Hecate Remembers Macbeth

Hecate Remembers Macbeth

“Double, double toil and trouble,

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

Fillet of fenny snake,

In the cauldron boil and bake;

Eye of newt and toe of frog,

Wool of bat and tongue of dog,

Adder’s fork and blind-worm's sting,

Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing,

For a charm of powerful trouble.

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double, toil and trouble;

Fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

-Shakespeare ; Macbeth

Halloween, the night of the witching hour, was the only day of the year that stirred Hecate’s spirit, the lone remnant of the glory days of witchcraft. It was quite a fall from toppling kings to scaring small children in store-bought costumes, and she was having a hard time coping. Hecate dreamed of a return to those thrilling days of yesteryear when witches directed the fortunes of mere mortals and shaped the destiny of nations.

Hecate’s crew had just returned from their night of mischief and were ready to report to their leader.

Hecate: “So, how did Halloween go?”

Witch #1: “Awesome. We scared the bejesus out of thousands of kids.”

Witch #2: “The best was the little old ladies. I was laughing so hard.”

Hecate: “Great. This is our biggest event of the year, about all we have left. Good job.”

There was a sadness in her voice, her enthusiasm feigned as her mind compared tonight’s feat against their prior grand accomplishments.

Witch #3: “Witch #2 did more than scare people, Hecate. She was stealing candy from the little kids... and she won’t share!”

Witch #2: “Tattletale weenie! Go steal your own candy.”

Witch #3: “She’s not a team player, Hecate. I say we replace her.”

Witch #2: “Shut up you freaking little bitch-witch, or I’ll...”

Hecate: “Stop it! You are the THREE witches. We don’t have a four or five as backups. No subs. You have to work together. Witch #2, give #3 some of your candy... and not just some of the stuff you don’t want like the Pixy Sticks or raisins.”

Witch #2: “Thank you, Hecate.”

That night, alone in her room, Hecate took a long wistful walk down memory lane. Oh, to control the hand that held the dagger just one more time, one more crown removed, one more life taken. Those were the days.

The world moved on without them. No one believed in witches, much less feared them. With no place in the minds of men, witches lost their ability to influence and control, and without regular application, their skills gathered dust and rust. Their image took a hit as the fearsome figure of the hideous Wicked Witch of the West was replaced with the likes of Glinda, Samantha, and Wendy.

Restless sleep arrived as Hecate dreamed of the way things once were. If only there was a way to bring them back... a way to bring them back... a way... sleep, dream... the way.

Witch #1: “What the heck, Hecate? We’re supposed to be off until next October.”

Witch #3: “Yeah, I need a little R+R after Halloween.”

Witch #2: “And I’m a little woozy from eating all that candy.”

Hecate smiled, more of an impish grin, close to downright giddy.

Hecate: “I have an idea that will change our lives and alter the course of worldly events.”

Witch #3: “At four o’clock in the morning?”

Hecate: “It couldn’t wait. My idea is earth-shaking... literally. Remember our piè de résistance?”

Witch #2: “Our what?

Hecate: “Our greatest moment, our crowning achievement, the mother of all maleficence.”

Witch #1: “What was that?”

Hecate: “Remember Macbeth and all the havoc we sowed?”

Witch #2: “I thought our biggest win was when we ripped the stuffing out of the Scarecrow.”

Hecate: “You’ve got to be kidding me. That was small potatoes, #2. Macbeth was catastrophic, heavy casualties, lots of drama... even a change of kings. And we did it! And now we’ve been reduced to the chickenfeed of the Dark Side, putting on pointy hats and scaring children and old ladies.”

Witch #1: “I kind of like doing that, Hecate.”

Witch #3: “Me too.”

Witch #2: “And I like the candy.”

Hecate: “Oh my God. What is wrong with you? All three of you! We once held greatness in the palms of our hands, and you’re willing to settle for the pittance of crumbs remaining in our trade? No, I will not settle. We will rise again!”

The Three Witches cast worried looks at one another. Working one month a year appealed to them, and change of any kind was concerning.

