I'll Quit Drinking Tomorrow

The sound of the woodpecker beat against the tree so loudly that morning. I could hardly open my eyes at the brightness, the rhythmic beat moved down from my ear to my chest and filled it like a solid form inside me. It shoved into my nausea as my puke came up to meet it.

I ran to the bathroom and fell onto my knees as the party from last night leapt out of my throat. It tasted like vodka and old pasta. I could feel the pieces of it coming out of my nose. I blew it to get the rest out and found myself gagging at feeling the small solid pieces coming out of my nose and into the toilet paper. I chucked it into the toilet still in front of my face.

What the fuck happened last night?

I heard a cup be placed outside the wide open bathroom door. It was my roommate Chad. I looked up at him as he coughed out, “ginger tea” then walked himself back downstairs.

Guess they could hear me, ugh. I felt another gag come up to my throat except this time nothing came out except a hiccup of pain in my chest. I stood up, my legs felt heavy as I trudged over to the sink. I bent over to the sink, too quickly, big mistake. I stood back up as the dizziness passed. Then I bent over much more slowly as I turned on the water and felt the fresh cool water rinse out my acid mouth. I took shallow sips knowing a deep gulp would lead me straight back to the toilet.

I stood back up slowly and looked into the mirror. My mouth still tasted like shit but at least it was moist. My eyes were bloodshot even though I’d passed out for hours. What the fuck happened last night?

I stumbled from the bathroom, accidentally knocking over the ginger tea with my foot on the way. “Fuck,” I cried out. I walked back into the bathroom, pulled a towel off a shelf and threw it on top of the spill reassuring myself I’d deal with it when I felt more human, hoping Chad and Casey didn’t come upstairs before then.

I walked back over to my bed and saw my phone lying there on the nightstand, I had clearly tried to plug it in and gave up. It was dead now. I plugged it in and laid down as I waited for it to charge enough to turn on, my hands rested on my stomach as if I trying to shove the anxiety down physically would make it go away. I sighed big as I heard the vibrate come on. My least favorite part of the morning after was always reading the shit I sent people the night before.

I opened my texts and the first one at the top was with Brad. Fuck.

Hey, you up?

Uh yea, its 7:30 haha

Lol you know what I mean…

I don’t think this is a good idea Emma

Why not?

Because last time you got mad at me after

I’ll be fine, I’m a big girl

Are you going to get mad?

No way, just tell me what

you’d do to me

if you were here. Or

better yet come here

Emma…

I miss your body

This is Brad’s girlfriend, you’re

disgusting and he doesn’t miss you

because he gets to have me

Tracy? Ha I don’t know what

your talking about, must

be reading some old texts

There’s timestamps you drunk idiot

Haha oops

I could taste the bile in my mouth as I cringed at the conversation with my ex boyfriend. To be honest though he’d seen worst sides of me before and I didn’t really care what his flavor of the week thought. He was right about me being mad, except that I was feeling mad at myself for trying to sext with a taken man again. Whatever, I was drunk. Hopefully that was the worst text on there.

The next one was from my coworker Steve.

Emma, where the fuck are you?

I’m at the Brit, why?

Cause you have a fucking shift and Jeff says

he’s going to fire you if you don’t show up

Fuck Jeff

Fuck. I was already on thin ice and he had given me a second chance after I got drunk at work and tripped behind the bar breaking a bunch of bottles of tequila, apparently it was the one we use when we upcharge shit. I honestly might as well not even go back to the restaurant, I knew I was as good as fired.

Alright, alienated my ex, lost my job. What else is on there?

Oh no, Joseph? Fuck me…

Heyy

Hey, I had a lot of fun with you last night

Me too, except that you

didn’t come home with me

Are you serious? It was our first date.. Were you

down for that?

Obviously, you idiot,

why didn’t you even try?

I think we’re looking for different things

Fuck you

Man, I really liked that guy. Ugh I hated drunk Emma.

I sank into my bed as I tossed the phone aside, hoping to get the sweet relief of sleep. The sun still shone red through my eyelids even with all my curtains closed. My bed smelled like my sweat from the night before and I noticed my bra still clung to me, sticky against my skin. I yanked it over and pulled it out from under my shirt. My jeans were so tight against my hips, I pulled them off roughly and kicked them away. I could hardly stand the feel of any of the clothes on my body, even the sheet resting on my skin bugged me. The air felt even worse though so I held my sheet tighter against me.

I dared not close my eyes because the room spun. What was I going to do next? I didn’t want to face the day, or feel my body.

I felt a smile reach my lips as I remembered I still had a bottle of vodka in my nightstand. I turned over before I could even have part of that thought and opened the nightstand pulling it out. It felt way too light, small drops clung to the bottom but it was fucking empty. Ugh, I threw my arms over my face. What the fuck was I going to do now?

I heard my phone vibrate, it was a text from Jen.

We’re at the Brit, come through

I suddenly felt full of energy at the prospect of getting to drink this away. I threw on some leggings and out into the bright sun I went.