Manifesting Memory Lane

I think of him every time the sun shines and I hear the birds chirping. I guess sunny days and chirping birds remind me of the beauty of freedom. Freedom is something Elijah hasn’t seen in 11 years. He was incarcerated at age eighteen for armed robbery. I met him at the Department of Juvenile Justice when he was seventeen. I was a doe eyed naïve twenty-year-old college student, with no business volunteering there. But as fate would have it, I was allowed to accompany my roommate on her education rotation at the Department of Juvenile Justice, or DJJ as we called it. Sometimes I step back into 2013 and reminisce on the conversations we had, and the high hopes I had for him. I can still see the look on his face when I came back to DJJ after Christmas break.

He sat in the desk beside me and said, “How your little Christmas was?”, as he averted his eyes to the side. I replied, “It was alright.” I paused and debated about asking him the same question. A Christmas behind bars is obviously not a holly, jolly good time. I went against my better judgement and said, “How was yours?”. He continued averting his eyes and dejectedly replied, “It was straight.” I quickly changed the topic to avoid a prolonged awkward silence. “So, you’ll be a senior next year. What kind of career do you want?” I wanted to roll my eyes at myself for sounding so forced. I was just trying to have a positive conversation and help brighten his mood. He finally looked me in my eyes before responding. He shrugged his shoulders and stated, “I don’t know, probably bag groceries.” I laughed before I could catch myself. “I’m not talking about a grocery store job. I meant a career. What do you want to do for the rest of your life.” “I think bagging groceries is the only thing I can do. So that’s what I’ll do.” I can still taste the bitterness and profound sadness that resounded inside of me in that moment. I could see great potential in Elijah. He was unable to see beyond the barriers that life had placed in his way. One of the teachers at DJJ had pulled me aside and told me that Elijah was on a third grade reading level, and to basically steer clear of him. I tried to empower him with some encouraging words, but I truly did not know what to say. “You can do anything you put your mind to. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true.” He smiled and shook his head from side to side. He laughed and said “Nah, that’s not true for me. But thank you for believing in me.” “It is true. I hope you realize that one day.” He looked down at the green composition notebook that I had been clutching to my chest periodically. “You got something in there you want to read to us?” I was surprised that he was so observant. I had written a spoken word poem that I wanted to recite to the class. They were being rambunctious and I was scared to ask them to quiet down. Mrs. Washington didn’t have a lot of control over the class, so she wasn’t much help. I looked at Elijah and smiled meekly. “Well, I did have a poem I wanted to read to y’all. Everybody is being loud so I will try another day.” He stood up and replied. “I got you.  Hey, ya’ll be quiet. She has something she wants to read to us.” You could hear a pin drop after he finished speaking. I stood up quickly in hopes that I wouldn’t lose my nerve to read the poem. The class remained attentive and quiet while I recited the poem. Mrs. Washington told me that I did a wonderful job, and some of the kids nodded their heads in agreement. I returned to my seat and thanked Elijah for making the class quiet. Mrs. Washington dismissed the class a few minutes later. Elijah grabbed my composition book off my desk and placed it inside his jacket. He caught me off guard, and I didn’t know what to say.  My cheeks flushed. I raised my voice slightly and said, “Hey, give me my notebook back please.” Elijah smiled mischievously and replied, “I should steal this and act like I wrote all these poems. I wouldn’t do you like that though. Here you go.” He slid the notebook out of his jacket and handed it back to me. I shook my head and playfully snatched it back. He sauntered out of the classroom. That was the last time I saw him in person.

Fast forward to 2024. I was scrolling on Facebook and saw a post from Elijah’s sister. It was a picture of him with the caption “My brother is on the way home soon.”  I thought back to the fond memories I had from 2013 and smiled. He had to be about 28 years old at this time. I was 31, about to be 32. I closed my eyes briefly and wished that there was a way we could reconnect. I had previously given up on love and only hoped for companionship one day. I went about my day and went to bed with a smile on my face. I was happy that Elijah would be in the free world soon. He deserved a second chance in life. Lately my sleep had been poor due to my stressful job and 24-hour call responsibility. I was in an administrative position. I woke up around 3 AM and checked the time on my phone. I put my phone down and attempted to fall asleep before my 5:30 alarm started screeching in my ears. A few minutes later I heard my phone vibrate. I had a messenger notification from Elijah. My hand flew over my mouth in shock. I sat straight up in the bed. The message read “Hello beautiful. I hope you’re doing well.” I couldn’t believe that I was about to be communicating with Elijah after all these years. I took a chance and responded to his message. We are happily engaged and my nostalgia has transformed into my reality.