"We'll Always Have Astypalaia"

Three Days Before

ELI

Everything is ready. Clothes packed. Eye mask and earplugs, check. Sunscreen, passport, charger, all in the suitcase.

I'm so excited about our island vacation in three days.

Stella, Tonia and myself will fly all together, while Katia will already be in Astypalaia. She changed her ticket last minute and decided to take a ferry from... where was she before? I honestly lost track of her summer plans.

Mine was much simpler. Stay at Stella's, head to the airport together on the 25th, meet Tonia, fly to Astypalaia and live our best lives.

I needed this summer to live up to the rest of my life—I had my dream job, had married the love of my life, and was almost ready to start trying for children. Almost. The idea filled me with excitement - and terror. So all I needed was one last summer with my friends before motherhood changed me, and my body, forever.

STELLA

Another afternoon under the Acropolis, holding a Freddo Espresso in one hand and my book in the other.

That had been my entire summer: work, cat-sitting, and solitary afternoons in the city. No beaches, no parties.

Thank God Eli was arriving tonight.

I'd missed that lovestruck bitch. It's been almost ten years since she moved abroad for work, and almost as long since she met Jean and decided to stay there forever.

This vacation had to be legendary.

I needed it for another reason, too. Three months ago I found out that Nico had spent our relationship on a cheating crusade across Europe and Asia while I worked my ass off and looked after Maki - my increasingly homicidal cat.

I thought Nico was the one.

Apparently neither he nor the cat agreed.

Because yes, my cat had also become an asshole.

I shouldn't say that... but I was exhausted. Ever since Maki started attacking me, life hadn't been the same. The vet even diagnosed him with a personality disorder. Apparently cats can have those too.

Enough darkness.

In three days I'd be on an island with my girls. Boys would flirt with me, I'd drink martinis in the sun, and life would finally be good again.

KATIA

I had just woken up from my nap on the beach when the sun started setting, painting the sky in impossible colors.

My book had fallen into the sand right at the best part.

Savvas still had his hand on my ass. As usual.

“Hey look who’s awake!” he said with a smile I love. “I’m ordering a beer. Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you, baby.”

I was sleepy, happy, completely at peace.

And somehow it was about to get even better.

After Mykonos I would meet my best friends and my sister in Astypalaia.

We usually spent summers in our hometown and travelled together in winter, but this year it became obvious we should do the summer version instead. It could be our last.

I didn’t like that thought, but I understood it. If we started having families, things would change.

That’s why Astypalaia had to be perfect.

I wasn’t ready for children. I still felt like I had so much left to experience.

Besides, Savvas still hadn’t proposed after this many years.

So… no rush.

My life was good as it was: manageable work, endless summers, and island life with the girls.

Point Zero

TONIA

I had spent the last three days before the trip taking care of a thousand things - laundry, ironing, groceries, walking the dog, trying to sleep through my insomnia. Just the usual chaos before I leave my life behind for a week. All that, while not working. Imagine if I also had a job!

Not that it mattered. What mattered was one last holiday with my sister and my girls before everything inevitably changed - before they became wives and mothers and I became someone else entirely. Terrifying.

As we landed on Astypalaia, there was one more thing to do before meeting Katia at the apartment and heading to the beach - picking up the rental car. The process stressed me out. Luckily Eli was here and would probably handle it.

KATIA

I looked out of the window of our Astypalaia apartment. My girls were finally here. Wait… why did they look like they had just returned from a funeral? Maybe it was just me.

I opened the door. “Babes! You’ve finally arrived!”

It wasn’t just me.

Eli hugged me first, sweaty and dramatic, like she loved me and hated her life at the same time. “Hi love,” she said. “Heyyy,” Stella followed, equally drained. “Is everything okay with the car?” I asked. “Yeah, no problem,” Eli said. “Why?” “Because you all look like you don’t want to be here.” “It’s just the heat, hon,” Eli said. “And we just travelled.” “I travelled too,” I replied. “It’s been only an hour.” “Difference is that we didn’t just transfer from another island,” my sister added. “Girls,” Stella cut in. “We’re tired. Once we get to the beach we’ll be fine. No fighting.” Eli finally spoke again. “Anyone hungry? I’m starving.”

STELLA

I was right! The only thing we needed on the first day was to go to the beach. We first stopped at a bakery under the apartment where we tried this divine blueberry bread.

The beach was relatively easy to access by car, and when we arrived, it was surprisingly quiet - only the waves reaching the shore. We somehow synched then, all four of us equally happy. After spending some time in the water cooling off, we gathered outside. Katia and Eli were reading their smut books among naps, something they had come to have in common in recent years. I was reading my philosophy book, and Tonia was sipping a frozen daiquiri with her headphones on, probably listening to Brazilian pop.

