn’t want to, I didn’t want him to see me act childish either. I obeyed and slowly turned around to meet his gaze. His brown hair was still covering his face, but this was nothing new. I could still see his eyes, warm and welcoming. His freckles swept across his cheeks like constellations. When he was out in the sun, new ones would appear to create new patterns. He smiled softly. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not like you did this.”

Those words twisted like a knife that was already entrenched in my heart. How could he trust me so easily? A boy. Someone I truly thought of as my friend, my rival, my partner. How could I put him through hell like this? He could have died because of my selfishness in wanting to be number one. To getting a sponsorship, to becoming somebody from this shitty town. But for Jamie, he was always somebody. Always somebody I wanted to be.

I smiled back at him. “Jamie, I think it’s time for me to retire.” Jamie’s smile faded in the blink of an eye. His eyebrows scrunched together, calculating what he wanted to say next.

“You can’t be serious.” He scoffed. “We’re at the peak of our career! We can still get outta here together. You won the finals for crying out loud.”

“I wouldn’t consider that shit show winning. Besides, it’s a dream. It was just a dream anyway.” My eyes wavered. I turned to face away from him.

“Is this because of me? You want to give up on your dream?” He whispered. The words pelted me like a huge boulder. “Listen, Marv - whatever happened today. You didn’t do it.”

“And what if I did?” I questioned.

“You’re… You’re lying,” He stuttered. “It’s a lie to me, and that’s what I’ll believe. You would never do something like that.”

“Then you don’t know me at all.” Anger set in as I peeled myself out of the hospital bed and onto my feet. I removed the IV that pinched a nerve in my skin. As I tried to get my bearings, Jamie flung off the bed and grabbed my wrist firmly. The bewilderment was all over his face. To his clenched jaw, his eyebrows creasing, his eyes narrowed towards my hand.

“The dream wasn’t just yours; it’s ours… You taught me everything I know.” His voice trembled. “You’re just gonna throw it all away?” This made me want to tell him everything and take him with me. It didn’t matter where it was. As long as I had him by my side, I knew everything would work out. But I have to pay for what I did. Selfishly, I can’t run away from my fate.

“Jamie, let me go.”

“Not until you tell me why you did it.” His hand tremor was getting worse with each pull. “I don’t even care if you did it,. I-” He stuttered. “You can’t leave me.”

I took Jamie’s course hand in mine. “I need to go.”

The Crossroads

In the town of Somerset, it’s broken up by a mountain smack dab in the middle. The upper side of the mountain is where all the paths connect to practice racing. That’s the only thing going in this town: motocross and the hopes it can take you far away from this place. To get there, you have to go through the crossroads to pay a toll. Money in the daytime, other forms at night. If someone had a death wish, they would come at night when the park was closed. I rode my bike up to see two figures at the crossroads. My nerves made my hair stand up as the cool breeze flowed through my helmet. The two familiar figures that I’ve been dealing with moved together in unison to form a line, blocking the path. I skidded to a halt to see them face to face, but giving myself enough distance. In case they did something funny.

One of the two men had sleek black hair and wore a leather racing jacket. With graffiti bones scattered all over it. Looked like a poor DIY job, to say the least. Even though the leather jacket looked tacky, the man didn’t. From his straight posture to his looks, he was proper. Almost too proper to be in a racing gang. The other man adorned the same designs on his leather jacket, but the bones didn’t cross like the other man’s. His hair is a bright cherry red, and had piercings in different arrangements in each ear, rugged. I killed the light switch as the moon lit the night sky. The man with jet black hair approached. “Did we do well, or did we do well?” He questioned with a hint of sarcasm on his lips. I felt a vein popping out of my forehead from his stupid greeting. My body moved before I could think, grabbing him by his leather jacket collar.

“I told you not to take it that far!” Gripping his collar tight. “I told you to kill his bike, not fucking kill him!” He whistled to his crony, shooting a smile and narrowing his eyes towards me mockingly. Take a look at this guy. He tapped my hand, a signal to get off. I jerked away as he brushed his jacket vigorously, like my hand was the vilest thing that could touch him.

“Aren’t you emotional tonight?” He said coldly, but his smile remained.

