"L"

His ten or so clients all stand around nervously, shifting from foot to foot, sharing pleasant smiles when awkward eye contact is made. They all think it’s better than looking at his horrid dead body though, so the eye contact lingers and uncomfortable conversation seems a better choice. They trade stories of his craftsmanship like kids at recess trading baseball cards, all eager to have the best one. They are sad to see George gone. They thought he was an amazing carpenter, thought he delivered quality work and at a fair price. Occasionally their stories are interrupted by a psychotic laugh. They try not to stare but she is acting so bizarre it’s hard for them not to notice. One minute she is crying hysterically and the next she is laughing like a mad woman. One of the clients tells the others that the girl is George’s daughter, Sarah. They are not aware that Sarah has different stories about her Father. They are not aware Sarah does not think her Father is amazing at all.

The mourners are circled around the casket like a mandala. The inner circles are made up of family and close friends, while the outer circles are filled with old schoolmates and teachers and people who had minimal contact with him. Such as Lyla, who had George as a regular at the bar.

Lyla, looks at George’s wife, Jean, who is sitting, stone faced. She is sitting in front of the casket staring at George. Something about the stillness of her body, the lack of emotion on her face, makes Lyla think Jean knows her husband was not a wonderful man. Jean didn’t know before but she knows now.

Lyla had put up with George’s demeaning comments, his wandering hands; because George’s tips, really, were the reason Lyla could afford her rent. George tipped Lyla very well, telling her it was because of her baby face and tight body. Said it reminded him of his daughter. Lyla felt sick every time he would tell her that. Lyla did not like George and although him being dead meant no more rent money, Lyla was relieved to know she would never have to deal with that creep again. Lyla’s thoughts are interrupted by Sarah’s bouts of hysteria and she looks over. She thinks the girl must be someone who barely knew George since she is sitting far away from everyone. She is sitting with a man that is older than her and Lyla thinks it is the girl's Dad. She’s uncomfortable with the whole scene and has done what she came to do; bid farewell to the creep, so she leaves. She walks by George’s old teachers and they are all teary eyed and talking about what an aspiring young entrepreneur he was. They talk about all the different business endeavors he did while he was a student. Like selling candy bars on the playground as a child in Elementary school. The teachers had all laughed at his “grown-up” way of running the mini business at recess. He would give receipts and promise a 100% satisfactory guarantee. His high school teachers had assured the elementary teachers that his business schemes continued into high school, offering private tutoring sessions and private dance lessons, which had really shocked the teachers. They did not know he knew how to dance but agreed he must have been good because George was good at everything he did!

George did not know how to dance. They never noticed that the girls that would do the lessons with George would only go once. They never saw how the girls who only went once would avoid George at school, how they would rather hide in the janitor closet than be in the hallway with George. But the janitor noticed. He didn’t know why for sure, but he had his suspicions. But he never asked and they never told. After all, he wasn't much older than the girls himself. So all those girls kept their secret safe in that janitor closet. And the janitor kept the secret safe after they graduated. He thought he was helping them. It wouldn’t be until years later that he would realize that in keeping the girls secrets, he was actually helping George. It wouldn’t be until years later that he would be so disgusted in himself that he had contemplated suicide. It wouldn’t be until MANY years later that he realized; that suicide would have been the ultimate way of helping George and then realized how he could help all those girls. It wouldn’t be until Sarah visited that closet that the janitor knew how to help all those girls and free himself from the tormented life he had been living.

Girls had stopped visiting the janitors closet after George graduated and those secrets, although aged with time, still lived fresh and overwhelming in that closet. The janitor, Luke, had a bitter sweet relationship with that closet and had developed an odd obsession with it. Year after year he was asked why he never found a “better” job. When he had taken the janitor job, it was just supposed to be a “filler” job, a way to make money while he did his apprenticeship to be an electrician. He had finished the program, had his license, was all set to start his career but by that point the girls had come and gone and left their mark in that closet and Luke could not bring himself to leave it. I don’t think he even fully understood the hold that closet had on him and although it confused him too, he vowed to stay and keep the secrets safe in that closet.

