What Happened On New Year’s

It is 11:55, December 31st, and I am standing across from the most beautiful girl with flowers in her hair and bright lights framing her face, and I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life right now.

My name is Charity, a name given to me by a mother who found younger children more darling but teenagers annoying, and a father who was more apt to spend time on the road than at home.

Her name is questionable, which is a weird answer to have. She changes it on a whim, like trying gloves that don’t quite fit on your fingers. Last year, she tried Theresa for a while, until her nose crinkled cutely and she made her distaste known.

She went through a few, and this month, she’s chosen Destiny, which was an interesting choice, knowing her.

Charity and Destiny, side by side since first grade, sharing orange slices under the large tree at recess and hiding beetles in our pockets to scare teachers. It’s always been us through the years.

My springy bright red hair, and my green eyes that make people call me a ‘doll’ to my face, scattered freckles with one just on the tip of my nose and the edge of my lip.

Destiny, her hair lightly coiled and dark like hot cocoa, with a stripe of purple and pink here and there, her eyes glittering brown and so, so beautiful in the sunlight. She has a smear of white across her cheek, like someone took a large paintbrush and touched it there.

She calls it ‘the Slap’ with a laugh.

I call it art, and duck my head to hide my blush.

If I had to guess when my feelings turned from friendship to more, it had to be that time we went to the party in our first year of college. The local clubs were hosting it to entice newcomers, and Destiny wanted the freebies.

I wanted to go where Destiny went. So I followed.

It was us, and some other freshmen, standing nervously around a long table full of food and punch. My hand trembled around a red plastic cup, wearing a sundress and black leggings, while Destiny wore a flowy green shirt and skinny jeans.

She laughed, suddenly, at the change in music, and then slammed her cup down to grab my hand. “Cherry! It’s our song!” she yelled over the music, and I suddenly realized I had been daydreaming.

She tugged me onto the dance floor, shouting lyrics that took me a moment to realize what they were, and then I was laughing and swaying my hips and our hands were holding each other’s and then-

And then she pointed at me-

At me-

“This woman is my destiny! I said wooooo!!!!”

“Shut up and dance with me!” I shouted back, but that lyric…

It hit me hard.

She wasn’t Destiny then, not even in the same alphabet at that point, but…

But what were we, if not each other’s destiny? Dancing and laughing and arms around each other and smiles glinting in low light as our cheeks burned as the night went on?

I was a coward.

I’ve always been a coward.

I never…never did anything. Never asked. Never took a step closer.

She was always leading me around, hand in hand, bracelets clinking against my watch, ecstatic grin stretched wide on her face, the white smear framing the edge of her lip like a hand cradling her cheek.

I…

It’s our last year of college. I ran from home like the devil was on my heels, while Destiny bemoaned missing hers. A strange ideal that I had never even considered. She had once asked me about it, while eating in the little cafeteria, a plate of spaghetti in front of her while I was busy eating some french toast. “You don’t miss them at all?” she asked, pointing her fork at me.

I had shrugged. Smiled. “Why would I? Wherever you go, I’d rather be there anyway.”

Her face had darkened a bit, but her smile lit up the room as she squealed and laughed at me, feet nudging mine before I nudged back and…

It was true.

How could I possibly miss home when home was in front of me my entire life?

It is 11:57, December 31st, and I am standing across from the most beautiful girl who is cradling a red cup full of sparkling apple cider, wearing a parka and pajama pants, her eyes sliding shut as she lifts the cup to take a drink, and I am about to make a horrible, deadly mistake.

It’s our last year. Our last semester. The school won’t pay for the dorm after this, because we graduate next month. In my heart, I know Destiny will return home.

But I won’t.

I can’t.

There’s no home for me there. My mother made that clear. I was an adult now. I had to figure things out on my own, do things, make my own money. I worked hard with two jobs, while keeping my grades high as possible, and I slid on my knees into home base with a degree in statistics. It’s not much of anything. It’s not even something people would assume I had an interest in.

But Destiny?

She had a home. Parents who offered their home back to her, gleeful to see their daughter no matter adult or not. She had a physics degree, a hard track to go on, but she came in swinging home runs like they were nothing.

I could remember her falling asleep at her desk as we talked, and turning off the light for her before ushering her to bed, and faintly wishing that I had some kind of courage to tell her something, then and there.

But the time is up. She’ll leave me. And I’ll be alone.

But I can’t let today end without her knowing.

I can’t.

Because…

Because…

It is 11:59, December 31st, and I am standing across from the most beautiful girl who turns to me, snowflakes on her eyelashes and the wool cap pulled down over her hair, a smile burning its way into my memory, her lips opening to tell me happy new years or perhaps something else, gloved hand holding my gloved hand, and I…

The clock in the square of the college rings out midnight.