“Cut the bullshit, I want out,” My voice firm. The black haired man’s smile remained the same. No muscle movement in any way. It almost felt like I was talking to a mannequin.

“You know well enough you can’t break a contract at the crossroads. Plus, you have already done two contracts here.” He pulled out his phone. The phone glimmered white as he pressed it towards my face. I squinted to see it, but I already knew what I’d done. He coughed and began to read. “Marvin Beaumont, age 20. Crossroad contract 1 & 2.” The man began. “First contract signed by me, Duke Nguyen. User wants a brand new bike.” Duke paused and pushed his face closer to the screen. “Ah, yes, this one was a freebie, and it worked out in your favor, but it wasn’t enough, it seems.” I looked down at the ground, trying to find a counterargument, but it was true. The bike I wished for helped me get to the semis. Duke tapped his index finger on his phone. “Lastly, you wished to win the finals no matter the cost.” Duke’s eerie smile faded as his sharp eyes burrowed daggers into mine. “The cost didn’t matter to you, and Jamie was the cost.” Duke concluded, and the phone screen shut off. Now it was the three of us in darkness, the moon nowhere to be seen. The park forest was quiet. No crickets or bugs making their slow instrumentals. No wind or animals scurrying through the brush. The utter silence made me feel uneasy with the company I was in. My mouth trembled. I needed to make this right no matter what happens to me.

“If I make the exchange. Can you promise me that Jamie and the others will not get hurt again?” Duke moved towards me, closing the distance. He smiled returned at this request.

“Once the exchange is done, there is no going back.”

“I understand,” I trembled. I knew this would be my fate eventually. Doing deals at the crossroads is what my brother always said not to do. But he ended up doing the same thing and went missing. A savior to your face and a hypocrite behind your back. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. As long as Jamie and my brother are safe somehow, wherever they may be in life, I will offer anything.

One year later

The arena roared as the grand lights flashed on to greet all riders and spectators. I parked my bike next to Jamie as instructed, but we both did not say a word. We would trash talk each other all the time, but his helmet faced forward, not giving me a second thought. This is how it was for the whole year. The race gun shot out, and we were on our way through the first lap. The first couple of laps were always the hardest to understand the jumps, how fast to go, where to brake, and where to accelerate. After figuring out the track, it was all mind games from others. The last laps approached, and the finish line felt like a relief to see. It was finally over.

They gave us medals to celebrate the annual finals. Jamie got first, I got second, and Trent got third. As the announcer said a name I couldn’t recognize, I jolted to attention and tried my best to appear normal on stage to collect the medal. The announcer came back and did a vigil for a past self I could no longer relate to. As we were lined up at the back, I heard soft sniffles coming from helmets.

I moved to my trailer, and reporters swarmed me to talk or even lift the slightest edge of my helmet, but I refused. I slammed my trailer door shut to see a familiar face, Jamie. His face looked gaunt and pale. He didn’t have his sun-kissed constellations like he used to have, and his hair was buzzed short. He moved closer to me and broke the silence. “Congratulations.” He said flatly. Almost like a threat rather than a compliment. I nodded my head. Gesturing with my arms towards the door, I needed him to leave, but Jamie didn’t budge. His eyes were trained on me. “It’s been a whole year of you hiding who you really are; what happened?” Jamie was growing impatient. As would I if the person you’re talking to doesn’t want to say anything when you have a million things to say. “You never leave your trailer without taking your helmet off. I never see you without it. Did you get into an accident?” His question was met with silence. “You’re Marvin, aren’t you?” He pressed. I paused to hear that beautiful name. The name I used to be called with such affection. I took my phone out of my pocket and began typing. He wasn’t leaving without an answer, and that’s why I avoided being alone with him this whole year. It was for the best that he didn’t get mixed up with me.

“You being here is dangerous. Please leave.” I wrote. I turned my back to set my phone down and to open the back door of the trailer, until I felt a cool breeze hit my shoulders and a curdling scream that followed. My helmet was knocked off. I dropped to my hands and knees from the force, and the dizziness that followed. Jamie got down to my level, his face even paler than before. “You’re head… It’s gone.”