Edwinaworld

Once upon a time there was a baby girl born in a small city, a Sunny Tuesday Of June at nine a.m. Edwina was unexpected, at least to the parents. Whereas she was growing up she could observe the dynamics of her family: her older sisters fighting all the time, and her father yelling at her mother every single day. One of the things she used to do was to watch TV without paying attention to them. They were so annoying! But there were times she felt good daydreaming; about another family, she couldn’t stop thinking of a funny family and with a healthy relationship, like in the TV series-comedies. With a strong opinion that maybe she was adopted. Even in the Summertime, they used to go to her mother’s hometown, the apartment was so small, Edwina couldn’t help but drawing another kind of house, a typical old big cottage, including her friends, who actually used to bully her, but to her surprise she never knew when these evil girls were going to laugh at her. So, after all the fairytales and Disney movies she had seen, for her,they were definitely like the villains in her life, not knowing when she was going to be able to defend herself or perhaps her handsome prince could show up to save her from them. Reaching into being a teenager, she thought that doing what they usually did, could be good for her so that they would stop disturbing her, like drinking alcohol and smoking. However it was not going to be so easy, because sometimes at towns festivities, they took advantage to tease her, whenever dancing, mocking her, imitating her voice, throwing food at her… Definitely the best option was to get drunk and disappear. The ironic part is that she actually had fun that way. Walking around the whole village, and imagining any kind of situations, sometimes other people talked to her and this way, she got to realize it wasn’t difficult to socialize.

As time was passing by, when Edwina began High School, she met a kind girl, who wasn’t really at her class, but instantly they got along, so this girl, introduced her to the rest of the friends one day. For the first time ever, Edwina felt happy with new friends, she could forget her shady past bullied at School. Though with the time, this increased her negative opinion of her family, who obviously were still the same, and as she started to develop a huge love to music, going out and dance, after classes, aside writing in her diary, where she could get her chest off, she also had a notebook, and every time she could, was writing down different stories, with the personality she would have liked to have; “Suddenly one day at high school Edwina fell downstairs and got hurt so much that they took her to hospital, there they found out that she wasn’t their real kid, apparently her parents had another baby long time before who died the next day and then again later, but Edwina’s real mother abandoned her and that’s when the nurses took advantage to use her. Edwina happened to know her real mother’s name, who shockingly was American, so she went to look for her. To her surprise, her mother was a dancer in Los Angeles, but she said she had no money to take care of her, so just to go back home. She felt so sad and let down, crying, it was the year 1997, alone in that scary big city. When a man saw her and Ed told him everything, this man wanted to help her, and after going to TV to talk about all that, and one night at a Karaoke party, celebrating the last events, a music producer showed interest in her singing skills, and that’s how her Music Career started…”

This was the biggest entertainment for her, jotting down the song titles, the release hits, most of them Dance genre. It was really exciting, creating moves and enjoying every new hit at the moment to give her ideas.

Only if she knew that dreaming was another experience, sometimes she had weird dreams, most of the time flying, almost colliding with the skyscrapers of her imaginary hometown. Believe it or not, this was also so amazing that Edwina loved all these unreal things more than her real life. Especially because her dreams tended to be quite scary, like when she was falling, and then waking up exhausted. Probably the challenge side attracted her.

And all this maybe was the reason that her real life with her real friends wasn’t as well as she would have wished: there were fights for boys, a new rude girl, another rebel student who was surrounded by unfriendly gypsies, she even ordered them to hit some friends, Edwina couldn’t believe all this. She felt she deserved better. Those girls who seemed so perfect preferred to be with some lout boys, and were breaking them apart. Every night after something happening, she was always imagining a better ending, which also meant she got to be with the boy of her dreams, due to the fact that she didn’t have a lot of good luck in love terms. The ones she liked weren’t in return and the guys flirting with her, they weren’t her taste, even though she didn’t reject them, so that he could kiss someone! But only in her dreams she got what she wanted, and she was so talkative, and with the smartest ideas!