We didn’t go out at night. We had dinner at a small tavern where I thankfully found vegetarian options, not that I was very hungry to begin with. We then had ice cream on the way back to the apartment.

Katia seemed to be hoping for some casual girls’ time, but half of us were already too tired. Eli fell asleep on the balcony chair and soon moved to her bed. Tonia followed soon after. Katia and I stayed on the balcony a little longer. “Is the situation with Maki any better since last time we talked?” she asked. I knew this question was coming, but I didn’t want to talk about it. It was hard enough to live it, let alone think about it. “Nothing new really. I also feel guilty for leaving him alone.” Truth is, I would have enjoyed the day even more if I hadn’t had that in mind.

TONIA

By our second night at the island, everyone had settled into vacation mode. The music was perfect and we danced our asses off as we should. The bar was crowded, but we went feral dancing, regardless. It was the first thing Katia had negotiated with us when we woke up.

“I don’t care if the beach is nice, I don’t mind where we eat, but tonight, we are going out! We need a hot-girl-summer night and Stella needs to get hit-on. And we, like the good friends we are, need to support our single friend!”

Well, the part with Stella didn’t really work out. Of course men did hit on her — the girl is a sex bomb. The problem was her attitude: she was pushing them away the way a happily married woman with three kids would. Our friend was truly traumatized by her breakup, this much was evident.

Everything else was perfect tonight: our outfits were on fleek, the cocktails were yummy, and we stayed up late enough to watch the sunrise together. If only my sister hadn’t drunk so much again. She is such a light drinker and it really affects her the next day. I bet we would have trouble waking her up for our cruise, in not so many hours from now.

ELI

Houston, we’ve got a problem. We needed thirty minutes to get to the cruise meeting point and the cruise was leaving in forty.

I was not ready, Tonia was definitely not ready, and Stella occupied our only toilet doing her “morning job.” We managed to wake Katia up. Once she got dressed, she declared she was ready, and fell back asleep.

“Stella baby, hurry up!” I shouted from the kitchen while manically packing my own bag to avoid forgetting things. “Why so freaking loud, Eli…” Katia muttered from her comatose position. “Some of us care about not being late, you know!” Tonia chimed in sarcastically, still applying sunscreen without looking at her sister. I saw Katia’s sleepy body rise from the bed, and I almost smelled blood in the air. The sisters were notorious for their occasional but intense bickering. “If you have something to say, say it to my face, Tonia!” she snapped.

Shit.

“Girls, not now,” I tried to intervene. “I told you not to drink so much last night but you never listen! Now we’re late and we have to make sure you’re awake enough to walk. Tonia replied as if I had never spoken. “Get over yourself, you’re not my mom! And you, as always, are later than everyone else.” “Hey, let her be, she tries her best, okay?” I added without thinking. Big mistake. “Of course, holy Eli always takes Tonia’s side.” “I’m not. You’re both right to be upset. Now let’s please hurry...” “Go ahead without me. I don’t care if I miss the cruise,” Tonia said stubbornly, still getting ready. “I’m not missing the cruise because of you! I was hoping for one last vacation with all of you before - ” Katia said. “Before what?” I asked, already knowing. “Before you become a mom and change forever. Before our group breaks up!” she shouted, almost in tears.

And then my anger dissolved. She just looked scared, like me. “Oh honey,” I started, but didn’t finish because Stella came out of the bathroom, completely oblivious. “So… I just double-checked the reservation email for the cruise and it seems I had mistaken the departure time. It’s in two hours.”

KATIA

I feel like shit, and I’m sure I look like shit too. Our fight this morning was the last thing I needed, the last thing we needed as a group. But I was never one to hold in something that bothers me - I don’t think it’s healthy. It’s not that I don’t get why my friend wants to make a family, I just… I don’t feel ready to lose her yet.

Not that I can do anything about it. And my dream holiday with the girls is ruined for good. Eli is reading her book with headphones on. My sister has been scrolling on her phone nonstop since we boarded the sailing boat. No one is talking, and Stella has been absent for a while now without saying where she went.

It was at this moment that my phone rang. It was Stella. Why did she call me? And where is she? I picked up. “Hey, where are you?” “Katia, I’m fucked. I need your help. Fast.” “What’s wrong? And why are you whispering?” “I was looking for a toilet because whatever we ate yesterday did not sit right with me, and there was none onboard. I asked the captain when the next stop is and he said in 40 minutes, but I swear I don’t have that long. I’m going to poop myself. Please help me.” “Oh my God, where are you?” “I’m in the luggage cabin.” “Okay, don’t worry. I’m coming.”

I hung up and realized Eli and Tonia had listened to the whole thing. They both looked worried. “What’s wrong?” Eli said - the first thing she had said to me since our fight. “We need to find Stella. She has a bad stomach.” “Where is she?” Tonia asked. “In the luggage cabin.” “I only have this plastic bag and wet wipes,” Eli added.

