The Only Place I See

The only place I see is the horizon. What a beautiful and horrific view. When I am completely concentrated I can almost pinpoint the meeting of the sea and the sky. When I stare too long, they get mixed, and I can’t understand their meeting or their parting.

We were swaying now, back and forth, rocking and bouncing along with so much purpose and yet no purpose at all. How long had I been standing on deck? Maybe ten minutes, maybe thirty. I was coming back to my senses and took one more pause. The breeze felt so nice, but I really couldn’t afford to waste time or take this risk.

I decided to go back below because I hadn’t finished my chores yet. I still needed to scrub the sinks and make sure all the toiletries were in place for the guests. All the little shampoos and conditioners were packed neatly into the box underneath my cart. The toilet paper was lined up in rows, and my paper towels were rolled up, hanging on the hook at the edge of the cart. We had upgraded our paper towels recently to a new brand, and it had a funny smell. It was called “Breezy,” and I felt I needed a fresh breeze after having to smell it all day.

After I finished these last three lavatories, I needed to report to the main cabin for our afternoon meeting.

I walked into the lavatory of room five to an absolute mess. There was a puddle of pee on the floor near the edge of the bathtub—presumably from the small puppy I had seen walking by earlier that morning, or worse. There were toothpaste stains along the edge of the mirror, and the only place that didn’t seem sprayed with some type of liquid was the light switch. It was truly absurd that I had just been through here only thirty minutes ago and left it sparkling clean. How do you make a mess this big in such a short amount of time?

Lady Marsden had informed us the rooms would not be in use today so we could complete our deep clean, and yet here I was about to dive right back into what we called a “used and abused” clean. After another forty-five minutes, I had just straightened up the last bit of clutter on the bathtub shelf. It was time to report for the afternoon meeting. I hadn’t had a chance to finish the other two because I didn’t anticipate this long setback. I started sweating and felt the beads run down my face, knowing what was coming for me if Lady Marsden found out before dinner.

I rushed into the main cabin room and sat next to Anita, who was already straightening her servant dress and rubbing a stain on her shoe clean. I checked the screen in front of us and saw there were four flags up already. I prayed that I hadn’t been found out yet and hoped that, if I was, I could barter one of my tickets from the last fair. That would be a long shot.

“STAND.”

Lady Marsden swiftly entered the room, and we all stood to attention. I noticed there was a new servant among us. She seemed familiar, but then maybe any new face I saw was me wishing they came from somewhere in my memory.

Judge Jayden was three down from me, Alicia, the former superintendent of prestigious schools, was next, and just before Anita and me was our former Governor of California—of course, here he just went by Eric. Anita had been a college professor of math, and if we ever had our way, we could reverse the clock with quantum physics and find our way home.

As for me, my skills as a neurosurgeon had served me well before the New Age Plague, but it had been many years, and even though I reviewed my schooling daily in my head as I cleaned and tidied, I was afraid I would lose those skills.

“Today there have been four violations, and it’s only noon. This kind of behavior is unacceptable, and I am astounded that this ragtag group of servants would allow it. Given your history on this vessel, I would think that after five years you would know better. The rumblings of defiance have reached my ears, and let it be known that punishments will be cancelled meals if we even so much as approach ten violations. But I don’t need to recite the handbook to you.

“364!!!”

I stepped forward and started reviewing anatomy in my head. I started with bone structures and was working my way through the ulna and radius when I felt a strike across my face. I raised my hand to my cheek and felt warmth pour from the cut.

“364. Today you were spotted standing on upper deck ten, staring out into nothing and wasting precious time from this operation, which relies on your minimal skills to keep order.”

Suddenly I understood. The restroom had been purposefully dirtied to force me to have extra work and not allow me to finish my daily work.

“Lady Marsden, I was only re-supplying my cart, and my chores took me to that deck. I didn’t mean to spend so much time up there.”

“Yes, well, now you’ve done it and have two remaining lavatories that still need cleaning. Dinner this evening will be canceled for you, just to make sure you have enough time to finish.”

“I was wondering if I could trade my ticket for some grace today, and I will improve my ways.”

“364, please don’t make me laugh. What use could I possibly have for a servant’s ticket?”

She held out her hand, and in my confusion, I fished the ticket from my front pocket. She took it, pinched between her fingers as though it was dirty. She examined it and laughed before tearing it in half and throwing the pieces in my face.

