Feeling Kind Of Hurt...

It’s a dangerous world for me out there. But when I dream, I dream that I am human.

When I am able to drift off for a while, I know what it’s like to be human. I can feel it, and it feels so good. I never want to wake up.

I was never actually given a real name but when I am dreaming and I am human my name is Jennifer, and I am surrounded by a loving family in a beautiful home out there in the leafy suburbs with the manicured lawns. Three siblings and two loving parents. We all sit down together for dinner every night and we smile at each other and tell jokes and we each share some details about what happened to us that day. It’s not always exciting or dramatic, but it is always fulfilling and heartwarming and loving.

Things are different during my waking hours.

I was born in a small, dirty apartment in the inner city, along with five other kittens, and when our breeder couldn’t sell all of us off I was released into the streets in the dead of winter. I managed to find a cracked basement window in an old building and when I felt the warmth radiating from there I ducked in and found a dark and shadowy place to curl up near the furnace, ready to run if I had to run. There were mice down there so I had some food. Not much.

I got by there until the weather started to turn warm and then I left to find a better place. It was scary making my way out of the city. I was almost run over several times. (I don’t really have the best judgement when it comes to street crossings. I also don’t really know much about highways, so it was pretty dicey at times.)

Anyway, I just kept going and eventually the pavement turned into grass and I found a place that was nice and quiet and peaceful. Manicured lawns and trees and nice gardens. But now the problem was food. No mice there.

But soon I learned that all of the people who live out there throw away perfectly good food all of the time and all I had to do was raid their garbage pails at night. Score! Ring up one win for Jennifer the Cat! I got this.

Well, I thought I had it. Turns out there are other problems. Out here in the suburbs there are predators like coyotes and foxes and other creatures that can sneak up on you with their sharp teeth, ready to pounce. That’s why I stay up here in these trees at night.

But today when I was out and about looking for food, the nice old lady in the small yellow house put out a can of tuna and a bowl of milk for me. I was cautious at first but she went back in the house and just watched through the screen door and I knew I could easily escape if necessary. But when I was done she held the door open for me and made some soft whispering sounds. My prospects were very limited so I took a chance and gave it a shot.

The old lady was so nice to me. It was the first time I ever knew true love and affection. She fed me three times every day and she gave me milk and, sometimes, she would even put some vanilla ice cream in the milk. Oh man. So good!

We would watch TV together every night. Well, she would watch TV and I would fall asleep in her lap as she lightly stroked my side. One day not long after I moved in she took me to the vet to get checked out. I was fine, but I still think it’s nice she did that. After all, I just showed up uninvited that one day and she didn’t owe me anything.

Before long, I truly loved her. We slept together every night.

Then came the day when I woke up but she didn’t. After a while I licked her cheek with my raspy little tongue but there was no response. I hopped up onto her chest but she just laid there. I grew increasingly concerned.

After a few days I was very hungry. I looked at the nice old lady’s dead body and I had thoughts but I just couldn’t do it. She was so kind to me. I just couldn't.

Fortunately, I eventually found a window that was partially open and after I tore up the screen with my claws I was able to escape and get outside. I found some good garbage pails pretty quickly.

I almost got hit by a car the other day and some weird guy tried to grab me, so now I am trying to stay to myself as much as possible. I also ate some food from a garbage pail that made me sick for a few days. It’s a dangerous world and I am just trying to survive.

My life has always been confusion and peril and instinctive self-preservation. It's one threat after another. That’s why I have to stay up here in these branches again. The nice old lady is gone now but I feel somewhat safe up here. I know I will have to come down eventually. I know I will grow hungry. But not now. I have to wait. I have to wait until sunrise.

It’s a dangerous world down there. I have to be careful, but I will do what I have to do and I know I will be okay.

My name is Jennifer. I am a survivor.

THE END

Author's Note: This story is more about the random nature of our existence than it is about a stray cat. Anything can happen to anyone at any time.

"Life is chaos. Just be kind." - A quote widely attributed to author Michelle McNamara