Dear diary,

March 23

Dear diary,

Today I met the most wonderful guy. My day started with my parents and I grabbing donuts from a local spot. This was an extra special treat since they had gluten free options! We were sitting at a table on a catwalk overlooking the convention center when I spotted him. He had the most vibrant aura around him. He walked like he owned the place, demanding the attention and respect of all who might come in contact with him. His smile was brighter than the sun itself, and when I saw him I felt the most unusual flutter in my being. I watched him as he navigated the lobby, not speaking to anyone. He almost looked as though he was in a world of his own.

Once we finished up eating our donuts we headed downstairs, since the concert was to begin shortly. I was standing in line with my ticket when I felt a presence behind me. It was him! I had secretly wanted to meet him, just to say hi. I remember I smiled shyly, and I was unable to produce even a simple ‘hello.’ Our eyes locked and that smile I had just come to adore engulfed his features.

“Is this your first concert?” He asked me. At least I think that is what he asked me, I can’t be too sure. I was unable to process anything other than how coruscating his eyes were. They were the deepest shade of brown and they were so warm, I suppose you could say I got lost in them. I’m not sure how the attendant got my attention, but the next thing I knew my ticket was scanned and I was ushered to my seat.

The concert was amazing! The musicians were on fire tonight, it’s no wonder my voice is gone.

After the concert we made our way back to the hotel. I didn’t see him again, and I am low-key devastated. I would love to get to know him (his name at the very least!) My mom told me to not be ridiculous, certainly nothing will come from this. But there was a spark, I felt it and something tells me he did too.

March 24

His name is Lucas! I cannot believe I saw him again. My parents and I went back to the donut place before heading back home because I could not resist one last donut. He was in line in front of us, and he ordered the maple bourbon longjohn. I didn’t even know such a donut existed! I ordered one as well, speaking a little louder than usual in the hopes of attracting his attention. And it worked!

“A fabulous choice!” He had told me, and I think I blushed pretty hard. I was not going to be tongue-tied again, so I answered his question from yesterday.

“Yesterday was not my first concert. In fact my parents and I like to take little weekend trips to hear live music. It’s kind of our thing I guess.” Why did I feel so shy! There I was, greasy hair and no makeup from a weekend of festivities. If I had even THOUGHT there was a chance I would see him again I would have dolled up at least a little bit. He told me he also loves live music, mainly because he is in a band. He told me about the gigs he does back home and how he loves seeing new groups for musical inspiration. What are the odds music would be his life! I am going to school for music, after all, so this is a major thing we have in common.

“Lucas?” The guy behind the counter called out. The magnificent person who stood before me turned and retrieved his donut. He wished me farewell and walked off, leaving me at the counter before I even had my donut as well.

Maybe mom was right. Maybe nothing will come from this. But what if something did? It isn’t everyday that you bump into someone who makes your heart feel complete. And he is also a musician! Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be in a group together someday? Like a duo! My mind had started to ponder ideas that will certainly never be reality, yet I couldn’t help myself. I had opened my social media account on the car ride home and entered ‘Lucas’ into the search bar. The odds of me finding him were slim, slim to none actually. But nevertheless I investigated.

I was surprised it didn't take long for me to find a multitude of posts with the same ‘Lucas’ tagged in all of them. A guitarist, who performs in venues like wineries, local cafes, and even makeshift stages in parks! The greatest wave of joy flooded my heart when I saw it was truly him. My Lucas. I didn’t hesitate to give him a follow. I know there is no way he will ever follow me back, or even at the very least notice that I followed him in the first place. I’m sure he has so many fan girls I’m simply just a drop in a big vast ocean of his fans. But a girl can dream, right?

May 12

Hey diary, it’s been a minute. But I have an UPDATE! He followed me back this morning! I couldn’t believe it! I maybe screamed, and this caused mom to come barrelling into my room. “Mom, it’s that guy! The one from our last concert! He FOLLOWED ME BACK!!!” I practically squealed. My mother, per usual, was amused by my enthusiasm.

Just then a notification had come through, and I saw he liked my most recent post, and viewed my story! I can’t even think of the words to write that accurately convey the grandness of my emotions. I proceeded to scroll through all of his recent posts, probably for the millionth time at this point. I told myself I was only allowed to like one. I had thought about waiting a day or two to do so but someone I ended up liking a few more than the ‘one.’

July 23

It’s been forever since I have written anything down. I have been so busy with my new boyfriend! Shortly after he followed me back he started messaging me. It was pretty subtle at first, things like asking how my day was and potential concerts I may attend this summer. Before I knew it we were messaging everyday. Multiple times a day. A couple of weeks later I found out we were actually both going to the same music festival in June! I started counting down the days until I would get to see him again.

That was the most magical weekend. We spent each evening together; we ordered pizza, met new friends, and shared countless laughs. I learned so much about him! On the last night of the festival we were walking around the hotel when he asked me to be his girlfriend. HIS. GIRLFRIEND. That was when we shared our first kiss, the most magical kiss imaginable.

Since then I have been driving up each weekend to see him and be ‘his girl’ at his shows. I have also been frequenting the local consignment stores to get a new wardrobe of show dresses. My parents are concerned we are moving too fast, but I seriously doubt that. I know he is my soulmate. Driving double digit hours each weekend is nothing knowing that my reward is spending a whole weekend with him. There was this one show we just did a couple of days ago where I sang backup to him. We are now a duo! A duo in more ways than one. A show duo and a relationship duo. It doesn’t get any better than this.

August 28

I am absolutely devastated. Lucas broke up with me, and I am crushed. If I had ever thought in a million years that getting to know him could potentially lead to this outcome, I never would have followed him on social media. I would have just cut my losses and not invested any more of myself into him. But I suppose I have learned the hard way. When he dumped me, I think I actually felt my heart crack. I should have listened to my intuition, if you can even call it that, about being just another groupie. This last weekend something was seriously off. He seemed so distant, emotionally I mean, from me. There was a moment at his last show, as we walked through the crowd shaking everyone's hands as he usually did, that his fingers lingered a little longer than usual with this one fan. She was pretty. Pretty typical. I didn’t really think anything of it. But I think if I am honest with myself, as I left that show and came back home, I knew it would be the last time I was there. I can’t think of anything in this world that is worse than not being able to be with your soulmate.

I guess mom was right. Maybe we did move a little too fast. Maybe I gave my whole heart away, and that I was naive for doing so. I can’t help but ask myself ‘was it all worth it?’ Seeing him, racking up the courage to actually talk to him, follow him on social media. If I hadn’t done that we never would have connected, because I never told him my name. I suppose he never told me his name either. ‘Was it worth it?’ Falling in love, spending every moment I could with him, exhausting myself with no sleep in order to drive all the way to him and back, never missing a beat in my own life or his?

No. It’s not worth it. Not if we can’t be together.