Every Dog Has It’s Day Even At Night

Every Dog Has It’s Day Even At Night

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a little puppy who had 5 broth- ers and sisters. He ended up being a stray because from the time he was old enough to leave his mamma’s care, he was labeled a trashy animal, and that was for more reasons than just coming from a, “litter.” He wasn’t exactly the most intelligent of animals either because some of the others just referred to him as, “his bread wasn’t quite done,” or, “his elevator didn’t go to the top floor,” or “he’s all beer and no phone,” or, he was just a few fries short of a Happy Meel,” or, “his wheels had been spinning, but his hamster was dead.” Some of the other animals even said, “When God handed out brains, he thought He said, ‘rains’ and ran for cover.” Others said, “When God handed out brains, he thought He said, ‘trains’ and missed his altogether.” At any rate, when it came to being smart, he made a good barker. Those cruel remarks made him be, if you’ll pardon the expression, “sick-as-a-dog.” Even though he was known as, “man’s- best-friend,” he didn’t have friends of any kind, including the other dogs in his pack. He wasn’t even worthy to be considered as a, “Packman,” no matter how much he ate, but he loved to eat dots, although he wasn’t good at playing games of any kind and life was not, “kind” to him either. It made him feel under the weather, and he hated being under anything, particularly fed since he was a great big rottweiler. The other dogs said he was a, “rot-wilder” then any of the other dogs in his pack and they really did want him to, “pack” his things and, “get the heck out of Dodge,” although he had gotten to be pretty good at, “dodging” things that got thrown at him from people just because he would raid their trash- cans. Sometimes there would be nothing in them except air, and even though he knew nothing about planes, he would end up, “air-rading” them for nothing. All his problems made him feel under the weather so he tried to get on top of it since he was so much bigger and badder than any of the other dogs in his pack. Sometimes he would be so tough he would act really bad around all those dogs, or make that, “Ruff!” A few of those rots would even leave his group which would make the rest of them say, “Person-gone it!” but he would never fuss at them, he’d just growl. That would always make him feel sick as a dog, or a person, as the case might be.

Then one day while Darn-It was doing some dumpster-diving for breakfast, suddenly he felt a net thrown over him. As he tried to struggle to get free, a needle was stuck into his back which knocked him out cold. When he woke up, he was in what’s in k-9 terms, “jail,” or the pound. “I’ve got to get out of here!” he said out loud to himself.

Then some other voices said, “You will, in 3 days, so just enjoy your time on Earth since it will be over soon.”

2 days later an 8 year-old boy named Doug saw him behind bars. “This one, Mom!” he said, “There’s something special about him I like more than the others around here!”

When the cage was opened up, Darn-It covered him with kisses and then dried him with his erratic tail which was wagging profusely. When the boy got him home alone, he said, “Hmm. What should I name you?”

To his astonishment the dog just replied, “Darn-It!” while smiling big.

“Uh, is something wrong?” Doug asked in a really puzzled voice.

“No! That’s my name!” said the dog while kissing him all over, “It’s the only name I have! It’s what people call me so I guess that’s what a name is! Now, that was a yuck-yuck! Do you like puns? I like being, ‘punny!’ “

Doug laughed and said, “Yeah! Now, my name is Doug! It’s the name my parents gave me! Yet if you take the u out, it spells Dog! I’ve never heard a dog talk in people- words until now! That’s a blessing!”

Then Darn-It said, “Yeah, well, I’ve never heard a person bark either!”

It seemed like they’d both found the perfect friendship between them. Things couldn’t have been any better.

Then tragedy struck. A mean man named Stacy overheard the 2 talking to each other as he walked by the house. He had to have that dog, but he knew there was no way Doug would sell him, so he had to dog-nap him. It was a lot better than sleeping the day away and calling it being, “cat-napped.” He drew the, “fe-line” there. That wouldn’t have been as, “pur-r-r-r”fect of a heist and could take place without, “ ‘cat’-estrophic” measures which would lead to a really major kind of, “ ‘cat’-tastrophy.” Besides, he didn’t want to, “kitten” anything that he couldn’t get out of with ease, even though it was most definitely a, “ ‘cat’-aclysmic” type of situation, though certainly better than being, “stuck” in a, “ ‘paw-paw’ patch”

She asked a wise, old owl that she’d chased after a lot, to come, “chicken” on her to see if she was alright since they needed to find out how she weather they could be a good match, but the, “match” was warm and bright so they did, “strike” up a friendship right away. Some of them even said, “I just don’t know, ‘feather’ you want to try this, but just listen to, ‘my-great’ advice because it’s, ‘cheap.’ Actually, it’s free, but that’s the lowest price for my services I'm willing to go for you, pal. The first step is to know, ‘Hoo’ you would like me to help, because if it is a vacuum problem, I suggest you’d better call, ‘Hoo’-ver. For any other problems, just call my physician, ‘hoo’s the king of gods, Mooce, rather. Of course, that means, Zoose, by, Jupidder."

