Theogony Interview #5

Fire: I’d like to start off by saying that, contrary to popular belief, I played no direct role in all that has occurred. I mean, I wasn’t even supposed to be a part of anything, just a mode of wreaking both vengeance and justice. You’re probably asking yourself “Justice? What do you mean justice?”. Well, it gets left out often, but I had already been in the hands of you humans prior to all this, but “almighty” Zeus took it away out of spite towards the wise, yet always cunning and a little deceitful, Son of Iapetus. Pardon, that’s what we all have a tendency to call him, though you would call him Prometheus more commonly.

Hesiod: Yes, I’m aware, as I myself am a human, scholar, poet. I’ve heard tell of what had happened, but I’m more interested in the why. What did Prometheus do to have us humans tortured in his stead? For without fire, how are we to cook our oxen? To prepare our veal? How were we to worship the almighty if our bellies are cursed to hold raw meat? I, truthfully, struggle to hold down an unprepared cattle.

Fire: Ah, but that’s just it! Your meat--or in the case of the cunning Son of Iapetus’ first deception--the lack there of, was the start of it all. Of course, I could only see so much from atop the gilded pit of which I blazed in the court of the Gods, but Prometheus, the “Majestic” Zeus’ own uncle or some odd family member, had decided to play a trick on him! The son of Iapetus is quite cunning, as he was the great titan who molded your forefathers after all, though I have my own opinions and tweaks he could’ve made! I jest, dear Hesiod. But yes, cunning, and the son of Iapetus always adored a good trick, and here we have the ploy that started all this mischief! He came to Olympus with two offerings for Zeus; one, the finest piece of cattle ever cooked, but hidden inside a rather vile stomach of an ox that I hope never to lick with my flames as long as I burn! The other offering, a single, hard bone of a bull wrapped in the most delectable fat you’d ever seen! You’d think the most delicious cattle ever cooked would lie in wait inside. But here my dearest Hesiod, is the deception! The finest meat hidden, and the worst part of a bull to eat used to make something look delicious–how foul of the son of Iapetetus! And presenting these to Zeus, he prompted our “all-knowing” Zeus to choose one to feast on, and knowing none the wiser, chose the rather delectable looking bone! After selecting this, Prometheus laughed, and revealed his trickery to Zeus; for now on, the humans were to make sacrifices only of bone and fat to Zeus, leaving the tastiest meat for their own consumption!

Hesiod: How treacherous! Never could I come up with such a ploy. And Zeus then took away our fire? I do not see how we could be at fault for such a thing!

Fire: Ah! But you must remember, the son of Iapetus molded you humans and has quite a fondness for you all! A punishment to his creation is a punishment to him!

Hesiod: But fire is so crucial, how are we to sacrifice anything without flame?

Fire: Believe it or not, I wasn’t even the first thing Zeus took from you! As he even hid the secret of all your crops!

Hesiod: Which secret do you mean?

Fire: I guess you wouldn’t know that now would you? A shame, if you humans knew this secret, you all would only have to work a day in a year, and on this day, create enough sustenance to last a year!

Hesiod: A year! I must know this secret!

Fire: A shame the son of Iapetus gave me back and not this secret. Perhaps interview Harpocretes next.

Hesiod: Ah, but the being never has much to say.

Fire: I fear that is the point, dear Hesiod.

Hesiod: Bah! I also fear we are off track. Tell me, what happened after you were stolen back to the gods by the almighty Zeus?

Fire: Yes! Well, this is the part I so despise remembering. I pray you do not detest me for this, but I rather enjoyed being solely on Olympus again, even if I have no love for the gods. No more “bring a flame for the ox!” or “please set the sticks alight for our warmth!”. I just lie waiting in the eternal flame of Olympus, overlooking all of the pantheon. And of course, I grew rather used to this life and would’ve been content for eternity, but the son of Iapetus arrived under Zeus’ nose with, and I fear you will not believe me, but with a rod of a fennel plant to hold me! How inhumane! But, to the titan’s credit, he did find a way for my blaze to be quelled within a plant of all things, and to this day I still don’t understand how! But, that was truly all that occurred. The son of Iapetus came to Olympus, stole me in a vegetable, and gave me back to the humans.

Hesiod: Ah, I wish he’d brought back the secret you had mentioned instead.

Fire: Bah! How dare you say such a thing! For the next time you call on me to cook your veal, I curse you to forget about it and burn the meat to a crisp!

Hesiod: Ha! I merely jest! Perhaps I take after our dear Prometheus in that way! Oh how I could meet him.

Fire: Oh? You don’t know, do you? Our dear son of Iapetus will likely never be seen again. He was punished for his act of trickery! To be in eternal torment, chained to the highest mountain with a mighty eagle coming to devour his liver each night! As you know how these immortal beings are, this very liver is to regrow every day so the mighty eagle can feast daily and torture the Son of Iapetus! Though there is rumor going around the gods that one day, a son of Zeus will free him from his torment! I myself won't believe it until I see it!

Hesiod: How horrible! I would never befall such a torment to my greatest enemy! All Prometheus wanted was to take care of man, his creation. Though, I must say I am grateful that no other curse has befallen us humans resulting from this, of course, barring this secret of the crops that I must now find!

Fire: Oh, but you were cursed dear Hesiod! All of mankind has been! Tell me dear Hesiod, do you have a wife? If you do, I would curse Epimetheus with your whole soul for his softness and lust! Ha!