Luke is sitting on the bench looking at Sarah, hot tears running down her red face but her head is not tipped toward the ground like the other mourners. It is tipped back, uncontrollable laughter rolling out of her body. Sarah laughs and laughs and laughs until her body starts to tremble and she collapses forward catching her elbows on her knees to keep her from falling over. There are noises of gagging and whimpering coming from her now. Luke watches this cycle, head down, head back, head down, head back. She feels so much relief she laughs, and then it’s followed by so much pain she looks like she will just keel over. Over and over again she does this. Sarah’s mind is swimming, bouncing back and forth from the pain of losing a Father and the relief of losing her monster.

When Sarah was a very young child she had told her Mom she was afraid of the monster that came in her room when it was dark. Her Mom would tell her there were no such things as monsters but Sarah insisted there was so her Mom had given her a flashlight so when the monsters came, she could turn it on. She had been surprised the first time she had turned it on and it was George standing there. Sarah had not realized that Father’s could be monsters too. Sarah never told her Mom because she didn’t think her Mom would ever believe that her Father was a monster. For ten years Sarah’s Father monster would come at night and play games with her that made Sarah feel funny and she didn’t like it. Some of the games hurt but her Father monster had told her it was a special game that no one else could know about or they would want to play too. There were times that Sarah wished someone else would play so she didn't have to but she didn’t want to make her Father upset so she never told anyone. That is, until the day Luke asked.

Sarah was a junior in high school at that point. Luke knew who she was, he had recognized the last name, Red. It was an unusual last name, he had only known two other children in the last 26 years with it, George and his younger brother Clint. Luke had hoped it was Clint’s daughter when he first saw the name. Had told himself it had to be. But one day he saw Sarah slip into that janitor closet crying silent tears and he knew the terrible truth. Luke left her alone and waited until she came out, to get the mop he was after. He could feel the closet awake with new secrets and he shuddered as the memories of the girls in the past came flooding back to him. For two weeks he watched Sarah, multiple times a day, slip into that closet, always crying silent tears. Luke had vowed that this would end now! That George would never hurt another girl again! Luke left a note for Sarah one day in the closet. It said,

I know why you come in here and cry. You are not the first one he has done this to. Do you want help? All you have to do is leave the note in here and that means yes, or take it with you and that means no.

L

Luke had waited, hidden in the classroom across the hall and watched through the window of the closed door. Sarah was only in there for a couple minutes. If only he could have heard Sarah’s thoughts he would have known the roller coaster of emotions she was having. She read the words over and over not believing what she was reading. She had no idea who had left this note there, no idea who “L” was supposed to be. Fear had flooded her at first, fear of getting in trouble, of what it would do to her Mother, fear that things would actually get worse with her Father monster. But the thought of it all stopping was intoxicating. Sarah was swimming in the feeling of freedom that came from the thought of her Father finally leaving her alone! So she did as the note said and placed it back on the box of toilet paper she found it on, praying that this was real. She opened the door peeking around to see if she could see the mysterious “L” anywhere but the hallway was deserted so she closed the door and headed to class.

Luke had then gone back into the closet and saw the note sitting there with a black hair tie on top, Sarah’s way of letting him know that she had read it just in case he wasn’t watching. Luke knew what he had to do.

Sarah vomits for the third time and the taste of stomach bile burns her mouth. She just can’t figure out how she’s supposed to feel. She has so many contradicting feelings about George’s death she doesn’t know what direction to go in. All of her childhood years play through her mind and she remembers the fun and good times with him, when he was just her Father and she aches at the loss of a Father. But just as quickly as she feels that it is pushed aside by the fact that he was a terrible, disgusting man and so even though she has these wonderful memories they are still covered with a veil of betrayal and hatred. The memories are tainted and the pain makes her vomit again. Sarah opens her eyes and sees Luke is holding out a kerchief for her to wipe her mouth. She thanks Luke and wipes away the small chunks on her chin. When she looks down at the kerchief she sees it’s all white but in the bottom corner there is a little, red, embroidered “L”. Sarah’s mind is swimming. She just keeps staring at the “L” as if hoping she will see the answers to her questions in those threads. She’s connecting the dots, it can’t be a coincidence she thinks to herself.

George’s death was a little bit of a mystery. He had taken his own life in his work-shed one day. Just out of nowhere. No warnings, no strange behavior, no sadness, nothing. One day he was just… gone. The only thing the police ever found was a white kerchief with a red embroidered “L” in the bottom corner.

Sarah looked up at Luke; she did not know how he did it and did not care to know. She simply said, thank you. Luke smiled sadly at Sarah and said, I should have done it sooner. And left with his conscience just a little bit lighter knowing George would never hurt another girl again.