Some years later, Edwina had to decide what to do for the rest of her future, and she really wanted to become a singer. Unfortunately after a couple contests and castings, being rejected, her family told her she wasn’t good enough. “Wow! Really? Now what? How is that possible?!” After all those years, she suddenly felt so lost. But that was real life, her family criticizing her constantly, did they think something good of her? Saying she was too lazy, without character, just like her teachers, she’d be lucky if she found just any kind of job… Edwina didn’t like that at all. Her only escape was to keep with her wild imagination: “After three albums she was so popular, and meeting all those celebrities, what every youngster wanted, with a big house and a pool, she loved swimming every day, and besides taking care of herself more because of that, she was better than ever. The boys were way better, though they tried to drug her and a couple made it. For some reason Ed was very scared of the drugs, and then it happened. One time she was hallucinating so much, she saw a lot of boys becoming monsters who wanted to take her, but she was constantly running away, up through the stairs until she got to the roof and there she almost fell… But noticed some strange force holding her, and she kind of woke up. There was so much crying that the boy abandoned her there alone. After all that Edwina could barely trust anyone. Even her mother showed up to help her and lived together for a while, but she just wanted money, and left her alone. So the only hope for her was her music. Trying to be more into The Pop Scene and the hard scrutiny and comparison with other artists, she was always the last option in Discos and Festivals, realizing maybe she had to stop eating that much, but somehow it wasn’t easy. It made her feel good. Three years later her weight was too big, and in one of her concerts she collapsed because of a mix of diet pills and alcohol. At the hospital they said she had a chronic illness. For some reason, in the tabloids there were other speculations, because she went to a Diet Retirement Center”

But wait, if Edwina’s imagination was for good reasons why was she doing this? Just when she felt so confused and lost with her future, trying different outings, she mixed her real life with a happy one. This means, these weren’t good times, and the worst was about to come. In real life, even though she met a good guy in her 20s, there was something missing, perhaps the attraction? They met each other on the Internet, in the 2000s this wasn’t that usual, but finally something good happened to her, or maybe not? For a year it was, she met this interesting boy who was from another beautiful city with a beach, they spent most weekends together. Out of nowhere Edwina had doubts, was he the one? She couldn’t help to make a list of his flaws: he used to have drugs, his friends were weird, she would definitely had to move in with him, sex wasn’t great, even though it was her only experience… Was this all? What if not? What if there was something better? Talking to her then friends, they made her feel that they were adults and needed to be responsible, but they were 21! Are you kidding? There were signs everywhere and she broke up.

And just afterwards she felt sick and was diagnosed with chronic colitis. During four years that was her main concern, going out wasn’t the same, her only three friends at that moment were busy with their boyfriends, she felt so alone. Edwina just had her family, and really appreciated their support and patience with that situation. In consequence the studies were more difficult, being more confused than ever. And then, after five years studying in college, she decided to change. Thankfully after one year and a half doing Secretarial Studies, she got her first job as an internship in the Administration Field. To her surprise, these moments were a rebirth of her youngster phase. She had new friends at 25, and enjoyed this a lot. But as she had learned throughout all her life that nothing is perfect… And what now? Something was happening in her intimate relationships. She couldn’t do everything because it was too painful, at the beginning she thought that maybe it was the cyst on one of the ovaries the surgeon found in the surgery she had. However, it’s still been twenty years since then, and there is no solution for this.

So, you can imagine…. “Maybe I should be a nun, for Edwina Hartzer being out of the spotlight in that centre and having a cure for her illness was a huge punishment, just like that. No boys, no alcohol, no fast food, nothing to smoke, that was the most boring thing ever! Probably nuns have a better life adoring Jesus (hahahaha). And then, out of all this, her manager needed her money, of course! It’s been a year to feel better, but that year 2005 was so competitive, so many Dance, EDM singers. Even though she tried to be strong and keep with that rhythm, it felt not enough. All that pressure, not even PR relations with guys weren’t working, though in the middle, she did fall in love with a photographer, so cute! And nice, finally something was making her happy aside from a music business that was letting her down. After a year she just couldn’t believe his adorable boyfriend who used to travel for his job, cheated on her and caught them together! Just some time later felt confident to try the Rock Genre, with no success at all. Her manager was really upset, and again did what he wanted, rejecting any naked photo shoots or something related. At 27 she felt so old, nothing else to offer, nobody cared about her. How was it possible when that was her biggest desire? Definitely the stardom is harsh to get, and living in that real industry is much harder than she thought. If only she could go back to her birth hometown…”