Witch #1: “Uh... what did you have in mind, Hecate?”

Hecate: “A return to the wonder years, when our craft terrorized the world.”

Witch #3: “That was a long time ago, Hecate. I think we’re all a little out of shape, especially #2...”

Witch #2: “Shut up, #3, you ugly has-been. Why don’t you go eat some poison apples? We’ve got some left over.”

Witch #3: “Go ahead, give me one of those apples, and I’ll shove it up...”

Hecate: “Stop it! What is wrong with you two? Greatness beckons and you two keep squabbling over silly things. Now, apologize to each other so we can move on.”

With great reluctance and in tones that smacked of insincerity, they both apologized.

Witch #1: “So, what’s your idea, Hecate?”

Hecate: “Nothing short of the comeback of the megaannum.”

Witch #3: “The mega what?”

Hecate: Megaannum- one million years. Didn’t they teach you anything in school? This will be a bigger comeback than the Great Phoenix arising out of the ashes, or Alfred the Great conquering the Vikings at the Battle of Edington, or Reno Hightower putting on his white shoes for the 2nd half and leading Taft to victory over Bakersfield on a rain-soaked field.”

The Three Witches leaned in close.

Hecate: “Remember the events surrounding the downfall of Macbeth when our powers were at their peak?”

Witch #3: “Yeah, those were great times, Hecate.”

Hecate: “Well, hang on to your broomsticks. Those days are coming back.”

Witch #2: “I only wish, but we’re too... old, Hecate.”

Hecate: “We can do it. Are we not witches with magical powers? We just need a positive attitude... well, and the three things that put it all together for us eons ago.”

Witch #1: “What things?”

Hecate: “A cauldron, fire, and our magic brew.”

Witch #1: “Yes, I remember. We still have the cauldron. It’s in the warehouse.”

Witch #3: “There’s plenty of firewood lying around for a fire. Do we have a match?”

Witch #2: “Yeah, my butt and your face. Ha, ha, ha.”

Witch #3: “Hecate! Make her stop!”

Hecate: “Enough you two. We are on the verge of recreating our best years, so we must work together. #2, apologize to #3.”

Witch #2: “I’m sorry.” (He, he, he)

Hecate: “#1, you go get the cauldron. #2, you go get some firewood. #3, you go get the recipe for our magic brew. It should be in the cabinet marked ‘Important Papers’ in the storage room. I’ll start working on a list of dastardly things we can do with our renewed powers. We’ll meet up at the old brew house factory in an hour. It’s been shuttered for years, but I’m sure we can make it work.”

The Three Witches ran off in different directions, each excitedly imagining the horrors they could inflict upon unsuspecting victims. They returned promptly in one hour to be met by the awaiting Hecate, who teared up at the sight of his favorite tool of the trade.

Hecate: “The cauldron! It’s so beautiful. And #2, look at all that firewood! Good job. And #3, let me see the recipe.”

Witch #3: “Uh... I couldn’t find it. I looked everywhere. It must have gotten tossed when we downsized.”

The mood changed faster than the blink of a bat’s eye.

Hecate: “What? That’s not possible. The formula that doomed Macbeth was the best concoction we ever came up with! It oozed of doom and destruction. We used it a hundred times with a zero-failure rate. We must find the formula!”

For three days and three nights, they searched without success. Hecate’s dream of a return to greatness was destroyed, and the Three Witches could see it in his eyes.

Witch #1: “Cheer up, Hecate, we had a good run. You can come with us next Halloween. You’ll get a kick out of it.”

Witch #2: “And we still have it all on video. We can relive it all any time we want.”

The words did not soothe, and Hecate stood before them a broken goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate: “Let’s call it a wrap. I’m sorry to have bothered you with all this. It was just a foolish dream of an old witch. I’ll see you all in October.”

They slowly walked through the factory door and headed to their homes in the woods.

Witch #3: “Hecate! Wait! We don’t need the formula. We all have it right up here.”

Hecate: “Right up where?”