People cheer, and pop little poppers that make confetti fly.

A giant firework lights up the sky in pinks and purples and reds.

And I dart forward, curling my arms around Destiny’s shoulders, and I kiss her.

I kiss her in the way they do in romance movies, their shoulders up by their ears, a subtle gasp of air between them…

But…um…

So, I’m not too good at kissing. Turns out. I haven’t really kissed before so that wasn’t surprising, but I thought, you know, maybe it’d be like all the movies. Sparks flying and lips joining and full body shivers…

But no. My chapped lips hit hers that had an echo of chapstick still smeared across them, and my boot slid under me so I knocked into her and made her shriek as she caught me, her cup flying and hitting the ground as we fall into a snowbank nearby, and some passers-by laugh at us with a whoop as we sputter, our faces bumping noses as we try to get up. “Cherry?! What was that!”

“I’m sorry!” I say, and there’s this lump in my chest that wasn’t there before because it was drowning in the acid of nerves and other things. “I’m sorry, but I just! I can’t just…! I’m sorry,” I start to blabber, even as I finally manage to sit up as best I can, the snow flaking around my hair that’s escaping my hat. “I just know if I didn’t, I would never get to do it!”

“Do what?!” she asks, sitting up, looking confused in the moment. “Kiss me??”

“Yes!” I say, throwing my hands up and scrubbing my hands over frozen cheeks, hoping to God or whoever’s listening that I’m not suddenly crying. “Yes, because I’d never do it any other time because I don’t want to ruin this but you’re leaving next year, you’re leaving me and if I don’t tell you no-“

She yanks me by my shirt and kisses me again.

It’s an easy way to shut me up, I’ll give her that.

I stare at her in confusion when she lets me go, still not a movie-type kiss but one that’s just…really good, in a way, and she laughs a bit. “Cherry, have you really never noticed? I’m into you, too! Like. A lot, babe.”

…my mind blanks.

“What.”

Destiny grins at me, patting my thigh and shooing me off of her-oh God I was sitting on her lap-before she stands up, snatching up my hand again and brushing off snow off her back. “We literally go everywhere together. We went to the same college!” She straightens up, still smiling at me with bright, shiny eyes. “I literally asked you to sleep in the same room as me. Admittedly, sure, I could’ve been more straightforward but…” she wiggles her eyebrows, lacing her fingers with mine. “You really couldn’t tell…?”

I feel like sinking into the Earth.

I hide my face behind our entwined hands, slowly groaning. “I was worrying myself to death, thinking I was misreading signals!”

She pats my hair with a playful coo. “My poor cherry pie, such an overthinker!”

“I hate you so much,” I whine out, but quiet down when her hand lifts mine and her lips touch the fabric of my glove.

“Nah, you love me,” she says so finally, and my heart hammers in my chest as I swallow and nod in agreement.

Then my face matches my hair as she yanks our hands up in the air, whooping. “I GOT MY GIRLFRIEND!! WHOO!!!”

A few random college goers cheer, while Sam-a guy we shared in one biology class, and once in my music course-cups his hands around his mouth as his girlfriend starts to howl in laughter. “I thought you guys were already dating?!”

I let out a noise like a deflating balloon as Destiny cups her lone hand around her mouth. “NAH, WE’RE BOTH JUST REALLY STUPID!!!!!!!!”

“OH, CHEERS TO THAT!” he shouts over the last few fireworks, and his girlfriend elbows him in the ribs hard with a cackle.

I sigh hard, plunking my hand in my hand for a moment with a chuckle. “Okay. I guess I am kind of stupid not seeing it…at least it’s…ending all good?” I mumble, and Destiny smiles at me, tugging me along to get more of the drink she spilled.

“Yep! And next year, we can get an RV and go traveling the world together! Just you and me and all the sunshine sparkles we can practically paint on the ugly thing!”

“Wait, what-“

My question is lost in the last gong of the bell, and then she’s kissing me again, and honestly I guess the future can be worried about some other Charity for the moment.

Because the Charity of tonight is going to worry about the warmth skittering up her fingertips, the lips against hers, and the matching, beating hearts as we return to our shared dorm.

Together.

(“…wait, even that time you said there was only one bed in the hotel last year when we went to Galveston?”

“Charity. Honey. I thought you read fanfiction?”

“…I should invent a time machine to beat my past self in the head.”

“Nah. I kinda like that chick, you know?”

“Hah hah hah, soooo funny.”)