They had to find a doctor who’d be able to, “doct” them when they got sick or injured. Finding a family one was hard since there are several which have got some peculiar kinds of names. Case in point, a podiatrist named, “Dr. Sholes, a plant surgeon named Dr. Pepper, my cardiologist named Dr. Love, my brain specialist named Dr. Franklin Norman Stine, (the sign on his door reads, “Brain Surgeon, Dr. Frank N. Stine, but for some odd reason he doesn’t get too much business), my thinkologist named Dr. Hoo, my plant specialist named Dr. Pepper, my doctor of Roman Mythology named Dr. Zoose and most importantly, my general practitioner who is named Dr. Doctor. When I step into his office I just yell, “Dr. Doctor! Give me the news! I’ve got a bad case of loving you!”

Anyway, with all those doctors in his family he wanted to be one him- self, but he never was able to, “doct” well enough. Then he got really mad because he lost his, “patients.” The failures made him be sick as a dog.

Then one day while jogging through the woods, he heard the sound of several dogs yipping in pain because a k-9’s hearing is actually quite acute. When he recognised their voices as the ones from his pack who were the main instigators with the name-calling and teasing which had started all the others doing it. As he ran towards the sound, he was mortified to see it was, indeed, those mean dogs who had been giving him such a hard time. His first thought was to let them suffer since they were reaping what they rightfully deserved and 2 wrongs equaled a right, but when he saw those mean, old dogs were caught in traps, with their mouths taped shut, which is why their voices sounded so horrible, since he was raised to be a really loyal, helping-dog, something inside him just caused him to get the desire to go find out what their problems were. What he saw made him gasp. The dogs were tied up by their tails, dangling upside-down with their feet tried to a limb on a tree. Their mouths were covered so they couldn’t bark. Then a big, burly man came up holding 2 really sharp knives in each hand. It was obvious he had mal intentions on his mind as he laughed a really sinister laugh.

Darn-It’s first thought was, “Oh, cool! Those brats are getting what they deserved! Cool! I get to watch it!” but as the man got up closer to the trapped dogs, he said, “Na! Even though all of those mangy muts deserve to be slaughtered, they’re still my species!” Then he ran up to those guys who had their backs to him and bit them both so hard it tore large holes in their pants. That made them throw their weapons over their heads and stuck them in the lowest limb of the tallest trees, which were about 4 feet over his head. As he ran back to get a ladder, Darn-It bit him over and over while snarling fiercely the whole time. Then he tore holes in their expensive hunting clothes, thus ruining them beyond repair. Since they weren’t near their guns, they had no defense to ward off that wild-dog, who obviously had some extremely mal intentions on his mind.

At last, the man ran into the woods, screaming bloody-murder. Now, he was screaming, “Aaaa!!!!!!”

All the dogs who were tied up yipping burst into maniacal laughter, which is extremely rare for a dog to do because they don’t have that in their vocal chords, but they were so glad and grateful they’d been saved by the same dog they’d been teasing and giving a hard-time to, they all attacked Darn-It and hit him over and over again, only with kisses and scratches behind his ears and around his tummy. Those are the 2 favorite places dogs love to be scratched the most. Then they hoisted him up over their heads and paraded him around the yard while cheering for their hero.

Things were quite different between Darn-It and the other dogs from then on. Everybody was really gracious to the creature Elvis sang about when he sang, “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A Hound Dod,” although he was never, “crying all the time” from that day forth. When Darn-It grew up, they accepted him into their pack, but by then he was grown-up just like a man which is why the other dogs referred to him as a, “Pacman.” Eventually he grew up, found a mate and started his extended family of k-9s, who were more like perfect 10s, and so, like the best-written children’s stories of all- time will officially finish up with,

“THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!” The end.

By, Cuz Roye.