Her vibrant green eyes were wide with satisfaction, and I felt defeated.

“Let me remind you that this vessel was created for only the chosen few of this world. You are lucky this vessel took you aboard because we only had five thousand spots. Because of your ridiculous appearance—brown eyes, brown hair, and plain features, with nothing else to offer—you are lucky you got a job as a servant and not as a scrubber. Scrubbers, let me remind you deal with our dead, if that’s what you want to do, I am happy to oblige. It has been many months since we had more than one violation, and you must know your place.”

“3,879, step forward please. You failed to replace the hair products in lavatory number 67, so dinner has been canceled for you tonight. Anything to say for yourself?”

Eric barely shook his head and stepped back into his place.

“The other two violations were not in your unit; however, dinner will not include the third side this evening for anyone as punishment for even causing me the grief of dealing with violations. And let me tell you, it was going to be mashed potatoes with gravy.”

I could feel my heart sinking because that sounded so delicious. Only two years ago, we had been rationed to one entrée, two sides, and on Fridays one extra side—but not today, and certainly not for me, because I had already lost my whole dinner.

Marsden turned on her heel and left the room. It was time for lunch.

Two scrubbers came in with paper bags and small cups of water on trays. The six of us took our places at the tables, and they passed out the food to us. I greeted the new servant with a small wave, and she looked up as she unpacked her paper bag. There was half a ham sandwich and four grapes for each of us. I decided to eat only half my meal and stored the other half in my pocket to save for later when I was starving.

I looked up at the new girl.

“So what unit are you coming from?”

She took a bite from her sandwich and answered, “Well, I have been promoted from scrubber to servant.”

Eric gasped. “That hasn’t happened in four years…that I know of.”

“Yes, well, I’m 3,000.”

I tried to wrap my head around what this woman had been through. “Do you care to share your name?”

“I don’t remember it. I was very young when I came aboard this vessel. Care to share anything with me about the before life? I would love that.”

Each of us shifted uncomfortably in our seats.

“Well, my name is Harriet. In the ‘before life,’ I lived in Houston. I had a family and a beautiful home. I haven’t seen any of my family since the Plague. One of my two children, John, was infected early on, and I was taken away from them all before I knew it, as we all were.”

“You shouldn’t talk so much about it, Harriet. You know the rules. We’re not allowed to talk about the before life, and besides, it makes my stomach queasy.”

“Jayden, you need to lighten up. No matter what we do, they will always find a way to punish us and make us suffer, no doubt about it. I might just be tired of being afraid.”

“Is that why you stood up on the deck this morning for too long? Honestly, Harriet, how stupid can you be? You lost your ticket because of it…we could have all split your money to get us more blankets for bunking. As it is, we barely have what I would consider napkins ever since they’ve gotten more strict on rations.”

I hadn’t expected that from Anita. I was taken aback and hurt by her comment. I suddenly lost the mood of the conversation.

I let myself be taken away to the sea, and I flew across the waves so I could see land. I could see my beautiful family standing there healthy and strong. Oh, that beautiful picture—it had been five years since we had been anywhere near land. When we first came aboard, I knew we were sure to have to revisit for rations and fuel, but the Elite had cleverly set up tankers, and they always had what we needed. I wondered if the tankers had ever seen land and, if so, where—America? Asia?

The only thing I see is where the ocean meets the sky. Even that view is few and far between.

The scrubbers came in to clear our lunch trays, and I was brought back from my daydreams. I made my way back down to the afternoon set of lavatories and suddenly felt a large jolt.

I grabbed the railing on the narrow stairway and yelled down to the others who had been ahead of me. Anita had slipped down a few steps that were wet with mildew before she caught herself toward the bottom.

“Anita! Are you alright?”

She looked up at me, and I saw she had a gash across her forehead. My blood went cold. Maybe we didn’t get to see each other much or have many conversations, but we were all each other had.

Another loud bang and jolt of the ship. What in the world was going on? It felt as though something was ramming into the side of the vessel.

I slowly made my way down to Anita along the railing. I was removing my working apron to tie around her head and protect her.

“Harriet, you’re going to have to stitch me up. I can feel that it’s cut deep.”

My mind started racing…when was the last time these hands had been put to the table?