Witch #3: “In our heads! We’ve made the malicious brew so many times. If we put our heads together, I’m sure we can come up with it.”

A glimmer of hope, a fiendish smile, then arms raised high in the air.

Hecate: “Yes! We can do it. We will create the formula from memory! Back to the factory!”

Hope often guides the actions of mortals and witches. It rekindles the spirit and energizes the body. It was a veritable stampede back to the oak conference table in the old factory. Hecate sat at the head of the table, pen in hand.

Hecate: “Ok, let’s get started. Who wants...”

Witch #1: “I think we need an eye from a boot. Then...”

Witch #2: “That’s not right. We never had a boot.”

Hecate: “Hold on. We should do the chant first. That’s very important. And it has to be done with rhythm. Who remembers the first line?”

Witch #3: “I think it starts with ‘Double bubble’, and then...”

Witch #2: “That’s not it, you moron. Double bubble is the gum you like.”

Witch #3: “Oh yeah. Never mind.”

Witch #1: “I think I’ve got it. ‘Double, double, soil and rubble’. Wait. Does that sound right?”

Witch #2: “I don’t think so.”

Hecate: “Oh my goodness. Let’s skip the chant for now. If worse comes to worse, we can make up a new one. The ingredients are what matters. What do you have on that?”

Witch #2: “I’m pretty sure the first item is a funny snake.”

Hecate: “A funny snake? Snakes aren’t funny. That doesn’t make sense.”

Witch#2: “I’m pretty sure that’s it.”

Hecate: “Ok, I’ve got that down, one funny snake. Next.”

Witch #1: “Eye of a beaut and the nose of a hog.”

Witch #3: “Eye of a beaut? Does that mean the eye of one of the Kingdom’s fair maidens?’

Witch #1: “I guess.”

Witch #2: “That can’t be right. I’d remember ripping someone’s eye out.”

Witch #1: “I don’t know what else it could be. I say we go with it.”

Witch #2: “Hecate, we never went around tearing the eyes out of someone's head. That’s a little too gruesome, even for us. I think I’ve got it... ‘a pile of loot.’ Yeah, that’s it.”

Witch #1: “#2 might be right... a pile of loot.”

Hecate: “How much loot?”

Witch #2: “I don’t know... a pile, I guess.”

Hecate: “Ok, what else?”

Witch #2: “A bowl of fat and the dung of a dog.”

Hecate: “Ooo, that sounds wicked. And...?”

Witch #3: “Add some pork and find a worn ring.”

Hecate: “Good, good. I’m getting all this down.”

Witch #1: “We finish it off with a buzzard's keg and a mullet wig.”

Hecate: “That sounds odd. Are you sure?”

Witch #1: “As sure as God made little green apples for us to poison.”

Hecate: “That’s good enough for me. Let’s have at it.”

With escalating efforts, Hecate and the Three Witches scoured the countryside gathering the critical ingredients.

Witch #2: “Why do I have to pick up the dog poop? That should be a job for #3.”

Witch #3: “I’ll trade you for getting the snake.”

Witch #2: “Uh... that’s ok. I’ll get the poop.”

Hecate: “Good work, sisters! We have all the ingredients! Put it all in the cauldron and stir!”

And stir they did. It was a large cauldron with heavy broth, so they took turns with the massive wooden spoon. Work is not burdensome when you’re enjoying the task.

Witch #3: “Whistle while you work...”

Witch #2: “Hecate, tell her to stop singing.”

Hecate: “She’s right # 3, we don’t need the singing, but we do need... the chant! Hit it, girls!”

Witches #1, #2, and #3:

“Bubble, bubble, soil and rubble,

Tires burn as Walton fumbles,

Ballet with a funny snake,

Change the oil and fix the brake...”

Hecate listened with joy in her heart. The chant brought back so many wonderful memories, and she loved seeing the girls have such fun. Eventually, her attention turned to the purpose of the mission.

Hecate: “Fill the vials!”