Stella is lucky, despite her misfortune.

“Let’s go.”

ELI

We went to find Stella, determined to help her avoid embarrassment as if our lives depended on it. On the way, we agreed on the plan. We would give her a bag and wet wipes, and she would do it there. Then we would discreetly dispose of it later while the boat was still moving.

When we arrived, Katia knocked. “Open up, baby. We have a plan!” The door opened slightly. “I’m going to die, I swear!” she said. “We brought you a bag and wet wipes,” I said. “You can use them.” “I can’t!” “Why?” Tonia asked. “There’s no roof. I can hear people upstairs. They’ll see me.” We’re fucked. Tonia moved. “Eli, give me your scarf.” I handed it over. “I’ll hold it up while she does it.” “Good plan,” Katia said. “What do we do?” I asked. “Guard the door.”

Katia and I stayed outside. We hadn’t spoken since the fight. “I didn’t know you felt like this about me having children,” I said. “You’re right. I was harsh. I support you… I just don’t know how to do it properly.” “Yeah… I should’ve realised it scares you too. It scares me too, even if I want it.” “But you do want it, right?” she asked. “I think I do… I don’t believe in the maternity clock. But I also wouldn’t know the feeling until it happens.” “And you know you won’t be the same after kids, right?” she added. I took a breath. “I know. But my core won’t change. I’ll still love you, Katia. Just maybe slightly less than my child.”

“Shut up.”

“Maybe you’re not ready because the situation isn’t right. How are things with Savvas?” “Our relationship is perfect. But I don’t know if I want what I always thought I wanted. And he says he wants a family, but he’s all words so far.” Savvas was perfect, even matched her crazy. But if he kept waiting, he would only make her insecure. “When the time is right, you’ll know,” I said.

She smiled faintly, and we hugged. Tonia came out holding the bag. “Let’s go!” “Baby, are you okay?” Katia asked Stella. “Much better. Thank the gods.” “Great. Now we get rid of this, and then we do EVERYTHING on our perfect summer list. That’s an order.” I said and felt Katia's unnaturally strong arm around my neck “hugging” me. “You and your lists, nerd.”

STELLA

This was hell. My body needed the release. I somehow felt better than ever, and the same seemed true for us. The girls said there had been a short but intense fight that morning while I was in the bathroom. The tension had built to a necessary release.

When I got out of the shameful luggage-room situation Eli and Katia were hugging. Latere, I heard them joking about pregnancy and babies, which was chilling for me. I knew it was embarrassing. I’m not 25 anymore; it shouldn’t affect me, but it does. It was strange how it was on everyone’s mind, yet unspoken.

“I think I do not want to have kids. Like, never,” I said out loud without realizing it. Three pairs of eyes pinned me to my seat. Tonia, Eli and Katia stopped laughing, and a cold silence spread between us. “Finally someone mentions the elephant in the room. Good,” Eli said, relieved, taking a sip of her martini. “I also never imagine myself with children,” Tonia confessed, “but I am younger than you, so I don’t think it’s even relevant for me. Stella, what is it that makes you not want them?” “It’s more like there is nothing making me want them.” “Someone once told me you only feel ready for the circumstances you have. So maybe the right circumstances haven’t shown up yet,” Katia said. “What about you?” I asked Katia. “Your circumstances are much more suitable than mine. I mean, for making a family.” “Not really. Whatever I was working towards has only just materialized, and I need to wait until things become more stable. I also need to work more on myself before, if ever, I start working on someone else.” “Good point. Definitely me too,” I agreed.

“On another subject,” Eli interrupted, “this is not our last summer vacation. This is our fir

Three Years Later

TONIA

The problem with our holidays in Astypalaia three years ago was that they were perfect. We did everything on the list - we drank martinis on the beach, watched sunrises, danced at the club, at the bar, and at the island summer festival.

Three years later, we could say we kept our promise that it would not be our last summer holiday together, despite Eli now having an admirably cute baby boy. It took over a year to go on another trip together, but we still had four days in the south of France last summer when Eli left the baby with Jean for the first time. Three months later came Katia’s wedding - Savvas finally proposed. It was a huge event, just as she wanted. My favorite part was Stella arriving with a plus one everyone approved of.

I kept thinking about everything that changed over three years. Maybe my brain needed it to handle chores - cleaning, laundry, ironing. I will meet the girls tomorrow in Athens and we will fly to the island for five days. I was excited and needed this break.

Unlike three years ago, when I was jobless and only thinking about holidays, I now have my own beauty shop in the countryside. Being a businesswoman is more draining than being unemployed. But I am in a better place. My life is calmer. My chronic insomnia is also gone, which somehow worries me. What if they want to stay up and watch all the sunrises again? I now fall asleep at 22:30.