“I don’t have anything to stitch you up with, and even if I did, I have no way to sterilize it.”

She told me to go to her cart. She had been carefully stashing away small trinkets and tools in case they were ever needed. She said she had a small needle and thread that she found on the floor of the apartment she was cleaning two years ago. The carts would still be lined up where we left them before lunch.

I made my way down the stairs and toward the ramp on the outer deck.

I came out of the corridor and nearly lost my balance at what I saw. There, right in front of me, was a metal wall where open air should have been. I screamed, and it felt like it was someone far away who made that sound.

Eric came sliding in behind me and ran into me as we both tumbled to the ground.

“Lord, what is going on?!”

He got up and touched the metal. It had to be a ship—a huge tanker or an extremely large vessel. I could just make out the words Pioneer: Duchess…but I couldn’t see past the side. There were portholes to the left, but too far to even attempt to glance into.

I looked up and saw that the vessel had smashed into our ship and created a huge, gaping hole toward the bridge. There was also some red liquid splattered across the side. I could only assume someone had perished.

As I stared up, I began to see feet hopping from the Pioneer onto our vessel, and my heart started pounding. I needed to find Anita’s cart and those tools, as well as anything else I could find that might be useful for whatever was about to happen. I heard gunshots and knew time was of the essence.

Eric turned to me. “We have to go now and hide.”

I didn’t even respond. I just started running down the deck to find the cart. I noticed Anita’s halfway down because she always carried a blue scarf that she kept to remember her loved ones.

I grabbed a large laundry bag and dumped the contents out. Inside, I put toilet paper, paper towels, and found the small box hidden under taped paper towels at the bottom of the cart. There were also matches, which was perfect.

I rushed back down the deck and into the corridor, across the ramp, and into the stairwell. No one was there, not even Eric.

I started to hear screaming and more gunshots. I started reviewing my anatomy, this time I went with muscles.

I was just on biceps when a loud siren started to wail, and I felt like my time had come and my chance was fleeting. All these years thinking about the meeting of the sea with the sky and how I would ever find my way home.

If I died in pursuit of freedom, I would still be happy, because this was no way to live.

I sprinted back down the ramp and found a shoe lying in the corridor. I used it to break the glass of the life buoy and snatched it. I rushed into the kitchen quarters, currently abandoned, and grabbed everything I saw. My mind was racing with images of land—of trees and grass. I could almost smell it.

Once my arms were full and I could barely hold the buoy, I went to the edge of the deck and looked over.

I was dumber and more naive than I thought.

The Pioneer was in my way, creating a swell at the meeting point of the two ships. Even if I managed to swim out of that, I would still have to get around these two massive vessels to reach the open sea.

I needed to get to the other side of the ship, which would take ages.

I decided to run to the end of the deck, hoping to avoid the swell.

It was so bizarre that I hadn’t seen anybody, and things had gone quiet—or perhaps my senses were slipping.

Maybe the ship that had collided with us were the good guys. Maybe they were here to liberate us and help us find our way home.

Could it be?

I wasn’t willing to take the risk.

What if they were even worse than the Elite?

I heard a loud yell and then saw a body sail past me and down into the water, where it splashed and came back to the surface face down.

I was losing my nerve.

It was a long way down.

I carefully climbed over the railing and looked out to the horizon.

Was there still something out there? Something better than where I had been these last five years? Or was it just destruction and death, like they had been telling us? Was there even any land left that was inhabitable?

I had to do this.

There was no other way.

I let go of the railing and braced for impact.

As I fell, I passed three levels and saw people gathered below—rations being handed out, water being passed around, people sitting, speaking with each other, and smiling.

Anita saw me.

I saw her face over the railing as I went down, down, down.

“Harriet!” she called.

But before I could even react, I felt the painful impact of water on my body, the engulfing cold around me, and the silence between my ears. It felt like I was below water for hours.

As I broke the surface, I tried to get my bearings. The ship loomed massively above me. I heard calls from above but knew it was too late for me.

No one would come to save me.

I was on my own.

I paddled and balanced myself on the buoy.

Who knows how long I floated—maybe an hour, maybe an entire day—but when I finally came back to full consciousness, I was surrounded only by water.

The only place I could see was the water meeting the sky.

God be with me…my journey had just begun.