The Three Witches eagerly scooped up generous portions of the magic brew, taking care not to get any in their eyes or on their new ceremonial robes. Holding a blazing torch high above his head, Hecate led the Three Witches through a tunnel to a dark and damp cave, the site of countless nefarious rituals of days gone by.

The flickering of a hundred candles danced along the walls of the cave as Hecate set the Enchanted Globe, Hecate’s window to the world, on the stone column in the center of the cave. Hecate flashed a fiendish smile as the Three Witches drew closer.

Hecate: “Let’s see if we can find our first victim... heh, heh, heh.”

Witch #2: “Should we start off small, you know, find ourselves a test victim, and then work our way up to the really nasty stuff?”

Witch #1: “Yeah, we might be a little rusty. Starting with a few cupcakes might help build our confidence.”

Hecate: “Excellent idea. Let’s take a look and see what we can come up with.”

Witch #3: “Hecate, there’s a scruffy-looking kid... long hair, hat on backwards, and carrying a skateboard, and an old lady carrying a bag of groceries. How about we have him knock the groceries out of her arms? That should be easy pickins.”

Hecate: “Not our usual field of play, but it would be a good warmup, like a preseason game to work out the kinks. Ok, eyes on the kid, think evil thoughts, and let’s hear it.”

Witches #1, #2, and #3:

“Bubble, bubble, soil and rubble,

Tires burn as Walton fumbles.

Ballet with a funny snake,

Change the oil and fix the brake.”

Hecate and the Three Witches stared intently at the Globe in gleeful anticipation. The boy approached the woman and set his skateboard on the ground.

Witch #1: “This will be great. I can’t wait to see the look on... Hecate, the kid just took the bag from the old lady, and he’s carrying it to her car.”

Shocked, shaken, and somber. Hecate’s brain went numb. She felt weak at the knees and grabbed hold of the stone column for support. Shattered dreams don’t go quietly.

“I... don’t understand... the cauldron, the chant... our powers. We once knew greatness and now...”

Hecate wept openly. The Three Witches looked on in disbelief as their hearts ached for their fallen leader. They exchanged glances, each hoping the other would have the words to console and heal. Their efforts fell short.

Witch #2: “I still have some candy left, Hecate. Would you like some?”

Hecate’s groans only grew louder.

Witch #1: “Hey, why don’t you come with us next Halloween. You can borrow my Michael Myers mask. It’ll be a hoot.”

Hecate fell to the ground and began thrashing about.

Witch #3: “How about a movie, Hecate? We’ll show clips of our takedown of Macbeth. I’ll make the popcorn.”

Outright cries of anguish as Hecate confronted his reality; days gone by are just that- days gone by never to return.

Epilogue:

Hecate ordered the destruction of the cauldron lest she be tempted to ever dream again.

The Three Witches enjoy their easy one-month-a-year work schedule. They picnic down by the river, take naps, and have taken up croquette. They still scare little children at Halloween, and perhaps as a result of the common trauma they suffered the night of Hecate’s failure, they feel a special bond, and any candy taken is shared by all.

The Three Witches all chipped in and bought a nice rocking chair for Hecate. Today she sits on her porch with the Enchanted Globe, looks down on the world, and laments the fact that this once powerful queen of evil was now irrelevant.

Hecate: “So, how did Halloween go?”

Witch #3: “Great. We scared lots of people, and we all got lots of candy.”

Witch #1: “You should have come along with us. Maybe next year.”

The empty look in her eyes belied her response.

Hecate: “Sure... maybe next year.”

Previous efforts to cheer up the once mighty Hecate had failed, but the Three Witches kept trying.

Witch #2: “Hecate, you look like you could use a Snickers. Here, they’re the little ones, so you can have two.”

Received with the hint of a smile...

Hecate: “Thank you, #2. You guys are the best.”

Hecate wiped away her tears.

Hecate: “Could I really wear your Michael Myers mask next year?”

Witch #1: “Of course you can. And why don’t we watch a couple of Macbeth reruns tonight?”

Witch #3: “I’ll make the popcorn.”

Now a big smile.

Hecate: “Let’s do it.”