(Maybe is necessary a second part for the rest of the story 😉) The internships are never long term, and is the year 2008, remember what happened this year? Yes the best opportunity for Edwina in the Administration Area in a mortgage consultancy, isn’t it ironic? Bye bye first perfect job. And just analyzing the situation, she decides to improve her skills (English) in Ireland. Believe it or not, during this year she lived it up so much that barely had time to let her imagination fly. Such a different whole new life away from her comfort zone. And back home reality hit harder, years with some little good expectations happening after some efforts trying to improve her resume for the right job. And when she thought she found it, then something else unexpected happened. So many lessons to learn, but definitely Edwina wasn’t going to put up with an arrogant supposedly boss, just because the real boss was her partner. Six months was enough to survive that negative environment, even in an apartment, what kind of a job was that? Once again not only that but her friends were at that moment dating, so the same old story, and feeling so weighed down, Ed applied for a job in The UK, and got it. Really excited for another new journey, working in a hotel. She loved the landscape, there was a beach and cliffs near. And so many people from so many different countries, this was so close to her imagination!

The “Studland” Hotel Chapter finished in October, the end of the season, but there was something good at the end of the road back home. Yes, in the company of a cousin they needed a secretary; though actually it wasn’t really that kind of job. Edwina had to learn new concepts and tasks, involving the insurance fieldwork, mixed with builders, plumbers, painters, etc… Even though the laborers were funny, the methods of the chores were difficult to follow perfectly. Right in the middle at least good news was coming, due to the fact that Edwina got a social apartment and at 32 could finally live on her own. But she didn’t expect the next thing: they didn’t renew the contract and lost her job. She could only see black and grey clouds over that situation.

“As a piece of luck a collaboration with a Latin famous singer, brought Ed to the charts. It’s true what is said, just patience and never give up. So, for another three years, and her new music, she was back for good. In the end, the USA is so big and there’s plenty of room for every artist. But the new ways: social networks, and the low sales of music albums and songs, lead to more difficulties to maintain yourself in a good place, joining the huge criticism of her, the fact that she was still single, without kids. Even past boyfriends, especially one, dared to talk about her intimate issues. Such embarrassing! What the heck? Edwina realized there was a reason for being so many drug addicts, at least they were thin, but her escape was always eating, and as she was gaining again more weight, she had another outbreak of her disease, and needed urgent surgery. Surprisingly, her mother went to her house to look after her, and that caused a lot of weight loss. And at the end Ed decided to publish her new stories in magazines, advised by the manager. And someone told her it was better to write a book, and that’s what she did. Taking advantage of her new body, she got some model commercial jobs, with songs of her own. Who knew a sad life could be so profitable?! So, she was so excited about all these new projects. There’s no doubt that this world of the Entertainment is really unbalanced and hard, you always need new great ideas for everything and a healthy lifestyle. This is easier to say than to do it. And another important thing is to find the right people to have business with. She just saw this when finding an editor for the book. You can guess what happened next? The most unexpected thing ever in the whole world. Her book promotion was cancelled because of the Pandemic”

No matter the imaginary surroundings, the year 2020 was awful for everyone, right?

Wait! Not for the real life of Edwina, even if it took her around another five years to get The Job she really wanted in her Plan B (not a singer), she finally made it. An Office Clerk in a Business Park, a bit far away from her home, but hey! That was something! It was a serious company, with a very important customer. Two years later she got a permanent position, and the following year (2021) she bought a little apartment. It was a quiet life, from work to home, until one day, that the ceiling of her kitchen fell down. For almost one year she had to wait to be repaired. That was the craziest thing she ever lived.

And just like that, this is how this ends. Well, in Edwina’s mind her imagination and other lives will always remain. Since she’s been living alone, the more she imagines the happier she is. If she had the possibility of choosing three wishes from the genie, it would be: Her Plan A success and getting to work in the Entertainment Industry, she just loves creating and having ideas for so many things, To find real love and someone in return, And a healthy lifestyle.

So, is this not the Happy Ending of Edwina? A lot of people say the imagination is awesome and the most wonderful thing in life. But I wonder if it could be quite toxic, when you don’t really live your life, and the best part of it, is that imaginary world inside. Would you prefer that? Which one is in your opinion the best story? The Real Edwina, or Edwina Hartzer: the singer?

To be continued…. Maybe